<><><><><><><>
Dedication: Mahomieaffection for the awesome cover on the side! It's awesome. :)
Recap:
I love you.
Shock coursed through my body. Wow. I loved him. Hayley Larson, loved Colin Denver. I felt like laughing because the whole idea was ridiculous. I didn't even know I was capable of love. I certainly don't think he would return the feeling. Or the three words.
So, instead of telling him what I should have, I ignored it and kissed him with all I had.
<><><><><><><>
"It started when my father was murdered."
I was telling my story. Again. Surprisingly, this is the second time this week. I never thought I would tell anyone. I couldn't comprehend how refreshing it felt to let it out. Once I spoke the words I needed to, to my ex best friend, it felt easier to speak them again to Colin. I felt relieved knowing that someone was there to just listen and be there for me.
I didn't ever think this would be possible.
Currently, we were perched on the lounge in Colin's room. We faced each other. My legs stretched out across his lap, our fingers entwined. I couldn't stand to stare into his electric blue eyes, so I focused on a loose thread hanging from my denim shorts.
"My father was an innocent and kind man. I cannot find one reason as to why anyone would want to hurt him. But they did. And I witnessed the entire thing."
I peered through the gap of the door. His lips were parted. He was trying to communicate with me. I was so focused on the fact that he was still alive to understand what he was trying to say.
Now that I thought back to the way his lips curved and how wide his eyes were. I think I know what he was trying to say.
Run.
I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to block out the images that have haunted me for so long. Hours and hours at night, they used to bombard my dreams. Only recently have I been able to remove myself from these flashbacks and block them out. A shudder ran down my spine as I thought back to the night that ruined everything. I swallowed, unable to stop the next image from flashing through my mind.
The fingers of the killer tightened around my father's throat
Suddenly, Colin's hand squeezed mine, drawing me back to reality. I shook my head slightly as I let the images fade from my brain. I tilted my head back and gazed into his eyes, a small smile on my face. He smiled back reassuringly. I was starting to feel glad that I was confiding in him. Who knew that this angry, delinquent boy could be so helpful and understanding.
I didn't realise how much we could relate to each other. Okay, his Dad wasn't exactly murdered in front of his eyes, but he also bottled things up and didn't feel comfortable sharing. So it was nice that we both have found a common ground with each other. Which ironically is the very thing that isolates us from everyone else.
"I was just out with a few friends, like usual." I continued, dropping my gaze again, trying to keep the images of blood from appearing. "It was a typical night for us, movies, food at the diner, hooking up with Gabe when no one was looking..."
Colin's jaw clenched briefly, but I continued anyway. That was my past life. Although Gabe entered it again fleetingly, nothing has changed the way I feel about Colin. If anything it has just showed me how strongly I do care for this boy.
Although this very fact terrifies me.
"After we all decided to head home, I thought I would surprise Dad. We were more friends than father and daughter. We always pulled pranks and jokes on each other for a laugh." A genuine smile came to my face as warm memories began to flow into my mind, overriding the ones of terror. And some, not so warm. I pulled the best pranks I could think of on my Dad, but with his wisdom and long-time experience of this, he always got me twice as bad.
Especially when he changed the sound of my horn to the sound you hear before a horse race starts. That was embarrassing when I honked at some guy who cut me off, when I was attempting to be threatening. Or the time he put blue hair dye in my shampoo. (I was blonde back then and I had my all school photos the next day. To say that I looked like an idiot would definitely be an understatement).
"So, you can see that how I was surprised when I came home and tripped over his almost-dead body." I said, attempting to be casual although my heart rate was beginning to increase dramatically. My hands began shaking, so I clamped them together. "That's when I heard footsteps behind me and knew I needed to get the hell out of there, as fast as I could. I only made it to the broom cupboard. You see, I wasn't quite prepared to see someone strangling my father to death. So I did the only irrational thing I could. I attempted to fight back."
