(Warning: Drug use, violence and a ton of swearing, I'm sorry xxx)
Harry
I don't remember much from when I lashed out and punched the living room wall. My mum held me tightly while I let my emotions get the better of me. Gemma didn't know what to do but after a while, she wrapped her arms around me too, the family cuddle we called it. But afterward, I don't remember anything. I woke up after what felt like a long nap and I'm staring at my white ceiling while laying on my bed.
I rolled onto my side, seeing that it was dark outside and I had no clue what time it was.
I yawned deeply, reaching over to my bedside table to grab my phone but it wasn't there. I looked weirdly, searching for my phone but couldn't find it. I sat up after that, looking around and trying to find the tiny object but I just couldn't find it. That was until someone came up the stairs, opening my door to reveal Gemma. "Good evening Harry," she greeted me while holding my phone in her hands. "Looking for this?"
"Uh, yeah," I said while trying to reach for it but she held it back away from me. "What gives, Gemma? Give it here!"
"Why? So you can ring Mitch and get high with him? No, I'm not letting you drink away your problems or make them fade away with drugs! Haven't you learned your lesson from when Jesse died? You almost killed yourself with drugs and alcohol, Harry!"
"Gemma, for fücks' sake, I wasn't even going to call him! I wanted to know the fücking time!"
The room went silent as I rubbed my temples, trying to get rid of the anger. It wasn't Gemma's fault but she was there and I could take out my problems on her. It wasn't fair, I know but I still had to take it out on someone. She stood there for a while, watching me almost lash out even more before she sat down on the bed. "Harry, I'm worried about you. Ever since the envelope Phoebe left on the benchtop, you've been angrier than usual. What's wrong? You can tell me."
"It's nothing, Gem. It doesn't concern you anyway. Whatever happens in my life isn't all that great but I don't need to talk to you. I'm fine, I will get over it," I told her as she tried to hug me in an almost side hug, her arms wrapping around my shoulder. I didn't want her too, she just wouldn't let me deal with my anger by myself. "I just want to be left alone," I whispered as I pushed her arm off my shoulder.
"Where you can trash your room and throw precious things? I don't fücking think so, Harry. You are not to be left alone and whether you like it or not, I'm not leaving this room until I know you're going to be okay," she whispered the last part as she sighed. "I could see that you felt strong feelings for Phoebe, Hazza and that letter was the tip of the iceberg, wasn't it? I just want you to open up to me like you used too. I never get to help you anymore and now that this has happened, you won't even let me into your thoughts–"
"I don't want to talk about my feelings, Gemma! They obviously don't matter to anyone, anymore! I just want to be left alone so I don't accidentally do shit I regret but you just won't leave me the fück alone!" I yelled at her, anger flicking through my eyes, regret also flashed through my mind as I seen her eyes begin to water. "Gemma, I'm sorry, please..."
She had gotten up by now and thrown my phone on the bed before she walked towards me and pointed at me. "No! You want to be left alone? Fine. But don't come crying to me if your room is trashed to hell and you need help fixing it!"
I sighed heavily as she walked out of my room, her sobs echoed in the hallway before I heard the slam of a door which I knew was her bedroom. I laid back down on my bed, my hand reaching for my phone to check the time. It was around eight as I threw it back on my bed, the screen illuminating parts of my blanket. I wasn't one hundred percent behind talking about my problems, even with how close I am with Gemma.
My feelings for Phoebe aren't going to subside after I've talked about it, they'll always be there unless I move on but I doubt I can now that I'm in too deep. I just wanted to get over that letter and when I return to New York tomorrow, I will be all refreshed in case one of the lads need me.
Lately, Desmond's been running the business while Zayn and Liam are being his pets. I heard Zayn got a right rark up from Desmond, boy, what I would've done to be a fly on the wall in that office. I'm still a little pissed that Desmond blew off our family dinner and didn't come but I knew he wouldn't. It was a big call to invite him but I knew he wouldn't come.
While I was laying around on my bed, watching the ceiling in hopes of it changing colour or pattern, my phone rang. I didn't want to answer it or even see who it was, but I thought; I had better in case it was Desmond. But I was mistaken when I saw the name, "Zayn" flashing on the screen. I answered it immediately, knowing how angry he can get. "Can I help you? I'm meant to be having a relaxed time away seeing my mother and I don't want to have to deal with anything over the phone."
