*Harry's POV*
"Wake up sleeping beauty!" The sudden hit of a pillow on my face wakes me from my sleep. Fuck is it morning already?
"Fuck off Niall, I'm trying to sleep!" I grab the pillow, the one he's just hit me with, and use it to cover my head. I'm too tired to get up, not to mention sleepy. Couldn't Niall wait a little more? It should only be around eight a.m.
"Louis called." Niall's voice becomes slightly high pitched. Louis called while I was asleep? Shit. Maybe I'm not so sleepy anymore. With a sudden adrenaline rush passing through my body after hearing Louis' name, I stand up rather quickly, wide awake. "Thought that'd get you up and running." He teases. I swear if he was fucking lying I'll snap his head, not really but I'd be tempted to.
Liam's wide awake already having breakfast. That didn't take long did it? Guess they took the whole "make yourself at home" thing too serious. The room is paid for, not the whole room service. If I get a bill higher than expected, I'll know who to blame.
"Are you lying about Louis calling so that I would wake up or did he really call?" My question comes out like if I'm desperate, which I am. Who knows what him and Dominic talked about last night, what if he they didn't even sleep because they were too busy talking? This paranoia is getting the best of me and I fucking hate it! Calming down is something I want to be able to do but I can't fucking do that. Dominic has driven me insane with all his little shit but what can I do to stop him? For all I know Louis seems to be enjoying himself with him too and it's killing me. I can't let Louis or him know that. Louis is trusting me in this whole friendship shit but I don't think I can take it anymore.
"Why would I be lying?" Niall shrugs his shoulder, lifting the corner of his lip's up.
"To wake me up." Isn't it obvious?
"Well, I'm not lying. He actually called your phone and since you were asleep, I answered." He takes a bite out of the crepe I'm guessing he ordered.
"And? What did he tell you?"
"Oh! Right right!" Niall can be so air headed at times, I swear there's something wrong with him. "Um he wanted to know if you could drop off a change of clothes. I figured we could all tag along. That's why I woke up as well. Are you up for it?" No shit I'm up for it.
"Is that even a question Niall? Hurry up and get your shit ready." I'm only joking around, don't want to seem to soft. After telling them about Sam last night I feel as if they'll treat me different because they might feel pity for me and I don't want that. The only way to show them that I don't need their pity is if I show them that I haven't softened up as much. Then again it felt good talking to them without swearing, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I stopped.
"We've been ready for the past twenty minutes. You're the one who should get their shit ready." Niall's only joking but he proves a valid point.
"Fuck off will ya?" I tease, slipping into the jeans I wore the yesterday. All my clothes are still at the place Niall's staying at, meaning I have to keep wearing the same clothes until I get them back. The good things is that they're not dirty or anything, great. Now to find Louis' clothes.
His suitcase is right where it's been since we arrived here, against the wall, next to the bed. I dig through his belongings, pulling out the black jeans that are similar to mine along with a plain black tee. These have got to be my favorite clothes on him, no doubt about it. I'm not trying to make him change into my kind of clothing but it looks good on him and I like it.
Before I can get going, the small blue book cover grabs my attention. I pull it out without thought. I've seen this book before, just differently. It takes a minute for me to recap on why this book looks so familiar. It's the same book he told me to read the night he stayed at my flat.
*Flashback*
"It's getting late you should get some rest." I tell Louis, he's too into that dumb blue book to go to sleep. Bet he's unaware about the two hours that have flown by during the time he's been reading it.
"One more page." He begs. If I let him read one more page, he'll end up reading one hundred more pages.
"You've been saying that for the past hour. Keep saying one more page and you'll be done with the book by morning. We still have classes you know, it's only Wednesday tomorrow. There's a lot of time to catch up on that book." Slowly, I take the book out of his hand and lay it down on the night stand. "Come on." I pat my chest so he can lay his hea there. There's something about him resting his head on my chest that soothes me, making me feel safe. We lay there silent for a few minutes before I break the silence.
"Why is the book so interesting?" To be reading it for so many hours without noticing how many hours have passed by, calls for it to be a good book.
"It's about this girl, Hazel Grace, and she has cancer. Her parents force her to join some kind of support group. Along the way she meets Augustus who is an amputee and well she falls for him. That's as far as I've gotten, no thanks to you."
