Another Pokemon fight scene
Jamie: Pikachu! I choose you! (throws pokeball at ground)
Pikachu appears.
Narrator: Jamie chose Pikachu!
Pikachu: Pika Pika!
Fan-Girl 2: Magikarp, I choose you!
Narrator: Fan Girl chose Magikarp!
Jamie: Pikachu, use thunderbolt!
Narrator: Pikachu used thunderbolt!
Mel: It’s super effective!
Fan-Girl 2: Magikarp, use splash!
Narrator: Magikarp used splash!
Fan-Girl 3: It isn’t very effective!
Fan-Girl 2: Shut up!
Jamie: Pikachu, use volt-tackle!
Narrator: Pikachu used volt-tackle!
Patrick: it’s super effective!
Fan-Girl 3: We’re losing!
Fan-Girl 2: I said shut up!
Fan-Girl 3: Sorry.
Fan-Girl 2: Magikarp, use tidal wave!
Narrator: Magikarp used tidal wave!
Fan-Girl 3: It’s super effective!
Jamie: No! Pikachu!
Pikachu: Pika...Pika...
Narrator: Pikachu has been defeated!
Fan-Girl 2: Ha! We won!
Mel: Not yet! Snorlax, I choose you!
Narrator: Mel chose Snorlax!
Mel: Snorlax! Use Tackle!
Narrator: Snorlax used Tackle!
Patrick: It’s super Effective!
Fan-Girl 2: No! Magikarp!
Narrator: Magikarp has been defeated!
Patrick: Give up, you lose!
Fan-Girl 3: It’s not over yet! Pidgey, I choose you!
Narrator: Fan-Girl chose Pidgey!
Fan-Girl 3: Pidgey, use sand-attack!
Narrator: Pidgey used sand-attack!
Fan-Girl 2: It’s not very effective!
Fan-Girl 3: It was totally effective!
Mel: It wasn’t, really. Snorlax’s defence is so high that it can’t be effective.
Fan-Girl 2: Told you so.
Fan-Girl 3: Pfft. Pidgey, use Air-Slash!
Jamie: Ref! C’mon, Fan-Girl stole an extra move!
Narrator: Pidgey used Air-Slash!
Referee: Yellow Card Fan-Girl!
Mel: Quick, Snorlax, use Defence Curl to defend yourself from Air-Slash!
Narrator: Snorlax used Defence Curl and blocked Pidgey’s Air Slash!
Patrick: It’s super effective!
Mel: Snorlax, use Body-Slam!
Narrator: Snorlax used Body Slam
Fan-Girl 2: Oh no! Pidgey is paralysed!
Mel: Okay Snorlax! Use Heavy Slam and finish Pidgey off!
Narrator: Snorlax used Heavy Slam!
Jamie: It’s super effective!
Fan-Girl 3: Pidgey! No!
Narrator: Pidgey has been defeated!
Jamie: We won! You did it Mel!
(Jamie and Mel celebrate, hugging each other, etc.)
Patrick: Wait. (Patrick walks over and joins the fan girls)
Jamie: Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: it’s not over yet.
Mel: Patrick, I thought you hated the fan-girls!
Patrick: I lied. I’m not Patrick, I’m Patricia!
Jamie: Patricia?
Patrick/Patricia: Patricia. (whips off a wig and turns out to have blond hair and be a girl)[LO1]
Jamie: We trusted you!
Patrick/Patricia: I lied! I’m secretly a fan-girl! [insert evil laugh here]
Mel: No!
Jamie: No! It can’t be!
Patrick/Patricia: Oh, it can be!
Mel: This is illogical! None of this makes sense!
Jamie: So. It comes down to this, does it? A fight to the death between Snorlax and you?
Patrick/Patricia: Not me. Staryu, I choose you!
Narrator: Patrick chose, oh wait, hang on, he’s a she, isn’t she? Patricia chose Staryu!
Jamie: Oh would you shut up?
Narrator: Geez, just trying to do my job.
Jamie: I’ve had enough of you and your annoying narration! You’re not even all that good at it.