"Mate, you need to lighten up," Zayn chuckled through the phone while I heard Liam chuckle too before he shouted something to which Zayn shushed him. "I was calling to see what time your flight was tomorrow since Paul might be busy with another job."
"Oh," I breathed. "Well, it's at around one pm, sharp."
"Alright, Paul's going to be busy so I'll shot around and grab your Range Rover and pick you up when you land."
"Sounds good and hey, Zayn?" I said through the phone as I heard the laughter of Liam fade away while he must have walked away from him. I heard him mumble, "mph" which it took as an answer – like I did with Phoebe. Phoebe. "When you pick me up, can you bring some weed with you? I want to get high after we drop off Gem. We can go to that local bar and have a few drinks afterward."
"Sure mate, I'll bring some and yeah, we can have a drink."
"Thanks, Zayn, I owe you one."
"Yeah, yeah, you owe me plenty," he chuckled. "See you tomorrow."
"See you," I replied, ending the call and throwing my phone on the bed. I sighed gently as I rolled over, staring outside my window while the curtains were still open, the sky was dark but the stars were twinkling, I just wish I was twinkling with happiness, but I was far from it. All I wanted to do was hold Phoebe in my arms, but now, she thinks I'm with Ellie when I'm not. After a while of my mind telling me I should man up and just talk to her, my eyes slowly closed with her on my mind.
.......................
DECEMBER
This morning was a little frantic. Gemma was still mad at me for my outburst and honestly, I don't blame her. It's this effect that Phoebe has over me, if she's mad at me, I'm mad at everything and everyone, if she's happy, I'm happy. Does that mean that I have stronger feelings for her than I originally thought?
Mum had made Gem and I pancakes this morning and the entire time we were eating them at the table, Gemma kept sending me death glares and chewing her pancakes loudly but I knew that it was actually my fault she's acting like this. I deserve every second of her hatred and I didn't mind it, at least if she's mad at me, she's leaving someone else alone. I just can't wait to land in New York and get high with Zayn.
Right now we were at the airport with my mum and Robin, Robin was helping Gemma put her suitcases on the scales, so it could be weighed while my mum was sitting with me on the airport seats, her hand on my thigh as she kept patting it, trying to comfort me. "Hey son," she whispered which made me look at her with sad eyes. "If you really like her, you'll find a way to show her. I know you, I know what you're like and I know that when you think it's the real thing, you'll fight for it."
"Thanks, mum," I whispered back as I gave her a hug, wanting her to just come with me so she could give me the sound advice back home when I'm about to make poor choices. "But right now, I'm going to go home and hang with the lads, to cool off. Have a few beers and then I might go to sleep with a drunken smile on my face."
"Alright Harry, but remember: don't drink so much that you end up not waking up. I don't know what I would do if I lost you to the bottle."
I held out my pinkie finger and her pinkie wrapped around mine as we shook it a little. "Pinkie promise mum, I love you."
"I love you too, Chestnut," she whispered as Gemma and Robin came back and sat next to us, my beloved sister still had the same sour look on her face and I knew she isn't going to want to stay with me anymore so she'll probably get a hotel or something. "Hey Gemma, have you got everything sweetie?"
"Yes, I think so mum," she replied with a smile to my mum before she sent yet another sour look in my direction and I knew I was in for a telling off when we got back to New York but at least she's going to be on a couple of hours flight, she'll be able to cool off a little bit but I know that she'll eat me alive when we get back to the flat. "If I've forgotten something, you can send it over or when you come over to visit you can bring it."
"Yes, of course since we're coming over for Christmas this year, remember to get ready in advance, Harry," Mum commented as I groaned, putting my hand in my hands. I hated Christmas, especially this one because since I live in a flat and can afford to pay for Christmas dinner and whatever else comes along with it, my mother thinks it's time for me to host Christmas this year. "I know what you're like."
Before I could answer her, the receptionist grabbed the microphone and I heard, "Flight 3456 to New York Airport boarding now" to which I looked at Robin and my mum, who was in tears by now since Gemma was hugging her. "Oh mum, you'll see us in less than a few weeks, you're so overdramatic," I scoffed as Gemma sent me another sour look.
"You're right, I'm just being a wuss," Mum sniffed as she wiped her loose tears with the tissue she was holding, unraveling herself from Gemma. "And hey," she said while grabbing her chin to make her look into mum's eyes, "no giving your brother those death stares, they might just kill him one day."
