"The hell we have a lot to talk about! We have nothing to talk about. So just get the fuck out of my car!"I clasped my hands over my ears, trying to control my breathing.
To some, it might have seemed like I was overreacting. But, looking at all of the emotional stress he has put me through since spilling water on my shoe, I think that my reaction is warranted.
"Danielle, I understand that you have every right to be mad. But I just want you to hear me out, okay?"he pleaded, bravely looking directly into my glaring, tear-stained eyes.
I sighed, trying to hold back the scream that wanted to escape,"I don't see what there is to talk about. You're a prick, I'm done with this stupid roller coaster ride, and that's it. Zip. Zilch."
"I know that's how you feel but I just thought-"
"You thought that you could play with my heart? It's pretty obvious to me that you never cared about me. And I'm sick of being used and messed with. So get out of my car,"my voice was now calm, which was only creepier. I couldn't control what was coming out of my mouth anymore than I could control the way my heart was hammering in my chest.
He huffed, pulling the seatbelt overtop of him and plugging it in,"I'm not leaving, so you might as well start driving to my apartment."
With my best glare I said,"I don't know why you are so insistent to make my life or why you won't leave me alone."
"Just drive, Danielle."
Hearing him say my actual name only cause me to falter for a bit,"Tell me why and I will."
"Why what?"
"Why you won't just leave me alone. Why don't you just let us go our seperate ways and never speak again? Obviously I make your life more difficult and vice versa, so lets just simplify things. Just get out now and I won't bother you anymore."
"Dani, you're really being ridiculous now, let's ju-"
"Tell me now, dammit!"I shouted, startling the bird that had perched on my side mirror.
"Please, just drive to my apartment and I'll explain everything when we get there. I have something I've been meaning to give you anyways."
His calming tone was effective and contagious. I took a few deep breaths before simply nodding and pulling out onto the main road.
_ _ _ _ _ _
Perched on the edge of Roy's couch, I waited impatiently for him to come back from the bathroom. I took I sip of the tea in my hand, scalding my tongue with a wince.
Recalling the last time that I had been here, I realized that last time it wasn't under such serious circumstances. What was he going to say? What did we need to talk about? I can't believe that Nicole isn't real, sort of. Jess is going to freak.
My internal freak out was cut off as Roy walked back into the room, hands in his pockets and a serious look on his face. Oh Lord.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say or how to say it. Seriously, it got so awkward that I contemplated pulling out my phone and texting Jess. I was just about to do so when his voice, God his sexy voice, stopped me.
"So, as I already said, Nicole wasn't actually my girlfriend,"he started, his voice strained.
I sighed and tried to make myself sound impartial,"But you slept with her."
Jealous. Gosh, I sounded so jealous. I hoped and prayed that Roy didn't pick up on it, but by the slight smirk on his face I'm guessing he did.
"Well you had Brandon, so,"he trailed off, his eyes never meeting mine.
Now I was angry,"First off, I actually dated Brandon and like him. Secondly, we never 'did it'. God, I'm sorry that for a minute there I forgot about how you can't keep it in your pants."
His head finally looked up and his gorgeous blue eyes met mine, but they had an angry spark in them now,"It's the same concept. The details don't matter. And stop acting like you are the virgin Mary."
I ignored him, but I couldn't keep the look of hurt completely off of my face,"And even after we broke up, you kept the lie going. Even that might be acceptable. But I have one last question. Why did you need to make up a girlfriend just because I had Brandon? That makes zero sense."
"Because I like you, Princess. Like really like you,"he gave a tight laugh,"Ever since you dumped your tea all over me, in fact."
We stared at each other for a long time. Me in shock, and him in anticipation. I wanted to respond, I really did, but my mouth was frozen open in shock and refused to move an inch. Then I got my voice, along with a strike of annoyance.
"Oh, really? So you always sleep with hoes while you like other girls?"
He huffed, his fingers raking through his hair,"Do you know how hard it is for me to tell you this? Do you know how hard it was to watch you with not only Henry, but then Brandon?"
I was silent, not responding. A few minutes of silence came between us. As much as his words hit home, I didn't let it show on my face. He likes me. He really like me!
"I, umm, I have something to give you. I mean, I know I've never been great with words, so I made you this so that maybe you could understand how I feel. About you, I mean,"he pulled open the drawer of the side table and handed me a CD, causing something to fall out of the drawer as he shut it.
He didn't seem to notice that something had fallen, but I did. It was a baggy, of what, well I just hope that it isn't what I thought it was. He kept talking as I unconsciously put the case in my cross-body bag and stood up to investigate the little baggy. As I neared it and got a good look, my mind went into a frenzied panic mode.
