I realized my book mostly only consists of smut, fluff and uh smut with fluff. I was feeling kind of down yesterday so I decided to make this kind of angsty au. It is going to have a part two as I enjoyed writing it :) Thank you for you all who followed me, commented, voted or simply read this book. It really means a lot to me that a lot of enjoy things I do when I'm bored :,) ily <3
Also don't forget to check out my other books. Enjoy :)
au where Keith forgets all his memories
"It's highly possible that he won't remember anything. Maybe when time passes by, he would slowly start to piece things together. I'm sorry."
Lance couldn't believe what he heard. The words sank in, taking his heart along with it as the doctor's voice fall deaf to his ears. The only thing he could hear were soft sobs and when his vision got blurry and he could see tears landing on the ground, he realized it was him crying.
"Lance, are you alright?" The doctor soft voice reached to him, yet it seemed so so so far away.
Unable to form words, he tried to nod his head. Yet he couldn't bring himself to do that. Instead, he shook his head, his face wet with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he croaked out, words muffled by hands covering his face to wipe his unstoppable tears away.
He wanted to stop crying, really. But he couldn't. How could he? It was his fault in the first place. He shouldn't had shouted at his boyfriend. Shouldn't had let him out the house knowing he was in an angry, unstable state. Shouldn't had known Keith was going to ride away with his motorcycle.
Now Keith probably didn't recognize him.
Lance sniffed loudly, nose blocked from the crying. "Can I see him?"
The doctor looked unsure, hesitant. Probably because Lance's eyes were red and he was still trying his best not to cry, teeth biting his lower lip so hard it was turning white. But he said nothing and nodded anyways.
Lance felt his breathing stop when he finally opened the door and stepped inside. He was here for the past few weeks, only going out to get food and the toilet. He didn't even remember the last time he showered, too concerned for his boyfriend and his guilt. Yet, it felt so foreign.
He didn't let the breath go when Keith's head turned towards him, an unfamiliar gaze on his eyes.
"Keith, I-"
"Who are you?"
He knew he should had it coming. He really did. What did he expect? That Keith was going to be okay after his motorcycle accident? But he still felt hopeless. Like a building just fell on him. He was unable to move, unable to think, unable to even apologize and say Keith, baby I'm so sorry.
A nasty voice in his head whispered to him that he should be glad Keith didn't remember who made him like this. And with that, Lance broke down.
He ran towards the confused boy, wrapping his trembling arms around the skinny frame, whispering apologies as he cried hard. Keith smelled of the hospital and medicines and Lance found himself inhaling it like a drug.
Hesitant arms slowly wrapped around Lance's waist and it was then Lance felt he had the slightest bit of hope.
He pulled away with a sad smile, yet still letting his hands rest on the boy's shoulders.
"Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Keith questioned. Then he looked around and frowned, "Why am I in the hospital?"
Okay, Lance thought, he can do this.
"Do you remember your name?" He tried.
Keith looked to the side like he was thinking. Then he nodded slowly and said, "Keith."
Lance let out a huff of breath he didn't know he was holding. "Okay." And when Keith shifted his eyes towards him, he continued. "I'm Lance."
Keith titled his head and Lance just wanted to kiss the boy in front of him because how the fuck was he that cute even when in this situation?
"How do I know you?"
"You lost your memories in an accident," Lance explained, thanking the heavens when Keith didn't ask him how because Lance didn't fucking know how to explain that he was the one responsible for all of this. "I'm your boyfriend."
"I'm gay?"
"Uh, well yeah. I guess?"
"Okay."
Lance let him process everything for a minute or two. He was sitting on side on the bed, hands from shoulders moved on Keith's hands in comfort.
"So, what was I like before I lost my memories?" Keith asked him suddenly.
"Pardon?"
"What was I like. Like what did I do? What were my hobbies? Stuff like that," Keith spoke so softly Lance could barely hear him. "I assume if you are my boyfriend, you would know."
"Well, you just got out of university a few months ago so you don't have a job, yet. You were thinking of becoming an art teacher. You told me painting made you feel calm and you wanted to teach other people."
"I was a painter?"
"Yeah," Lance breathed out, "You were an amazing painter. You still are, I bet. Your memories can be gone but you should still have your skills."
Keith blushed and Lance heart melted seeing the tiny smile on his pink lips.
"So," he mumbled, "My memories. Are they gone forever?"
Lance squeezed the hand under his and Keith smiled. "I'm not sure, love," he said softly, shaking his head.
The boy nodded understandingly. "Okay."
He looked so fragile, so soft. Like he could crumble physically if Lance did something wrong. So he did the only thing he could think of. He hugged him again, leaning his forehead in the crook of his milky neck as he sighed loudly. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry."
