~My Husband Is Gay ..21..~
JULIA
"What do you think we should get her, for her twelve birthdays?" Aunt Trina voice can be heard.
I don't need to wonder who is she meant it, I know it was 'her' and not me. I stay quietly behind the wall in the kitchen doorway and continue to listen to them. Maybe they will think about me too, but at the back of my head, I doubt it would happen.
"We get her what she wants the most, of course." Uncle Nate voice his opinion.
Before, this would not hurt that much to me, but after learn that she always be the talker in our family, soon I found that a little bit part of my heart hurt, but I always try my best to just push it away from me. It's a bad feeling that I don't want to keep. I love her after all.
"She seems to so very fond of a painting or anything that have art in it." Aunt Trina says.
"But most of it, would be a painting." Uncle Nate continue for her.
"And do you remember when Abby and Jake send her a photo of some unique playground that they saw, for her ten birthdays?" Aunt Trina continue.
"Yeah, but where was the playground from?" Uncle Nate ask aunt Trina.
"I don't remember. They did mention but I don't remember, but the question is, do you remember the look on her face when she receive it?" Aunt Trina ask and even not looking at them, I know that both have the face that show they try to remember.
"She loved it so much." Uncle Nate tells Aunt Trina.
She always show some loved or interested toward painting, so when she was ten, mom and dad send her a painting, saying that when they saw the playground, they remember her and when they paint it, they want to give it to her. They continue to give her more painting when other occasion came. Like when Christmas, new year and the list can go on and on.
Me? What did I get? Just some stupid stuff, of course. I got dolls, stuff animal, jewelry, cloth or worse is a keychain from where ever they are. The gift itself just something stupid where you can put it anywhere you go, yet I keep it like a precious treasure, which is now when I think back, not as precious as what she felt.
My thought got interrupted when I heard Aunt Trina's cheerful voice, "And who know she might end up like your brother."
"Or more better." Uncle Nate says.
"And. . . I think we should get her something that have to do with painting. Maybe a visit to art gallery or maybe an art kit. What do you think?" Aunt Trina says, from her voice you can hear how much she excited about this idea and how her face must scrunch up in a face that practically say I'm-excited-for-this-plan.
"Or maybe we can get her all of it. A visit to a local gallery, an art kit and enter her in art class. This is her twelve birthdays after all." Uncle Nate conclusion to Aunt Trina idea.
It's not like there a big gap between my birthday and her, a week after her, is mine, but everyone always seems to focus more on her than what mine. It's always the same for a few years, they get excited for her and plan it a month before the real day and when it come to me, they have the last minute plan, like a day or two before it come and what the best is, it always not as great as what she is.
"Oh, and we should make a big party for her this year. Invite a lot of people." Aunt Trina say and her voice still contains the excited.
"And. . . We should have a theme for her birthday party. Isn't that what people love to do?" Uncle Nate says.
"Yup, you were right." Aunt Trina with determination voice.
I never have a birthday party before, but she has already done it before and mom and dad forget my birthday, twice before. When I reach seven, the second years of staying with Uncle Nate and Aunt Trina and when I reach eleven, which is the last year. But they not even once forget her yet.
They always claim that they never forget and it just that they in an area that have no line and they can make a phone call to wish for my birthday and what I thought about it is that a total lie, but I just shrug it off and pretend like nothing at all.
But the funny part is, when her birthday, they always seem to be in the city where there a line making a phone call. And that just makes me wonder who actually their daughter.
Even though it hurt that Uncle Nate and Aunt Trina choose her too, but it's still understandable. Because that's her daughter and not me.
"And we should-" Aunt Trina stop when she saw me walking through the kitchen door and seeing that Aunt Trina stop to look at me, Uncle Nate soon follow her gaze to look at me.
"Jules, sweetie, what are you doing awake this early?" Uncle Nate says and gesture me to take a seat next to him. But I didn't move at all.
"Sweetie, you know that school won't start for another two hours, maybe you should went back to sleep." Aunt Trina say with her motherly voice and from her face, I know he worried about me. Worried at why I wake up early.
Before, I might shrug it off and believe her worried look and believe her sincere voice, both of her and Uncle Nate is, it hurt so much that everything in my eye saw is a fake, a lie and nothing real.
All of this, start because of last night. What would you feel when you haven't talked to your parent for a month long and so excited for their call, so excited to know about their journey, but what come out when they call is all the things that your cousin do and more hurting part is when the phone call that suppose to be between you and your parent end up with them asking about your cousin more than anything.
And more hurt when they end up talk to your cousin for another hour when they found out that your cousin is in the room and totally completely forgetting about you. And they end up telling her instead of you about their journey, while you been waiting every single minute for a month long already.
It's honestly not that hard thinking that when I awoke this morning there will be no more people to talk about her, but god I'm wrong because the first thing to hear this morning is both of her parent talk about her upcoming birthday, which is actually yet have to wait for another thirty five days to come.
And with that I fail to hide my hurt face. Unlike any other day, when I'm hurt, I always make a face and pretend that I'm fine which is working because nobody saw through it and everyone always thought that I'm fine with it.
But I'm failing today. . . And it hurts so much today. . . I'm hurt. . .
"Sweetie, Jules, are you okay? You look a little pale and look like you might get sick. Want to skip school today?" Ask Aunt Trina who now moves slowly to where I am, but when she approached me I move back, away from her.
Seeing I make a move like that only make both of them look surprise by it and soon it replace with hurt, but they somehow manage to pretend like nothing at all.
