Before you start reading I wanna apologize for the long wait. I know these author's notes before every chapter are annoying but in honor of queen Ariana's new lead single, I just had to name this chapter ''No Tears Left To Cry'' please enjoy, babes!
Feedback is greatly appreciated! xxx
~ Michael's point of view ~
I take one last look at Destiny, sitting in my car and decide to turn right back around and walk away. Did she really just say all these things? Does she realize that she's basically forcing me to go down on my knee and propose to her? What is she hoping to achieve will all this pressure she's putting on me right now?
Isn't a proposal supposed to be some kind of a suprise? isn't it supposed to be like a fun and loving experience for both? . . all I'm feeling right now is pressure put upon me that I can do without. I love Destiny but come on . . really? . . I feel bad for walking away like this but there's this little voice inside of me saying I should take a breather. I need it. I need it more than anything right now.
I'm not the type of person to whine and play the victim when times get rough but I think I've been dealing with enough negativity lately, I do not need any more. How much more baggage am I supposed to carry?
Well, since I left my car with Destiny, I decide to take the longer way home. The way through the forest, alongside a beautiful lake. When I'm feeling overwhelmed with the world I like to take a walk here. It's breathtakingly beautiful and relaxing . . just nature and me. Mother nature doesn't ask anything of you, she just gives and gives . . helps you re-gain energy that you've lost along the way. I take in a deep breath and decide to take a seat in the grass to take in the peacefulness around here.
About 20 minutes later I get going and head home. The conversation with Destiny is still lingering in my ears. It's right in the back of my head, re-playing over and over again. Her disappointed expression, her angry and frustrated words she has thrown at me.
Am I in the wrong?
Was I wrong for the way I acted? should I not have left her there?
I don't know.
I just want Destiny to slow it down. She needs to slow it down big time. How can she expect of me to propose to her right now? . . and why the heck is she so afraid of me leaving her? . . why on earth would I leave her? . . there was never a single thought in my mind about that.
I unlock the door to my house and walk inside. Silence overcomes me. A Sad silence. Right now I actually wished Casey was here. I take off my coat and shoes and lay down on the couch. I inhale and exhale deeply. I've been crying . . and now I'm starting to again.
Is there a limit to tears in a human being?
Because it feels to me that there are no tears left to cry for me.
I look at the 10 thousand bucks on my coffee table. I let out a moan while getting up from the couch and collect it all. I put it all in a box and put it in a drawer underneath my TV. I take a shower and make myself a little something to eat. I was looking forward to spending the night with Destiny but . . . oh well . . . plans have changed themselves.
Just as I'm about to take my first bite of my dinner, my phone starts ringing. It's Mom. I put the fork down and pick up:
"Hey mom"
"Hi baby . . . I think we need to talk"
"Talk about what, mom? . . are you ok?"
"I wish I could say that I'm ok . . but I'm not . . honey, why am I just now hearing about your girlfriend being pregnant?"
. . . . .
"Gosh . . . mom . . . I-"
"Michael . . are you trying to break my heart?"
"Mom . . it's not like that . . I just . . you know, a lot of things are going on right now and I just haven't had the time to take a breather and all and I-"
"Michael, I don't know whether to be sad or excited . . what about you? Are you ok?"
"I don't know, Mom . . to be completely honest, I don't know if I'm ok or not . . but . . just out of curiosity, how did you find out about the pregnancy?"
"Destiny parked your car in our driveway. I saw her through the window so I rushed outside and asked her what she was doing and then we got to talk"
"She parked my car in your driveway? . . why?"
"I don't know . . but according to her you guys had a big fight about the pregnancy . . aren't you happy? she's afraid that you might not be excited"
"No, mom! . . we didn't have a fight about the pregnancy! . . it's not about the pregnancy at all! . . didn't she tell you the whole thing?!"
