(Maggie’s Point of View)
”Wake up, Maggs. It’s your big day!” My mom whispered into my ear. Seemed like she was more excited about it than I was. Honestly, I wasn’t excited. The only thing I was looking forward to was the sleepover with the girls at Michelle’s house tonight. “Do I have to?” I asked my mom as I lifted my head from off of my pillow. I had no energy whatsoever to even get out of bed. She laughed and walked outside. “Hurry! I made your favorite for breakfast!” she said as she walked downstairs. Great.
But I must admit, the aroma of the food was just amazing, and truth is, it looked even more amazing. I sat down at the kitchen table as a plate of chocolate chip pancakes was set in front of me. “Dig in!” My mom flashed me a smile. As much as I didn’t want to, it seemed as if the food was taunting me. I then began to eat and eat. The taste of the sweet pancakes danced on my tongue, along with the topping of maple syrup. It was the best thing ever. My mom only made them on special occasions, so I took it to the advantage. My mom watched as I shoved the last piece of pancake in my mouth. “Well, how was it?” my mom asked me. “Wow, what a great way to ruin my diet,” I let out a silent laugh. My mom looked at me, and laughed. I acted as if I was joking, but I was serious. “It was great,” I felt the words eating me alive, along with the two pounds I probably gained from just eating the pancakes.
”Well, you better get ready! Your dress is hanging on your closet door,” my stated as she took a sip of her coffee. She had curlers in her hair. I was surprised she wasn’t tired. She was out last night with Michelle’s mom and her other friends until like maybe two in the morning. I was so bored at home, I was going to call Michelle to come over, but I forgot that her phone was taken away.
I headed upstairs, and headed back to my room, feeling sick. I felt so guilty. I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to be eating a lot, but I kind of consumed my whole entire day full of meals, in one meal. I looked at my closet, and saw my graduation dress hanging. It was so beautiful. I still couldn’t believe that I was graduating. The fact that I’m leaving everything and everyone behind, just made me even more depressed than I already was. I looked at myself in the mirror, and looked slim. But in my head, I felt like I wasn’t. I felt like I constantly needed to lose weight. I didn’t want to gain anymore weight than I already had. I pressed my hand against my stomach, and could feel that I had gained weight. What if I can’t fit into my dress? The last time I tried on my dress was a few weeks ago, and I probably had gained weight from then.
I decided to try on my dress, just in case. I slipped it on, and it wouldn’t close. Fuck.. I gained weight. Or maybe it’s the fact that, when I bought the dress, I was a size six, and now, I’m probably an eight. I could feel the tears forming, and I suddenly felt more insecure about my weight than I already am. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it, but I had no choice.
I quietly crept to the bathroom, and took a seat on the cold bathroom floor in front of my toilet.
I felt even more sick, but at least this time, I could fit into my dress. I stepped onto the scale, and checked my weight. “104” It said.
I was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa about a year ago. I found out long ago, and kept it a secret from my mom. As much as I loved food, I just can’t give it up. I know that if I told her, she’d stop buying so much food to stop me from eating so much, and then vomiting all that I’ve consumed. None of the girls know about it, not even Michelle. Michelle looks at me as like a role model, and what kind of role model would I be if I told her that I was bulimic? In all honesty, Michelle was perfect the way she was, and the way she punishes herself, is just horrible. I guess we’re all messed up in our own little way. Sure, the girls always pointed out that they were jealous of my figure, and how I maintain to be slim, but yet eat so much. But deep inside, I just wanted to scream.
Although Michelle doesn’t know, she keeps me grounded. She reminds me that I’m perfect the way I am, which sort of helps me with my problem. She makes me feel good about myself. How am I supposed to deal with this when I leave, without her help?
I took a shower, brushed my teeth, did my hair, and got ready for my graduation. Sure, I was upset that Michelle wasn’t going to be able to go, but I was glad that we’ll be catching up like the old days.
I did my makeup, slipped on my dress, and straightened the last lock of my hair. “Ready, Maggs?” My mom called from downstairs. I loved the fact that I didn’t have to go to any classes today, and just go to the graduation. I checked my phone, and the lock screen was a picture of Louis and I. Why haven’t I changed it yet? My heart sank. I unlocked it, and went on twitter. The first tweet I saw, was from Sugarscape. “Tsk tsk, Harry, make up your mind!” it said, and a link to the article was also included. Stuff like this really annoyed me, so I kept scrolling and ignored the tweet.
