Chapter 14:
Sofia’s POV:
It must be about 3am and I can’t sleep. It’s got to be out of fear, fear of Alex and my dad finding me and hurting Joey. I turned to face his peaceful body, he looked so sweet, I can’t wake him. I step out of bed and tip-toe to our en suite. I look at my reflection in the mirror and am struck with realisation. I’ve failed myself. I’ve failed my family. Not that they care. I’ve failed the boys, Grace, everyone. But worse than that, I’ve failed Joey. I roll up my sleeves and look down at my wrists. I didn’t want to do it, I tried so hard to resist up until now. All that filled my head was the dark thoughts that I thought I had gotten rid of; there was no going back now. I took the blade to my skin and just cut it. 6 months clean all for nothing. I heard shuffling around from my room and then heard Joey groan a little. I quickly cleaned up what I could and rolled my sleeves down. I flushed the toilet to make it seem like that’s why I wasn’t in bed. Not long later, I walked out of the en suite and over to Joey. He was sat up looking at me. I began to get paranoid that he knew and did everything possible to cover it up.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” He whispered in a concerned voice.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” I lied.
“You were in the bathroom a long time; I thought I heard you crying.” He questioned, so maybe he was awake.
“No, you must be hearing things.” I said leaning over and kissing him softly.
We both got settled in bed again and eventually, I drifted off to sleep.
“Guys! It’s the day we do something productive! Get the fuck up!” Seb shouted, I opened my eyes to see Seb jumping on mine and Joey’s bed wearing only his socks and boxers.
“Jesus, Seb. Put some clothes on!” I groaned.
“It could be worse.” He replied.
“You’re right.” I said slipping back into Joey’s arms. He sat up and kissed me, I think it was because he knew Seb would leave if he did that.
Joey and I agreed we should get ready so I grabbed my clothes and went back to the bathroom. I looked out the tiny window to see what the weather’s like, typical. It’s like a gorgeous summer’s day. I sighed as it would mean wearing a jumper would be boiling, but I don’t want to hurt Joey or anyone else for that matter. I had picked my black ‘As It Is’ hoodie and some ripped skinny jeans. Once I was dressed and looked somewhat tolerable, I left the bathroom for Joey to use and went to see everyone else. When I walked into our living area, I saw Max sat on Travis’s lap, Grace and Cole sat together and Seb sprawled out on the floor.
“Morning!” Grace smiled at me. I vaguely smiled a little and replied with a simple
“Hey.” Max, Travis and Seb were caught up in a conversation about who’s going to beat who in their go carting race, Cole was chatting to Grace, they were clearly crazy for each other, and it was so cute! Joey was taking forever so I decided to get some food from the fridge, we didn’t have much so I nibbled on some grapes that we had. I heard footsteps coming over to the kitchen so I pulled myself together and turned to look at the doorway.
“Everything alright?” I heard Travis ask. Our eyes met and I felt choked up so I just nodded. “Sure? You know you can tell me anything.” That was enough to let a tear roll down my face. He pulled me in for a long hug, it was quite comforting.
“Can we talk about this later?” I asked him quietly.
“Yeah, just pull through today. Enjoy it, I mean it’s your day with Joey! It’s gonna be amazing, trust me.” He announced, making me feel slightly better. We walked out back into the living area and Joey was coming out of our room, he grinned at me and took my hand.
“Ready to go?” he asked, I nodded and with that, we called a cab to the zoo.
When we arrived, we were greeted by the friendly receptionist who gave us our tickets and let us through fairly quickly. I insisted that we saw the meerkats first to which Joey agreed. We walked over to their sandy enclosure and I got some pictures of them being cute and doing other meerkats related activities. Joey seemed to be enjoying himself, watching them scamper around and stand up on their hind legs to look about.
“We should get a meerkat.” He randomly announced from beside me.
“And where would we put it?” I asked.
“In our garden, obviously.” He replied as if it was that simple.
“We don’t have a garden.” I reminded him.
“Yet.” He whispered in my ear then kissing my cheek.
About an hour and a half later, we’d seen just under half the zoo and Joey had decided he wants one of each of the animals we’d so far seen to go in our not yet existent garden. The thought of moving in with Joey was the most exciting thing imaginable, the fact he hints that it’s what he wants just makes the excitement more realistic. We stopped for a spot of lunch and got a place outside in the sunlight.
“This was such a good idea; I love this zoo so much!” I said excitedly.
“It’s amazing, I love it as well.” Joey replied, I leant forward a little and took his hand.
“I love you, Joey.” I whispered to Joey, he blushed a little which sent a chill down my spine.
