*Louis' POV*
Was Harry kidding about him being fine with the ideas of me going out with Dominic or was he forcing himself? What if he's moved on already in the short time we've been apart? All these questions keep my head spinning for answers, answers I don't know.
Dominic was nice enough to offer his day to me. The past hour has consisted of walking, talking, and more walking with Nick. Nick is short for Dominic, I grew tired of saying his complete name so I figured why not make a nick name for him?
"Louis?" Dominic calls next to me.
"Yeah?"
"You've been distracted the whole time since we left the hospital. Is something bothering you?" Yes something is bothering me. My boyfriend is, the fact that my boyfriend isn't my boyfriend anymore. The fact that I feel that he's getting over me. The fact that I don't have him anymore.
"Not really." I can't tell him the truth, there's not enough trust to do so.
"You're lying, your voice becomes high when you lie." Shit.
"So what if something is wrong? What are you going to do about it? You can't help me." Little does he know...
"Oh but I can. Here take a seat." He says, pulling out a chair from the small outdoor Cafe's table we were just walking past. Gentleman, hmm. I take a seat, not knowing if I'll actually tell him or not. "Spill." He demands.
"It's complicated." I admit, it's true.
"It's never too complicated." Oh but it is.
"You see, there's this person who I was in a relationship with until not too long ago. We broke up but then that person tried to make it up. I was stubborn and didn't give that person a second chance. Now I have the feeling that, that person is drifting away all because of my selfish actions."
"Ah, so this is about a girl?" I can't say it's about a guy. It'd ruin everything.
"Yeah," I'm obviously lying, "moving on. What would you do if you still loved that person, how would you try to get them back?" Anyone can answer this question, except me.
"I'd get over them. Yeah I loved them once but they had their chance. One chance and that's all it takes. You see, you give them once chance then you'll end up giving them the second chance, the the third and then the fourth. Soon enough they won't even be taking you seriously." Everything he says is right, it'll only become a cycle. Who says that Harry would ever prevent that cycle from happening? No one.
"What if I know that that person won't do it again? Then what?" I can't only look at the negative side of this situation, there's a positive one too. What Harry did was wrong, yes, but I can't let this one thing ruin everything we had going on. I miss Harry, I really do and I want to go back to what we had. Although he kept that huge secret from me and ended up breaking up with me, I hold my own lies and secrets. Mine might not hurt him but our relationship and the way he'll view it will. I've come so close to telling him and letting it all out until that time he told me that there's no point in dating someone who you'll know won't be around forever. Will I be around forever? Of course not. Will I be around for as long as Harry? I'm not so sure. If I were to tell him just that, I'd lose him along with our relationship and I don't want that.
"You can't be right? Whoever this chick is can go to hell! Anyone would be lucky to have you," it takes him a second to analyze what he just said sounds wrong, "I don't mean it like that. Don't get the wrong impression of me. Oh god you probably think I'm gay now!" He says, stuttering. What?
"No, no! I don't think that at all, trust me." Now that he points it out, he brings it to my attention. There's not alot of things that hint to him being well, gay. This is stupid, why would I ever think that. Maybe this is why Harry is so jealous of Dominic, he probably thinks he is. Even if Nick was gay, I would never, ever leave Harry for him.
"Good." A small smile covers his face.
By the time I take a look around, it's dark. We've been out all day since we left the hospital, time flies I guess. It's been an exhausting day. The whole hospital thing, the break up, wanting to go back with Harry but instead I'm here with Dominic. I just want everything to go back like it was before.
"Um, can we go now?" Dominic tilts his head, looking over at me.
"Sure, where are you staying?" I can't tell him. If I do he'll question me on who I'm staying there with. He'd never believe me if I said I afforded the hotel room.
"You know what, I'll just call Liam to pick me up." I'm quick to change the options we have. There's no way I'm letting him come close to where me and Harry are staying at.
Twenty minutes pass before the cab I called arrives at the cafe. Dominic left about five minutes prior to it getting here. Those fifteen minutes in between all that was enough time to think about what I want, with Harry. All that has happened here in Paris has been nothing but bad horrible things. Paris was supposed to be an escape from reality, from everyone at school, just for me and Harry. It's been everything but that. The first night in this glorious city was paradise, sadly it was too good to be true. No one ever said it'd be easy trying to keep a stable relationship, why did I think it ever would be?
Then night Harry decided it was time for me to take a turn in bed was the worst. I've spent every single day wondering why he did what he did in such a rush. There was no need for him to have made the decision he made. Was he just trying to see if he had gotten past the whole Sam thing? Could be.
...
Thankfully the cab driver was nice enough to spare me the ride. Little did I remember I wasn't the one carrying around the money, it's been Harry the whole time we've been here. Guess I forgot to reclaim what was mine when we, broke up.