I got what I needed, and walked down the stairs to find my mom carrying a camera. “Say ‘Cheese’!” My mom shouted as her camera flashed. “Ugh, mom, really?” I said as I rolled my eyes. “Well, not my fault if I wanna get a picture of my baby’s special day!” my mom said with a smile. As much as my mom was a drag, I really am going to miss her. Her curls were intact, and her dress looked even better than me, and I have no idea why, since, it is MY graduation.
We headed out the door.
I sat in the blazing sun in my heavy black cap and gown. I waited impatiently as people were giving speeches, and having their names called to get their diplomas. I looked around to see the crowd of people who came to see us graduate. As much as I wished and hoped I’d maybe see Louis, I knew I couldn’t get my hopes up. I spotted a blonde boy in the crowd next to Amy and the rest of the girls, with black Ray Ban sunglasses on, and a red polo on, which reminded me of Niall. Maybe it was Niall, but I didn’t see the other boys, so probably not. I squinted trying to get a better look of the boy’s face, but Amy caught be staring, and waved at me with a huge smile. The boy next to her was on his phone, texting.
It sort of made me depressed, you know, listening to all these speeches about how we all pretty much grew up together, and now, we’re all leaving this school as the class of ‘12. I’m really going to miss everyone, especially Michelle, Amy, Crystal, and Jessica. Even though we aren’t all in the same grade, they were my other halves of my heart. I was like a big sister to them. I think they can all manage to live without me always being there by their side, they’re strong girls; especially Jessica. She plays it off when she’s upset, and doesn’t let anything get to her. She’s one of those “I don’t give a fuck” girls. Crystal, well, she’s a happy camper, she never really takes things to the bone. Amy, she may get hurt sometimes, but she always has a positive attitude. Michelle on the other hand, well, she’s not as tough as people think. She’s a bit fragile. None of the girls know about her depression. She was diagnosed with it, but I’m the only one who knows. I feel like Michelle has the right to know about my eating disorder, but, I feel like I’m going to let her down. Like I said before, I feel like I’m her role model, and I don’t want to disappoint her.
I waited, and waited until I was called on stage to get my diploma. Then finally, they called me. This was the moment that showed that I’ll finally be starting my life.. “Maggie Embers” they called me on stage. I knew people were calling my name, and cheering, but in my head, it was pure silence. I walked on stage, and received my diploma. I felt proud. I raised it in the air, and had a huge smile on my face. Everyone chanted my name, and I felt so happy.
After everyone was called, and the speeches were given, our principal spoke into the microphone. “Congratulations class of 2012!” and at that moment, everyone threw their caps into the air.
Jessica, Amy, and Crystal ran to give me hugs. They each gave me flowers as well. After Amy hugged me, the same blonde boy was standing beside her. “Congratulations, Maggs!” he greeted me with his Irish accent as he pulled me in for a hug. I was shocked he was here. “Nialler! What are you doing here?” I asked him as I pulled away. “Well, I wanted to go to your graduation! Plus, we’re on break for two more days,” Niall said as he smiled at me. “Where’s the rest of the boys?” I asked him, in all honesty, I actually only wanted to know where Louis was. Niall glanced at Amy really quick, and Amy did the same. What was going on? “Um, Zayn and Liam had to stay back at the hotel, because Lou-” I cut him off. “Because Louis didn’t want to come? Right?” I asked as I took a deep sigh. Niall gave me a sympathetic smile. “It’s not you.. It’s him, he’s not feeling right,” Niall said softly. I nodded, and walked over to my mom who was speaking to one of the other parents. I could see from the corner of my eye that Amy slapped Niall on his stomach, and he shrugged his shoulders.
”Congrats, baby!” My mom greeted me as she gave me a kiss on the cheek. She handed me the banquet of flowers in her hands. “Thanks mom,” I smiled at her. “Where do you want to go? Are you hungry? Want some Red Robins? How bout Olive Gardens? Or we could go to-” I cut her off as well. I still wasn’t feeling that well after my incident this morning. “No thanks, Ma. The girls and I are going to head off to have a sleepover at Michelle’s house,” I informed her. “Ah, alright,” she said as she continued to speak to the parent again. I walked back to the others.