Colin swallowed, his lips spread into a thin line. His fist was pressed against his mouth as he listened. Pulling my right hand from his, I slowly pulled down my top, revealing my scar. I know he's seen it before, but I've never told him what it is from. For so long, I have hidden it away from everyone. I didn't want them to see it or know what I had been through to get it. It had become a burden that I didn't want to exist. But that was all coming to an end now.
"Clearly, I didn't do too well."
He leaned forward and softly trailed his finger across my scar. My skin heated up as soon as he touched it. Painfully slow, he removed his hand. My skin tingled from where we made contact. I didn't bother to cover it up again. Very rarely I let anyone see it, but I wasn't going to be ashamed of the injury I carry from trying to save my father's life anymore. I wanted to proud of myself for trying to save him, not embarrassed.
"He would have murdered me as well, but he heard sirens." I resumed, wiping at my eyes as tears began burning at them. Last thing I wanted to do right now was cry and not be able to finish. I wanted to just get it over and done with. "But he made sure he left me with the constant fear, of him finishing me off, like he did to my father."
"Do you know what he looks like? Any characteristics that stood out to you? I know that's probably not your first thought when you're fighting someone, but maybe something appeared to you?" he asked, sounding mature beyond his years. He leaned forward, so that his breath hit my face. He stared at me wth surprising intensity. "Did anything stand out to you?"
I guess he did have a serious side to him. A very serious side, alike to mine.
"He was very cliche with the whole 'balaclava and dark clothing' get up." I replied, attempting to remove the emotion from my voice and make it smooth. I didn't want to have a breakdown in front of him. Opening up is one thing, breaking in front of him was another. I'm not sure if I'm ready to show that much of me yet. "So no, nothing really was all that visible to me, except his dark hair. He knew exactly how to cover himself."
Colin nodded slowly, his lips in a thin line. "What happened next?"
"After statements and questions and more statements, I was finally released from the police. My uncle, whom I didn't have all that much to do with, took me in. My father never really liked him all that much, so we only really saw each other on Christmas, Easter and reunions as such." This was where my voice began to get really shaky. I blinked back more tears as I felt my mouth turn hot. "Once I went to his house, he raped and bashed me numerous times. This obviously did not help with my idea of committing suicide after what I had been through."
Colin's fists balled up. His jaw was ticking furiously, like a bomb about to be let off. He leaned towards me, his eyes turning slightly red. "I'm going to neck that bastard for ever laying a hand on you."
"He's a scumbag who isn't worth a moment of your time, let alone being locked up in prison for him." I spat, my words venomous. My voice went from shaky to strong and vicious within a second after admitting what he did to me.
"I swear to God if I ever see him," Colin growled, his hand finding mine again. I actually thought he was going to crush the bones in my hand, he was clutching me so tightly. "I'm not going to stop beating him, until his blood has coated my skin to the point it's dripping in a pool around me."
Okay, so maybe I should be scared at the dark look in his eye or the undoubtable truth I see in his threat. Maybe I should be worried that he was having these murderous thoughts. But realistically, I wanted to nothing more than to see his blood spilled on the floor. So, instead of being afraid or looking down on Colin, I smiled. A true, genuine smile, blinking back more tears.
"I will help you."
He leaned forward and pressed his palms into my cheeks. "I don't ever want you to have to endure through anything like that again. If anyone and I mean anyone, hurts you like that again, I will kill them."
Not meaning to sound like the stereotypical teenage girl you'd find in some romance novel, but having the tough 'bad boy' saying they'd protect you no matter what, was pretty damn hot. I felt my skin heat up and not from the humidity of the air, or his skin on mine. I felt an overwhelming desire to hug this boy in front of me and yell 'I love you' from the rooftop.
But I had a story to tell and I wasn't finished yet.
"So, after being locked away with no self-harming objects, much to my dismay, I formed a plan to get out."
"Hayley," his voice said, making me flinch. My stomach squirmed at the sound of him. He slithered behind me, resting a hand on my hip. I felt revolted having him touch me, but I stood firmly. I had a plan and I had to stick to it.
It may be my only ticket out.
