-Flashback-
The library is silent, the kind of silence that won't be disturbed this early in the morning. I walk through the empty aisles, running my fingers lightly over the leather spines and, occasionally, pulling one free to add to my small pile. My fingers dance over a barely noticeable gap in between two fairly large books, halting I gently slide my fingers in the gap and run them over a smooth spine. My fingers tighten around the spine and carefully I pull out a skinny book. The cover of the book is covered in a thin layer of dust that I blow away to be able to read the name of the book. 'Spanish for dummies' the cover reads, I furrow my brow in confusion, what is this 'Spanish?' I thumb through the book my eyes skimming over each page, my eyes widen when I realize Spanish must be an died out language that has been long forgotten. My heart thumps with curiosity, a smile slowly pulling across my face, I could learn a died out language from the very pages of this book. Snapping the book shut I hurriedly walk to the front of the room where my small pile rests on a table. I add the book to the bottom of my stack so no one else will be able to see it and accuse me of taboo. My fingers stray against the soft spine when I realize Armin would love to get his hands on this book to be able to read it and learn this language. I shake my head and pull the stack into my arms, quickly I leave the library and make my way to my room before anybody else can notice the poorly hidden book.
I place the stack of books on the corner of my bed, with a sigh I gently tug the Spanish book into my lap and open it up to the first page. My eyes soak each word in, storing them in my brain for future use. A knock sounds from my door interrupting my concentration; I sigh and slide the Spanish book underneath my covers before walking over to my door and pulling it open.
"H-Hanji?!" I breath my eyes widening once I lay eyes on the grinning red head.
She laughs,"Good to see you Sakura!"
I smile at her,"You too Hanji! Although training doesn't start for another hour..." I peer at my clock curiously.
"Well, I'm supposed to be training you in horse back riding and I can't exactly do that when you don't have a horse!"
My heart falls when my mind flashes to Kurodayu on impulse,"Yeah I guess you're right."
She smiles madly and snatches my wrist into her hand,"Come with me, Sakura! I will get you a horse!"
She yanks me out of my room before I even have a chance to protest the maddened Squad Leader. I barely even have time to pull my door shut before she is yanking me down the hallway and toward the stables.
"Here we are!" Hanji cries out in a sing song voice once we stop in front of the stables.
"Why don't you look in that stable first?" She points to a stable at the end of the line. Sighing I walk in that direction and peer into the stable at the pitch black horse. My heart soars once we lock eyes,"Kurodayu!?" I breath in complete shock.
Hanji chuckles as she walks up next to me,"I brought him with me when I returned from Sina." She stuffs her hands into her pockets,"Erwin asked me to bring him specifically."
My heart pounds loudly in my ears, to the point that I can barely register her words. Once I do my eyes lock onto Erwin's office window, knowing he is in there doing his paperwork tirelessly. Hanji gently pushes me closer to the horse, I gingerly reach forward and brush my fingers against his nose.
"Well," Hanji says with a clap of her hands ,"Shall we get started?"
Even though I know training doesn't start for another hour I cant stop myself from agreeing with her. I want nothing more than to ride Kurodayu for the next four hours.
-Present day-
Everybody is off, every single Survey Corp solider has nothing to do today. Tomorrow is the day, the day that determines whether I see the next or not; tomorrow is the expedition. With me being the only new recruit in the Survey Corp's branch the odds are against me; no matter what I do to try and convince Alex and my squad that I will survive tomorrow, they still can't look me in the eye. Erwin is no help either, having locked himself up in his office for the past week and a half. When I got up this morning the atmosphere around the HQ isn't its usual cheerful self, the atmosphere was suffocating me having changed overnight from cheerful to depressing, so I left. I saddled up Kurodayu and galloped off into the woods where I came across a small clearing and I have been here since this morning.
I sigh and lean against the tree my eyes staring at the blue sky above me, a gentle breeze brushes across my skin, sending shivers down my spine and a smile across my face. Even though my squad can't look me in the eye, even though they can't trust in me and my abilities as a soldier, I will survive tomorrow at all costs. I close my eyes and slip down the bark until I am sitting on the soft grass my fingers run through my hair haphazardly. Tilting my head to the side I listen to the birds, tweeting away in the trees without a care in the world. Beneath the sound of tweeting birds is the sound of hooves hitting hard packed dirt. My eyes snap open and lock onto trail that leads into this clearing just as a brown horse gallops into it. A soldier slides off the back of the horse and locks eyes with me, hesitantly, I stand up and place a hand on the maneuvering gear at my hips. The soldier reaches up and tosses off her hood allowing her shoulder length red hair to fall loose.