"She was upset and crying about you not being excited . . and, well . . she cried while talking, I didn't understand every word"
"Mom . . it's not the pregnancy I'm worried about! . . it's somethin' else . . mom, please don't take this the wrong way but I gotta hang up . . I can't talk right now"
. . . . .
"Yes, you can . . you're not ok . . Michael, talk to me!"
"I really don't wanna talk, mom . . I'm sorry"
"Casey just walked in . . you wanna talk to him?"
. . . . .
"Umm, yea . . could you send him over?"
"Send Casey over? . . alright . . ok, I will"
"Thanks mom . . I love you . . and I'll talk to you soon"
"Bye honey . . I love you more!"
I hang up, letting out a huge sigh of frustration. She's gotta be kidding me. She really went to my mom's and cried to her about the pregnancy? . . of course she mentioned no word about the marriage thing and how she forced it on me. I can't even wrap my mind around all this. Now mom knows about ther pregnancy . . great . . just freakin' great. I didn't want anyone to know . . not until I've come to peace with it all. There's so much going on right now, I haven't even had time to let it all sink in.
I'm glad that Casey is coming over. I would go crazy if I spent all evening and all night by myself. About 15 minutes later the door opens and Casey walks in. "Bro . . mom said you're in crisis . . you ok?"
"Does it look I'm ok?" I ask, laying on the couch like a lazy lump. "Mike . . where's the money???" Casey asks, looking around the livingroom in panic. "Relax, it's in the drawer, underneath the TV. Casey takes a seat next to me on the couch. "Alright . . now talk to me . . whassup? you look like hell"
"Well . . alright . . Mom already knows, which means dad knows too, so I might as well tell you, too"
"Tell me what?"
. . . . .
"Destiny is pregnant"
"Wow . . is that why you're so pissed?"
"What? I'm not pissed! . . wanna know what I'm so pissed about?? . . I'm pissed about the very fact that BECAUSE Destiny is pregnant she's literally forcing the idea of marriage on me!! She's mad at me for not thinking about proposing to her . . like . . can she give me a minute to breathe? I'm trying my best here"
"Dude . . that's fucked up . . how did she say it??"
"She . . she got mad at me out of nowhere . . putting words in my mouth, asking me tons of questions about Nastasia and why I never proposed to her . . she's taking everything way to seriosuly . . I'm just . . I cannot and I don't even wanna think about marriage right now . . why does she have to be so sensitive about it all? The stuff I went through with Nastasia have nothing to do with her . . like . . come on . . why can't she just chill and take a step back?"
"Damn . . you're definitely in a crisis, bro . . but . . like . . what can I do? is there something I can do to help ya out?"
. . . . .
"I guess not . . but . . having you here kinda helps and makes me feel better"
"Michael . . we have 10 thousand bucks . . you're in a crisis . . know what that means?"
"What?"
"It's shopping time!! . . . you got five thousand and I got five thousand . . let's do some damage!"
"There is no way in hell I'm spending five thousand bucks in one day . . and besides, I'm not sure I'm up for it"
"Dude . . of course you're up for it! . . five thousand bucks!!! now come on, let's go! the mall is waiting for us! I need new shoes and new clothes . . I don't know what you want but I'm sure they have it at the mall! C'MON, MIKE!"
"Ugh . . fine . . but we have to walk to mom and dad's house first . . my car is there"
___________________
Casey and I just spent two hours at the mall. He got himself all the things he's been wanting to buy for the longest time. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, stuffing my face with cheesy french fries. "Mike, you have ketchup all over your mouth" I grab a napkin and wipe my mouth. "You got all the stuff you wanted?" I ask with my mouth full.
"You bet! . . I got shoes, clothes, video games . . and I'm gonna get mom and dad a lil somethin' too . . why didn't you spend any of your money, Mike? . . these freakin' fries aren't the only thing you're getting, right?"