”So, where’s Harry?” Niall asked me. “I don’t know.. I thought you would know?” I asked him with confusion. “What? I could have sworn he went to Mich-” Niall stopped himself from continuing on with his sentence. “Erm, never mind.. sorry,” Niall apologized. What was up with Niall today?
I said goodbye to each person I saw, even if I didn’t know their names. I honestly am going to miss seeing their faces in the halls, although I never really knew them, personally. “So, up for that graduation party?” Crystal winked at me. By graduation party, she means sleepover. Whenever the girls and I got together, we’d go crazy things. Basically, sneak out and go to some party. Tonight, it was just a sleepover, a goodbye and congratulations one in particular. “Oh! Can I come?” Niall asked with enthusiasm. “Babe, you can’t come,” Amy stated. “Aw! Why not?” Niall frowned. “I’ll even bring the boys!” Niall added. Great. “It’s not really a party, it’s um, a sleepover?” Jessica informed him. “So!? We could sleep over!” Niall laughed. At this point, I have no idea if Niall was joking or not. “Jessica, you can cuddle with Zayn! Crystal, you can, um, er.. cuddle with a picture of Aaron!” Niall joked. “Hey!” Crystal said as she smacked him. “Ouch! I was just kidding!” Niall shouted. Crystal just began to laugh. “Michelle can, um, well.. cuddle with Harry? And, Amy and I are DTF,” Niall gushed. “Niall.. you do know that means-” Amy informed her boyfriend, but Niall apparently knew the answer. “Down to cuddle! I know!” Niall smiled. I have no idea where Niall came up with that.. where did the C come from? “No.. Down to fuck, stupid,” Jessica corrected him. “REALLY?” Niall asked surprised. We all looked at each other and laughed. “And Maggie, you can cuddle with Lou-” Niall stopped himself again. I felt my heart sink. We were all quiet again. I could tell Niall wanted to apologize, but I really didn’t want him to say anything. Niall then got a text, which probably wasn’t a nice text, because he frowned. “Uh, the idea of the boys sleeping over, may need a rain check, they’re busy..” Niall informed us. I sort of felt relieved.
”Look, I’m sorry about Niall, he’s ju-” I stopped Amy from finishing her apology, which knowing Amy, might be a speech. “It’s fine,” I smiled at her. It really was. She smiled at me, and then we were off to each other’s houses to pick up things. Niall headed back to the hotel to discuss things with the boys, and get his things. Niall was trying to keep it on a low down, so fans wouldn’t recognize him. First, we were off to Crystal’s house. When she came out of her house, she had a hand full of things, or I should say, arm full of things? She had her huge stuffed penguin, and a bag of clothes, and another bag, which probably had movies in it. Then, we went to Jessica’s house. She didn’t have much things. She had a pillow pet and her duffle bag. Amy on the other hand, she had a lot of things too. She had the stuffed cookie Niall had given her the day they first met, her duffle bag, a pillow, and snacks. Then, we headed to my house. While the girls stayed in the car, I got my things.
When I finished, we headed to Michelle’s house. As we drove in the car, Amy popped in her One Direction album. We all started singing along. “Wow, can you believe.. now, we’re all friends with the boys?” Amy sighed with a smile. I actually couldn’t believe it. It just doesn’t seem real.
When we got to Michelle’s house, we were all waiting in front of her door with our things. When I first rang the doorbell, no one answered the door. Then, I tried again. Still no answer. Then, I tried one more time. Someone finally opened the door. It was Michelle’s mom, who looked awfully sleepy and exhausted. “Hey girls,” Michelle’s mom greeted us. “Oh! Congrats by the way, Maggs!” She said as she gave me a hug. She smelled like alcohol. “Sorry, I’m a bit off today. Still pretty tired from last night,” Michelle’s mom apologized. “It’s alright,” I smiled at her. “What are you guys doing here?” Michelle’s mom asked. “Um, we’re here for the sleepover with Michelle?” Crystal stated, but it sounded more like a question. “Um, Michelle? Michelle’s not here.. I thought she was at your house.. I mean, I wasn’t home last night, so I thought she would have went to crash at your house last night..” Michelle’s mom said with a look of confusion. Where could Michelle be?