My first year in college, Luke came to visit me once in the first couple months. He came for a couple days.
None of my new friends knew about Luke and I being married. They all just assumed he was my boyfriend, and I decided to go along with it. They didn't find out when he visited either, because Luke and I spent all our time in the city. They didn't get to see him much, only Ashton really got to speak to him a bit. But they also never found out, because Luke never came to visit me at university again.
I flew back home for Christmas and New Year's; Luke and I were great. I was so happy to be with him in our home and celebrate the holidays with our friends and family.
Kiana and Calum came over to ours for New Years. We all got drunk, thanks to the alcohol provided by Luke's brothers. The four of us hadn't had that much fun in so long; it was amazing having the four of us back together like that.
//
"Kiana!" I call pulling her down onto the couch with me.
She laughs, leaning into me. We're both too drunk, but we were having fun.
"Shots, come on." She says, leaning forward and grabbing the vodka off the coffee table in front of us, and two of the small glasses as well.
"Kels, babe, you've had enough. You don't handle alcohol very well." He says, sitting next to me with a small laugh.
"College changed that. I'm fine." I tell him, quickly taking the shot without reacting to the burning the shot causes at all.
Kiana follows suit, but coughs as she places the glass back onto the coffee table, "I wish."
"Kels, come on." Luke pleads, trying to grab the other shot I've poured myself from my hand.
"Baby, stop. I'm okay." I chuckle, quickly tilting my head back and take the shot.
He just shakes his head, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips as he wraps an arm around me.
"It's almost midnight!" Calum exclaims, trying to squeeze himself onto the couch with us, and manages to.
"2014 is almost over, can you believe this?" Kiana mutters, her speech slurred.
Calum laughs, "I'm fucking drunk, but I'm glad I'm not that fucking drunk."
"Shh! It's the countdown." Luke tells them, both Calum and Kiana laughing.
We all countdown along with everybody on the tv, and cheer out when it hits midnight. I tilt my head up, smiling at Luke before pressing my lips to his.
"Happy new year, I love you." He whispers, a smile across his face as his thumb brushes against my cheek.
"I love you too." I tell him, quickly pecking his lips.
As I turn to look to Kiana, her and Calum are making out right beside us.
"What the fuck are you two doing?" I ask, completely dumbfounded by what's going on in front of me.
They pull apart and Kiana speaks up, "I was going to have a New Year's kiss, I don't care that it had to be with this dumbass."
"Hey!" Calum pouts.
I laugh, shaking my head at them. I'm so glad though that I got to spend tonight with my husband and best friends.
//
I went back to school alone that time. I didn't want to inconvenience Luke by having him drive me. Flying was just easier.
Ashton started hanging around more after the break. We both got jobs on campus at the UCLA Store, and my roommate Nina started to get closer to us as well.
Things at college started going really well. I was passing my classes with phenomenal grades, I was working, and making new friends and strengthening those relationships.
Luke and I still talked everyday. Some days it was only texting and some of those days it wasn't for very long. I was trying my hardest to balance out everything, but it started taking a toll on me.
One night, before a midterm, I started having a panic attack. I had no idea what was happening, and Nina wasn't home to help me, which just scared me even more. Ashton's roommate answered when I frantically knock on their door. All I remember was asking for Ashton over and over.
//
"Kelsey? What's wrong, hey, what's wrong?" Ashton questions, gently pushing me back into the hall and closing the door behind him. He leads me back into my room.
Ashton sits me on my bed, before sitting across from me.
I sit cross legged, trying to take deep breathes, but failing, "Ash- Ashton, I- I can't breathe-"
"Kels, you'll be okay. You're having a panic attack."
"How- how do you-"
"My sister would have them all the time. Just keeps breathing." He tells me, resting his hands on my thighs.
I nod, acknowledging the fact he's speaking to me, but feeling like I can't even speak.
"This is only temporary, it's going to be over soon."
My eyes stay tightly shut, trying to figure out how to work my way through this. I have no idea what to do. But I have Ashton here to help me out.