Please. Please don't let it be what I think it is. Surely Roy is better than that. Surely it couldn't be if he has a mother in the hospital with freaking cancer.
But it was. Oh boy, it was. I picked up the bag of Cocaine, and spun to stare at Roy in dumbfounded shock.
He opened his mouth, no words coming out at first,"It's not what it looks like, Princess. Please, just let me explain."
Okay, some people might think, 'Oh well, the guy has a little Dope, just let him live his life'. But seeing Troy suffer with cancer for the past few years of my life has opened my eyes. Smoking and drugs and anything else where you put your life in serious danger on purpose had struck me hard. I was not okay with it. I was not okay with being around someone who did such things. And it hurt, it really did. He just admitted that he liked me. He made me a freaking CD for crying out loud.
"What the hell, Roy? You, of all people, should understand why this is not okay. Your mother is in the hospital with cancer for crying out loud! What is wrong with you? You know what, never mind. I'm just going to leave now. Don't follow me,"And with that I stormed out of his apartment, my feet stomping all the way down the stairs and to my car.
I quickly pulled out despite the tears in my eyes, not wanting to give Roy the chance of coming outside to follow me. I texted Jess, because she is the only one that would be able to understand what the heck I'm talking about as I rant to her. As I type out the text, I realize that I'm wrong and make it a group text by adding another name. Brandon.
Meet me at Starbucks in ten. SOS
Immediately Jess texts back:
On my way
I love her, I really do. No questions asked, everything dropped. Then Brandon:
I'm not used to this whole SOS thing, but it sounds serious. I'll be there.
I laugh at this. Brandon is wonderful. Why can't I just love him like I love Roy?
I cry. The tears stream down my face. And five minutes later, you can't even tell. My makeup is fixed, my face isn't wet, my eyes aren't swollen. And never again will I cry over Roy Garrett. Never again.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
I open the door to the cafe, the bell above the door chiming. I smile at the girl behind the counter, the same one that was working earlier. She gave me a weird look, but smiled back none the less.
I neared the back toward my usual booth to see Brandon and Jess already sitting down on opposite sides, cups in front of both of them along with an extra one for me. I sit down next to Jess, taking a sip of my coffee with a grateful smile. This was my second cup today, and with all the adrenaline pumping through me, I don't think I'll sleep for a week.
Silence, but a comfortable one. Not like the anxious, nervous silence from Roy's apartment. These were my friends, my real ones. Paige and Jace were unreliable at best and the one person in the world that can set my heart jumping out of my chest with a simple look is a drug addict. How come I had never noticed before.
"So, my proffesor gave me the weirdest look when I walked right out of her lecture without a word,"Jess chuckled, breaking the silence.
I gape at her,"You walked out of a lecture? Jess, you should have told me you couldn't come! I would have been fine with it!"
But I was secretly please. She cared about me. This is why she was my best friend.
She just shrugged and gave me a smirk,"It was Calculus. Trust me, you were doing me a favor."
I just laughed and turned to Brandon,"Please tell me you didn't walk out of a lecture, too."
He gave me a serious face, the usual twinkle in his eyes,"No, but I did pause my Call of Duty game. So, same concept."
I laugh again. Man, these guys were doing an amazing job keeping me distracted. But I didn't drag Jess out of a lecture or Brandon from his Xbox for nothing.
My face turns serious and Jess sighs,"What did the asshole do this time?"
"Well, first off, Nicole was never his girlfriend,"I groan, almost wishing that she was.That probably would have been better than the alternative.
Jess clapped her hands and bounced in her seat,"Yes! I told you she wasn't real!"
"So how is this an SOS?"Brandon questions, looking rather confused.
I sigh,"It's only the tip of the iceberg. First off, he might not have dated her, but that doesn't mean she wasn't real. In stead of having a loving relationship, he just banged her and called it quits."
Jess winced,"I'm sorry Dani. He actually said this to your face? What a jerk!"
I nodded,"His exact words were 'She never existed. Or maybe she did, but only for for one night'."
"What an asshole! Where is he? I'm gonna go beat him up right now!"Brandon stood up, his face read and his eyes angry.
My eyes watered, but as much as I wanted for Brandon to beat him up, I wasn't going to let him,"Brandon, it's fine. He's not worth getting in trouble for. Or getting a black eye for for that matter."
"You'd think he'd be able to hit me? Nuh uh. There'd be two hits. Me hitting him and him hitting the floor,"he said, although he was sitting back down and looking at me with a small smile on his face.