"Looks like it . . Casey, when I want something, I'll just buy it . . I don't have to win a certain amount of money to go shopping. . I take care of my money and I have a job . . I can go shopping whenever I want"
"Yea, shove that in my face . . but still . . it's five thousand bucks . . there must be something you've been wanting . . something you've had your eye on . . right, Mike?"
"I have a daughter . . and I have another one on the way . . I think I'll use that money for their future. . put it in a saving's account or something"
"Dude . . you're so boring!!!"
"I'm not boring, I'm responsible"
. . . . .
"Oh no . . . ."
"Oh no, what, Casey?"
"Nastasia . . . she's walking towards us"
"Dammit" I whisper.
"Michael?" Nastasia says with a soft spoken voice. I take one last second to feel good about myself and then turn around on the bench to look at her. "Hey, Nastasia"
"Fancy running into you here, Mike. . . hi, Casey"
"Hey"
She takes a seat next to me on the bench. The look on Casey's face is priceless. "I was just about to grab something for dinner, want to join me?" She asks. Casey takes a look at his imaginary watch and gets up from the bench. "Damn, Mike . . time flies . . I gotta go"
"CASEY!" I whisper angrily, watching him run off. He did not just leave me here with her. He's gonna hear it from me when I see him next time. I force myself to get up and follow Nastasia to the food counter. She orders a chicken salad. "You want something?" She asks, smiling at me. "Nah, I'm good"
"Oh, come on . . have something . . it's on me"
"Nah, really . . I'm good, I just had fries"
"He'll have an iced coffee . . with lots of whipped cream on top" She says, giving me a wink. An iced coffee sounds great right now. Nastasia knows how obsessed I am with iced coffee . . especially with tons of whipped cream on top. But still . . this feels weird . . if Destiny knew about this encounter with Nastasia, she'd explode.
We take a seat.
"You're not looking too good . . is everything ok, Michael?"
"I'm-I'm good . . I'm fine . . why you ask?"
"No reason . . we haven't had the best of times lately . . I hope that's behind us"
. . . . .
"Sure . . we're alright"
"Michael, I'm serious . . we haven't been getting along and I'm sorry . . I know I've been acting crazy . . I wanna apologize for the things I said and did . . the fight with Destiny . . it's . . I feel horrible . . it was so childish and I wish I could take it back . . you're in love with her and I need to find peace with that . . and I will . . ok?"
"Never mind . . ."
"Never mind, what?"
"Nastasia . . it's ok . . let it go . . we're ok . . everything's alright"
"You sure? . . ."
I recieve a text message from Destiny. My phone is right in front of me. I take a quick look at the display to read what she wrote . . and Nastasia does too. I quicky put my hand over the display . . but I'm too late . . she already read it.
"Michael . . I had no idea you guys were on such bad terms . . why is she so mad?"
"I-I don't wanna talk about it"
"Ok . . but the stuff she wrote sounded really harsh . . . are you sure you're ok?"
. . . . .
I get up from the chair and walk away. "Michael! . . Michael, wait!" I hear her quickly getting up from the chair and running after me. I walk into the elevator and press the button. The door closes as she's running towards me. The door opens again and she walks in. "What was that all about? why did you leave without a word??"
I remain silent.
The door opens a few seconds later. We're now in the garage downstairs. I head to my car, unlock it a few feet away, open the door and get inside. Nastasia opens the door and takes a seat on the passenger seat. Before starting the car, I look at her. "What are you doing, sitting in my car?"
"You stormed off, Michael . . I would like to know why? . . is it because of something I said?"
"No . . I just don't wanna talk . . is it so hard for people to understand that I DON'T WANNA TALK?!" I yell. Next thing I know, I can feel my eyes welling up with tears. I inhale and exhale deeply to make the urge to cry go away. But it's too late. Two tears roll down my cheeks at once. Nastasia is looking at me in shock.
I quickly wipe the tears off my face.
"Mi-Michael, what's going on?? . . are you alright?"
. . . . .
. . . . .
"Not really, no . . ."
To be continued . . .