I stand in front of our hotel room's door, battling whether I should go in and tell Harry how I feel or going in there and continuing this ridiculous "friendship" we have going on. Harry's trying to keep his distance, yes, but the more he does the more I feel he's becoming distant from me. It's like he doesn't give a shit about who talks to me. Earlier today he didn't seem the least bit annoyed or mad when I mentioned me and Dominic going out. I miss my Harry.
My hand grabs the door knob before I know what I'm doing. I take a deep breath, opening the door and stepping inside. The look on Harry's face is confusing. He looks shocked like if he's seen a ghost. His lips part in an attempt to have words come out from in between them but they don't. In his hands there's a book, my book. He has it opened on a page, not quite sure which it might be but by the looks of it it's one that contains a lot of highlighted parts.
The book is the same book I gave Harry, it's only a copy of it. After I gave Harry my copy, I went ahead and bought a new one. This one is different. As I reread it, I would highlight text in it. Quotes that held significance to my life or that I could some how relate to me, were sure to be highlighted. But why does he have it?
His hands tremble underneath the book as he opens his mouth once again to try to speak.
"I'm in love with you." The shakiness if his voice shows how nervous he is, or scared, what would I know? He's not himself, he's acting a lot like he was the night that the whole "Sam" thing surfaced.
"Harry," I whisper, unaware of what exactly is it that I'm going to say. Without thinking, I take a step towards him only to be stopped by his words.
He looks down at the book on his hands and behind to read off of it. His voice still shaky and hands trembling.
"I am in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you, Louis." He looks back up at me once he's finished reading the words off the book. Did he really just do that? He couldn't have, he's not the all romantic type of person but he just proved me wrong.
Harry quoting John Green's famous words makes my heart drop, in a good way. Never in a million years would I have expected Harry, out of all people, to say what he just did. I can't help the overwhelming emotion that's taking over me. My eyes instantly become watery, and I'm speechless.
He takes notice in my reaction when he sets the book down on the coffee table. Harry rushed to me, only taking a few seconds to get to me.
I open my mouth to speak but nothing is coming out. Again I'm speechless. Here I thought I was losing him then I come to this. He said he's in love with me more times than I could count. He's really trying to do his best with the friendship thing, this time it's clear he wants more than that.
"Louis, I am in love with you. I am in love with you and I don't think I can't take this much longer. This," he says, waving his hands up in the air, "this thing that's going on between us two is only tearing us further apart. I fucked up, I know I did and I'm sorry. As much as I want to take it back, I can't. I'm losing you a little more than the day before each day. Sooner or later you won't be mine anymore and won't want to be mine. And to think this all happened because of some stupid mistake I did."
He's crying, cheeks wet with tears. "Louis just please," he says in between his sobs, "please give us a second chance at what we had. And I swear I'll make it the best decision you've ever made." He's barely able to get the words out. Harry was the best decision and to this day still is.
Again, I try to speak but I'm unable to.
"Louis, please." He whispers, placing his hand behind neck. His touch sends shivers through my body, just like the first time we touched.
I'm not letting this be the end of the amazing thing we had going on, not this easy. I'll be called stupid and easy but I won't care because in the end I can call Harry mine.
"Lou-" He says right before I crash my lips onto his, wrapping my arms around his neck. I struggling to meet his stature, it's no problem once he lowers himself a bit, wrapping his arms around my waist. I missed this, I missed us. It's seems like it's been for ever even if it hasn't.
The look on Harry's face when we both pull away is of utter shock. I'm just as surprised as he is, maybe even more.
"I love you Louis and I swear that from now on I won't fuck up anything else, I promise." His eyes are wide and his speech is quite fast. The quirkiness of his right now couldn't be more adorable. He's like those little kids when they get a new toy and then are so nice with their parents because of the gift they've recieved from them.
"Harry I-"
"Wait, before you say anything I need you to listen to me. Please." He pleads, gently pushing me to sit on the couch. What could he possibly want to talk about now? I know that this is all being rushed, everything we were trying to avoid.
He takes a seat on the couch opposite of where in seated at, and begins to talk.
"There's been countless times that I've sat in front of you and have gone on long speeches but this one will be different I swear, just listen." I nod my head in agreement to what he has to say. It can't be all that bad. "These past days I've been thinking, really hard. I came to realize things I hadn't before, things that weren't so good. After all the thinking and over analyzing everything in our past, I found out that I don't deserve you. I really don't."
He doesn't deserve me? Why would ever think that?
"That's not true Harry!" I raise my voice, shaking my head.