"Let me guess, the girl dies at the end and the boy she fell in love with lives miserably because he's no longer with her in the end. Your typical tragic love story, just like Romeo and Juliet." Typical. What's the point of all those love stories if they're only going to end up miserable in the end by dying? There's no moral to a story like that, only entertainment.
"Wrong. I peaked at the end of the book and that's not how it ends. So think again. Not all love stories have to be tragic you know?" No surprise he'd find a way to contradict what I'd say.
"But that one is, isn't it?"
"Yeah." He says under his breath. See what I mean?
"See. I don't believe in that kind of shit, it's all so dumb. Why would you fall in love with someone you know you won't have for the rest of your life? Am I right?" Of course I'm right. Why would you want to waste a part of your life on someone who you know you won't have forever? What if your biggest fear is losing that someone? What happens when you lose them? You slowly die with them, not physically but emotionally, mentally.
"True. In the end it'll just be time wasted on nothing." But not all of it is bad.
"Then again sometimes you can't help but fall in love. Not everyone can control their feelings." I tell him, hoping I don't sound to harsh.
"Why do you say that?" He asks, looking up at me from my chest.
"Because it's true." I mean it, not because I'm just saying but from experience.
"What's true?"
"That you can't prevent falling for someone." You seriously can't, you can't control your heart.
"Who did you fall for?" He's an idiot.
"You and no one else." I'm lying. I'm lying when I say "no one else" because I fell for Sam but not the same way I fell for Louis, it's different. It's different because Louis loves me back and I love him.
*EOF*
"Louis won't be waiting all day, Harry." Liam shakes me from the memorable moment I was recapping on. Damn this book. I promised him I'd read it, I can't break a promise. When I get back I swear I'll read it. Even if it's not the same book, this one is newer. He must've bought an extra copy for himself after he gave me hi copy to read.
"I heard you!" I tell at Liam, grabbing the articles of clothing ready to take to Louis.
....
"Are you still cranky Styles?" Niall hadn't shut up since we left the hotel. Does he ever shut his mouth?
"You're the one to blame for my crankiness." I'm only playing with him. He might get annoying but I think if him as a younger brother, the one that's always annoying you but you still love. Not in that way.
"Can I ask you something?" Again with the asking. I'm surprised Liam hasn't smacked him yet to keep quiet.
"What is it now?" The walk isn't too far now, so I won't have to answer completely if we get there before he asks the question.
"Between you and Louis, who's the man in the relationship? If you know what I mean?" Is he fucking serious? You're never supposed to ask anyone about that!
"What the fuck Niall! We're in the fucking street walking and you're asking me this?" Will he ever be quiet and learn to keep his questions to himself? Probably not.
"Niall what the hell?" Liam swats Niall's arm, making him reconsider what he said.
"No, no, no! It's not like that. I'm just curious! I've never had a gay friend okay? Besides, it's a friend you're telling this to. Not to mention that these people walking around us won't know what we're saying because we're speaking English." The only way he'll shut up is if I tell him, shit.
"What do you mean about never having a gay friend? You were friends with Sam weren't you?" I spit.
"Did I know he was gay? No. So that doesn't count." True, he makes a valid statement.
"If I tell you, will you shut up?" I have no problem telling him since I'm not the girl in the relationship.
"Yes." Liam and Niall both answer, he wants to know too? Do they see this whole "being gay" thing like something that's strange?
"I thought it was pretty obvious who the 'man' was in the relationship." I honestly did and still do. Louis is so fragile and small, he'd never be seen as the controlling one, at least I think he wouldn't.
"No, it's not obvious. Why do you think I'm asking you?" I roll my eyes in annoyance, only one more block 'til we get to the hospital.
"Well it's me okay? Are you happy now?" Glad that's clear now.
The rest of the way to the hotel is quiet. I didn't mean to snap at Niall but he was getting on my last nerve. He's a great guy, don't get me wrong but shit can't fucking keep quiet. This whole "being a better person" isn't going to well. If I keep at it, Louis will grow annoyed with me not being able to stand Niall. Just have to make the best of it for now.
"Sorry I snapped at you back there." There is no reason why I should take out my annoyance on him.
"It's cool." He gives me a small smile while Liam stays quiet. He's been quiet the whole time coming here, it's like he's hiding something but I can't put my finger on it.
"No it's not cool. I mean, I'm just taking out my anger on you and I shouldn't do that, it's not healthy. It's just this whole Dominic shit has got me so pissed off that I can't stand myself."
