Silence filled the room once Roan spoke those words. If it were possible, the only thing everyone could hear was how loud my heart kept beating against my chest. The deafening sound of silence lingered on, and Nia's eyes fell immediately on me.
"Is this true," she asked. I couldn't identify her tone. Was she angry?
I know I was.
I gulped and glanced at Roan.
"Do not look at my son," she roared and walked towards me slowly, her eyes fixed on my petrified soul. "Does my son speak the truth? Are you carrying the future heir of Azgeda?"
Honestly, if I said no...
I took in a deep breath and said, trying to sound convincing, "Yes, my Queen."
She exhaled deeply, as if to tell me that her hands had been bound. She turned towards Ontari and said, "Take our guests to their rooms,"
"Hold on," Octavia stepped forward, frustration plastered all over her face, "First you invite us to create a ridiculous alliance, and then you tell us that this traitor and your son were planning to get married. Now you're telling us that you're with child," she glanced at me, "Do you take us for fools?"
"You will not speak to the mother of our future heir in that tone," Nia snapped.
"Forgive me, your royal highness," Octavia responded mockingly, "But look at her." She pointed at me, "Does she honestly look like she knows how to get a child?"
I clenched my jaw and slipped my hand from Roan's grasp. He glanced at me, curiously. But when he saw the expression on my face, he knew that he had done the worst thing he could have.
Well... he has.
"The Queen demands you be taken to your rooms," Ontari spoke as she stepped towards the group.
"I believe we have overstayed our welcome," Kane said, his gaze fixed on mine. After taking a small pause, he glanced at Nia, "We appreciate your hospitality, and your offer to come into an alliance with us. But under circumstances-,"
"Xavier is not Skaikru anymore," Bellamy blurted out. All eyes fell on him, and a part of me felt a little shattered.
"Bellamy," Clarke whispered softly.
"She has made her decision," Bellamy said as he lowered his gaze, "She doesn't want anything to do with us, and she has made that very clear from time on time. Your request for us to stay here the night is appreciated, but I believe it's best we leave Azgeda at once. There's nothing keeping us here."
I bit my lower lip and lowered my gaze as well.
They have made their decision.
"Fine," Nia exhaled sharply and turned to Ontari, "Escort our guests to the gate. Make sure they are not harmed on their way out."
"Yes, my Queen," Ontari bowed and started walking towards the door. One by one, they began to follow her. I glanced up hoping to catch Bellamy's eyes one last time before I lose them forever.
But he never looked up.
They never looked back.
-----
"I'm sorry,"
Roan's words escaped his lips softly as he stood in front of me in my room. Night had fallen, and after a very long day convincing the Queen about the lies Roan had fed her, I was exhausted. I sat at the foot of my bed, dressed in my nightgown, with my hair draped down my shoulder. I wanted to sleep. But Roan had shown up, and it was back to the same exhausting conversation with him once again.
I glanced up at him and he sighed.
"I get it," he said, "I shouldn't have lied. But my mother was going to kill you. Once she learnt that your father was not the Chancellor anymore, you were not of importance. I just," he paused, "I didn't want anything to happen..." his voice trailed off as if he refused to say it. An uncomfortable silence fell between us.
But then, I decided to break that uncomfortable silence.
"So you decided to tell her I was carrying your child," I asked.
"I was buying us time," he responded.
"No," I snapped, "You were buying yourself time. What do you think will happen to me once she realizes we've been lying to her?"
"She won't," he said.
"Oh, Roan," I chuckled in disbelief at his ignorance and shook my head, "Do you even know how this works?"
"I'm not a fool," he snapped, annoyed that I was laughing at him, "I know what happens to a woman's body when she's carrying a child. I know my mother will realize that you're not growing the way a pregnant mother should."
"So how do you suppose we live through this lie," I snapped and got up challengingly, "Stuff my belly until it looks convincing? Do you realize that your mother is not the only one we need to fool? Ontari is on my back about this whole ordeal and the second she sniffs out that we've been lying to her, she's going to run back to Nia and kiss her ass."
Roan exhaled deeply and turned around. He began to pace around the room quietly.
"You chose an awfully wrong time to be quiet," I muttered.
"I'm thinking," he said without meeting my gaze.