"Ah, Petra!" I say with a smile.
Her eyes dance away from mine pain evident on her face,"So this is where you have been.."
"Have you been looking for me?" I chuckle lightly,"Sorry I just couldn't hang around the HQ any longer so I came out here."
She nods her head in understanding yet makes no move to look me in the eye, her eyes stray on Kurodayu who is grazing on the far side of the clearing,"Um...well... I came to tell you Commander Erwin wants to see you."
I raise an eyebrow,"Does he now?" I mutter with a small smile that I quickly hide,"Alright then, go on back and tell him I will grant him my presence."
Her eyes snap to mine then dance away again,"Um...okay.." She nods and hops up on her horse turning it toward the trail then digging her heels into its haunches. I watch her go until I can't see her any more and even then I continue to stand there my eyes staring off into nothing. Erwin calls on me now? The day before the expedition of all days? I sigh and shake my head before making my way to my horse.
The HQ is silent for once, not a sound is made outside the now cold halls or inside them. Soldiers have locked themselves up in their respective rooms, grieving over a death that might happen. I tighten my hood around my head and quicken my pace to Erwin's office desperate to get out of these suffocating halls. Finally I am standing in front of his office door my knuckles knocking against the wood.
"Come in." The muffled reply sounds through the door.
I reach up and pull off my hood before stepping into his paper strewn office. I raise an eyebrow at the state of his office-which is usually neat. Erwin stands next to the window his hair is sticking up in places and, by the tension in his shoulders, he is trying not to slump against the frame for support.
"Erwin?" I ask, shuffling though the piles of paper until I am standing in front of his oaken desk.
His eyes slowly draw to mine, once his eyes lock onto mine I watch pain flash across his features and he looks away,"Sakura." He acknowledges my presence.
"Not you too." I growl under my breath anger roaring up in my chest, I cross my arms over my chest and look away from him.
"What do you mean?" He asks, I can feel his eyes on the side of my face.
"Nobody can look me in the eye! Yeah, I'm the new recruit and the odds of me surviving are slim. But they could at least attempt to believe in me." Out of the corner of my eye I see pain flash across his features again. I jerk my head in his direction and we lock eyes,"I mean, everybody here use to be a new recruit like I am, they survived their first expedition, so why am I any different?"
Erwin looks away,"You're not any different. Everybody was looked at the same exact way that you are being looked at now."
"Well, I know that! Couldn't they believe in me? Even the tiniest bit?"
He continues to gaze out the window,"They could, yet, you are the new recruit they expect you to cower underneath a titans gaze." He exhales a breath,"To get eaten."
A dry humorless laugh escapes my lips,"Look at you! You're no different! You won't even look me in the eye and you have witnessed what I can do." His eyes turn to mine surprise shining in them,"You saw me kill those titans when Shignashina fell. Yet you still doubt me?"
He exhales sharply"That isn't what I called you here to talk about." He says and removes himself from the window to stand behind his desk.
"I hope that Levi's squad has taught you about the flares and the formation?"
I grit my teeth and nod my head. He pulls open a drawer in his desk and shuffles around in it for a couple seconds before pulling out the different flares.
"Red is for a Titan has been sighted." He sets a red flare on his desk.
"Black is for an abberanant has been sighted." He sets a black flare on the desk.
"Green is for the direction we will be traveling in." He sets a green flare on the desk.
"Then there's purple." He places a purple flare on the desk.
I furrow my brow in confusion,"No one taught me about the purple one."
He chuckles,"That's because no one knows about this purple flare, only me and you know about it."
"Then what's the purpose of it?" I look up at him.
"This flare is only for me and you to use." He picks up the purple flare and offers it to me,"There are only two of these flares in existence and you will only use it when your life is in danger."
I reach forward and pluck the flare out of outstretched hand,"What about the other flare?"
"I will have the other flare and when you fire that one." He pulls a second purple flare out of the drawer,"I will fire this one to let you know I am on my way."
I raise an eyebrow,"In other words this flare is going to be used to help me survive."
A small smile grazes his face,"You could say that."
I place the flare on his desk and turn away from him,"I appreciate your attempts to 'help' me survive, but I won't need the flare to survive. I will survive on my own."