"Dominic shit?" He's confused, no surprise there.
"I'll leave you two talking, I'm gonna go grab something to eat. See you two later." Liam excuses himself from the conversations, leaving Niall and I walking. He soon disappears into the busy streets of Paris, what's gotten into him?
"So you were saying about Dominic."
"Right." I clear my throat before speaking. Niall shouldn't have a problem with what I have to say, he himself told me that he didn't like Dominic. It wouldn't be a shock if anyone else didn't as well. "Lately, he and Louis have been close, too close. The way they've both been interacting is going a little too far, I think. You'll probably say it's all in my head but I don't think it is. There's something about Dominic that doesn't add up. He gives me some sort of bad vibe, like he's up to no good. Look, I don't only mean that he's most likely trying to take Louis away from me but I don't see any good intentions with what he's doing." After confessing this to Niall, I swear I've gotten a weight lifted right off my chest. It feels so good. Guess I needed to let it out.
"Swear!" What? "I was going crazy thinking I was the only one who was noticing that! You know I didn't want to say anything because I knew you'd grow paranoid or some shit but now that I know that you agree, we can talk about it." Finally! Someone who finally understands and gets me.
"So I'm not fucking crazy!"
"No you're not! The way he fucking tries to get with Louis all the time doesn't seem right. The dude's probably gay too!"
"That's what I was thinking! I'm not out of my mind!" I yell, pulling at my hair. See! I knew it, I knew it wasn't all in my head. There's this little thing about Dominic that is so infuriating!
"Who said that you were? All I'm trying to say is that you," he points his finger to my chest, "get Louis back as soon as possible before you lose him. Dominic's got some game going on, a game you wouldn't want to lose. Louis might or might not see the intentions he has but we both do and we know he's only trying to take him away from you." Now that he puts it that way it sounds like I should really be doing something about it right now. No time to waste.
"But we've been trying to work this whole 'frienship' shit out before we get serious again." I admit even though I'm not into the whole idea of it.
"Really? And how is that working out for you two?" Niall stands in front of me, his hands on his side, raising his eyebrows alot like Louis would.
I keep quite, not answering his question. He knows exactly that the answer is to that.
"Not well huh?" His eye brow still raised.
"Shut up and lets go get Louis." I spit, avoiding the simple tease.
He lets out a small chuckle, opening the door in front of him. In we go inside of this hospital where all the sick and hurt are at. The waiting room is packed with people. Some of them with ice-packs on their head, others simply complaining of a headache. Most of the time these kind of people only come here to be pampered, then they don't return after they get their medical bill.
It takes us a few minutes to get to Louis' room after getting lost on the second floor. Turns out we weren't even close to where Louis' room is at, three floors too far.
I look at Niall before knocking on the door, here's it goes. Either I'll find Dominic in there with Louis or Louis alone. I'm hoping for the first guess.
"Come in." Louis' voice is the best thing I've heard all day. It quickly eases my temper from earlier.
Niall walks in behind me, quietly. It'd be better if he wasn't here but it'll do.
"Where's Dominic?" I ask, looking around the room for any sign that he might still be here but there's none. This couldn't be better.
"I'm doing great, thanks for asking." Louis' being sarcastic, the usual.
"I'm sorry, do you need help with anything." He's making me feel bad now. Instead of asking for him I asked for Dominic, what the hell.
"No, hand me my clothes yeah?" He takes notice on the small bag in my hand that contains his clothes. I take two steps towards him, handing him the bag. A small smile spreads on his face when he peaks in to see clothing. "Couldn't help but pick your favourite clothes huh?" Guilty as charged. I slip my hands into my pocket, shrugging my shoulders at his accusation.
"Do you want to change into those and maybe grab something to eat or take a walk around the city?" I should be asking him what was wrong with him yet I don't. He's been here all night, doubt he'd want to discuss it. All I can do right now is make up for how I walked out on him yesterday at the club.
"About that, I can't. What about tomorrow?" Tomorrow?
I force a laugh, hoping he's only saying that because he's tired. "W-Why tomorrow?" My palms become sweaty.
"Today I'm going out with Dominic, as friends. He promised he'd show me around with what I missed on the tour and I couldn't reject his offer. Does that bother you?" Bother me? Bother me? That's a fucking understatement! He's got be fucking testing me on this whole jealousy shit, he has to!
