"I wish I had no heart. It aches so."
-Wisdom Tree
⚜️
Lydia found herself walking back inside the house, her bravado beaten and soiled. Damian had seen to that. There's no need to kid herself that she can change him. Perhaps, it was for the best.
She climbed the stairs and went to seek refuge in her room. Evangeline wasn't there, so she undid her gown on her own. She heard footsteps passing by the hall and couldn't help but over hear a man's voice.
"...but if you dare say lassy, I'd think he's smitten wit ya."
A woman laughed, "Don't be silly, Carter. He is merely being playful."
Who are these people?
Lydia put on her dressing gown and pressed her ear against the door.
"But if I dinna come knockin' down the door, what woulda been doin'?"
"Nothing of course. Come on now, before the Duke sees you. He does not know you."
Their footsteps faded and it wasn't until she heard them descending the stairs that she was able to place that voice. It was the same woman Damian had sought after their dance.
Lydia pulled the door open, wanting to catch the mysterious woman's face. Evangeline bumped into her as she failed to slow down.
"My lady—"
Lydia ignored her and went for the stairs, she was grabbed from behind. "What are you doing Lydia? You are in your dressing gown!"
"I have to—"
"No. Put on a dress or I swear I will drag you by the heel."
"Please, Vanj..."
There was a movement from behind them and they both bolted back to the room. Evangeline closed the door just in time when another set of footsteps sounded down the corridor. They waited until it was gone before they sighed with relief.
"Well," Evangeline crossed her arms, "what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I was chasing someone."
"Whilst dressed in nothing but that?"
Lydia averted her gaze, "I was undressing when I heard them. I did not have time to don my gown again."
Evangeline rolled her eyes, "We were almost caught by someone down the corridor. What would the servants have to say? Or worst, what if the Duke or Duchess saw you parading yourself half dressed?"
"But we were not!"
"Don't be silly Lyd. If I weren't here you would've flown down the stairs, flashing everyone with your skin."
She wanted to retort back but she knew her maid was right. She wasn't thinking well. It must be because she just got her heart broken.
Wait, what?
Why would her heart be broken?
"Lyd? Are you alright? You've gone awfully pale."
Oh dear god. Did she just realized she had fallen for her fiancé?
"Leave me be, Vanj. I want to be alone."
Evangeline knew better and did not push. She closed the door behind her and Lydia sat down. How did this happen? The man had done nothing to gain her affections, he had actually been pushing her back. So why? Damian managed to break heart without her giving it to him. He took it and gave it back in pieces.
Is that why she wanted to chase the voice? Because she wanted to confront the woman? Did she want to see what sort of creature her fiancé has chosen over her? Will that actually help?
She picked up her gown and threw it away, she wanted to break things. There was a glass by the bed, she threw it at the floor. The sound was deafening but she wanted more. She pulled the sheets on the bed and flung them on the floor, she grabbed anything she could put her hands into.
Why did she have to be broken?
Why her?
Why?
Her tears answered but she fought not to make a sound.
*****
Ana had made a plate for Carter who had now gone back to his relaxed self. He spoke like the countryside folks, "I can only talk like this when he's not around. M'lord insists I talk like a gent. But it wears me out."
"Oh, dinna fret Carter. Me mum's taught me the same." Samantha drawled.
Em almost forgot how Sam and Ana talked when they weren't the rest of the household. There was a twang with the locals and Em just had never learned to immitate them. Perhaps, because she wasn't really a local.
"Shush, Samantha. I told you we cannot talk like that here."
"But mum, tis been a while since I spoke with improper speech."
"Visit your friends then, you girls can talk forever. But remember that the Duke will not tolerate it here. Carter is allowed because he's a man." Ana reprimanded her. "Besides, he serves Lord Dathan, he follows his orders."
Sam pouted like a little girl but nodded.
"What 'bout you lassy?"
"Me?" Em asked.
"Ye from 'round 'ere too?"
"I, uh.." She stared at Ana, should she tell Carter she was an orphan who happened to be taken in by the Davensports?