"Kels, how are you feeling?" Ashton questions, once my breathing starts to steady.
I nod, "I think I'm okay? I don't know, I- I..."
"We're just gonna watch some Netflix, and try to get some sleep okay?" He tells me, doing his best to keep my mind off it.
"Yeah, okay, thanks." I weakly smile.
He sits on my bed, and I lay with him, the two of us staying in my bed as we watch the show.
//
That night, Ashton never left. He held me the entire night as I slept. I don't think he slept much, he said he was worried about me. I told him it wasn't that bad, and that I'd be fine. But he said that he knew I wasn't okay and that he knew it was a bad panic attack. So, he wanted to stay and make sure I'd be fine and that I got the sleep I needed to take my exam.
It was one of the nicest things anybody at college had ever done for me. I knew I had the greatest best friend.
Having a friend like that made me feel great. Going away to college I was worried I'd have nobody. One of my biggest fears was not having somebody here for me. Ashton really is a great friend, and I couldn't be more thankful for him.
The next couple months were great Ashton, Nina and I became closer to Ashton's roommate Kyle. He was exactly like Ashton; I don't know why it took us so long to finally start hanging out with him.
Spring break came along, and I was originally planning to go home to be with Luke, and to see my family and my friends.
But those plans changed. Ashton, Kyle, Nina and I ended up taking a trip. Kyle had a car, and he was so excited to drive us through his home state of California. We decided to drive up the coast. We made a few stops on our way up to San Francisco. Luke flew out to San Francisco for two days and we let the group do their own thing while Luke and I ventured off.
Being with Luke was so nice. The two of us on a mini vacation was something we needed. Especially since things were a little rough after I told him I wasn't going home. We talked it out before he even came to visit, so it wasn't too awkward when we saw each other. But we really did have a good time together. A really good time together. Luke flew home, and I drove back to UCLA with my friends.
A few weeks went by, nothing unusual happened. I went to class, Ashton and I continued working our jobs, I hung around with my friends a lot and we went to parties. Everything was fine, until the pregnancy scare.
It was terrifying, and I went through the whole thing myself. I didn't want to tell Nina or Ashton, I never talked about Luke with them and this didn't seem like a good time to bring him up. They knew I was with him in San Francisco, though that's it. I went through it alone, but it turned out to be a false alarm, so everything was okay. It's not that I didn't want kids with Luke; I felt I was too young, and I wasn't ready for this. I was still in college after all.
I didn't tell Luke about it, though. I figured since it was now in the past there was no point. There was a point where I thought I should've told him the second I might've been pregnant. But again, it was over now.
That is, until Luke FaceTimed a week later. Thankfully, Nina was visiting friends for the weekend. Ashton and I had gotten wine drunk in his room while watching Keeping Up with the Kardashian's before the call.
Luke and I started off having a great conversation. He wouldn't stop laughing at my drunk rambling and giggling. It all went well, until I said something about how it's a good thing I ended up not being pregnant, considering how much I had to drink.
//
"You're so cute when you're drunk. You ramble about everything and anything." Luke laughs, smiling at me through the phone.
"I know. I'm so fucking drunk, baby. God, imagine if I actually ended up being pregnant? I'd be so fucked." I chuckle, before my eyes widen and my drunk self realizes what exactly I just said.
"Wait, what?" Luke questions.
"I- uh, you know what... I had a pregnancy scare. After San Francisco. But it was a false alarm. It's whatever."
"What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me?" He asks.
"It's not important, it wasn't real, so it's fine." I mumble, almost dropping my phone.
"Can you sit still, Kels? We need to talk."
"Luke, I'm too drunk, please don't-"
"I'm upset! You would've thought it was real when it happened! I'm your husband, you should've come to me with this!"
"It's my body, Luke. I wanted to make sure I was pregnant before I told you. Turns out I wasn't. So, I didn't say anything. I guess I kind of understand why you're mad, but also, calm the fuck down." I slur, defending my decision.