"Yeah?" I asked, keeping my voice even, trying to stop my hands from noticeably shaking.
"Come to bed." he cooed, tracing a finger down the back of my neck. "I really need you tonight."
I swallowed down a lump of vomit that was rising up my throat. I had been pretending to actually enjoy his company. At least this way I wasn't gagged or unconscious. I was able to be more free and the pain wasn't so bad.
I turned my body to him, snaking my arms around the back of his neck. "I'll only be a minute, I just wanted to make myself some warm milk."
Again, I had been searching anywhere for a knife or some item that could inflict some pain, but he had removed anything remotely violent. But, I had a back-up plan that he hadn't quite thought of.
He chuckled softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He had grey hair forming through his slight beard and wrinkles gathered around the corners of his eyes. He wasn't that bad looking of a man, maybe I'd find him attractive if I wasn't related to him, didn't know what he was like oh and yeah, probably if I was about fifteen years older.
He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. I wanted nothing more than to bring my knee up to his groin and make him infertile, but as he has shown me countless times, he is much stronger than me. I kissed him back, running my hands down his chest and dipping my fingers into the waistband of his jeans.
"Down that milk faster than your last shot of alcohol," he growled, rubbing his hands across my skin. "Otherwise I'll have to take you right here and now."
And that would ruin my plan.
"It will be worth the wait." I purred back. I moved my lips to his ear. "Trust me."
Without hesitation, he began to rip his clothes off. "If you're not there in two minutes, the floor is where we will be doing it."
I faked a dirty smirk. "I wouldn't mind."
Lust covered his eyes and I gently pushed him back. His eyes were trained on my lips. He turned and made his way to the bedroom. Once he was gone, I let myself look down to my shaking hands. My whole body was trembling with what I was about to do.
With one deep calming breath, I turned and drank some of the warm milk. I needed it to help me through this. I ran my fingers over it, leaving some of the milk in it. I needed that to be my excuse to bring it in. I was trusting my life in this unnecessarily large, glass mug. I bent down and grabbed some whipped cream from the drawer.
Reluctantly, I made my way towards the bedroom, to see my uncle standing there. His naked body met my eyes and he smirked as I looked him up and down, pretending to like what I see. Although I wanted nothing more than to vomit all that milk back up.
"I knew you would learn to love me." he whispered. I hardly heard of him over the sound of my own heart beating against my rib cage.
"I'm nervous." I whispered back, choosing to change the subject.
"Why?" he instantly asked, coming towards me. "You don't need to be nervous anymore, now that you've returned my love."
"No, no, it's not that." I insisted biting my lip which almost sent him crazy. "I'm nervous about a new thing I want to try with you."
"A new thing?" he echoed excitedly. "Like what?"
Gently putting the milk down, I pulled out the can of whipped cream from under my shirt.
"I want you to cover my body with this and lick it off."
It was like Christmas had come early, I swear. I don't think I had ever seen this man so happy. My clothes were off within the second, the cream spread across my body. He roughly pressed his lips to mine, shoving his tongue forcefully in. I broke away and pushed his head down.
He needed no further encouragement.
His tongue ran across my skin, his hands making circular patterns down near my thigh. He growled, his tongue moving faster. While his head, or mouth rather was preoccupied, I slowly reached over the mug. I sipped the last bit of milk, as if that helped me with courage.
And before I knew it, I was slamming it against the back of his head. He yelped and the mug shattered after the third hit. Cuts erupted on my skin, but I hardly noticed. I plunged a bit of the glass into his neck, near the artery.
An enraged scream tore from his throat as his hands flung to his neck. So, I grabbed another bit of glass and stabbed him where I thought his heart would be. I stabbed him, every possible place I thought there would be maximum pain.
I then grabbed my long t-shirt and ran the hell away from the house of hell and to the closest person's place I could find.
Colin's mouth was hanging open. I just finished my little recap of my escape from hell which has left him speechless. Well that was a first. He was flushed with anger. More threats and colourful words exploded from his mouth and if it wasn't such a serious moment, I would have laughed. I was finding it extremely hot how protective he was getting.