"Please, don't," I rolled my eyes and sat back on the bed, "You have the worst ideas anyway."
Roan stopped pacing and glanced at me.
I ignored his gaze and buried my face in my hands and let out a deep sigh. Silence fell between us, and I knew immediately that despite Roan's bad attempts at fixing things, this was out of his hands.
He just told the Queen of Azgeda that I was with child.
How does one fix this?
All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. I glanced up and both Roan and I glanced at the door as it slowly opened and Ontari walked in. She bowed Roan and then glanced at me hesitantly.
"You have a visitor," she said.
Who could possibly want to visit me?
"Let them in," I responded.
My heart sank the moment Bellamy walked through the door.
I thought they had left.
I stood up and from the corner of my eyes I saw Roan get defensive.
"What are you doing here, Skaikru?" Roan asked through gritted teeth.
Bellamy glanced at Roan annoyed and then back at me, tiredly, "I wanted to talk to you."
I stood quiet. I saw Roan glance at me, and tiredly I nodded at him.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"I'll be fine," I said and glanced at Bellamy who hadn't moved his gaze from me. Slowly, Roan and Ontari walked out, closing the door behind them.
"I thought you left Azgeda," I asked calmly.
"We decided to stay the night," Bellamy responded.
"You mean Kane," I asked.
Bellamy sighed and slumped his shoulders, "Clarke,"
I scoffed gently, "Of course,"
Bellamy smiled slowly but weakly. I could feel that he wanted to say something, but something was stopping him from saying it. Knowing Bellamy Blake, it was probably his pride.
"What are you doing here, Bellamy?" I asked.
"I," he sighed, "I don't know."
"Bell," I gulped.
"I hated you," he blurted out, and lowered his gaze to the floor, "I hated you for leaving. I hated you for fighting us and I hated you for allying with the enemy."
"I thought I wasn't Skaikru anymore," I said, "You made that quite clear at the throne room,"
"Xavier," he glanced at me, "You left us. You abandoned us. Can you blame me?"
I stood there silently, watching him watch me in anticipation. I gulped when I realized that after all this time; I still felt something for him. I felt pain for hurting him. But I couldn't show it to him.
"I finally found my place, Bellamy," I said, "I found a fresh start in life, the second chance that you guys spoke so fondly of. Maybe it's not with the people you expected me to find the second chance with. But it's something. And I'm happy."
"Are you," he asked.
Which took me by surprise...
"What do you mean," I asked.
"Are you really happy," he said as he walked towards me slowly, "You've always hated restraint. You think you're free but you're back to where you were when we first landed here. You're stuck under authority. But the only difference is you can't wit your way out of it."
I gulped, and my hand unexpectedly landed on my stomach. His eyes followed my hand and then met my gaze.
"Then, there's that," he said.
"Bell," this was my one chance to get out the mess Roan had put me through. But I couldn't say it. If I said it, we'd be even in bigger trouble.
"I don't believe you when you say you're happy here, Xavier," he said, "Last time I saw you, you were brought in by the same man that claims to be the father of your child. Xavier," he stood in front of me and asked me, "If you're in some kind of trouble, this is the time to tell me about it."
Every nerve in my body, every conscious thought that raced through my mind urged me to confess to him. He was right; I was in deep shit trouble, and the only person who could get me out of that trouble was Bellamy. But the truth was...
I didn't need saving. Not from him. I let him get me out of this shit hole of a mess; I'd be once again under the nauseating authority of Kane... and Abbey.
I exhaled sharply and turned around. I could feel him feel disappointed, but I wasn't going to give in to his melodramatic speeches. There was nothing Bellamy or any of them from Arkadia could do to get me out of this situation.
Unless...
I turned back around to face Bellamy. A hint of excitement smeared across his face when he saw me act with a slight enthusiasm.
"You're right," I said, "I'm not happy. I've been manipulating and surviving through this whole ordeal for the past few months."
"Then, let me help you," Bellamy took a step towards me. I could tell that he was relieved that I was being honest with him. But I wasn't going to cave altogether.
"There's not much you can do," I assured him, "Not here. Things work differently in Azgeda."
Bellamy exhaled deeply, sensing the tone in my voice. Then, he nodded, "What're you suggesting?"
"We need to bring Clarke in to this," I found myself saying... very hesitantly.