Niall turns to face me, shaking his head. We're both thinking the same thing, this Dominshit is trying to get at Louis and I won't let that happen. The few hours that Louis will spend with Dominic won't hurt. It gives me enough time to think or figure out a plan to get Louis back.
It's all happened so fast, we've been broken up for almost a week now but it feels like an eternity. Less then a week. This while friendship thing would never work.
"Totally fine. That means you won't be coming back to the hotel right?" I'm only making small talk and keeping it cool. In reality, on the inside I'm fuming.
The look on Niall's face is priceless, he might be more mad than me. Boy he doesn't know what I'm going to do.
"Right. Don't worry, it'll only be a few hours. I'll be back by midnight." He assures me. A few hours is all I need.
"We should get going, now." I look over at Niall, pointing to the door for us to exit.
Louis couldn't be more shocked. He's caught off guard when he realizes I'm agreeing to this. He's completely oblivious with what I'm trying to do.
Without another word, Niall and I leave the room. A lonely confused Louis left behind.
....
"What the fuck was that all about? You're giving Dominic another shot with Louis!" The hospital's halls fill with Niall's shouts.
"Calm your shit down, Niall. Don't think for a second that I'm okay with what they're both doing because I'm not." I take a deep breath, letting this shit pass. "I do know Louis is slipping through my fingers and I am going to do something about it to get him back."
"You're going to get him back? How?"
"You'll see." I need some space to think this through, even if I already know how I'm getting him back.
I'm getting my boyfriend back.
*Louis' POV*
Was Harry kidding about him being fine with the ideas of me going out with Dominic or was he forcing himself? What if he's moved on already in the short time we've been apart? All these questions keep my head spinning for answers, answers I don't know.
Dominic was nice enough to offer his day to me. The past hour has consisted of walking, talking, and more walking with Nick. Nick is short for Dominic, I grew tired of saying his complete name so I figured why not make a nick name for him?
"Louis?" Dominic calls next to me.
"Yeah?"
"You've been distracted the whole time since we left the hospital. Is something bothering you?" Yes something is bothering me. My boyfriend is, the fact that my boyfriend isn't my boyfriend anymore. The fact that I feel that he's getting over me. The fact that I don't have him anymore.
"Not really." I can't tell him the truth, there's not enough trust to do so.
"You're lying, your voice becomes high when you lie." Shit.
"So what if something is wrong? What are you going to do about it? You can't help me." Little does he know...
"Oh but I can. Here take a seat." He says, pulling out a chair from the small outdoor Cafe's table we were just walking past. Gentleman, hmm. I take a seat, not knowing if I'll actually tell him or not. "Spill." He demands.
"It's complicated." I admit, it's true.
"It's never too complicated." Oh but it is.
"You see, there's this person who I was in a relationship with until not too long ago. We broke up but then that person tried to make it up. I was stubborn and didn't give that person a second chance. Now I have the feeling that, that person is drifting away all because of my selfish actions."
"Ah, so this is about a girl?" I can't say it's about a guy. It'd ruin everything.
"Yeah," I'm obviously lying, "moving on. What would you do if you still loved that person, how would you try to get them back?" Anyone can answer this question, except me.
"I'd get over them. Yeah I loved them once but they had their chance. One chance and that's all it takes. You see, you give them once chance then you'll end up giving them the second chance, the the third and then the fourth. Soon enough they won't even be taking you seriously." Everything he says is right, it'll only become a cycle. Who says that Harry would ever prevent that cycle from happening? No one.
*Harry's POV*
Four hours. Four hours are what took me to read this god damn book. I haven't read in a long time, ever since Sam died. But this, this was exactly what I needed. This became an eye opener to things, to love.
After I grabbed my belongings back from the place Niall is staying at, I rushed back here and got to reading this book Louis loves so much. Now I know why he loved it so much. Not only was he in love with the story but the way our life was becoming the same story. Not completely but almost.
I've been laying down on this bed reading away the time, searching the pages for some kind of idea to get Louis back. It sounds stupid, "I'm getting my boyfriend back by reading a book". Well it's not like that, at all. Now I have a sense of what he loves, what he'd want his love story to be like and I'm going to try to make it happen.
Throughout the whole book, there's been little annotations that he's left behind. They're all along side highlighted parts of the book. Most of them relate to me and Louis.
One of the first ones I spotted was:
"Because you are beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence" .
