Requested on Tumblr
Warnings: cheating
Word count: 3 138
Being on tour with Fall Out Boy was probably the best experience in your life so far. Sure, being their tour manager was a hard job, but you enjoyed it anyways. The most annoying thing was probably that everyone was always late, while it was your job to make sure they were not. The expert at being late was Patrick. When you announced sound check for 4pm and checked on him at quarter past four because he was still not on stage, you often found him wearing his pyjama while still brushing his teeth. But his habit of being late was just one of the many quirks you liked about him. You knew it was unprofessional and it would never work out, but you had started to fall in love with Patrick. What confused you though was that at the same time you started developing similar feelings for the other guitarist of the band, Joe. It was hard to imagine, even for you, that you could have such strong feelings for two people at the same time, but here you were, emotionally torn between the short, blond singer and the tall, dark haired guitarist.
It was Friday afternoon and once again you were waiting for Patrick to appear at the sound check. Pete threw an impatient look at the clock, while Andy absentmindedly practiced a few beats on his drums.
"(Y/n), do you think you could go check on Patrick," Pete asked, sounding slightly annoyed.
You looked at the clock yourself; Patrick was twenty minutes late, again.
"Sure thing," you hopped down from the table you had been seated on at the side of the stage.
"Tell him there's no dessert for him if he's late next time!"
You giggled at Pete's comment and headed away from the stage, through the many corridors of the venue and outside in the parking lot where the tour bus was parked.
"Jo, Patrick," you shouted, banging against the door before entering, "you're late again!"
Much to your surprise you found Patrick fully dressed, even wearing his dorky fedora already but he just stood in the middle of the tiny living room.
"Dude, everyone's waiting for you," you told him, motioning him out of the door.
"Hey (y/n), I need to talk to you," he said, not moving a millimeter from where he stood.
"And the others need you for sound check," you argued, walking over to him and grabbing his hand, pulling him towards the door.
"But it's really important," he whined.
"So important that it can't even wait until after sound check," you asked annoyed.
"Yes, so important," he pleaded.
You took a look at his face; he seemed pretty serious so you gave in.
"Okay, what's wrong," you wondered, letting go of his hand you were still holding.
"I need to talk to you about something," he stated.
"Yeah, so you said, what is it?"
"Is it possible you have a crush on me?"
The blood froze in your veins. Had you seriously expected to keep your feelings hidden for all the time you were on tour?
"Because Pete said, he thought you might have a thing for me and you know, I like you too, a lot..." Patrick kept rambling, his face beet red. "So I thought I'd just ask you whether you like me because you know, if there's a chance you like me too, we could... like... I don't know, get together or something, whatever."
You did not know what to think. Patrick liked you? You had been wondering for ages what you would do if either Patrick or Joe tried to approach you. You always came to the conclusion that you would say no to them, tell them you were not interested or tell them you did not want to make things complicated, not while being on tour. But now that Patrick stood in front of you, serving his heart on a silver plate, you could not resist.
You quickly took a few steps forward, taking his face in your hands and kissed him. His lips were soft and he was surprised at your reaction, but he kissed back immediately.
When you pulled away, you were both breathing heavily and smiling like idiots.
"We really should get back to the others now," you finally remembered why you were in the trailer anyway, "or they'll start looking for us."
Patrick nodded. "Hey (y/n), we should keep this our little secret, don't you think?"
"I'd like that," you agreed, the idea making you feel excited.
"Great," Patrick beamed. He walked over to the door, holding it open for you. "After you, Milady."
~*~
Patrick had been serious about keeping you two a secret. And at first you loved it. You loved the secret and hurried kisses when no one was looking, the sneaking away together or the nights you spent in each other's' hotel rooms. Every kiss, every touch, every look was a rush of adrenaline and the feeling of doing something forbidden. It was fun, it was so much fun.
But after some time you started to miss things. You wanted to be able to hold his hand, kiss him after finishing a concert, you wanted to cuddle with him at night or kiss his fingertips after hours of practice. But you knew you could not. You had decided to keep your feelings for each other a secret. And while you pretended to be nothing more than friends with Patrick, you realized how Joe started to notice you more and more. At first it was only a few glances, but by now you could always feel his eyes on you. Almost shamelessly he stared at you when he thought you would not notice and it made your hear beat faster and faster every time. Sure you were in a relationship with Patrick, a secret relationship, but a relationship none the less, but that did not mean the feelings you had for Joe before you and Patrick kissed had just disappeared.
