"I just didn't know things were this bad."
-
Lights flashed all around me as the loud music banged throughout the club. People were dancing on the dance floor letting the music be their muse, dancing the night away as they stood care free. Sweat cascaded down my body as I danced with them all. I let the music take control of almost everything. My thoughts drifted away and I didn't have a care in the world. I never did. It was only me and the music. The people surrounding me weren't there to me. It was like I was the only one in the club and for once in a very long time, I felt free to do as I pleased.
Yes, I basically do that anyways, but I felt as if nobody controlled me. Not even that monster drug, that curse of an addiction I had. The music still played and I still danced letting my life slip through my fingers. Forgetting all the troubles I had gone through. All the pain I caused people. It was just about me. I didn't have to worry about disappointing my mother, about that boy who I hated with all of my heart.
That was until I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Turning around, my breath hitched in my throat and the world started to become distant. Everyone around me started to disappear. I was panicking as he started to move closer to me. I backed away as far as I could. I didn't need this right now. My life was just okay, amazing even and he just shows up? He always ruined everything for me.
I turned around as a smirk plastered across his lips. I tried to run, I really did, but he was always there. I thought I ran away. I thought I finally got away from him, but no. Every time I turned to see if he was gone he wasn't. He was right there. He was always there.
I started panting and lost my breath. There was no use in running, he was always going to be there. I fell to the ground and closed my eyes shut hoping he would disappear. I just wanted him to go away.
Forever.
I looked up thinking he was gone, but again he wasn't. How could I be stupid to think he was? He stood right above me. He saw the look of fear across my face and he laughed. He just laughed. But to me it was not a laugh. A loud beeping noise echoed throughout the area, piercing my ears. I didn't want to hear this noise. It was hurting me.
I put my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, but the noise just got louder and louder. I felt like my ear drums were going to explode. Like my insides were going to burst. It just kept getting louder than before and I couldn't take it anymore. It was causing my insides to hurt and pure pain to shot throughout my body.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
I had all I could do to stop it, so I just screamed as loud as I could. I couldn't take the noise anymore it hurt me. It was an evil pain. I just wanted it to go away.
My eyes shot open and I felt sweat drip off my forehead. I sighed of relief knowing that it was just a nightmare. That the piercing noise was all just a figment of my imagination.
I instantly started to regret that thought. The noise surrounded me again and a sudden exhaustion overcame me. I looked around the room and saw white walls and monitors with wires. I looked down at my body and saw machines were connected to me. Tubes were going into my forearm and it looked like water was being pumped into my veins. I tried my best to lift my arm to see if I had any willpower, but it wouldn't budge.
In that moment I felt overly dehydrated. My body was aching for some water or some type of liquid. I wanted to bring my hand up to touch my lips but I couldn't because of the stupid tubes. That's when I finally got to thinking. Where was I and how in the hell did I end up here? Well it was kind of obvious I was in the hospital but again; how did I get here and why was I here?
I was about to yell for some help considering I was in here for a reason,but I stopped when I heard a muffled cry come from the room. I looked around and nobody was here. I thought there wasn't anybody here until I saw a door open just wide enough for me to see clearly who it was and what they were saying.
"I didn't know things were this bad." My mother cried into the phone. I didn't know who or what she was talking about, but I wasn't about to stop her from talking. I was an eavesdropper at heart.
"I just can't do it anymore. She's getting out of hand and she's ruining her life." She said, and in that moment I knew exactly who she was talking about.
Me.
"I've actually been thinking about doing that for a while now, ever since you brought it up. I think I'm gonna do it. I mean I know she won't like it but it's what's best." She said and a tear slipped down her eye.
I started to fidget at what she just said. I knew she talking about me, that I was very sure of. So what was she talking about 'it's what'sbest'? I heard her sigh as she hung up the phone. I closed my eyes for a second as I heard the door open wider and then shut completely. It wasn't until I heard her make way over to me that I opened my eyes again.
At the sight of seeing me awake she gasped in complete awe and stood there staring at me for a second. It was like she was trying to comprehend that I was awake and that it wasn't just a dream. She quickly ran out of the room and seconds later she rushed back in with a doctor.
The doctor walked over to me with a sad smile spread across her face. I was going to smile back but being the person I am I just rolled my eyes. She checked all of the monitors and made sure everything was stable with me. She was actually very nice.
"Okay, Alexandra Smith-"
"It's Alex. Please call me Alex." I cut her off. I smiled slightly at her considering she was helping me.
"Alex." She smiled. "Do you know why you are here?" She asked me.
All I could do was shake my head. I really didn't know why I was here and I was interested in knowing.
"Well, you overdosed dear. We pumped it out of your system as quick as we could. You could have died." She said and I went into shock.
It wasn't a shock as to why I overdosed because I'm actually pretty surprised that I haven't already. It was shock knowing that it happened and that I could of died. Shock that I knew I should stop but it wasn't that easy. This was an addiction. A wound that needed time to heal.
"We also did some blood work on you while you were out and we noticed that this isn't the first time you have done this drug?" She said sternly.
That's when I knew she knew exactly what I had been doing.
I had all I could do just to shake my head. I admit that I was starting to feel ashamed of myself for doing this. I knew everything that happens when you take crystal meth but I convinced myself it wouldn't hurt me. That it would just ease the pain away.
"I hope you know that you are lucky your mom found you Alex. You could have been dead by now and you wouldn't even know it.." She said.
That's when I fit the pieces together. My mother found out that I had been doing way worse then weed and cigarettes. She was talking to someone about sending me away. To a rehab probably, and I definitely was not attending such a thing.
I nodded my head at the doctor and whispered a thank you before she walked out of the room with my mother coming in the room behind her. She walked over to me and I could see the look of disappointment across her face. A little hint of sadness. I mean I wouldn't blame her. Who wouldn't be upset when your daughter is a no good, alcoholic, smoker and drug abuser?
She sat on a chair beside me and put her hand on mine and squeezed it. I knew she was mad at me and she did all she could do to keep that anger in. At least for the mean time. I couldn't keep the thoughts out of my head. I was eager to know what she was talking about on the phone. Where she was sending me. So I did my best a swallowed my pride.
"Are you sending me to rehab?" I asked.
I looked away from her and stared at the white wall on the other side of the room. I could feel her squeeze my hand as if she wasn't sure of what to say. But she said it. And I wish she never did.
"No, Alex. I'm sending you to live with Pattie. You're going to be going on tour with her and Justin."
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