“I love you more than anything in this world.” He replied before leaning forward and placing a kiss on my forehead.
The rest of the day passed pretty quickly, Joey got excited about being able to get so close to the lions, it was quite cute really. Like taking a child to a soft play area for the first time. We were nearly at the last animal enclosure when Joey stopped walking and pulled my back with him.
“I just realised something.” He began.
“What would that be?” I asked him, playing with his fingers.
“This is like, our first proper date I guess.” He admitted, smiling at me. I looked deep into his dark brown eyes, they were shimmering from the sunlight and it made him even cuter than normal. I bit my lip and looked at his lips. He got the hint and kissed me, it lasted for at least a minute or so before we were interrupted by an impatient zoo keeper coughing.
“You realise its closing time.” He said in a thick German accent. We nodded and walked away laughing, hand in hand. Today went more amazingly than I could have ever imagined.
It seemed like forever before we were back in our hotel room. Joey and I had spent the cab ride sharing his headphones and listening to the album ‘Pleased to Meet Me’ by The Replacements which made it slightly less awkward. It looked like we weren’t the first to arrive back at the hotel judging by the noise being made by Travis, Max and Seb.
“Bitch, you know I won. You just can’t handle my sass!” we heard Seb yell.
“Seb, Max and I lapped you twice! Cut the bullshit!” Travis cried. We heard Max click his fingers three times; this was for sure one heated argument.
“Fine, everyone else can watch the video later, and then we can decide who won for real.” Seb whined. Just after he said that, Joey and I walked in and looked at them all like they were bickering children.
“Oh, I just remembered, I need to go to the shop to get something, Sofia, come with me?” Travis asked. I knew what he was doing. I immediately agreed and left the hotel room with him. We walked right to the hotel reception before he broke the silence.
“You wanted to talk?” he questioned.
“Yeah, uh. Look, Travis, you can’t say anything to anyone. Promise me, whatever happens in this conversation, never leaves us.” I asked him.
“I can do better, I pinkie promise.” He said holding out his pinkie finger. I chuckled at his immaturity but linked my pinkie with his anyway.
“Okay, so over the past week or so, I have had some mental issues. Judging by past experience, I’m pretty sure I’ve gone back into depression.” I began, he gave he a sympathetic look. “Anyway, last night, I couldn’t sleep. I went into the bathroom and the temptation was there. Travis I couldn’t resist the urge anymore. I’m so sorry.” I bawled into his chest.
“Hey, it’s okay. Recovery takes small steps at a time; we need to get you cleaned up again. If you ever need anything, you know where to come.” He told me. He was such a supportive friend. When we were actually approaching a shop, Travis turned to look at me.
“Does Joey know?” he asked. I shook my head and a tear fell from my eyes. Travis gave me an understanding smile and looked me straight in the eye.
“I used to.” He whispered. I looked at him, shocked. He held out his wrists and there were some really, really faint scars. Almost unnoticeable.
“Oh my God, Travis.” I cried, pulling him into a hug. He’s such a caring, understanding guy. More of a listener than a talker. Now I know why. He’s been through exactly what I am now. He was a good person to tell.
“I’m gonna help you, but you have to promise me you won’t do it again. I know it sounds hard, but I know you can do it.” I agreed to his proposal and we decided to buy an extra large pack of Oreos.
Once we’d arrived back at the hotel, Grace and Cole were also back.
“What took you so long?” Max asked.
“We got lost.” Travis lied, I giggled at this. I walked over to where Joey was sat and presented him with the Oreos. His face lit up and he opened the pack and took one. Placed them in the middle of the room and cuddled up to Joey. As the evening went on, it was decided we’d order a Chinese takeaway and watch Harry Potter movies. It was a great way to spend the evening I have to say. Philosopher’s Stone was coming to an end, Seb was asleep along with Max, and Joey was resting his head on my shoulder which was cute. Cole had his arm over Grace’s shoulders, her arm across his stomach; they were both almost asleep as well. Travis and I were the only ones still wide awake. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and got slightly worried. That was until I looked at the message, it was from Travis. It read:
If ever you feel you need advice, don’t hesitate to ask or just come talk to me. Or any of us, we all care about you like you’re family :) xx
I looked over and smiled at him, I mouthed ‘thank you’ to him and he nodded in return. Before long, I felt myself drifting off to sleep on the sofa with Joey. I cuddled into him and kissed his cheek. Telling Travis helped me a lot, the fact he used to self harm made me relate to him a little more. I just really hope I can keep my promise to him of not doing it again.