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It was only a few minutes until lunch break, but you barely noticed. You were far too concentrated on secretly watching your crush. It was black, disheveled hair and pale skin, a red flannel and long, thin fingers with which he gesticulated while answering the teacher's question. His name was Jake and you had been head over heels for him for almost two months now. If you had not been so shy you probably would have had the courage to talk to him already, maybe even asked him out. But you were not very self-confident and Jake was one of the most popular students. The chances to get a date with him were slim, but not zero. You had in fact talked to him a few times. You were good in English literature and he was not, so he had asked you for help. In the beginning you had believed he was flirting with you, but now you were not so sure anymore because he had made no further move. Maybe he was waiting for you to approach him? What were the chances that he would reject you if you asked him out? Not that you were planning to, just out of interest.
You were torn out of your thoughts by the ringing of the bell that announced lunch break. Quickly you got up and packed your stuff. Jake was slower than you so you walked past him, able to get a glance at his face. His lips were red and he was smiling brightly about something his best friend had just told him. When you walked past him, he looked up at you with piercing blue eyes and nodded. You smiled at him and quickly walked out of the classroom, your heart beating a hundred miles an hour.
When you reached your locker, your best friend Frank was waiting for you already. He had short black hair, a lip and a nose piercing and wore earrings.
"What's up," he asked as you unlocked your locker to put your things inside.
"The usual," you answered bored. Frank was a great friend, but sometimes he tended to overlook other peoples' misery which made it hard to have a serious conversation with him. Yet he was the only one who knew about your crush on Jake. Who else would you tell? He was your closest friend, if anyone could keep a secret of yours, it was him.
Satisfied with your response he hummed and waited for you to finish with your locker before you walked to the lunch room together. As usual you sat in a corner of the room from where you could perfectly see Jake's table. He sat there with some of his friends and was laughing.
Frank noticed your repeated looks at the other table and sighed.
"Still him?"
"Yeah," you muttered between two bits of your food.
"You really should go talk to him or something," Frank suggested. "I'm sick of seeing you so lovesick for this guy." Frank was always careful not to mention Jake's name in public, to make sure no one overheard anything and knew too much.
"I can't just go over and ask him out, though, can I?" Bitterly you took a sip from your water and looked helplessly at Frank. "He'd just plainly reject me!"
"That's because he doesn't know you! Maybe you can ask him if he needs help with literature and you can help him study. This way he gets to know you better, I mean, he has already asked for help before, hasn't he?"
Frank had a point and you hated to admit it. "Yeah, but maybe he got better and doesn't need my help anymore..." You were not sure if you actually wanted to get to know Jake better or if you preferred staying in your happy little bubble, where he was perfect to you.
"If you don't ask, you'll never know," Frank reminded you.
You nodded. He was probably right. "I'll ask him tomorrow, okay? That's the plan. I'll ask him if he needs help with literature and if he doesn't, we'll think of something else."
"Deal, and don't you dare breaking it!"
Frank laughed at his own words and you joined him, even though you already started feeling sick about the thought of having to talk to Jake.
"Are we still going over to your place after school," Frank changed the topic.
"Sure, meeting outside the school as usual?"
"Yup," Frank agreed before finally paying attention to his food again and leaving you to stare at Jake.
~*~
You were waiting outside the school for Frank, the students all walking past you.
"Theo is the only guy I'll ever love!"
You quickly covered your ears from the high pitched scream of one of the cheerleaders, Janet. Some people apparently were not afraid to announce their love so openly, even though everyone knew Theo was already in a relationship.
You sighed deeply. Love was truly a minefield and if you did not pay attention, it was far too easy to be blown up.
"There you are!" Frank quickly walked over to you, hugging you. "Are you ready to go?"
You nodded and followed him to his old, silver colored van and hopped in the passenger seat.
A few minutes later he pulled into the driveway of your parents' house.
"Mind if I quickly use the bathroom," Frank asked as you walked to the front door together.
"You know the way," you told him. Of course he knew the way. He had been at your place many times before. "I'll be in the kitchen."
