I sat staring out the window for what felt like an eternity, just waiting for something- anything to come back into my sight. Why would Gerard just come in and leave like that? It made no sense. Suddenly I remembered the envelope I had been handed and slowly made my way to my light switch. I flicked it on and winced as my eyes adjusted to the lighting. Once I could see, I glanced at the writing on the back of the envelope that read 'Frank'. It looked as though a five year old had written it, so it was obviously from Gerard.
Why would he give me this? That thought played over and over in my head until I couldn't take it anymore and finally ripped open the seal and pulled out the note inside.
I tentatively unfolded it and attempted to make out the barely readable pencil scribbles-
'Frank,
I'm so, so sorry. You have no idea. This was never how I pictured things. This is never how I wanted things. You have to believe that.
Things between us happened very quickly, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But... There is something wrong with me. And I know that you know something isn't right. All of those times where I've... Where I've frightened you... I wasn't in control then. Believe me. That was the other piece of me. The piece that I'm forced to keep hidden. The piece that I'd hoped you would never have to see.
But you did see it. More than once. And while I'm not in control, I can see what I'm doing to you. I can see the fear behind your eyes. And it kills me inside. It fucking kills me.
This past time, it's been worse than it ever has. The darkness inside me knows how close we are. And I can't stop it from wanting to... end... what we have. It won't ever leave me completely, and I know that I can't keep it at bay forever.
That's why I brought you this.
I'm sorry, Frank. But in order to keep you safe, I have to stay as far from you as I can. I can't drive you places anymore. I can't come see you in the orphanage anymore. And I can't bring you here anymore. I'm so sorry. But this is the end of us. And you have to believe that I'm keeping you away because of myself, because I can't trust myself not to hurt you. I just can't.
Thank you, Frank, for showing me happiness and allowing me to care for someone again. I will never forget you. And I will always have a special place for you in my heart.
Please don't be upset by this, it's for the best. We both know that.
This is because I love you, Frank. I always will.
xøG'
My hand holding the pieces of paper fell. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.
I didn't want to breathe. I didn't want to think. Because if I did... It meant this was real. It meant Gerard was really gone from my life... and I couldn't process that.
I sank to the floor. I didn't cry. I didn't move. I just laid there and listened to my heart beating, practically being able to hear it breaking. And there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.
-
"Frank," I heard Emma calling me. I didn't respond. "Frankie boy, c'mon I'm bored. Get dressed and then convince Gerard to take us somewhere." She was directly outside my door now, not knowing I was sitting right next to it.
I listened as she twisted the knob, but failing to open the door as I had locked it. I heard her groan as she walked away, presumably back to her room.
I hadn't moved since last night. I hadn't slept, either. I just sat there, thinking about nothing and everything all at once, my emotions evading me.
Suddenly I heard something vibrating: my phone. I removed it from my pocket and flipped off the ringer, not even looking to see who called me. I then heard Emma shout from the next room, "Oh I know you did not just ignore my damn call." Shit. "Open up, Iero. Or I'll pick the damn lock."
Sure enough, I didn't move, and I soon made out the sound of metal on metal moving inside the knob, and then Emma opening the door triumphantly.
"Iero," she stared at me on the ground, "the fuck?" She gave me a bewildered look. "When I fucking call, you fucking answer. Got it?" I stared at my shoes. "Dude, what's up? You okay?" She sat down next to me and tried to meet my gaze.
I remained unmoved, staring down at nothing. I couldn't tell her. She wouldn't understand. No one could understand.
"Did something happen with Gerard? What's going on, Frank?" She prodded, but with no answer. "Okay... Well I'm right next door if you want to talk. I'm always here for you." She left after that, leaving me alone once more.
Perhaps I shouldn't care so much, especially since I should've known me and Gerard were doomed from the start. After all, he was older than me, I'm still in high school, and oh yeah, he's a goddamned vampire. I never should have met him. I never should've fallen for him. I should've ran the moment I laid eyes on him.
But I didn't.
And now I'm broken. Just when I thought I was going to be able to be fully alright, I get broken again. The person that I gave up virtually my entire life for, broke me.
