Chapter 16
Lauren follows Camila closely through the mostly empty hallways. Camila leads them out of the backdoor of their school and walks towards a small lawn and sits down under a big tree at the far end of it. It's quiet out here, it is perfect.
Maybe now, they can talk about things. Lauren has had several questions in her head since this morning.
Why did Camila talk to her, after sending her away on Saturday? What made her change her mind? What does she want now?
Lauren hopes that those questions could be answered before lunch break is over.
Camila pats the spot next to her on the grass, and Lauren sits down with a small smile. They are sitting close to each other, but not close enough for their bodies to touch. They're silent. Camila looks down, her fingers fidgeting with her bracelet, while Lauren watches her do it.
''Are you okay?'' Lauren asks after several minutes of silence, acting on the overwhelming urge to talk to her. Camila lets go of her bracelet and looks up at Lauren.
She nods slightly and their eyes meet. Lauren feels that same feeling of safety wash over her again, that she felt multiple times before whenever Camila looked at her. Camila keeps her gaze firmly on Lauren, looking into her eyes to try and find an answer for her own questions.
''So, what changed?'' Lauren asks hesitantly after a while. Camila looks at her with confused eyes, knitting her eyebrows together slightly.
''What do you mean?'' she asks quietly when Lauren doesn't answer her silent question. A light shudder runs down Lauren's spine at hearing her voice again. It's truly ridiculous how her body reacts to Camila's presence.
''I mean, like.. what changed since Saturday? You know, with you getting angry... and telling me to leave..'' Camila looks down as Lauren continues. ''What changed your mind that you want to talk to me now?''
''Tyler.'' Camila answers simply with a small smile on her lips.
''Tyler?'' Lauren asks, her being the one that's confused now. Camila nods.
''Yeah, Tyler. When I cooled down at the park after you left, I went home. Tyler was worried about you and asked me what happened. After that, he got mad at me and told me to move on.'' Camila explains. Lauren dropped her head down.
Tyler wants Camila to move on from her?
She plays with some grass next to her legs and keeps looking down. She feels embarrassed for thinking that Camila actually wanted to get to know her. She is probably just going to tell Lauren that they can't talk anymore or that she should stay away from Camila from now on.
She feels Camila's gaze burning into the side of her head, but she can't bring herself to look up, too embarrassed to face her. Then she feels two fingers between her left cheek and her chin, gently pushing Lauren's head up and turning her to the right to face Camila.
Lauren looks up uncertainly and meets Camila's gaze again. ''Lauren, I wasn't mad at you.'' Camila says softly, letting go of her chin. Lauren swallows at the butterflies in her stomach only because she said her name.
''You weren't?'' Lauren asks, even more confused than she was before. Camila shakes her head.
''No. I was mad at myself for letting you in that easily. I didn't plan on doing that but.. I don't know. It was just easy to talk to you, I guess.'' Camila says. Lauren nods, trying to process what Camila just said.
Camila sighs. ''I was angry with myself, because everybody that comes into my life gets hurt somehow, and I didn't want that to happen to you. Then I just, started talking and that pissed me off. I promised myself years ago to not let anybody in again, but I broke my own promise just after a few minutes of sitting there with you.''
Lauren just looks at Camila. She feels relieved to know that Camila wasn't mad at her, and that she hadn't done anything wrong. She felt happy to know that Camila seemed comfortable enough with her to talk to her. But she was also feeling a little bit scared because of what Camila said.
Everybody that comes into her life, gets hurt somehow. What does that mean?
''I just.. took my anger out on you, and that was wrong. So I'm sorry Lauren, I shouldn't have done that.'' Camila continues, looking at Lauren to try and find some confirmation. Lauren nods and smiles a small smile.
''Apology accepted. Just don't scare me like that anymore.'' She says with a chuckle to try and lighten the atmosphere.
Camila chuckles. ''I promise.''
She looks down again, playing with her bracelet. They are silent for another few minutes, before Lauren speaks up again, trying to continue their conversation, because she definitely doesn't want to stop talking to her.
''So, what happened after you came home? Did Tyler yell at you, or did your parents get angry or something?'' she asks with a smile.
Camila's head shoots up and she meets Lauren's gaze with wide eyes. Lauren looks at her concerned, afraid that she said something wrong. Camila quickly composes herself, and looks forward.