"Listen. Maybe I don't deserve you but that's not stopping me from doing everything I can to deserve you. I'm not saying that we should forget our past because our past is beautiful and I don't want to forget such wonderful memories that I've experienced with you. I was thinking about the selfish actions I've made along the way in our relationship and I'd take all of them back. One of them would be your birthday. The party was for the simple pleasure of everyone who showed up, not you. What happened in the cabin was for my pleasure, not yours. It might be a little late to be realizing these things but I promise you it's for the best. That's only one of the many examples. You see, there are so many things that were fucked up about our relationship, mostly my fault. I kept my biggest secret away from you and that couldn't have been worse. I tried to face it hoping I wouldn't have to tell you but you ended up finding out. The whole Sam shit was the reason for our relationship to come crumbling. It's all because of him, it's like he's dead but he's still fucking up my life."
His words pain me. No matter how much he tries to escape Sam, he's still there. We can't blame our relationship on someone who is no longer on this earth. It's heart breaking, almost as if he's still not over Sam.
"He clearly didn't fuck it up completely because if it weren't for him, you would've never loved me." I try to turn the conservation, making him laugh a little.
"Oh no, he fucked it up completely. You fucked up my life, in a good way." He jokes, a small laugh escaping his mouth.
"Well you can't always expect relationships to be perfect you know?" I'm quick to change the subject yet again.
"I'm not expecting it to be perfect. We'll have our conflicts and obstacles but we'll learn to get over. There will always be things that will get in the way of our relationship but it's for the best because we'll learn from those things. How exactly will we solve our problems? I don't know but I'll tell you this, I won't let us become that kind of couple where sex is the solution for everything.That's the last thing I want. I don't want to fight then find a way to get into your pants and have that fix our problems because it's not the way to do that. That whole concept of that kind of bullshit would only make our relationship depend on it. Relationships are about trust not about sex and lust. What I'm trying to say is that I'm ready to make us work, our relationship work. If we ever do find ourselves in a similar situation where we're fighting or arguing about something, we'll talk it through, not end up fucking. Okay?"
I agree with his argument, he proves too many points to count. Everything he's said has been on point. I hadn't realized half the things he mentioned. He's right about the pleasuring the people and himself, nothing was really for me. Guess it took is this long to realize it.
"No more lies?" I ask, even though I know it won't be committing myself to this promise.
"No lies." He says.
"Okay." I hesitantly answer. I shouldn't do this, I'm already lying but it's for the best and he's happy.
"Now on to the thing I've been meaning to ask for a very long time." He says, reaching his hand out towards me. "Will you, Louis Tomlinson, be my boyfriend?" I know exactly why he asked me to be his boyfriend instead of the whole "will you go out with me". Accroding to him, asking someone out is only a one time thing. Asking them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend is to ask them just that, no explination needed.
I don't think twice before answereing. "I'd love to." I simply answer, the flushing of my cheeks is quite embarassing but it feels good. The smile on his face is one that I haven't seen in such a long time, I've missed it. The crinkling of the corner of his eyes show how happy he is, this causes an inevitable smile on me too.
*Harry's POV*
I've surprised myself after giving Louis the unplanned speech I just gave him. I meant and mean every word I've just said, every single one. Most of the things I just said were things I didn't even know I was keeping inside. This book really is bringing out the best in me, it's helping me be a better person. It's taught me to not take what Louis and I have for granted.
When I was reciting the words in the book, I wasn't planning on going on about our relationship, it kind of just came out. Never have I said such meaningful things to anyone, or even thought I could say things like that. Louis brings out hidden things inside of me and it feels good.
Louis sat across from me, his cheeks no longer wet. I take my hand, wiping my eyes with the back of it to clean off my tears. I'm crying like a little bitch but there's no way I can stop myself, I have him back. He's the one who taught me what love really is, not just having sex like what Sam made me believe. This is why I'm trying to avoid the whole sexual interaction. That doesn't really matter right now, what matters is that he'll keep teaching me what love feels like, he's my drug and I have him back.
"Harry, there's been something that's been bothering me for a while, something that I need the feel to ask you." Louis suddenly breaks the silence between us two.
"What is it? I'll answer truthfully, I swear." I said no lying, here's a start.
He fiddles with his fingers when he stands up and behind pacing back and forth. He's uneasy about whatever it is that he's going to ask me, doubt I'll have a problem with it.
"Why were you so eager for me to have sex with you our second night here in Paris? You know when you called me by Sam's name. There's a reason behind it right? Why did you want to switch roles all of a sudden?" He's doing right in asking. No, I wasn't planning on confessing why I did it but this is the right time to come clean.
I stand up from the couch, walking over to the the window by the balcony, staring out at the lights that illuminate the city at night.
"Since I gave you the-" My phone rings inside my pocket, interrupting me from what I've to say. I slip my hand into my pocket, pulling it out. The name of my father appears on the screen, what the fuck would he want? I look over at Louis, making sure it's okay for me to answer in the middle of all this.
