Songs inspired for the chapter;
You Lost Me - Christina Aguliera
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"I'm not the girl I use to be..."
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I lightly threw my last packed suitcase on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I laid down on the soft bed I was going to have to move away from. I sighed once again and put my fingers on the sides of my forehead, rubbing my tembles.
These past two weeks have been nothing but total hell for me. I've been having the worst migraines ever which wasn't helping case at all.Not to mention the horrible stomach aches, but luckily they were fading away. The doctors said it would be like this for a while though because of the affects of the overdose. I knew other wise, however.
This was more than an overdose affect. Yes, it probably had a little to do with the overdose, but it also had to do with the fact that I was being sent of to live with Pattie and not only her but him.
Justin Bieber.
You can say I wasn't even a tad bit mad, but rather so pissed off that when I was told that I would be sent away to live with him in the hospital room, I had thrown a tantrum so huge they had to sedate me in order for me to calm down. And I still wasn't over the fact that I was being sent away. Especially with him?
My mother knew all he had done to me and just how bad he had hurt me; how bad his words hurt me. How when he broke my heart and left me there for the fame, I stayed in my room for days not once coming out. She knew how much I had grown to despise him, and that the moment I ever heard about him, or his mom, I completely lost it.
How would she expect me to live with them and not look back on the past and want to kill him right on the spot? I just wish she would see that that's when I started to 'spiral out of control' as she put it. I'm not admitting this to myself at all, but maybe he was the reason I started to do the things I did? Not saying it is but maybe she should think about it. Just saying.
I tried multiple times for her to not send me away but they just never worked. We always ended up in some huge argument and walked away from each other. I knew there was no way of getting out of this so I just came to the decision to not put up a fight.
I was going to go to LA and live with them, but I was not going to pay any attention to them. Well, at least Justin. I guess you can say I didn't want to get in anymore pointless arguments with my mother because I knew she would never change her mind. I just knew.
So, now here I am laying on my bed, rubbing my temples with my packed suitcases laying on the floor. My flight left in about maybe, three hours? Which meant that sometime tonight I was going to see my long lost Aunt (what I use to call her) and my heartbreaker.
"It takes at least an hour and a half to get to the airport so we better leave now!" I heard my mother shout from down the stairs.
I groaned and sat up in bed crossing my arms over my chest. I took one deep breath and closed my eyes before gritting my teeth together, and mumbling a few curse words under my breath. I got off my bed and grabbed my bag swiftly putting it on my shoulder and grabbing the two suitcases I had sprawled across the floor.
I started to descend down the stairs when the harsh reality had sunk in. This would be the last time for at least a year-- or however long Mr. heartbreaker's tour was-- that I would see my house. The place I had grown up in since the day of my birth.
I sighed and felt a tear trickle down my cheek but acting upon a reflex I had grown accustomed to, I instantly wiped it away. I was not going to miss this place at all. If my mom was sending me away I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of me being sad. She would think I had caved when I wasn't. So I sucked it up and walked out the door.
My mom was standing by the trunk of her car as I wheeled my suitcases down the pebble filled path. I walked over and she tried to reach for one of the suitcases but I just pushed her hand away and rolled my eyes. I didn't need her help. She was sending me away so she should get use to the fact that she no longer needed to help me. Not that she did that in the first place.
I finally got my things in the trunk and I slammed the door down and saw that my mom was in the car. She was looking at me through the rearview mirror with a look of sympathy on her face. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the back door on the passengers side and sat down buckling my seatbelt.
I could feel my mom still looking at me through the mirror, but I just ignored her and plugged my headphones into my iPod. She was probably wondering why I didn't sit in the front with her and the answer was simple. I just didn't want to.
I looked up and saw my mother shake her head before she started the car and drove away. I looked at all my surroundings. I was seriously going to miss Canada. This would be the first time I have ever left this small town of Stratford. It would be the first time that I have ever left the country. The first time I would go to the United States.
To say I wasn't somewhat excited would be a lie. I was actually very excited to see other parts of the world. You know since this a world tour I think? Yeah I was excited for that part. I just hated the fact it had to be with Justin Bieber. The heartbreaker.
I completely shook away my thoughts as we started to drive further away from Stratford and soon enough I found myself getting lost in my music. That was until I drifted into an awful sleep.
"Just give me the fucking weed!" I screamed at Brian.
He stood, hovering above me just smirking and it was really starting to irritate the living hell out of me.
I had been craving to smoke some weed for the longest time ever since I had gotten out of the hospital, and now that I have finally gotten the chance to have some, Brian wanted to act like it was some sick joke.
"You're funny Alex." He smirked at me trying to antagonize me but I wouldn't allow it. All I did was roll my eyes at his comment.
"Please, just give it to me.." I whispered softly.
I was hoping and praying that if I acted as if I was sad and vunerable he would cave in. I saw a look flash across his eyes, and a smirk plaster across his lips. I knew he was about to say something and I wasn't really sure if I was mentally prepared to hear it.
"Okay, on one condition." He whispered back to me.
I raised my eyebrows, indicating that I was listening and beyond curious.
"Have a threesome with me and my friend." He smirked as a look of confusion was visible on my face.
I was not confused at the threesome part because quite frankly, I had done that before. Believe me when I say, I have had sex with Brian plenty of times before too so I wasn't scared. It was him speaking about a friend because there clearly wasn't anybody here but us two.
Also, If there's one thing I knew about Brian is he don't like to have friends. I was the closest thing to a friend he had and allowed into his life so when he said that it startled me.
"Friend?" I asked him.
He smirked once again and brought his gaze over my shoulder. I followed his gaze to the door and immediately my eyes went wide.
Justin Bieber was standing before me with his disgusting smirk on his lips.
"Long time no see, Lexi.." He spoke as he started to walk closer to me.
I started to panic. It felt as if my chest was being squeezed together and my breath was getting caught in my throat. The sound of his voice made me sick to my stomach and all I wanted to do was vomit.
Since when did Justin Bieber know Brian Knowles? Since when did Justin Bieber come back to the small town of Stratford he grew up in?
I slowly backed up against the wall and covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut. I could feel the tears start to burn in my eyes and all I did was hope that this encounter was all just a dream.
Luckily it was.
I shot awake as my mother shouted my name from the front seat. I was panting, completely out of breath but once I realized I was in my mom's car, I began to gain control my senses. My mom called my name again and I rolled my eyes looking over at her with annoyance.
"We're here." She said and pursed her lips out at my attitude.
I rolled my eyes for the millionth time today and unbuckled my seatbelt getting out of the car and slinging my bag over my shoulder. I got my bags out of the trunk before my mom and I walked into the airport together.
We sent my bags off to the plane like they always do when you go to the airport, and now I was lined up to go through security before the plane took off. It was almost my turn to go through and I could here my mom sniffle a cry from behind me.
"I'm going to miss you so much Alex.." She said and I turned to face her.
"I wouldn't have to do this if you didn't do the things you did. I just don't know how things got that bad. How did you end up that bad? I just I don't know.." She said, by now she was historically crying but all I could was stare at her.
"I feel like this trip will help overcome all your..addictions. I just want my little girl back.."
That's when my facial expression went neutral. Into a non emotional expression. By now it was my time to go through security. I turned and saw it was time but before I left I turned to my mother and let my eyes bore into her red puffy ones.
"I'm not the girl I use to be. She's been gone for a while now." I said and turned around and walked through security and grabbing my bag again.
This was when everything was about to change. For the better or worse.
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