''Uhm, yeah, Tyler yelled at me. And uhm.. he- he made me realize that I had to, uh, move on and try to let somebody into my life again.'' she mutters, clearing her through a few times to try to get her voice back to normal.
Lauren bites her lip, looking at Camila. She doesn't know whether to ask her next question that immediately invaded her mind after the girl's reaction, or not. But Camila did tell her that she wanted to let somebody into her life again, so maybe, she would accept Lauren's question.
''Camila,'' Lauren starts hesitantly. Camila looks up and meets her gaze.
''No Lauren, I don't have parents anymore. They died a long time ago.'' She answers Lauren's unspoken question. Her answer is short, her tone cold, but Lauren can sense the emotion that Camila is trying hard to hide.
Lauren swallows and looks down. She doesn't know how to react to that, what are you supposed to say when a 17 year old tells you they've lost their parents? Lauren wants to ask her what happened to them, but she knows that this probably isn't a good time. Camila is clearly trying to compose herself, and Lauren doesn't want to push the girl. If Camila really iss serious about letting her in, then she would get another chance of finding out what happened.
''I'm sorry Camila, I really am.'' Lauren says sympathetically. Camila nods.
''It's okay.''
Lauren shuffles a little bit closer, her hand on the grass now softly touching Camila's leg. You can barely say that there is contact between their bodies, but it's enough for Lauren to show her support to Camila and for Camila to feel that Lauren won't just let her down.
''Are you living together with Tyler?'' Lauren asks, trying to subtly change the subject. She can see a small smile forming on Camila's lips and she knows Tyler is a positive subject to talk about.
''No, he doesn't live with me.'' She answers. ''He thinks he does sometimes, seeing as he's always there, but he lives with his mother.''
Lauren nods, and before she could ask her next question, Camila already answers it. ''Tyler's dad left his mom when she found out that she was pregnant. So, he lives with her, and I live alone.'' Lauren's mouth was still hanging open slightly, still ready to ask the questions that Camila just answered.
She chuckles slightly, which makes Camila look up at her. ''What?'' she asks, not seeing how any of that could be funny.
''Nothing. It's just, did you know what I was going to ask? You just answered a question that I didn't even ask you yet.'' Lauren explaines.
A small smile find its way on Camila's lips as she shrugs lightly. ''I don't know. I guess I'm just starting to figure you out.'' She says.
Lauren smiles a little wider at that and nods. They are silent for a few moments, until she speaks up again.
''But, how do you pay for it? I mean, do you have a job?'' Lauren continues asking. Camila nods and smiled at Lauren's seemingly never ending questions. She doesn't mind them though.
''Yeah, I work every Saturday morning at the golf court. You know, fixing the golf carts and mowing and watering the lawn and stuff. It doesn't pay much, but it's enough for the government to keep paying for stuff.'' She tells Lauren. She looks at her with a confused gaze and Camila answers another unspoken question.
''I'm underage, and I live alone. I have no family left who can take care of me, so I've had to take care of myself for about two years now. They pay for stuff like electricity and water until I've found a good enough job to be able to pay for it myself.'' Camila explains, and Lauren nods in understanding.
''But aren't you supposed to live with foster parents until you're eighteen?'' she asks her. Camila shakes her head with a small scoff.
''No. Who wants a damaged 15 year old who is scarred for life? Nobody wanted me back then, and I refused to go. Now, two years later, I'm all free and I'm perfectly fine with it.'' She answers with a small shrug.
Lauren looks at her for a second; thinking about what Camila must have gone through to be scarred for life. She knows she has lost her parents, and saw her grandma dying. She got burned really badly, and now she lives on her own. Lauren thinks that she wouldn't be able to go through even half of what Camila has gone through, and she doesn't even know everything that happened to the girl, yet.
Lauren sighs. She looks at Camila's shoulder for a moment, before slowly leaning down. She lays her head on her shoulder softly, and looks at Camila's hands carefully to watch her reaction. They freeze when Lauren's head touches her shoulder, not expecting the contact.
Lauren takes in a deep breath, and keeps her head firmly in place, showing Camila that she has no intentions of walking away from her any time soon. After a few minutes, Camila's hands start playing with her bracelet again and Lauren feels her relax.
Lauren watches the engraved words on Camila's bracelet shimmer in the sun light. She wonders what those words meant to her and she was about to ask her, when a low voice breaks their comfortable silence.
''Camila Cabello.'' Principle Jameson speaks loudly.