"Listen to the silence, it has so much to say."
-Maajid
⚜️
"How are you today Damian?" Lydia asked.
It was just pure coincidence that she found him where she exactly wanted him to be. Out in the open and away from the servants. She can finally have a private talk with him.
"I am fine, Lydia."
She almost gasped when he called her by her name. She hoped it was a good, someone must've woken up on the right side of the bed.
"That is good to hear. Would you care to show me around?"
His face was neutral and showed no other emotion. "It'll be my pleasure." He offered her his arm and they walked towards the garden.
Lydia's heart leaped. He was being nice to her. She wondered what happened to his mistress. Did she leave? Or something happened that night that changed Damian's treatment to her? Whatever it was, she was thankful he wasn't ignoring her anymore.
"You have a lovely home Damian."
"I'm glad you like it my lady. Though you are free to make changes whenever you would like. Hinley Manor is your home now."
"You'd allow me to make changes? Truly?"
He nodded, face still bare of emotions. But Lydia was thrilled. She had always wanted to redecorate but her father did not allow her to move a single rug in their home. Now that she was to be a Duchess things are finally changing. She tiptoed and planted a soft kiss on Damian's cheek.
He stopped walking and turned to her. His eyes were no longer blank but what she saw alarmed her.
"W-what's wrong Damian?"
"Why did you do that?"
"I..for my gratitude. You are giving me permission to make changes and I am happy."
"If this is how you show your gratitude Lady Warrick perhaps I should warn you that I find it annoying. You are allowed to make changes here as part of your duty, nothing more. Being a Duchess is not a game and I am just telling you what to expect."
"I...I.."
Damian pulled his arm away from her and began to walk away. What is wrong with him?! One second he was being nice and the next he was just—
Lydia couldn't even finish her thought. She was upset. Why is Damian so sensitive? It was peck on the cheek for heaven's sake!
"I beg you pardon my lord. I was not aware you do not like my gratitude."
Damian paused but did not turned back, "I can accept your gratitude just fine Lady Warrick. But do not act improperly. I may be your fiancé but if you always behave like this, how can I trust you with other people around?"
"What are saying? That I am some light skirt?" She fumed, "I cannot believe how narrow minded you are my lord. I expected much more from you."
At that, he finally turned, "Perhaps I am misunderstanding this, Lydia. I'll make myself clear," his blue eyes stared at her, "I do not want your affections of any sort. Do no try to win me over for I have my heart set to another. I will fulfil my duties to you as your husband but that is the best I can offer you. Should you seek anything other than that, you are free to go."
"You...you will call off the wedding?"
He sighed, "We both know there is no love between us. I do not want to force you to spend the rest of your life regretting this."
His honesty was just too much for her, "Are you regretting this?" She asked.
"My emotions are none of your concern, Lydia. I can handle myself just fine."
"You say that you love another, why are you agreeing to this arrangement? Has she turned you down?"
He took three steps and was soon looming over her, "Have you ever been in love Lydia?" He said this with and edge on his voice, like he was trying to cut her on purpose.
She almost stepped back and gasped, "I...uh.." then she cleared her throat, "Love is a luxury Damian, people in our station can only dream of love in a marriage. I do not expect one from you."
"You did not answer my question."
"Does it matter? I am a Lady. I was raised to learn how to please my parents and obey the rules. I had no time to spare for love."
"So, you've never been in love?"
Lydia dropped her gaze, "N-no."
"Then do not ask about her. What I do with my life is none of import to you. You do not know love, you've never felt love. How could you understand me?"
"I am sorry. Prying has never been my liking. I only wanted to know where I fit in all this. As a daughter I am here doing my duties."
He scoffed, "Doing your duty of course. Your parents shoved you without much of a fight to marry me, they were much happy to be free of you. That tells me that you weren't that sentimental to them, if you're willing to back, I am giving you a chance to step away."
How did he know about how she felt towards her parents? Was she that easy to read?
"I cannot go back, not now."
"I'm sure some other lord would like to offer for you. You are young and pretty. Suitors will come pouring at your door step." He took one step back and narrowed his eyes at her, "Or is it my title that you cannot afford to lose?"
Lydia had enough. She raised her hand and slapped Damian. He was caught unprepared and his face was turned sideways.
"I came here to have a civilized talk with you! But you are so wrapped up in your own world that you find fault in everything I do. You do not want me to be grateful to you? Fine. I can deal with that. You want me not to ask about your mistress, then I will try to turn a blind eye. You say I know nothing of love? Mayhap you are correct." Her chest heaved, "But all I ever wanted was to least get friendship from you. You do not have to be insulting and hurtful. I do not care if you are the Duke, you can eat your bloody title for all I care!"
She tried to keep her temper low but he had pushed her over the edge. It was time Damian learned that she was not easily backing down.
He touched his cheek, the skin had turned red but won't swell. She was not that strong. But the pain have gotten through him. His anger subsided.
"I have upset you, believe me Lady Warrick, that was not my intention. I've let my emotion get the best of me. For that, I apologize."
"I cannot accept your apology my lord, I'm afraid I'm much too upset right now."
"Then I will leave you at peace. I promise no more banters or insults in the future."
He turned to leave but she called him back, "What about the wedding my lord?"
"The wedding is happening. Should you change your mind, do tell."
"And if I won't?"
He stared at her defiant face. Lydia was something he had not expected. Her temper showed her true self and he liked that. No pretentions, just her. And she cussed! He'd never heard a lady do that in his face. His mouth twitched and almost broke into a grin.
"Then in a fortnight, I will collect our wedding night."
She gasped. Oh, he almost forgot. She was still that prim and proper lady who blushed at the mention of private affairs. She bit her lower lip out of habit.
"I will not run away my lord."
"I admire bravery Lady Warrick. But do not blame me once you realize I can never give you my heart. For it belongs to someone else already."
"So you said."
"So I said. Good day, my lady." He turned and this time she did not call him back.
Lydia fought the urge not to cry. Damian had been honest with her, she should be grateful. If it had been someone else they would just lie to her face and tell her what she wanted to hear. But Damian was different. He was frank. He was in love with another woman but he was marrying her out of duty. He was giving her a chance to run away and not get tied to a loveless marriage. Selfish prick.
If her suspicions were correct, he cannot marry the woman simply because she was beneath their station. Could she live with that? True, he'll be her husband and they will share the same bed. She will bear his name and future children. But he will never be hers. No. He said it himself. His heart belongs to another.
"Can you really do this Lydia?" She asked herself. She was afraid to answer.