I can feel his eyes burning into my back as I leave his office. By giving me that flare he is practically telling me that he doesn't believe in me at all; that he doesn't believe I can survive on my own. I grit my teeth and shove the doors to the HQ open stepping out into the sunlight. Even out here I can feel his eyes burning into my back.
"Alright Mother Fucker." I growl underneath my breath and yank the hood back onto my head,"If you want to keep watching me then watch as I walk away."
I jog over to the stables and hop up onto Kurodayu's back. Digging my heels into his haunches, together we gallop out of the stables and back into the woods.
-The next morning-
-Location: Gate of Trost-
I would be lying if I said I wasn't the tiniest bit frightened. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited. Yet then again, I would be lying if I said I wasn't on the verge of being a hyperventilating mess. With a shaky breath I wipe the sweat that began to accumulate on my palms onto my pants. My eyes dance over the excited citizens of the town of Trost.
The town of Trost is roaring with excitement, everybody is smiling, throwing their fists in the air and shouting at the Survey Corps to kill the titans for them. I gaze around thoughtfully having never heard anybody being this excited to see the Survey Corps going out on an expedition before. Now, everybody seems to be supporting us whole-heartedly, they seem so excited to know that we are going beyond the walls to kill the titans and set up these supply points.
"Look there is Captain Levi!" I hear somebody yell, pointing in the direction of Levi who is riding his horse in front of his tiny squad,"I heard he is as strong as an entire brigade!"
"You seem rather popular, Captain Levi." I gaze at the Wings of Freedom emblem on his back with a small smile.
"Shut up." He growls over his shoulder at me. I chuckle and turn my attention to the still growing crowd.
"Hey, Sakura!" I turn around in my saddle to see Alex riding closer to us. A small bundle of cloth is clenched tightly in his hand and a strained expression is on his face.
"Hey Alex, what's up?" I ask as he rides up next to me.
He offers the bundle of cloth to me,"Commander Erwin told me to give this to you before we left the gate."
I furrow my brow in confusion, but take the cloth from his outstretched hand anyway,"Um.." I go to tell him thanks, but when I look up he is already riding back to his position. I stare at the bundle of cloth for a couple seconds wondering what it could be. Slowly I begin to unravel the object until it falls into my lap. I discard the cloth and pick up the object that is wrapped in a piece of paper. I tug the paper off the newly discovered flare and examine the piece of parchment only to find Erwin's name scrawled in his handwriting on the corner of it. I curse underneath my breath once my eyes land on the purple flare, glaring at it like it is a snake that needs killed. With a huff of outrage, I shove it to the bottom of my saddle bag. Where it shall stay underneath all the other flares for I will not use it.
I look up and glare at the back of Erwin's head knowing very well that he is up there smirking.
"The gate will open in 15 seconds!" Someone yells and the formation takes up the call determined to get this over with, even though the atmosphere surrounding us is the exact opposite of the one that was surrounding the HQ the day before.
"10 seconds!"
I can hear the ratting of the chains as the gate begins to slowly be lifted off the ground. Anticipation and adrenaline blooms in my chest, my hands tighten on the reins to the point my knuckles are white.
"Advance!" I hear Erwin yell from the front and as one the entire formation surges forth. The sounds of the horses hooves against the stones are obnoxiously loud in my ringing ears. I watch the gate get closer with every passing second, with every passing second I am getting closer to those blood thirsty beasts that live beyond these walls.
We charge out of the gate and start into the open plains of Wall Maria.
"Switch to Long-Range formation type!" Erwin yells from in front of us. Almost instantly soldiers break away into small groups, heading in different directions for the needed recon. Levi speeds up so we can get closer to the carriages that hold the supplies.
We have been riding in complete silence for the past hour when the sound of a flare reaches my ears.
"Red flare sighted for the right flank!" Eldo yells from behind me.
"Petra fire it." Levi quickly gives out the order, his voice calm and collected with its usual touch of hatred.
"Yes sir!" Petra yells out, determination bright in her golden eyes. She quickly fires the red flare, it's not much longer after she fires it that a green flare pointed to the East is fired in front of us.
"Gunther." Levi demands over his shoulder. Gunther fires it and together we slowly lean our horses to the East before straightening them back out. I can hear the blood roaring in my ears like a dam that just released gallons of water into a vacant valley. My body feels tight, almost to tense to move, my eyes dance around the plains; rarely I will see a lone tree standing amongst the green grass, even rarer I will see a single house, the roof caved in and the windows dark. I flinch and look away refusing to think about the happy family that must have lived in that house before, refusing to think about the smiles that were given and the laughs that were shared in that single house before the Titans decided to ruin it all. That's right, the titans always ruin the happy families, they ruin lives and traumatize thousands of people. Do they care? Of course not!