"Jesus, Kels. What's wrong with you?" Luke asks, scoffing at how I'm behaving.
I gasp, "There's nothing wrong with me, Luke! I can't believe you're acting like this."
"You know what, whatever. I just wanted to be there for you. I know you were probably terrified. But, whatever. I'll talk to you later."
"Luke-"
I frown, seeing that he ended the call.
//
I understood where he was coming from, I still do. The fact that I didn't call my husband right when I thought I could've been pregnant wasn't a good idea. After that call I just couldn't stop crying. It didn't help that I was drunk, I was even more emotional with the alcohol in my system. So, I texted Ashton to come over.
Ashton spent the night again since I wouldn't stop crying. I wouldn't tell him what happened, he tried to get it out of me, but I refused. I wasn't going to bring up Luke, the pregnancy scare, or the fight. So, I cried myself to sleep in Ashton's arms once again.
When I woke up the next morning, curled up in Ashton's arms I almost screamed. At first, I couldn't remember how we ended up like that, and I was so worried something that shouldn't have happened, happened. After a few moments of going over the previous night, I could recall what happened and knew I shouldn't be worried.
He finally woke up, also confused. He then asked me if I wanted to talk about it yet, but I told him I still didn't want to. He spent the rest of the day in my room and we just watched more episodes of the reality show I hate to admit I enjoy.
School continued on as usual, and I had finals to do. I was pretty stressed. It became hard for me during studying and stressing for my exams that I wasn't speaking to anybody. Luke, once again, felt as though I was being neglectful, even though I had previously told him I wouldn't be able to talk much.
What's worse was a week later; Ashton, Nina, Kyle and I all got approved to move into our own place together for next year. But we'd have to move in this summer. So, we made plans to stay in LA for an extra two weeks. When I finally told Luke, he didn't react well.
//
"Luke, I have to tell you something." I tell him over the phone, trying to remain calm. I knew he'd be upset, though it was only two weeks.
He sighs, "What is it now?"
I ignore his comment, not wanting to pick a fight with him now, "I'm not coming home right away. I'm moving my stuff into a house here. With my friends."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Listen, I get you're upset. But it's just a couple weeks. You'll survive an extra two weeks." I reply, trying my best not to snap.
He groans, clearly frustrated, "Yeah, but you cancelled coming home on your break, you didn't come back for Easter, which I understand, I guess. Now you're staying in LA longer than you need? It just fucking sucks, Kels. I miss you. I get excited you're going to be back home, and it gets ripped away from me."
"I'm sorry that I'm not revolving everything around you, Luke. But I need to move. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, and we're moving out in Seattle too, remember? You're supposed to be here for that. We're getting our own place that's not in my parents basement? Do you not remember?"
"I know that, Luke. I'm sorry I'm not there to help start the packing. I just can't leave yet."
"Whatever, Kelsey. I'm busy with work, I can't deal with this right now." He sighs, pausing, clearly trying to calm down, "I'm sorry. I have to go. I love you, I'll see you soon.
"I love you too."
//
Finals went well, and the second we all finished; we started packing up to move into our new place. A lot of people hate moving, but we had a blast moving into our place together. It was a great time for us, and even though we pretty much had no furniture at all, our sleepover on the living room floor was one of the best nights we've ever had together.
The extra two weeks I told Luke I'd be staying, turned into five weeks. Luke and I fought over it. He said he wasn't mad, but I knew he was lying; it was quite obvious. Especially since We didn't talk for a week; we both were so frustrated with each other.
It all just got worse from there.
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hey. forgot to mention the first five chapters are all pretty long, after that they'll be shorter, but like, not super short or anything.
and yeah these beginning chapters are set in the past and when it gets to like the main point in the story (starting chapter 6) it's set in late 2017 through 2018 just btw it's just for how to story works idk yeah
also idk if I should put a warning that from here on out substance abuse (both drugs and alcohol) will be mentioned, I personally don't think it's anything too bad but idk just incase so y'all know!!!