I had decided to go back to school and I've been there for a few weeks. It was so hard being here after everything that I went through. I was just tired and broken and it broke my heart being away from my daughters.
Another day of class was ending now and I sighed as I looked around. I went home, finding both my daughters down for naps. I sighed as I grabbed some food, sitting on the couch.
"You feeling okay, Baby?" He asked.
"Yeah, just tired and stressed," I mumbled. "The girls were up screaming half the night and I'm just tired. I know you were up to and I just feel like I am whining and complaining.
"You aren't," he denied. "You're a mom and you're in school and it's understandable to be tired, you don't have to compare yourself to other people. And it makes it especially harder on you mentally because of what happened with my dad and I am so sorry that that happened to you."
I nodded softly and he kissed my cheek.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay," he whispered.
"I know," I mumbled.
Frank gave me a kiss and I smiled.
"I know that one day I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna be better but I just wish that day would come sooner and easier," I said.
"It'll be okay," he said. "It may take a little while but that's okay because one day you're gonna be okay and you're gonna be so happy."
"I think that the thing I'm most scared about is my daughters," I said. "I just don't want them to have to go through everything that I did and I don't want them to feel the way that I do ever. Sometimes I wish that we had little boys instead of little girls because then little boys would have it so much easier."
Frank held me close, running his fingers through my hair.
"Maybe our next baby will be a little boy," he said.
"Next baby?" I asked and he nodded. "When do you want another baby?"
"I don't know," he mumbled. "I kinda want them to be close in age. Maybe when the girls are two or three we can try again. We'll still be in college but we'll almost be done. And I would rather be married before we had our third kid."
"How many to you want?" I asked.
"I don't know, I think just three, maybe four," he said. "Maybe we'll have twins again and then we'll have four kids."
"We were so lucky to have twins," I said. "I love them so much."
"I love them too," he said.
"And I hope that our third kid is a little boy, we already have two girls," I said.
"I would really like to have a son," he agreed. "But I have a feeling that he's just gonna be a little mama's boy."
"Well good, Cherry's a little daddy's girl just clinging onto you and Lily is just impartial to both of us, she just wants to drink from my tits," I said.
Frank chuckled and I heard crying from upstairs.
"I'll go get her," he said. "Sounds like Lily."
He went upstairs before coming back with Lily in his arms.
"So beautiful," he muttered, kissing her forehead. "I love you, my little Lily Bear."
I smiled, curling up with him in on the couch.
"It's almost our four year anniversary," he said. "I was thinking that maybe we can go out to dinner somewhere fancy and my mom can watch the girls."
"We can't afford that, Frankie," I said sadly.
"My dad's in jail and my parents are actually married now so my mom has all my dad's money," he said. "My mom already told me she would be willing to pay for us to go out somewhere nice."
"I think that sounds like a really good idea," I said.
"Yeah, we can dress up all fancy and we'll go out for a nice time," he said. "We haven't done anything like that in a long time, not since before you got pregnant."
"I love the babies so much but I miss having just the two of us be together alone," I said. "Sometimes I got worried that maybe since we're only spending time with the babies and at work and school then we're gonna lose the intimate part of our relationship and we aren't gonna make it as a couple because we've both just been so stressed and busy and I'm scared that we'll only stay together because of the twins and that we'll only just grow to resent each other."
"That isn't going to happen," he denied. "I love you so much and we are gonna be together forever and we will be so happy too."
I nodded, giving him a kiss.
"I can't wait until the babies are bigger," he said. "We're gonna have so much fun together. We're gonna go to the park and to the zoo and it's gonna be a blast. We're gonna have so much fun, aren't we, Lily?"
He tickled her and she laughed happily.
"I can't wait until we can go to the father and daughter dances and I can't wait to take them to their first day of kindergarten and I can't wait to see them in their little caps and gowns at their high school graduation," he said. "But at the same time I don't want them to grow up, I want them to just stay little forever. They're my sweet little babies and I love them so much."
"I can't wait until they're walking and talking," I said. "I feel like then we can really do a lot more with them. We can go out and they can really actually experience it and have fun."
"Yeah, that'll be a lot of fun," he said. "I should go get Cherry up too."
He handed me Lily before going upstairs to get Cherry. He cooed down at the girls, smiling happily.
"They're so cute," he mumbled. "I can't believe they're already three months old. They're just getting so big so fast and I want them to just stay my little babies forever."
"I love you," I said.
"Oh, I love you too, Baby," he said.
I gave him a soft kiss and he smiled.
"I think that we should go out for dinner on Friday," he said. "Thursday is our anniversary but I'd rather do it Friday, obviously."
"I can't believe it's actually gonna be our four year anniversary," I said. "I feel like we've been together for so long but at the same time it's been so little and I love every second of it."
"I love every second of it too," he said. "And I'm so glad that we now have two beautiful little girls. They're the best things to ever happen to me and I love them so much. And I'm so lucky to have our own little family."
"I can't wait until we're married," I said. "Maybe we can get married this summer after we graduate from high school. The girls will be a year old and they'll probably be walking and maybe talking a little bit. And it'll be warm and summer and we'll both be eighteen and we'll be done with school and it'll be before college. I think that it'll be the perfect time to get married."
"And then maybe we can get our own house," he said. "We'll be done with high school so my mom won't have to watch the girls during school. I think that would be the best for us to do. We can maybe try to find a little two or three bedroom apartment, my dad's money will definitely help with that."
"I think it'll be really nice living alone with just you and the little girls," I said. "I love your mom so much and she has helped out so much but I would love to be our own little family in our own house."
"Maybe soon we can go looking," he said. "We can try to find a nice little place where we can just happily raise our little girls, we can be a proper family."
I smiled, resting my head on her shoulder. The girls cried when they got hungry and I fed them.
"You have a lot of homework?" Frank asked as he put on a movie.
"Not too much, just some calculus," I said. "Can I get some water?"
Frank nodded, getting me a glass of water.
"Thank you, Baby," I said.
He pulled out his textbook and started working, both of us still watching the movie together.
"I think I'm most excited about maybe going furniture shopping," I said. "I'm gonna decorate our house so cute. And it's gonna be so nice to not have to share a room with the twins."
"And we won't have to share a twin sized bed anymore," he said.
"Oh, that sounds so amazing," I said. "We're gonna have a queen sized bed and oh god, it's gonna be so amazing. I love snuggling close to you but I would really rather not squeeze into such a tiny bed where I'm practically having to lay on top of you."
"Yeah, it'll be nice having a bigger bed for us and definitely great to have our own room," he said. "But I love it when you're sleeping on my chest and I get to look down at you sleeping so peacefully and I get to run my fingers through your pretty hair and hold your body close to mine."
I smiled, looking down.
"Well, we can still cuddle together in the bigger bed," I said. "And there'll still be a lot of room for both of us."
"And we can actually have a nice mattress, mine is so old and shitty," I said.
I smiled, pulling my daughters away when they were done. Frank helped me burp them and change them. I sighed and curled up with Frank on the couch after putting the girls onto their playmat. We cuddled up watching a movie until I fell asleep in his arms.