"Emelia? The Duchess wants to see you." It was Coleen, one of the upstairs maid.
She tried not to appear relieved but excused politely. Carter turned his attention back to Ana, he was enjoying himself.
"What did the Duchess want Coleen?"
"I don't know, Em. She just said to bring you up."
They took the stairs and went to the master bedroom. The Duke was out for the day, he was needed somewhere. Coleen knocked and the Duchess' voice told them to come in.
Lucille was standing at dressing gown, she smiled when she saw Em. "Come here dear."
Em meekly did, the other servants who did not know that the Duchess had taken her in were quiet puzzled why she was often seen in her presence. But Coleen knew, she had been around here some years after Ana had arrived.
"I have been finishing this one for you," Lucille indicated to a dress hung beside her dresser. "I want you to try it on so I can make the final touches."
Em stared at the dress, it was a lovely dress. Even though it was quiet unfinished but most of it had been constructed. Coleen helped her undress and put on the gown. Both Lucille and Coleen assisted her, like she was the Lady and they were her maids.
Em turned around so Coleen could tighten the stays behind her. While doing so she faced the standing mirror and saw herself. She looked pretty. Because she was wearing a pretty dress. She ran her hands against the fabric, it was soft and light. Though she had not liked lavender before, she began to reconsider it.
Lucille had made a great combination with the white ribbons and pink lace. The shoulder had been embroidered with gold patterns. The sleeves were just the right size, Em tried flexing her elbow and found it wasn't loose or tight at all.
Coleen finished her stays and the gown now fitted her better. She had always been petite and her hips were small, which gave the illusion that the gown wrapped around her.
"You are beautiful Em." Coleen sighed.
Em blushed, the woman wasn't very friendly and hearing that compliment was something she did not expect. Lucille was smiling as well.
"I feared that it was too small but you fit like a doll. Perfect. Just perfect!"
"Thank you Your Grace.. You create such wonderful dresses."
"Oh, but I haven't made one for a grown woman. I made my daughter Julianna several gowns but they are for children. I wanted to create something that would be worn around men and be envied by other ladies."
"This is very grand Your Grace. But who is the gown for?" Em asked. She could not wait to see it finished, it would be very beautiful indeed.
Coleen frowned, "It's for you Em."
"What?"
"The Duchess made it for you, did you not Your Grace?"
"Indeed I did, Coleen." Lucille stared at Em, "You do not have anything of lavender do you dear?"
"I...do not Your Grace."
"Then just prefect. I made you one instead of procuring from the town, that would take forever. And why order something I can just make?"
"But why would I need a lavender gown Your Grace?"
"Because Damian's wedding will be of lavender theme. You are invited and I want you to look your best." Lucille suddenly left them and began opening drawers behind them.
"Isn't that wonderful Em? You get to attend the wedding like them." Coleen whispered.
"I guess.." she almost forgot the wedding and she remembered that she had turned Damian down. How can she face him again?
"Don't look sad Em, you are lucky to be picked by the Duchess you know?"
"Do you think the others would wonder?"
Coleen touched her face gently, "Some girls may be jealous, of course there those who did not know about your story. Those who will talk behind your back are not worth it dear, I've always known the Duchess liked you. And she had every reason to, you are like the gentliest creatures I've met."
"Thank you Coleen."
"Now, smile for the Duchess."
Em composed herself as Lucille came back with a string of pearls in her hands. She tried on Em's neck. Surely she cannot mean to lend her those expensive jewelry?
"What do you think Coleen?"
"Lovely Your Grace. Very lovely."
"And you dear?" She asked Em.
"They're very beautiful Your Grace. But I cannot possibly wear them."
"Hush. What is a lovely gown without proper accessory? You will wear them because I want you to."
She would of course, whatever the Duchess says, she'll do it. She'll take the gown and the jewelry and attend the wedding. Then she will leave Hinley Manor and Damian behind.
She can do this. She smiled at Coleen and Lucille.