-- Jack --
It's been nearly a week since I've seen Mark. I'm starting to feel like he's not coming back at all - that alone killing me. I've never seen someone who can just so easily walk away from what was so wonderful. How the hell did he do it? Oh, who am I kidding? At times I was overbearing and I had a habit of forcing him into situations he was uncomfortable with. That was a big flaw of mine. Then again, he did say he wanted some adventure and to live a little. No real harm ever overcame him. I protected him. I kept him safe from any danger and harm that could have come to him. What did I not give him that he could have wanted? Even if we faced discrimination because of our relationship, I would have held him and reassured him and told him he was amazing and that nothing would ever change how I feel about him. But he's not going to stay. He's just like everyone else.
So to drown my sorrows and self anger, I find myself walking and thinking about Mark. Wanting him. Needing him to be there with me.
I walked and walked until my legs were tired and I could hardly hold myself up. I found myself walking up a flight of stairs to an old apartment I haven't been to in a few weeks. Each and every stair I stepped on brought back a painful memory. Every single memory washed over me and made me weaker than I could ever imagine. By the time I got to the top I was almost dragging my feet.
I knocked on the door in front of me and just waited. No one came to open it for me. I turned around and slumped against the door, sobs freely pouring from my lips and tears gently flowing down my face.
"Please..." I begged for someone to open the door.
Just as I began to beg, it started to snow and I finally guessed that no one was home. Freezing and tired, I curled up in a ball on the doorstep and began to drift off to sleep under the cold night sky. Tears escaped my eyes. I was pathetic. Weak. I couldn't believe I was like this. Over a teenage boy.
I finally went to sleep under the snow, my tears turning to ice on the landing.
•••
"Seán." A foot kicked me. "Seán, wake up." I was nudged again.
"I can't move." I barely whispered. My whole body was frozen and I could hardly manage myself. I felt strong hands grip my shoulders and haul me up.
"C'mon, Jack. Let's get your stupid arse inside." I saw Phil, hauling me into the warmth of his apartment.
Everything was as remembered. The smell of cigarettes, the flaking paint on the walls, the old couch, the crowded inn table, the red carpeting. He sat me on the couch and brushed the snow from my hair.
"Where is Dan?" I asked weakly.
Phil completely ignored me, going over to his kitchen and heating up some tea in the microwave.
"How long has it been since you've ate?" He asked.
"Y-yesterday." I shivered.
"Seán William, you should know better." He scolded, bringing me a hot cup of tea and a few warm crumpets.
For a moment, he disappeared into the back and came back with a change of clothes and a heater.
"Put these on and get out of those damp clothes. You'll catch bloody pneumonia." Phil told me.
I stood slowly and began to strip, uncaring of Phil being in the same room. We've been friends for years. I put on a pair of Phil's sweatpants, and one of Dans tee shirts. I hand Phil my clothes and he takes them in the back to wash them for me. A few moments later he comes back in and sits on the couch beside me.
"Where is Dan?" I repeat my question a little stronger.
"He had to take care of something and will be here in a few minutes. I just got off work at the skateboard shop. The manager was being an ass today," he stopped and watched as I took small bites and sips, "what's been going on with you lately? No one ever sees you anymore and your skinnier than you've ever been. You're weak as hell. It's clear your not taking care of yourself. What the hell is going on?" Phil asked me, taking a crumpet for himself and sitting back.
"Mark and I split. He said that too many people knew. His dad and brother found out, my family found out, the whole school knows about us." I stopped and gave a ragged breath, biting back the tears.
"Oh..." Phil managed. "I knew that you guys split, but I didn't know that everyone knew you were a thing." Phil told me.
Wait... How did he know we weren't together anymore? I haven't talked to Philip nor Daniel since our visit to the skate shop and this apartment.
"How did you know we split?" I asked.
"Mark came to visit Dan and I a few days ago. He said he'd be back sometime to see us again. We told him he's welcome here anytime." Phil admitted. He spoke as though he'd done something wrong.
"Oh. I didn't know you guys still talked to Mark. I thought he would've forgotten about you by now." I told Phil. I took another sip of my tea and Phil have a kind laugh.