All they are are blood thirsty monsters that strive to ruin humanity's options of surviving. I grit my teeth anger flaring up in my chest and setting every one of my nerves on fire with the burning rage that roars deep in my gut. I have to kill them all it's my only option to continue living, I have to avenge my father and Eren's mother. No matter which way you spin it that's the only thing I can do. I made a blood oath and I have to live up to it.
My thoughts are interrupted by a cry of fear that sends shivers down my spine. Almost simultaneously my squad jerks around in our saddles and lock out eyes on a single soldier that is riding in our direction with a nine meter class Titan hot on his heels. A feeble cry of help escapes the mans trembling lips as tears roll down his face. My heart clenches for the fear stricken soldier and for the fact that he is heading in our direction.
"Captain Levi! What are we to do?!" Petra yells with a slightly shaking voice from beside me. I slowly turn around in my saddle and lock eyes with the stony faced Corporal.
His eyes glare into mine and it takes what little amount of Will power I have left to not loo away. He turns back around facing forward and ignoring the mans cries.
"Sakura, you will go and help out the sorry excuse for a soldier."
My heart stops, my breathing turns shallow and my body freezes, I stare at the small man's back silently gaping at it in surprise.
"What?!" Oluo roars from behind me,"Captain Levi, she is a new recruit, fresh from the new bee's league, you honestly can't be thinking about sending such a weakling out to help."
Anger flares up stronger than before, the fear dissipates burning to ashes in my gut and swept away to the back of my mind. Levi slowly turns back around, glaring at the still babbling Oluo.
"Are you questioning my orders, Oluo?" His voice takes on a low and dangerous tone.
Oluo's face falls, yet only slightly before he quickly hardens his face and he looks away with a huff of annoyance. Levi turns toward me and we lock eyes for the second time.
"Sakura are you going to disobey a direct order?"
That's when I see it laying in the depths of his cold black eyes. He is offering my an opportunity, a choice really, to proof to my squad that I can be a reliable soldier, that I won't back down under the gaze of a Titan. I set my jaw determination flaring up just as strongly as the anger and together the two emotions burn side by side in my gut.
"No sir! I can do it!"
My hands tighten on the reins and just as I am about to pull Kurodayu out of his position to gallop in the direction of the still crying soldier; Petra lashes out and wraps her hand around my wrist.
"Sakura, please," she pleads with me her eyes searching mine,"Let me go instead! I-"
I cut her off,"Petra!" I yell angrily earning a flinch from the small girl,"I did not go through three years of training to get where I am and to be doubted by my fellow comrades!!" I snap angrily and jerk my wrist out of her grip.
Before she even has a chance to reply, I pull Kurodayu out of my position in the squad and dig my heels into his haunches. Kurodayu launches himself forward, only slowing down enough to match the petrified, and relieved, looking soldiers pace.
"A-are you from Levi's squad?" The man questions in a quivering voice.
I nod my head,"Yes I am, Captain Levi sent me here to help you."
His eyes examines my face and his face falls a scared screech escaping his lips,"You're the new recruit!" He yells, pointing an accusing finger in my face.
I grit my teeth,"Fine!" I yell,"Levi sent me here to help you since, obviously, you can't do anything on your own! If you aren't going to accept my help then I will just leave you to it." I go to lead Kurodayu back toward my squad.
The desperate looking soldier admits defeat with a groan and shake of his head. I smirk eyeing the strained soldier with a look of amusement.
"Alright, I guess I should tell you the plan that I formulated while riding over here."
"Didn't that take about ten seconds?" He questions.
I roll my eyes,"Well, if we are going to get technical about it..."
He groans in displease,"The odds of a halfassed plan working are so slim! I guarantee this 'plan' of yours is to risky to try!" He cries out.
I narrow my eyes at him,"We wouldn't get anywhere in life if we didn't take risks. Now, shut your fucking trap and listen to it!"
He grunts, but doesn't voice his disagreements anymore. I tell him that we only have a small window of opportunity for this plan to actually work so he needs to do exactly as I say within questions asked. He seems hesitant at first, his eyes dancing around uncertainty before he nods his head. I finally begin to tell him the plan which will only take about five seconds to complete, IF we do it correctly. After I am done he eyes me curiously with different emotions flashing across his face.