Narrator: Oh, well, way to make a guy feel bad. It’s not my fault, you know? I just do what I’m told, and get yelled at by ungrateful little twats like you. Well, you know what, I think I’m going to go jump off a ledge[LO2] now.
Jamie: Oh, don’t do that, I don’ really think you’re all that bad.
Narrator: Do you really think that?
Jamie: Yeah, I was just taking my anger and frustration at Patrick –
Patrick/Patricia: It’s Patricia.
Jamie: My anger and frustration at Patricia out on you. It’s not really your fault. In fact, I think you’re a wonderful Narrator.
Narrator: (tearfully) Really?
Jamie: Really. In fact, would you mind narrating the rest of this battle?
Narrator: I’d be honoured.
Jamie: Thank-you.
Mel: Are you ready, Mister Narrator sir?
Narrator: yes, yes I’m ready.
Mel: Okay!
Patrick/Patricia: Staryu, use Harden!
Narrator: Staryu used harden!
Jamie and Mel laugh quietly.
Mel: Snorlax, use Yawn!
Narrator: Snorlax used Yawn!
Fan-girl 3: Staryu’s asleep!
Mel: Snorlax, now, use Chip Away!
Narrator: Snorlax used Chip Away!
Patrick/Patricia: Staryu, c’mon, wake up you worthless [insert long censor beep thing here]!
Random voice: Due to the unsavoury nature of this film, we have been advised to temporarily interrupt your program. Instead, here’s a film clip of a drunken squirrel climbing up a tree.
Jamie: Ref, foul language!
Ref: Patrick-
Patrick/Patricia: It’s Patricia!
Ref: Yellow card!
Narrator: And the ref has dished out a yellow card to Patrick!
Patrick/Patricia: It’s Patricia!
Narrator: Whatever.
Mel: Snorlax, use crunch!
Narrator: Snorlax used crunch!
Jamie: It’s super effective!
Patrick/Patricia: Staryu, use Gyro-Ball!
Narrator: Staryu used Gyro-Ball!
Fan-Girl 3: It’s super effective!
Mel: It is not!
Jamie: It hardly hurt Snorlax!
Ref: Jamie, yellow card!
Jamie: Ref, c’mon! I’m not even in the game anymore!
Ref: Orange card!
Mel: is that even a card?
Patrick/Patricia: Ha! How do you like dem apples?!
Ref: Patrick, blue card!
Patrick/Patricia: IT’S PATRICIA!
Ref: Green card!
Jamie: All right, I’ve had enough of this! Jamie pulls out his gun and shoots the ref in the head. Can we please continue now?!
Narrator: After a slight, erm, delay, we continue the battle!
Mel: Snorlax, use tackle!
Narrator: Snorlax used tackle!
Jamie: It’s super effective!
Narrator: Staryu is K.O’d
Patrick/Patricia: You worthless piece of –
Random voice: Once again we are forced to interrupt this program.
Mel: Ha! Take that, Patrick!
Patrick/Patricia: IT’S PATRICIA GODDAMMIT!!!!
Jamie: We win! You lose!
Jamie does a happy dance
Patricia/Patrick: I’ll be back.
Patrick/Patricia throws a smoke bomb at the ground, and the smoke engulfs Patrick/Patricia and the fan-girls. The smoke starts to clear, and they’re still there.
Jamie: Well, that was anti-climatic.
Patrick/Patricia: Uh, it didn’t quite work. Let me try again.
Patrick/Patricia throws another smoke bomb at the ground, and the smoke engulfs Patrick/Patricia and the fan-girls. The smoke starts to clear, and they’re still there.
Mel: You’re still here...
Patrick/Patricia: Bugger it all. Ladies, we must flee.
Patrick/Patricia and the 2 fan-girls flee the scene.
Jamie: (singing) We won! They lost! We are awesome!
FADE OUT
[LO1]Maybe reverse Patrick putting on a wig for this, and stuff apples down his shirt? Or perhaps he could turn around, and when he turns back to face them, he’s a she?
[LO2]Inspired by Ledge-Man