-
I didn't really leave the orphanage after that. I couldn't. I stayed cooped up in my room, waiting for something I knew wasn't going to happen. But I stared at phone and my window anyway. Hoping, needing Gerard to just call me, or text me, or show up in my room and say that everything was okay. That he still needed me as much as I needed him.
But that never happened.
Eventually I had to go back to school, and I did. I went just to get my mind off of things. I needed a distraction, and that's what school and my friends gave me.
-
"Iero," Brendon waved his hand in front of my face, "snap out of it dude. I know it's rough, but it's been almost a month. C'mon. Gimme a smile. A real one." He coaxed. I gave him a short grin and he backed off a bit, but afterwards I just slumped my shoulders back down and continued to push around my school lunch 'mashed potatoes'.
I looked in the distance and saw Dallon walking towards our table, but then he just walk passed and stared straight ahead the whole time. That was weird. I hadn't seen much of him since I'd been back, but I figured we'd still be friends.
"Hey, what's up with Dallon? Who pissed in his cornflakes?" I asked jokingly.
"Oh..." Ryan pursed his lips, "while you were gone he tried to make a move on Brenny." He spat.
"Yeah..." Patrick spoke softly, "it ended with Ryan slapping him across the face."
Pete chuckled and nudged Patrick to look at the growing blush on Brendon's face. "Someone's blushing..." They said together.
"Oh shut up..." Brendon muttered. "It was really nice that Ryan claimed me as his and defended me and goddamn it was hot as hell." He smiled as his entire face burned bright red.
It got quiet after that, all of us just sitting enjoying eachother's company. Especially, it seemed, Pete and Patrick, who had gotten pretty close to one another.
I smiled, a real smile. Because even though my 'family' had abandoned me, I had them. And they were the best family I could have asked for.
-
Gerard's P.O.V.
I slipped through his window and waited, watching the man I loved more than anything sleep peacefully. He was so beautiful when he slept, just him in his natural state. Just existing. I'd give anything to be able to sleep next to him.
Suddenly he stirred, reminding me of what I was here to do. I had to break his heart, and my own in the process.
I cringed as I felt the envelope in my hand. But I had to do this while I still had the chance; I had to do this while I was still in control. I felt a tear slip down my cheek. This was for the best. It had to be.
I watched as he twisted about, eventually sitting straight up and glancing out the window. Could he see me?
Hopefully not, that would only make things harder. I masked my voice as best I could and forced myself to give him the letter; it was the second hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Losing Mikey was the first.
I flung myself out the window as quickly as I could, holding back my tears as I tried to force myself to keep looking ahead and not glance back at the boy I cared about so deeply. But I couldn't help myself. I turned, just as I felt myself start to be overtaken by my own darkness, I met Frank's gaze.
Time seemed to freeze, though I had only looked for a split second. I could physically feel my heart breaking as I stared into his beautiful soul, knowing I could never be a part of his life how I had been before. I shut my eyes and dissipated, something I had taught myself to do in order to move faster and not be seen. And then I left.
I went home. I sat in my room. Fighting the urge to run to Frank and tell him we could figure things out, because I knew that we couldn't. And it was my own fault. It had been less than a day, and I already missed him more than life itself. A felt a tear slip down my cheek, realizing that I was completely alone once more.
---
Here's another chapter for you lovelies
Thank you to those who responded to my last a/n, I will be leaving my opening chapters as they are. It is nice to be able to see the line of progression as I've gone along
As for this book, as you can see, there is *gasp* things happening *crowd oooo's*
So actually I think this book is closer to an ending than I thought it was, because I know the ending I want (it's actually how the idea of this book came to exist) and I actually came up with kind of a plot line to get there so yay :D
There's still a few chapters left, don't worry, but I can't give you an exact number at the moment.
But it seems like I'm out of my writing slump so you can probably expect another chapter later this week at some point
Oh and once I finish this book I'll go back to working on my book Love Is A Liar's Game, so if you like my writing style, that can be another frerard for ya to read.
OK WELL LEAVE A VOTE OR COMMENT AND ILL LOVE YOU FOREVER THANK YA FOR READING THIS TRAINWRECK <3
Merci pour le venin...