You preferred studying in the kitchen because the kitchen table was big enough for two people to spread their notes. You threw your bag onto the table and set up some hot water for tea. While you were waiting for the water to boil, you pulled out your phone and looked through your messages. One of the first notifications you saw was from instagram, telling you that Jake had just posted a picture. Curious you opened the post, expecting a picture of his dog. When the picture had loaded, the blood froze in your veins. It felt as if the floor beneath your feet was slipping away and the air was drawn out of your lungs.
"(y/n)? Hey, (y/n)!"
Frank was waving his hands before your eyes and you looked up at him, tears starting to prick at the corner of your eyes.
Wordlessly you handed Frank the phone that still displayed the picture of Jake and Janet kissing. Frank quickly read the words under the photo. "Finally I am with the girl of my dreams".
"Aw, man," Frank whispered, putting the phone aside and wrapped his arms tightly around you. You started to cry into his warm embrace. You felt like your very insides were being torn apart and nothing could ever help you heal again.
Frank gently guided you to the sofa in the living room and sat you down, wrapping his arms around you again. He patiently waited until your sobs had died down, massaging small circles into your back.
"She doesn't even love him," you sobbed quietly. "Just after school she said she was in love with Theo."
Frank remained silent. He probably did not know what to say.
"I wish I head your life," you sighed. "No stupid falling in love, no heartbreak, no pain..." Tears started to well up in your eyes again.
"Oh trust me, (y/n), I'm broken hearted too."
Confused you sat up. "Really? Why? Because of who?"
"Because of someone I like, silly," Frank chuckled, but he sounded weird.
A sting went through your heart, as if you were not in enough pain already. "Who? Why did you never tell me?"
"Because I wanted you to notice!" Suddenly he was standing. Anger and disappointment glistened in his eyes. "If you actually payed attention to your friends, even while having a crush on someone else, you would have noticed that I have been in love you for ages! But you were always too busy to crush on random assholes that would only treat you like shit anyway!"
You felt like you had been hit in the face with a brick. Your brain was still working on processing the information you had just received, when Frank stormed out of the door and a few seconds later drove his car out of the drive way.
Your parents found you curled into a tight ball, crying on the sofa. At first they tried to cheer you up, but when that did not work, they made you talk. And for the first time in ages you really opened up to them. About the crush you had had on Jake and how he now had a girlfriend and how Frank had confessed his feelings to you. And while you talked you started realizing more and more things, so you kept talking, told your parents how it had taken Frank's confession for you to realize your own feelings for him. But they were not fireworks whenever you saw him, they were feeling safe, when he was around, laughing without anyone joking, falling asleep while watching movies and making fun of annoying people. It was subtle but deep, deeper than any other crush before, and it had been there for a long time. But you only realized it now, that you probably had lost him.
Frank was not in school the next day.
Or the day after that.
You decided to give him time, even if it was unbearable for you, not to have him around. You missed him with every fiber of your body, but apparently he needed time off, so that's what you gave him. The only thing you did was writing little good night messages to him every day on WhatsApp. But he never answered.
It was Monday and you were waiting at yours and Frank's locker, just as you had during the breaks when he was not in school. But today you spotted the mop of black hair on the short boy walking closer to you until he stood right in front of you. He was pale, dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he was going to get sick any minute. He wore torn jeans and a black shirt with a sweater over it.
"You haven't been to school," you noticed.
"I needed some off time," Frank answered. His voice sounded monotone, like he was not interested in explaining anything to you.
You stared at him and your heart started to speed up. You felt so bad for never noticing anything and you felt even worse knowing that you were the reason Frank looked so lifeless.
"Are we good," you wondered, your eyes scanning the boy's face.
"We're good," Frank replied with a sigh.
"Good, because I'm about to mess this up again," you decided. Before Frank had the chance to ask and before you could change your mind, you grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close, crashing your lips into his soft pink ones. It felt like an electric shock going through you, the moment your lips touched. You hoped and prayed that Frank would not push you away. The feeling of his body against yours was far too precious for that. You wanted to keep him as close as that forever, but if he rejected you now, everything was over.
He kissed back.