I squeezed his hand and his ranting came to a stop. "I know you're angry and it's hard to hear, but it was hard enough living through it the first time. Just listen."
His threats to skin him alive and then wash him with salt and lemon juice died off. I think his threats were an attempt to make me feel better but right now, I just needed to tell him what I've been through and him to be there for me.
"After getting out, I was shipped off to my grandparents. My grandmother is probably the greatest human you'll ever meet. Or, so she was." I swallowed down the lump that had seemingly lodged itself in my throat. This happened whenever I mentioned Gran. "I was really messed up after what happened to me. You'd think I'd join an abstinence club or something, but I went the opposite. I used any excuse to get high or drunk. I would get so wasted that I would practically be passed out when I slept with guys. I didn't care anymore. I was used to guys treating me like crap anyway."
His face hardened but he kept his mouth closed, which I was thankful for.
"My grandfather," I continued, laughing without any humour. "Well, he was a very old fashioned and conservative man. So having a drug addicted, alcoholic teenager in his house ruined his well-made and 'perfect' life. So, behind my grandmother's back, he organised me to be shipped off yet again. Although this time, it wasn't the next relative in line who had to take me. It was a school for delinquents. Yeah, that would help me through my drug and alcohol faze."
My last sentence came out dripping with sarcasm. I rolled my tongue across my teeth, the anger towards my grandfather resurfacing again. I wish I had punched him in the throat when I had the chance.
"I was actually kind of doing better by the time he sent me to Downright High. Sure, I was still getting drunk and high, but I had stopped sleeping with so many guys and doing actual drugs. I kind of got over it. But obviously, I was still out of control in his eyes. I needed to be 'learnt a lesson'."
Colin was quiet. If I didn't see his clenched fists, I'd think he wasn't paying any attention. Tucking a bit of hair behind my ear, I inhaled deeply.
"And that's it. My life in a nut shell."
Colin was silent for a few moments. I returned to playing with the loose thread in my shorts, avoiding all eye contact with him. Would he see me different now, having slept with so many people, willingly or not? Would he think I was ridiculously messed up beyond repair? My nervous babbling inside my head came to an abrupt stop as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine. Our breaths mingled together. He ran his fingers through my long, dark hair.
"I haven't had the greatest path either." he said softly. "Hell, nothing like you've dealt with, but crappy nonetheless. I want you to know that I like being with you, for you. Not for your body and what it offers. I genuinely, for the first time before, like you. Your personality, your voice, the way your hair shines in the sun, hell I even like your smell."
I laughed softly, my heart melting in my chest. Who knew he could be so sweet. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. Suddenly, it didn't matter that I just poured out my entire life story. He cared and he stayed. He wanted to be with me for who I am now, not who I was before.
This made me love him so much more.
He pulled back and embraced me. I buried my face into his chest, holding onto him tightly. It felt as though if I loosened my grip, he would leave. I hiccupped into him, letting the tears I held back fall down my cheeks.
As if reading my thoughts, he soothingly rubbed my back. "It's okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
Whilst in his hold I felt an overwhelming sense of safety.
I definitely made the right choice in telling him everything.
<><><><><><>
Colin down, Imogen to go.
Imogen, the eavesdropping brat, already heard my sob story. So a teary heart to heart wasn't going to win her over. I contemplated on not even attempting to salvage our friendship, but then I realised I would be an idiot not to.
She was my best friend.
She had been there for me, although it only took me until now to realise it. We got along well, she understood my sarcastic humour and well, she was just Imogen. I couldn't imagine Downright High without her.
Although she made me livid with anger sometimes and we fought like an old married couple, she was still my best friend.
Oh, and since we were roomies, it would be awkward if we weren't on speaking terms.
With a sigh, I dragged my bag up to my room. No surprise there when I saw she wasn't in our room. She would be with Chase. After dumping away my stuff and making myself half presentable, I made my way to Colin's room.