Gemma giggled while mum tagged along as I pouted, folding my arms as I stood up, grabbing my carry-on bag while Gemma did the same. Mum threw her arms around her while I shook Robin's hand, not really into the hugging him stage yet. "Take care of yourself, Harry and your sister too – even if she's mad at you."
"Of course," I nodded while Robin held my hand in a handshake tighter before he let go, letting mum hug me while he hugged Gemma. "Mum, you're wetting my shirt with your awful tears."
"Thanks Chestnut for pointing out the obvious, you always were one to do that," she muttered in my ear as I chuckled, giving her a tight hug while she was letting out little sniffs, trying to stop her from crying. "I love you so much Harry, please be careful."
"Always mum, I've learned from my mistakes, I love you too."
Gemma turned and walked towards the entry to our boarding hallway, taking one more look at mum before she blew them a kiss, walking up to the staff member who was checking our tickets. I stood there for a minute, admiring the sight of my mum and Robin hugging each other lovingly. I went to turn around to meet with the staff member, walking towards her and as she checked my ticket, I heard my mum's voice, "Go get her, Harry!"
I automatically knew what she meant.
And that was originally the plan, to begin with.
.................................
Zayn picked Gemma and me up at the airport when we landed, which I knew was going to be an awkward car ride. I greeted Zayn with a smile as Gemma did the same, telling him "drop me off at a hotel, I want to stay there for a little bit" which shocked me but also didn't surprise me. She probably needs space and I'm willing to give it to her. He agreed, dropping her off at the most expensive hotel which made her squeal with excitement, giving him a kiss on his cheek as she hopped out, grabbing her bags before disappearing inside the hotel.
We went back to my flat and smoked some weed, getting ready to go to the club in the process. We had agreed to go to the club "Insanity" which wasn't far from my flat but within driving distance. Last time the lads and I went there, we got so trashed that we almost got ran over by traffic since we didn't give a shit about where we were walking. Zayn had put on a simple black tee along with his skinny jeans while I had the same on but instead of a black tee, I had a white one.
"We ready to get fücked up?"
"I sure am," I commented when I heard the jingle of his keys in his hands and with a smirk on my face, I followed him out of my flat and into the driveway, hopping inside his car and buckling up like a responsible adult. Zayn did the same before we zoomed out of my driveway and out onto the streets, arriving at Insanity in record time which was around ten minutes. I was ready to forget about my troubles for the night.
Luckily we picked a great night to come, there weren't many people packing the dancefloor or by the bar, which made Zayn happy. He wasn't the dancing type and he hated it when the bar was filled with drunks, it really made him want to pick a different club but this is the club we always come too.
Zayn had gone in while I finished our shared joint out the front of the club, watching a few woman walk inside in a group of three, almost like it was an outing they organised. One of them had beautiful brown hair that was shoulder length and the other two had red and black hair, styled up in a braided bun. They were beautiful but not as beautiful as Phoebe.
I stubbed out the joint, making sure that it was out before I tossed it in the gutter, making sure my shirt wasn't creased, I walked inside; being greeted by loud music, flashing coloured lights and Zayn's smiling face. He gave me a small glass filled with what looked like whiskey and as I took a sip, it was confirmed. I sat next to him in a booth, watching a few people dance on the dancefloor, grinding on each other.
Zayn was casually on his phone while I was watching everything that could be seen from our booth in the corner. From where we were sitting, the DJ that was playing the music was bopping along to the song playing, the few people were dancing on the dancefloor and the bartender was serving everyone drinks. It wasn't any fancy smancy bar, it was quite average. The walls were the same plain white colour and the rest just matched it.
I finished my whiskey in a blink of an eye, wanting more than anything to be shitfaced right about now. "Zayn, get us a few shots, I want to get so hammered."
"Don't you think you shouldn't do that with your injury?"
I groaned in annoyance, ever since I got shot in the abdomen, everyone has been worried about my stitches and I honestly can't take it anymore. I'm taking care of myself, I don't need anyone else looking out for me. "If you don't get them, I'll get them myself."
He sighed before getting up and walking over to the bar. I see him tell the bartender our order of drinks before he slapped a twenty dollar bill on the bar, seeing the bartenders face light up when he was pouring our shots. I felt sorry for the poor kid, he only looked in his early twenties and he's gotta work in this shithole. If I had all the money in the world, I would help him out of the bar. He's way too young to be witnessing the shit that goes on in a bar on a daily basis.