Next to the highlighted part, Louis had written:
"Harry."
The immediate sight of my name there made my heart beat a little faster. He would write down who the quote would remind him of, or what it'd remind him of.
The entire book had scattered highlighted parts, all of them containing a significant meaning.
Another part which caught my eye was where he wrote down "Tap, Tap, Tap." next to a little part that said:
"Maybe 'okay' will be our 'always."
But there was more. Others that weren't so...positive.
"Without pain, how could we know joy?"
He must've written down the side note recently. It talked about our break up, the way he put it in words made by chest grow tighter.
It's true. Without pain we would never know how joy feels. Being with Harry I know exactly how joy felt, and I miss that feeling. Now I know what pain feels like. It's a feeling you could never, ever wish upon anyone. Harry is what brings joy to my life, I just hadn't realized it yet. I'm faced with pain now and I swear it's killing me.
While reading his side note brought tears to my eyes. I caused him so much pain in such a short time. That time he spent in pain is time I could never make up and I'm sorry for that.
Among the rest of the pages there was one part he underlined that didn't make sense.
"I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?"
Next to it was the word "me." He was referring to himself. Why? He's a "grenade" but how?
...
I've been rehearsing the same lines over and over for the past hour. Each time I reread over a line it becomes more meaningful. The only thing I've changed from it was the girl's name in the book, changing it to Louis' name. This is a brilliant idea. Louis should be here any minute now, I can only hope for the best.
For once I will read aloud, not to myself, to Louis. Quoting his favourite author from his favourite book couldn't be something he'd reject right? No one can turn down John Green's book The Fault In Our Stars.
I pace back and forth in the room with the book in my hand, reciting the words. I'm keeping my promise to Louis and here it is. I read the book.
My heart's beating at an uncontrollable speed. It all seems so rushed, like I haven't thought this through. But I have and I know it's the right thing to do.
The sudden sound of the door opening makes my body freeze. I'm unable to move or get the words out. Fucking shit.
Louis makes his way towards me, his eyes glued to me. He tilts his head in confusion from the sight of me standing in the middle of the living room with his book in my hand.
Go on Harry, it's time. There's no turning back.
My subconscious tells me to get a grip on myself. Fuck.
"I'm in love with you," I say aloud, my voice bouncing off the room's walls.
"Harry," Louis says, taking a step closer to me. He's beyond confused.
I look down at the book in my hands and begin to read the text. My hands trembling under the book but I can manage to read the words.
"I am in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you, Louis."
I finish quoting John Green's famous work. Finally, I gather the courage to look up at Louis. His lips are parted, eyes wide and glossy.
Carefully, I set the book down on the coffee table centered in the middle of the room. My movements are being over thought a little too much.
I walk up to Louis, only inches apart now. He's trying to speak but he can't get the words out.
"Louis, I am in love with you. I am in love with you and I don't think I can't take this much longer. This," I wave my hands in the air, "this thing that's going on between us two is only tearing us further apart. I fucked up, I know I did and I'm sorry. As much as I want to take it back, I can't. I'm losing you a little more than the day before each day. Sooner or later you won't be mine anymore and won't want to be mine. And to think this all happened because of some stupid mistake I did." My cheeks are wet with tears that I didn't know I had. "Louis just please," I say in between my sobs, "please give us a second chance at what we had. And I swear I'll make it the best decision you've ever made."
That's it. That's my last chance at what we had. I gave it my all, with all my feelings.
His silence is killing me inside and out. Louis stands infront of me, streaks of tears are visible on his cheeks. He still isn't saying anything, it's worrying me. With every second that passes by, I can feel my chances slimming.
"Louis, please." I whisper.
Again no response.
"Lou-" I'm taken back with Louis wrapping his arms around my neck, lips crashing onto mine. I can't help but wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. His lips soft at the touch, both moving in sync with each other perfectly. I missed this, I missed us.
For once I've got the only purpose in my life back.
{hope you guys like the chapter! I don't own any of John Green's book quotes so all rights go to him! I'll be back to check typos later, did half of this chapter on my phone so I apologize for any mistakes. Please vote and comment! <3 sorry for the late update, school is my main priority right now, that's if I want to get somewhere in life haha. So I want to thank everyone for reading! Lastly, THANK YOU FOR 3 MILLION READS! LOVE YOU ALL SOO MUCH!}