'Summary: After your boyfriend died you need therapy so you join a support group.
***
"Hello!
My name is [Y/N]. I'm 26 and I am here because one of my friends thought it would be a good thing for me. That maybe I will find some comfort in people who went through the same thing I did.
Anyway, I've been here for the past six weeks but I never really said anything and today is my turn so here we go.
I met the love of my life three years ago. I just finished college and I moved in Gotham because I got a job here. When I was coming from the airport to the hotel I crossed the street and this dude hit me with his car. It wasn't a big deal, I had a few scratches on my arm and it took me three weeks to heal. But anyway, after he hit me he got off from his car and came to check up on me.
I was there lying on the street trying to get up, I was a little dizzy from the impact. I wanted to scream that he is such an asshole but then I looked up and I saw his face. He was indeed good looking but the one thing that caught my attention were his eyes. God, I swear in that moment I saw the entire universe in his eyes.
So, he took me to the hospital, paid for my medical bills and he made sure I got everything I need. Back then I thought he was doing all these things because he didn't wanted me to sue him. He asked for my number so he could check up on me from time to time until I heal.
He texted me the day after and we kept talking. Slowly we couldn't stop talking it was like we were addicted, I was always on my phone. It was only two weeks after when he asked me to our first date. God, it was beautiful!
He took me on the rooftop of his apartment building and there were blankets and pillows near a laptop and a lot of snacks and drinks. There were lights everywhere, like those kind of lights you put in your Christmas tree. We spent the hole night day. It was pretty cold outside and it rained that night, but I don't know how he found this huge umbrella and...Yeah...You know.
It was beautiful.
When he asked me to be his girlfriend I felt like I was in highschool again. This big bad boy was asking me, this nerd who was never noticed, to be his girlfriend. I thought that maybe he tries to make fun of me but I decided that in life sometimes you have to risk.
And I swear to God it was the best decision I ever took. Jason was the best thing that ever happened to me. He always knew how to cheer me up, he was always there for me when I needed him and he just understood me and accepted me for who I am and he loved me just like that.
With stretches on my body that wasn't toned, my skin that wasn't the greatest, my hair that always looked like I didn't washed it for a week even though I just washed it an hour ago; he loved me just like that.
Anyway, after six months we move together. His roommate leaved the city and my rent was pretty expensive so we decided it was the best for us to move together, we would save a lot of money and we would spent more time together.
Waking up by his side every morning, his beautiful and peaceful face was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, it felt like I was in Heaven. We cooked together every time we could, we cuddled on the sofa while watching this korean drama I just found online. He didn't like them, but he watched them only because I didn't had someone to talk to about them and he didn't wanted me to feel alone.
We always took showers together as an excuse not to waste water. He always used to press a kiss on my cheek while I was making pancakes. He used to grab my waist and whisper a slow song in my ear and we danced. I always hated to dance, but with him it was different.
I was his and he was mine. We were like one. I remember I told him once about this story I read in a book about how every soul was broke in two at the beginning of the time and it had seven lives. In those seven lives the soul has to find his other half and if it doesn't it would be alone forever in the dark crying for his lover. I knew that Jason was my other half and I was his, he knew that too, we didn't needed to mention it.
Every Sunday we used to sit on the balcony when it was hot outside and on the couch when it was cold, and we spend the entire day reading and speaking about books. At the first sight he didn't seem like that type of guy who reads, but man, he loved to read.
I wanted to spend my life with him, I wanted to have his children even though I always said I don't want any. I wanted his.
It was our two years anniversary when he proposed to me. I always saw in movies how people propose each other and I always wonder how is that feeling. Honestly, I was shocked. My jaw just dropped seeing him standing there on his knee asking me to be his wife, to be his other half forever. I wasn't able to say yes, I just nodded so hard I thought I was going to break my neck. He put this beautiful ring on my finger and then he hugged me, pressing his lips so hard against mine, it was like it was our last kiss.
Uhm...
It's been 3 months since he left me. I don't know why I keep saying that he left me, probably I just can't admit the truth and I know I should say it out loud. Three months ago my fiancee died. I don't want to talk about how he died because even though I don't really know you people, I want you to remember Jason as the man I knew. The loving and the caring one. Telling you about how he died would make you pity him and he would hate that.
Yes...So...
I'm sorry. I guess it's impossible not to cry. I don't know how I have tears anymore.
I got a call in the middle of the night. I knew it was something wrong. While I was picking up my phone I felt like someone was sabbing me over and over again. His father called me to tell me what happened. His brother came to take me to the hospital because I didn't said a word.
I didn't screamed, I was just crying in silence. I couldn't believe. I don't even remember how I got to the hospital. I don't remember the road. At first they didn't even wanted to let me see him, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't saw him for the last time.
As I was sitting there in the morgue next to his body I just sat there by his side hugging him. I was so scared someone will come to take him away from me. It took his older brother half and hour to take me away from his body. I was standing there hugging a lifeless body who just hours ago told me how much he loves me.
I didn't wanted to let go. I was holding him so tight because I knew the next and the last time I will see him will be in a coffin. I know it sounds weird. I was hugging a body like you see in the movies. But it wasn't just a body to me and I didn't cared what people think about me. I just wanted him back.
I was hoping that it's just a bad dream, a prank. That he would wrap his hand around and laugh saying it was just a joke. But it wasn't. His hands were still on that table, he still wasn't breathing and I never felt like that before.
I can't even describe how I felt that moment.
When his coffin was going down on the ground I lost it. They had to force me to take sleeping pills so I can calm down.
I tried to kill myself three times since that day. But his best friend, Roy, moved in with me so he can take care of me. He didn't let me die. He was there for me every single time. And I know that he misses Jason as much as I do but he tries to keep his shit together for me.
He had some drugs and alcohol problems and he went to those AA meetings. He was the one who suggested me to come here. I didn't wanted at first but I was suffocating inside and they wouldn't let me go for a walk by myself. They are still afraid I am going to kill myself.
I sleep with his t-shirts on every night while I am holding the last t-shirt he slept in in my arms because it still has his smell. I refused to visit his grave in the first month because I was convinced that he wasn't there. Even though deep inside I knew he was. After the first month I started to go once a week with Roy, but I still can't believe it.
I tell everyone that my fiancee left me because I'd rather know that he is alive somewhere with another woman than 6 feet under the ground lifeless. I want to believe that. Even though he isn't with me, he is alive. But only for a moment because then reality hits me with the truth.
My grandmother once told me that the kindest people die first because they are the most beautiful flowers in God's Garden. And when you choose a flower you always choose the most beautiful one. I don't believe in God that much but I know that if he is real, that is the truth.
Because Jason was the most beautiful flower and if I was God I would've choose him too."