When he came back, I grabbed the five shots and the other glass of whiskey he ordered for me and drank the shots without a second thought. Zayn stood there with a complete and utter shocked look on his face before he downed his shots himself, which he had only three, what a wimp. I wanted to get trashed but he wasn't helping me with being the life of the party.
I was tracing the top of my glass with the whiskey in it before one of the ladies who I saw go inside whilst I was outside, came over to our table, bending and leaning on the table, purposely so we could see her tits. She was the one with the red hair in a braided bun and man did she look fit as fück. "Wow, aren't you handsome? I'm Tamara," she said while our eyes met and she wiggled closer to me.
"Well Tamara," I slightly slurred, feeling the effects of the vodka shots start to run through my veins. She giggled, moving around on the table so her tits moved along. I was almost going to drool, it's been too long since I got laid and what would it matter if it happens now? I don't have a girlfriend, even though I think I'm madly in love with someone who doesn't think the same. I don't think a little one night stand is going to matter. "Do you dance?"
She moved from leaning on the table to standing upright, staring at me with her bright blue eyes that reminded me of Phoebe's breath-taking blue eyes. She nodded gently before grabbing my hand, leading me towards the dancefloor with the song "Evacuate the Dancefloor" blasting through the speakers. She turned around straight away and started to grind on me, by now, the vodka was almost taking over my actions and I quite enjoyed the grinding, even though it wasn't one of my list of favorite dance moves.
She wrapped her hands around my neck with her ass grinding on my groin, making me moan gently in her ear, which made her bite her lip. I had to admit, I wouldn't mind having a one night stand with her. She was one hell of a woman and she knew how to get someone in the mood. After a few more seconds of grinding on my groin, she turned around and started to feel down my chest with her soft fingertips, gaining momentum when she found her way under my shirt.
The song changed but I couldn't care less. Tamara was feeling my chest and it felt wonderful. I closed my eyes for a split second to enjoy the pure moment of bliss but that was until I heard heavy footsteps, a little scream and that's what opened my eyes. I noticed I had become face-to-face with one hell of an angry guy, presumed to be her boyfriend. "What the fück are you doing letting my girlfriend grind all over you? You're nothing compared to me, asshole! You leave her alone!"
I laughed.
I shouldn't have but I couldn't help myself. The laughter literally came out of my mouth before I could filter it. It wasn't my original thought on what to do but my drunkenness has clouded my decisions. Honestly, laughing in his face probably wasn't the best idea but once I had done it, I couldn't take it back. Zayn had gotten up by now, standing right by me at the moment and while I was a little wobbly, whoever this asshole claimed to be, he took advantage of my drunken state.
Everything happened so fast, almost like when I got shot. His fist seemed to move super slowly and when he hit me square in the nose, I moved back – well, wobbled back and Zayn caught me, while I was wiping the small blood that was dripping from my nose. Tamara was standing in front of her "boyfriend" but he pushed her to the side, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him before he went in for another punch.
This time, it was right in my stomach which made me groan in pain, I hunched over the dancefloor, while Zayn was standing there waiting for the perfect time to strike. He grabbed my shoulders and kneed me in the chest, which made me fall to the ground where I was breathless. This was when I let Zayn take over, I saw him start punching him left, right and center but I was laying on the floor, trying to regain my breath.
It seemed like it was a few minutes after it happened when Zayn finally came towards me, blood dripping from his fists but it didn't bother me. I was slowly losing consciousness, I could feel myself dropping into a dark sleep but before I let myself sleep, knowing that I could've taken my last breath, I heard Zayn breathing over me as I felt him pick me up. I heard the traffic on the street and he whispered as he panted, "You're a fücking idiot, Harry, you could've got yourself killed tonight, all because of Phoebe. You're an actual and literal fücking idiot. You're lucky I was there."
I tried to reply but I couldn't, I just let myself finally close my eyes.
................
thank you, thank you just thank you all so much! We've reached 28 t h o u s a n d reads just this morning and I can't thank you all enough. I love seeing new comments and new people finding my story and enjoying it as much as I am writing it. I love the support I've been getting and I love you guys. I hope you're having a wonderful day and I hope you have a wonderful week! :)
well next chapter is all go from there. I'm so excited for it! I have it planned out so much and I have it all in my head and I have for a while I'm so happy you're all enjoying this as I am writing it! I love you all so much XX
vote + comment if you love the relationship zayn and harry have, I sure do.
with love and sour looks,
emma xoxooxoxo