"What are you going to do about the Titan once you send me away?"
"Well,"I say with a small laugh,"Honestly I didn't think I would get this far so..."
His eyes widen and he jerks away from me,"Are you saying that you don't know what to do after I'm gone?!"
"Hey,"I hold up my hands defensively,"I don't hear you coming up with any better ideas."
He groans again and looks away from me, his eyes fastening on the road before him. I smirk and follow his lead, leaning forward I prepare to give out the order that will send him away and leave me with a nine meter problem. Out of the corner of my eye I can see my squad watching me intently, worry is etched on each of their faces; besides Levi who is looking at me with TRUST shining in his coal black eyes. At first I'm taken aback, having seen for the first time that he actually trusts me, it startles me and leaves my mind reeling for an actual reason only to come up with none. Besides the fact that he has practically seen me grow up into what I am now I honestly can't believe he trusts me. Humanity's strongest soldier believes I will make the right choice in this life or death moment, to not just save this poor man's life but to also make sure I can come back alive as well. I smile the tiniest bit feeling very comforted to know he has my back. I dislodge my mind from disconcerting matters and focus on the situation at hand.
"Now!" I cry out the order and the soldier jerks his horse to the left. Quickly digging his heels into its haunches and lurching himself back in the direction he came from.
"Good luck!" He hollers over his shoulder as he gallops away. I give him a simple nod of the head, knowing I probably won't see him again. I look back at the Titan just long enough to notice that it paid no heed to the departing soldier, it's excited eyes remain locked on me. My eyes dart around for a way to lose this nuisance, to find that I have no buildings whatsoever in my proximity. Not even a single tree is anywhere in sight, my heart falls when I realize the only option I have left is to attempt to kill the Titan on flat land. Even though it is extremely dangerous and the maneuvering gear is barely functional on flat land that is the only option I can come up with at the moment with the resources available. The only way for me to kill this Titan is to cut out its Achilles Tendon so it won't be able to stand up, then from there I will have to go in for the kill and hope the Titan doesn't somehow catch me.
With a deep and shaky breath I grab ahold of my hand grips and click a set of blades into them. Giving a final glance at my now frightened looking squad I hop up onto Kurodayu's saddle and leap into the air. Spinning around I hook onto the Titan's calf, my blades are dangerous flashes of silver as they cut into the skin around the shin like its butter. I drop to the ground and sprint around the unsuspecting Titan, hooking onto the now clearly seen Achilles Tendon I tear out the muscle and watch the Titan, helplessly, fall to its knees.
Without a moments hesitation I hook onto its lower back and sprint up the spine to the nape of the neck. I shove off the Titans back and into the air, with a small battle cry I bring my blades down across the Titans weak spot and end it's reign of terror.
Kurodayu is standing next to the Titans now steaming leg once I hop off it's back. He jogs up to me and I hastily hop onto his back and together we head back toward my surprised looking squad.
I ride up next to Petra and easily match her pace, out of the corner of my eye I see her eyes are wide and she is gaping at me.
"Hey! You damned brat." Oluo shouts at me.
I slowly turn toward him, a brow raised in question and a smirk present on my lips,"Yes?"
"Just because you were able to kill a damned Titan on flat land doesn't mean you should get cocky, you hear me?! I will have you know that I have 39 solo kills!"
"It isn't be you should be worried about being cocky," I chuckle,"All you ever do is rant about your solo kills, you're big headed, Oluo."
He gapes at me,"Shut-" his teeth sink into his tongue and with a gurgled shout he lurches forward and wraps his hand around his bleeding mouth in a panic.
"If you would stop talking so much Oluo, you wouldn't bite your tongue as often as you do." Petra scolds him, but hands him a rag she retrieved from her saddle bag anyway. Oluo glares at Petra and snatches the cloth from her to press to his tongue.
I laugh and point at him teasingly,"If you keep going like this Oluo you won't have to worry about dying at a Titans hand! You will just die from blood loss!"
Eldo chuckles lightly,"Oluo Bozado, died from severe blood loss during an expedition from severely biting tongue."
Oluo glares at all of us, muttering curses underneath his breath about us being damned fools which, in turn, just earns him even more laughs.
"I'm sorry, Sakura," Petra suddenly says after one of my laughing fits,"for doubting you I should have never done that."
My smile flatters and I quickly turn serious,"Don't worry about Petra,"I reach forward and touch her shoulder with my hand,"I, honestly would have doubted me too."