Hands wrapped around his waist again, this time more confident. "Why are you sorry?"
"I-" He couldn't force himself to let the sentence out, so he just shook his head and continued hugging his boyfriend, accepting that he could tell him another time, when he was out of this shitty hospital and when Lance had his shit together again.
"This is our apartment?" Keith grinned up at him, face blushed pink after climbing the stairs to the top floor. Curse the broken escalator.
Lance nodded and smiled, "Yeah."
After a few days in the hospital with a conscious Keith, things were slowly beginning to turn nicely. Lance told him things about Keith everyday. Sometimes also about their relationship, sometimes about their friends. Keith nodded everytime, eager to learn more and Lance felt himself falling in love with the adorable boy over and over again.
He broke his thoughts when he felt Keith flushed against him, arms wrapped around his neck. "Thank you," Keith mumbled against his shirt.
It took him all the muscle in his body to not cup his boyfriend's face in his big hands and take those pink lips with his. Lance knew they were still testing the waters, Keith was probably not comfortable enough to kiss yet and Lance didn't want to scare him away. Especially after he was beginning to warm up to him.
"Don't need to thank me," he replied.
He was about to hug Keith back when the boy stood on his toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Lance stood there, stunned as he watched Keith blush and quickly turn away to explore the rest of the apartment.
Fuck, he loved that boy.
"So what movies do I like to watch?" Keith asked Lance, plopping down the sofa beside him.
A week living back together did a lot of improvents to their relationship. Keith was more or less comfortable around him again, comfortable enough to hug and kiss him on the cheek from time to time. Lance still didn't dare to kiss the boy on the lips, not even bringing up the topic. He didn't want anything to mess what they were at at the moment.
"Hm, definitely romance." Lance grinned, wrapping an arm around the other's shoulder lazily.
He cried out and laughed when Keith poked his on the ribs. "Liar."
"You like action and adventure, stuff like that."
"Horror?"
Lance laughed wholeheartedly, "Not a chance!"
He watched as Keith huffed out a breath and pouted, crossing his arms like a teased child. Jesus Christ, he wanted to kiss those lips so bad.
"I can do horror!" Keith protested.
"Keith, you watched one horror movie once and you swore you wouldn't ever again."
"Well I don't remember me saying anything like that so fuck you, we're watching a horror movie," he shot back, settling to a channel where Mama was playing.
Lance just watched his boyfriend in amusement. He couldn't focus on the movie, to be honest, his eyes were glued on Keith's lips. The way he unknowingly bit his lower lip when a jump scare was about to happen and licking it from time to time. It drove him nuts and he was trying his best not to let his semi-hard on show.
Just like he predicted, Keith refused to go to sleep, using any other excuses he could think of instead of just saying he was scared.
"I think I need another glass of drink." He mumbled, shoving the sheets back and rising up. Lance grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, "No no no. Go back to bed."
"But I'm thirsty!"
"Keith, you have like 3 glasses on the desk. Undrink. Come on, it's just a movie, love."
"I'm not scared!"
Lance looked at his boyfriend.
Keith finally cave in, sighing as he went back in the covers in Lance's relief. It was almost 1 am and Lance needed to go to work tomorrow.
A few minutes of silence in the darkness, Lance was get droozy, almost falling asleep before he heard ruffling and moving around from the boy beside him. Lance didn't dare touch the boy during his sleep yet. So for the few weeks, even if they do sleep on the bed, Lance kept his hands to himself and Keith seemed to be okay with that.
"Lance?" Came a soft whisper, barely heard.
"Hm?' Lance made a sound in question, not yet moving from his comfortable position.
He didn't hear anything then, almost falling again back to sleep when Keith spoke again, more hesitant and quiet, if that was even possible. If there was a pin dropping, he wouldn't even hear Keith right now.
"Can- Can you hug me?"
Lance was glad the room was deadly silent from him to pick what the boy was saying even when he's pretty sure his brain wasn't functioning this late at night. He spun his body towards Keith in surprise, who was already facing at him, head down as he played with his fingers nervously.
"I can't sleep," Keith admitted, still softly, "It's fine if you don't want to."
"No no no, Keith," Lance stopped his boyfriend before he said anything else, moving closer as he wrapped his arms around the other's waist and pulling him towards his body to that he was on top on him.
Keith squeaked in surprise, glaring down at the smiling Lance.
"Better?" Lance's scratchy voice sent shivers down the smaller boy's spine. He was about to slap him, he asked for a hug not a full on body to body contact, but it felt nice so he just nodded and leaned his head against Lance's chest, the heartbeat lulling him to sleep.