"Answer it." He says, as I swipe my finger across the screen to answer it.
"Hello?" I answer, the least I can do is try to be nice to him for once. After all he did pay for this trip.
"Harry, my boy! Just dropping in on your last night in Paris. How's it going?" Last night? He's fucking psycho.
"It's not my last night. We have until Monday, remember?" I can hear him sigh at the end of the line, that can't be good.
"You were supposed to stay until Monday but I revoked the money I had donated, tonight is your last night there. Hadn't your teacher told you? I took back the money three days ago." No, no, no! What the fuck! I'm here thinking that I still have enough days to make up for what Louis and I missed only to have it all taken away? Every time something is going right, something else fucks it up!
"You can't take back the fucking money! Are you fucking insane!" I yell into the phone, Louis stares at me from the living room in confusion.
"But I did Harry. Your teacher still hadn't spent all of it." It was too good to be true, fuck this.
"Why the fuck would you take the money back! Out off all the thousands you have, why take away the money you gave up to me?" The volume of my voice hasn't lowered at all since we started this conversation.
"To pay for Zayn's training camp and don't raise your voice at me young man!" Zayn's training camp? That stupid dumb shit? As much as I want to blame Zayn for it, I know it's not his fault.
"That's fucking stupid! You could've used some of your own money to pay for that dumb shit! Oh and you're telling me not to raise my voice at you? Well guess what, I fucking can! You didn't fucking raise me to not yell at my own father because you were never there! Fuck you and you're dumb ass whore of a wife!" Fuck everything.
It takes me a minute to realize what I was just talking about with Louis. How am I supposed to tell him this?
Louis stands up, walking over to me, concerned for what I have going on.
"What happened?" He asks. I can feel a lump in my throat when I'm about to speak. This was supposed to be all for Louis, now it's ruined. I had five more days to make it up to Louis, make up lost time now it's time I won't be able to make up. We were supposed to go to the bridge, the Eiffel Tower, every single landmark that was special in this city but now I can't. He was supposed to have his first experience here, the kind of experience we had back at the cabin. Paris is the city of Love and that's everything we haven't had since we got here.
"Today's our last night here, in Paris. My father decided it was best if he took back the money. Louis I'm so sorry I didn't know my father would with-drawl the money." I can't say anything else. I'm stuck. He takes his hand, softly caressing the side of my face. He see's the effort I've been trying to put into this relationship, all of it.
"We can talk about that tomorrow. Besides, it doesn't matter, we didn't have any plans ahead." This is only making me feel guiltier. I know Louis is trying to do the opposite of that but it's not working. "What was that, that you were about to say?" He only cares about what I was going to confess, doesn't he?
"I was trying to see if I was over Sam okay? Before you gave me that lock on my birthday, I had already bought one. Locking that lock on the bridge would mean that we would be committing ourselves into a long lasting relationship, maybe not forever but for a while. I wanted to make sure I was over Sam before I did that. When I say 'over Sam' I'm talking about the past, my past with him. Once you gave me the lock I was left with no option but to hurry up and get it over with. We all saw how that turned out." I say, looking around the room. "I figured that was the only way to see if I was over it, guess I wasn't but now I swear I am." I have no idea if what I just said makes sense, it all sounded better in my head.
Louis grabs my hands, softly, and begins to brush his fingers over the palm of it. He looks down at it, bringing his bottom lip in between his teeth.
"So what you're saying is that the only way to find out if you were completely over the whole Sam thing was to have us switch roles, for me to take Sam's old role?" I don't know if he's taking this bad or good.
"Uh yeah, yes." It all sounds stupid now that he puts it like that.
"And you say that you're sure you're over him and that past you had with him?" He asks yet again.
"I'm pretty sure." At least I think I am.
"I know that you said that you don't fix problems with sex and that's not what I'm trying to do here but we can't be certain that you're over Sam unless we carry on with what we started the other day. Don't you think so? I just want to make sure of that." His words are saying one thing, his eyes are saying another. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, the whole sexual intercourse thing but this can be an exception.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, we've only gotten back together." This one time wouldn't hurt. Only this one time.
"We're picking up where we left off. It's a rush, I know but it's our last night in Paris, oh so you say. Paris is the city of love, remember? That's exactly what we can do this last night." This one time wouldn't hurt. Only this one time. If this will be enough to prove that everything else is in the past and that it's only him now, then so be it.
{Please vote and comment<3 Sorry again for the late update, I've had so much going on lately. It's the last quarter of my school year and I'm trying to raise up my grades high enough. Not only that but I'm going to be having a few doctor's appointments due to something pretty serious that I need to take care of. Anyway thank you all for reading! Love you lots! Hopefully I'll update Wednesday and if not Thursday.
Are you guys excited for the next chapter? The moment so many of you have been waiting for has finally come. ;)}