It had been a while that you noticed Joe's looks, when the touches stared. It was little touches, a pad on the shoulder, ruffling through your hair, and lingering hugs after a concert. You knew the signs, and they made you feel special. At the same time you felt guilty. You were kissing Patrick but thinking about Joe, and while flirting with Joe you were thinking about Patrick. That was when you started to feel uneasy. Of course Patrick noticed and asked you about it, but you lied and told him it was the stress of the tour getting to you. Joe also noticed and wanted to talk about it, but you told him the same lie you had told Patrick.
Time passed and the end of tour was nearing. You felt tired and exhausted, not only from the amount of work you had to do, but also from your feelings. You were looking forward to get away from the group of guys for some time, this way you could maybe finally concentrate on figuring your feelings out. It felt as if your feelings for Joe were wrong, since you were basically Patrick's girlfriend. But you wondered, if it would have been the other way around, if Joe had been the one to kiss you first, would you have thought your feelings for Patrick were wrong? It was honestly confusing. You just looked forward to a break so you could forget about Joe and concentrate on having a normal relationship with Patrick. Yet you had the feeling something was up with him, it was as if he was slipping away from you, slowly, every day a little bit. You pushed this feeling aside. Maybe it was because of your confused emotions about Joe, you thought, but that did not change anything about your sleepless nights in which you lay awake, worrying about the trouble you would cause if anyone found out about your feelings for the two men. And eventually someone would find out.
~*~
It was the last evening on tour. It was almost time for everyone to go on stage. Patrick and you were the only ones in the dressing room so you took your chance and wrapped your arms around Patrick's neck, tangling your fingers in his short hair and pulling him close, kissing him passionately. But something was wrong; he was not as relaxed or excited as usually. Instead he stiffened at your touch and barely kissed back. When you noticed you pulled back slowly, your eyes scanning his face and just when you were about to ask if he was alright, Pete walked in. Quickly you stepped back from Patrick, making it look as if you had only brushed away some dirt from his jacket.
Pete gave the two of you a wink, as if knowing what was going on, and continued to get ready for the show.
The show was amazing as always, it felt even bigger than the last ones. You knew the first and the last show of a tour were the most important ones to the band and so they also were the most important ones for you.
The band was done in the changing rooms and everyone was on their way back to the trailer, everyone except Joe and you. Joe was taking his time checking his guitars, making sure none was broken in any way while you checked that no one had forgotten anything important.
You had just checked under the last sofa and stood back up from the kneeing position you had been in, when you almost bumped into Joe. He was standing right in front of you, so close your chests were almost touching.
"Whoa," you whispered, quickly taking a step back.
Being so close to Joe always confused you. It made your heart beat faster and your head dizzy, a reaction you never had with Patrick. His eyes were fixed on your face, holding such intense emotions.
You stared at each other for a while, both with wide eyes and pale, yet blushing.
"I really need to do this before tour is over, you can punch me or kick me or whatever, but I really need to do this," Joe told you, his voice calm yet slightly shaky.
"Need to do what," you wanted to ask, but before the words had left your mouth, he leant forward.
His lips were chapped and soft and tasted salty from the sweating on stage. Where Patrick's kisses had been soft, Joe's kiss was demanding. His hands snuck around your waist, pulling you into him and you could not help the impulse to tangle your fingers in his short locks. Joe pressed his lips against yours as if you were his oxygen and for you if felt like he was yours.
You did not know how long you had stood there, lips eagerly working against each other, little moans escaping both of you ever other minute, but when you pulled away, you suddenly felt so alive.
Joe stared at you for a moment before lowering his eyes to the floor.
"I know Patrick and you are a thing, but I really needed to do this," he repeated.
Patrick. Suddenly the euphoria after this breathtaking kiss vanished and you started to feel incredibly guilty. You were dating Patrick but still kissed another man behind his back.
"I think we should get back to the trailer," you mumbled, pushing past Joe and out of the room.
You had almost reached the door of the tour bus when suddenly a familiar voice called your name from the shadows of the parking lot. You searched your surroundings until your eyes landed on Patrick, who stood a few meters away in the dark.
"Can we talk," he asked nervously.
You nodded and followed him into a corner. Something was up. He was nervous and did not look at you, which made you nervous in return.
"Patrick," you asked confused once you were out of sight from anyone who came into the parking lot.
"I wanna be honest with you even if you're gonna be mad with me," he started, "I know we haven't been together for long, but... I don't know how to say this..." he hesitated for a moment, "but my feelings have changed. We started so sudden and we kept it so well hidden and it was fun and I really, really liked you, I still do, but I just don't think I can ever truly love you. But you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be loved by someone who can treasure you for all the amazing things about you. But if I stay with you, I'm taking your chance away to be with that someone."