"We thought so too," He said warmheartedly, "but he came back and visited. He'd just come from some little cafe downtown and he seemed determined for some reason." Phil said, thinking fondly. I knew he was talking about Carson Cafe, and I caught a glimmer of hope and mischief in his eyes.
The door then opened and through stepped Dan.
"Hey, Philip, I'm home!" He said, coming in with keys in one hand and a bag in the other. He stopped when he saw me on the couch.
"Hey, Daniel." I greeted gently, my voice still barely above a whisper. God, I needed to add some lemon and honey to this tea.
"Hey, Seán," He looked around the little apartment, "what are you doing here?" He asked me as he brushed fringe from his eyes. Phil answered for me.
"I don't really know yet. I found him on the doorstep when I got here and he's in pretty bad shape. He's not beat up, but he fell asleep in the snow. He was freezing and soaked. He's thinner than I've ever seen him so I made him some hot tea and got him some food. His voice is really soft and I think it kinda hurts him to talk so we're taking it step by step," Phil's voice goes kind of quiet and he wraps an arm around me, " He said he's dwelling on Mark a lot."
Dans face dropped slightly as he looked me over. He seemed to sympathise with me and he gave a smile. Our silent conversation was cut off by Phil's voice ringing out.
"Daniel Howell, you're letting the bloody snow in! Shut the damn door." Phil scolded him.
Dan smirked and kicked the door shut with his foot.
"Yes, my love." He joked, coming over and kissing Phil gently before heading to the kitchen and placing the bag on the table.
Phil then turned to me and gave me a look, "Not everyone knows we're together so keep your mouth shut."
"He already knows and he's known for nearly two months now." Dan blew off the warning, "he's kept his mouth shut. I've already swore him and Mark to secrecy - besides that, both of them know that I'm a pistol."
"But still..." Was Phil's only argument.
I heard Dan laugh, "Honestly, love, lighten up around him. We've all been friends since god knows when. I think he deserved to know."
"So, why did Mark come visit you guys a few days ago?" I broke into the conversation.
"He just wanted to talk and chill for awhile. Said he'd been wanting to see us. He had some shit to get off his chest." Dan said.
"It's private, really." Phil said as he shot Dan a warning look and I narrowed my eyes at the couple.
"What on earth is going on? I'm clearly missing something." I said.
"Not really." Phil said. He averted his eyes from Dan to meet my curious gaze.
"Well, there has to be a chemical leak in this apartment or something because you guys are acting really fucking weird." I said, finishing off my tea. They both stared at me like I was the one acting weird before Phil finally sighed.
"You know something," Phil said as he felt of my arms, "you're still cold and you don't seem well. Let's go get you into a hot shower."
He stood, pulling me onto my feet. I didn't feel cold anymore. He began to drag me towards the back.
"Hold on!" I said loudly, trying to get his attention.
"It's fine, Seán, your just getting a hot shower. The heater is not doing enough for you." He said.
"I'm not fucking cold!" I said fiercely.
"You're freezing." Phil replied nonchalantly.
"What the hell are you talking about, Philip?" I tried to break from his grip but he was too strong. I lifted weights for gods sakes and I couldn't even break away from a man as tiny as Phil. He had some right hook.
"I'm talking about your cold and need a shower," He said with a chuckle as he shoved me into the bathroom, "You know where the towels and rags are, I'll get you some of Dans boxers and socks, the hot water is actually cold, the cold water is actually hot - it's quite touchy so be careful - and if someone flushes the toilet in London then you are going to get scalded." Phil rushed his speech and got out before I could get a word in.
I thought about the last statement and jokingly called, "But we're in Ireland!"
I let out a chuckle as I began to strip and place my clothes on the sink. Okay, hot water is really the cold water tab. I turn it on. Cold water is touchy as well. I grab a towel and a washcloth, diving into the water of the shower.
My mind raced with a million thoughts as I wondered what the hell was going on with the couple. Why is everyone acting so strange? Or is it really me?
I guess I'd have to figure out.
------
Hey guys. It's me again. Monday's update as promised. I love you all and wish to you a good day/night/afternoon.
There is only two more chapters to this book and I hope for them all the best. I'm sorry this is going to be such a quick close.
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-Samuel