"Miss me already?" he greeted, swinging the door open.
I rolled my eyes and pushed past him. "Don't be so full of yourself. Is Imogen here?"
Yeah, I broke down and cried (although I really hadn't wanted to) in front of him, but we were back to normal. Maybe more free and open, but back to our bantering and usual flirting. Which was nice. I wouldn't have wanted everything to be tense after our heavy moment during the weekend. Also, I did enjoy some of the benefits of sneaking into Colin's room after everyone had gone to sleep, which probably helped the situation turn normal again.
"Are you actually checking whether she is here, or whether the coast is clear so we can finish what we began on the weekend?" he asked, a dirty smirk planted on his face.
I slapped his chest playfully. "I'm being serious. We got in a fight. A serious one this time."
"They left about ten minutes ago to get food from the canteen. They'll be back to feast soon. In the meantime..." he trailed off, his eyes roaming over my body.
We'd been less than twenty minutes away from each other and he wanted to hook up again. I wasn't really complaining though, believe me. You'd think I would want to resist this, after everything I have been through, but the fact that Colin has been so understanding has made me want him even more.
He tugged at my top, drawing me closer. He gently kissed my nose and made a trail to the corner of my mouth, teasing me. Before it was even two seconds, I slammed my mouth to his. I felt his lips form a smirk at my response.
I was impatient, what can I say.
Our hot make out session came to an abrupt end when we heard laughter outside the door and the handle turning. Reluctantly we pulled apart, both breathing heavily. Chase and Imogen entered and both gave us suspicious looks.
"Did you just make babies?" Chase asked, sounding like a disapproving parent.
I ignored him and went straight up to Imogen. Her laughter died down as she realised it was confrontation/apology/moving on time. She sighed, turning to Chase.
"I shall return later, happy or sad. I'm not sure yet." she said seriously to him. "Might need to get some popcorn in case."
"Awesome." Chase replied back sarcastically.
She returned her stare back to me and I followed her out.
"How was your weekend?" I asked casually. Small talk might be a good way to ease into this. Although I was acting awkward, it wasn't really that weird between us. We both knew we would make up from this, it was just a matter of going through the process to do so.
She smirked as she realised what I was doing. She played along, like the good little girl she is. (What a joke).
"Fantastic, how was yours?"
"Equally as fantastic." I piped up, unsure of what to say next.
We reached our dorm room. From there on it was a slightly awkward silence. So, of course, we both tried to break the ice at once.
"I shouldn't have jumped down your throat-"
"I'm sorry that I didn't confide in you earlier-"
We both laughed at each other. It was ironic, how both of us have sharp and witty tongues, but are both struggling to find a way to talk this through.
"Come here, you idiot." I laughed again, pulling her towards me. "Let's be realistic, we both suck at apologies."
"Yeah, let's just be friends again." Imogen agreed, embracing me back.
Yep, that's how easy it was. We both didn't want to whole 'I'm sorry' talk, so we skipped it and went back to being normal. This reminded me of why I wanted her in my life. She gets me and is exactly like I am. Impatient and easily irritable. I never realised that that could come in handy.
"How was your rendezvous with Colin this weekend?" she asked suggestively, acting out a French accent.
"Could ask you the same." I challenged, quirking an eyebrow.
"Touche," she said, flicking her fingers forward to elaborate. She paused for a moment, grinning at me. "I'm glad we're friends again. I blow up and fight with people, but immediately regret it afterward when it is too late to take back what I said."
"Me too." I said, with a small smile. "Oh well, what's done is done. You know now, no matter how you found out. Let's just move on and forget that this ever happened."
"That's fine by me." she laughed and I grinned back. Well this was a lot easier and quicker then I originally thought it would be. "Now, let's go and hang out with our other halves."
I rolled my eyes and let her guide me out the door. All of a sudden we were like the four best friends. Who knew that would happen.
And just like that, my life was beginning to come together again. I never thought I would genuinely be happy in a place like this.
I suppose miracles really do happen.
<><><><><><><>
:)