You did not know what to say. It was weird because Patrick had exactly said what you thought about him, you liked him, you had been in love with him, but you could never really love him. A few weeks back, you would have started to cry and begged him not to leave you, but now it felt like he was breaking up with you for all the right reasons while you stayed with him for all the wrong ones.
"Are you mad?" he asked concerned.
You shook your head. "No, I'm not. I think you are right," you answered.
Patrick nodded thoughtfully.
"Joe knows about us," you added.
Patrick nodded again. "I know, he told me a few weeks back."
"Oh," you awkwardly stood in front of your former lover, debating whether or not to tell him about the kiss you had shared with Joe. "He also kissed me."
"He did what?" Patrick's expression changed immediately to one of anger. "This bastard!"
And with that he stormed away, towards the trailer. You followed him, scared of what he might do. You reached the trailer just in time to see Patrick pull Joe up from the sofa, holding him at his collar, which looked ridiculous considering Joe was taller than Patrick.
"You bastard," Patrick yelled, "you knew we were together, why did you kiss her?"
"Kiss who?" Pete stared at his short, blonde friend in amazement; he had never seen him this angry before.
"Who were you together with?" Andy added.
"You don't just go around kissing other people's girlfriends!" Patrick was still yelling and pushed Joe back on the couch.
"She kissed back!" Joe was yelling too.
"Oh, did she now! But how would you have known if you hadn't kissed her? I thought you were my friend!"
"Who are we talking about," Andy asked curiously.
"If you need to know: I love her! That's more than you can say of yourself!" Joe was back on his feet again.
"Take that back!" Patrick yelled.
You just stood there and watched. You could not move. The two people who meant the most to you in the entire world were fighting, because of you. In shock you watched the scene unfold in front of you, both men shouting at each other and it only seemed a matter of time until the first punches were thrown. So you ran. You turned around and stormed out of the door, down the narrow steps to the trailer and over the parking lot. You did not know where you were running to, but you did not care, you just needed to get away from Patrick and Joe.
A few hours later Andy found you on a park bench, shivering from the cold yet refusing to return to the tour bus. It took all his skills in debating to finally convince you to come back with him.
When you reached the bus it was almost four am, yet the lights were still burning and everyone was wide awake.
The first one to hug you, when you entered the bus, was Patrick. He flung his arms around you and pulled you close, but it was not one of the romantic hugs, it was completely platonic and it felt better than any hug you had gotten from him in the last time. The next one to hug you was Pete. His hugs were always warm and made you feel safe. When he pulled away your eyes searched for Joe. He stood in a corner of the room. His eyes and nose were red; he had cried.
"I think, we'll leave you two alone to talk," Andy offered, leading Patrick and Pete into another part of the bus to give you two some privacy.
"Patrick and I talked," Joe stared, "okay, first we screamed and then we talked. We agreed that it was a pretty shitty move from me to kiss you, but he said he's not mad, as long as you aren't."
You nodded and wondered how long it had taken Andy and Pete to get Joe and Patrick to talk like normal people.
"And Patrick also said that if this is what you want, he wouldn't mind if we started dating, he'd even be happy for us." The hope in Joe's voice was hard to be missed.
You nodded again. At the beginning of the evening you had been dating Patrick and had believed you would stay together for a long time. Now Joe was basically asking you to be his girlfriend and you were seriously considering it.
"I'm not saying I don't want to date you," you watched as the hope left Joe's eyes, "but I need time. Patrick just broke up with me and I got a few things to consider. But until then," you stepped forward, placing your hands at the side of his face, "this is my promise that I won't forget about you." And with that you gently pressed your lips against his.
That night you lay awake, repeating the words you had said to Joe in your head over and over. You had said them to buy you time, to consider everything that had happened over the last months. But deep inside you knew there was nothing to consider. You had liked Patrick, but for a good while now you had liked Joe more. And every minute you did not spent with Joe, he could be slipping away from you.
Quietly, so you did not wake up anyone, you climbed out of your bunk bed and walked over to Joe's. He was sleeping close to the wall of the bus, giving you enough space to climb in next to him, which you did. Carefully you slipped under the blanket and cuddled close to Joe, enjoying the comforting warmth of his body.
"(y/n)?" he asked sleepily. "What are you doing?"
"I've had enough time to consider what I want," you whispered. "I want you."
Even in the dark you could see the smile spreading over Joe's face. "Good, because I want you too."