I laughed, he was good,"As much as I believe you could take him, let's just sit here and let me finish my story."
"That's not what the SOS was about?"Jess asked, looking confused.
I gave a tight laugh,"You guys really think I would pull you from class and video games to tell you what we already know, that Roy is a man whore?"
"So what else did he do? Boy, this is just getting better and better. I really am going to have to beat him up at this rate,"Brandon said, only half joking.
"No kidding. I think I'll halp, Brando,"Jess added, not even half joking.
"Let's not,"I state before continuing with the story,"He also told me that he liked me and that the only reason that he slept with Nicole was because I was going out with you, Brandon."
Before anyone can say anything, I continue,"So, you know, I was still kind of mad, but it had been what I've been waiting to hear forever. Then he gave me this CD,"I pull out the Cd and place on the table in between us, taking another sip of my coffee.
"What's on it?"Jess asked.
"I haven't looked at it yet. I came straight here from his apartment,"I shrugged, not really caring what was on it at this point. Or maybe not.
"Okay. Well, stop torturing us and finish your story,"Brandon chimed in, causing me to stick my tongue out at him before continuing.
"The thing is, and I hope you're ready for the point of my story, that something fell out of the drawer that he pulled the CD out of. God, it was a bag of Cocaine,"An audible gasp from Jess and a grumble from Brandon,"And then I blew up on him and stormed out. I would have thrown the CD at his freaking face if I would have remembered that I had it."
"Okay,"Jess said, surprisingly calm,"Brandon, are you ready to go beat someone up now?"
"Hell yes,"Brandon said, a frightening intensity to his voice.
"Guys, it is not going to fix anything. I told him to stay away from me. If he doesn't, then ya'll can beat him up, okay?"
They nodded, though reluctantly. They started up small talk after that, obviously trying to keep my mind off of the events of the day. It worked for a bit, but while telling them the story a new storm had built up inside of me. So a few minutes later, I politely excused myself and headed back to the empty dorm.
I showered as soon as I got there. Then I did some class work, my eyes occasionaly drifting to my bag where the CD was held. I managed to keep myself distracted for a whole two hours before peering into the bag and snatching the slim case out.
I opened it up curiously to find a plain disk with words written on it in sharpie: Princess's Mix
Digging out my CD player from beneath my bed and entered in the disk, hesitating a moment, and then pressing play with my eyes clenched shut.
I didn't know what I was expecting, but the voice that came out of the speakers next shocked me to my core. It was familiar. It was Roy, and I recognized it from when we had sang together in his car what seemed like years ago.
It wasn't record deal worthy, maybe, but it was raw with emotion and you could tell that he was also playing the guitar. Just his voice and a crude instrument and my heart was pounding in my chest.
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me, we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive and not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life
And then I broke the promise that I had made to myself earlier and let the tears slip from my eyes in tsunamis. Then the next song had me laughing even through the tears.
I said ooh, ooh
You got me in the mood, mood
I'm scared, but if my heart's gonna break
Before the night will end
I said ooh, ooh we're in danger
Sleeping with a friend, sleeping with a friend
There was even a country song in the mix, even though Roy did his own alternative spin on it.
Why does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say 'I love you'
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you
So then, cue mini panic attack. Because even though he was singing, Roy just said the three words that could make my mind go into panic mode. He was singing to me, it was like he was saying it to me. And maybe he did love me. He had already admitted that he had liked me for a really long time, so what was stopping him from feeling even more than that.
But even if he did feel that way, did that affect our situation right now? Did it make me forgive him for all that he had done? I didn't know, I really didn't.
_____________________________________________________________________________
So, this story was originally only going to have two more chapters left, but then I thought of a curveball so you lucky ducks will probably be getting 3-4 more chapters. And I plan on making all of them just as long as this one!
Peace, love, and votes my friends. The three essential things in life <3
Dedicated to storiesray for giving me the best possible compliment :)
Picture to the side is of Dean Geyer as Roy Garrett >>>>
The full CD song list:
I'll Be: Edwin Mccain
Sleeping With a Friend: Neon Trees
Sad Song: We the Kings
The Scientist: Coldplay
Through Glass: Stone Sour
Why: Jason Aldean
Bleed: Hot Chelle Rae
Burning Bridges: OneRepublic
Overjoyed: Matchbox Twenty
Not Your Fault: AWOLNATION
Wonderwall: Oasis
Gotta Be Wrong Sometimes: O.A.R (Of A Revolution)
Iris: Goo Goo Dolls