If I wake up like the day before and not earlier like today and hearing all this, things might still be like before. I wake up with my everything-is-fine face and smile at everyone like I'm the queen and they are my people. But I guess God wanted show me today that there actually no one cares about me, not even love me maybe and god wont show that I'm a failure today because I fail to make the everything-is-fine face.
"Julia, what is it? Are you feeling sick? You can talk to papa bear, you know that right." Uncle Nate ask and now he also move near to me, but again I back away from them.
If only I didn't hear anything that involve her, everything might still be okay. I might be smiling at them. I might be hugging them like every morning. I might talk about school right now.
"What Kat have that I don't?" I whisper at them and what's coming out of me is totally unexpected and got them shock by it.
Uncle Nate then turns to look at aunt Trina and both seeing that they share the same shock face and both continue to look at each other for quite a few minutes before then turn to look at me. Just like what I expected, their face shows totally and utterly a shock looking that now mix with a confuse look.
"Sweetie, what do you mean with what Kat have and you don't?" Uncle Nate asks me.
"Sweetie, I don't know what you mean by your question, but you should know that not everyone have what we can have and not everything we have, other can have. We are perfect with the way we are and not with trying to have what we can't have. Following what other people have is not right because we shouldn't be what other people be." Aunt Trina say and now she is kneeling right in front of me, so that our height is almost the same.
Seeing Aunt Trina like that, Uncle Nate soon follows her.
"Yeah, and Kat have everything that I don't and I'm not even intend to copy her, so that's why people always talk about her. Maybe if I am like her, everyone will like me too and love me and everyone will always talk about me, like how they talk about her. I understand if both of you always talk about her because she your daughter, but I don't understand why teacher at school talk about her too, and I don't understand why mom and dad loves to talk about her too every single time they have." At the mention of mom and dad, I almost cry, but I hold myself, thinking that it loom stupid to cry in front of them.
"Sweetie, that's not right, everyone talking about you too. Your teacher, your parent, your friends, everyone is. In fact, some of them are envy with you. You are pretty and you are strong and generous too, and everyone like you so much, Julia." Aunt Trina says, from her voice I know that she meant everything, but my emotion takes control right now and everything sound like a lie to me.
Any other day, where my emotion is hiding deep inside my heart, I might really believe in them and hug them, but today, my emotion got the best of me, the beast that I buried deep down is crawling and begging to come outside and I fail to bury them again. The fine Julia Mathew that always smiles at everyone one, even to a homeless person, is now a beast that begs for attention from the love one.
"You are lying, mom and dad is far away from me and everytime they call, they always ask about Kat and talk to her more than me. It's always about her, like I'm not even exist in this place at all." I scream at them.
"Your mom and dad is away because they is searching for money to make your life better while doing what they love the most, Jules." Uncle Nate calmly says to me.
"It's always about money, if not it will be about Kat or painting, just that what's on their mind. They busy thinking about all that until they have no time to think about me. About their only daughter. You guys know what, if money is what they thinking and searching and it's all they do for me, to make my life better, then that's what I will show them. When they come back home, which is I will pray sooner, and I will use all their money."
And with that, I storm out from the kitchen and went back to my room and when I'm feeling a bit better, I pretend like nothing ever happen at all. I put a big smile on my face and went to eat breakfast. From the corner of my eye, I know that Aunt Trina and Uncle Nate been worried at me, but they never made a move to approach me about it. About what happen earlier this morning.
School happen like normal and just like any other day, the teacher keeps praising about how good Kat is, about how great she is at school and when in class.
Because of the big smiling face I have, Kat never notices anything at all and I don't want her to. She is still my big sister and I loved her no matter what.
The different part about today is Aunt Trina and Uncle Nate is late picking us up from school. But instead of walking home, we continued to wait even it already two hours late. While waiting we keep entertain ourself with stupid joke we can come with. But in the middle of our joke, somehow mom and dad come out and she tells about what mom and dad tell her last night. Her eye light up when she starts to talk about it.
That makes me hurt, but I just pretend that it doesn't and be happy for Kat. The hard part, I put it far away, deep down inside my heart. The conversation then got to stop when out of nowhere a police car came in front of us. Two officers walk out of the car to us, bringing the most heartbroken new.
God answers my prayer and bring mom and dad home, but He then takes away the two people, the second after my parent that I care, away from me.
***********
"Julia. . ."
"Julia. . ."
"Julia. . ."
Chris voice can be heard. I don't know for how long he calls me, but I know its for quite a few times already and finally with his firm hand on my shoulder and a gentle shake of him, I finally realize myself in a real world. A concern dripping from his voice and with the way he calls my name.
"Hmm?" I finally give him some response and upon hearing my response, a relieve can be seen on his face, but at the same time it doesn't cut away the concern that still glue to his face.
After that dream, Chris did a great job with trying to cheer me up, with disturbing my brain from thinking about it. But still I found myself thinking about it and this is because that's not really a dream, instead that actually a memory. The memory of the past that I don't want, not one even thinks about it. The memory that I wish to never happen at all and its too late to correct it.
"I said what flavor do you want?" Chris asks for who know how many times already and his eye is looking expectantly at me, waiting for an answer and a worried plus concern can still be seen on his face.
We are now at an ice cream parlor. Earlier this morning we went for a body massage at a spa, just like what Chris plan, that have inside the hotel that we stay. Lucky right, no need to walk that far to have a relax day. Then, once we finish, Chris ask if I would like to have some ice cream, saying that I look a little bit glum and maybe an ice cream can cheer me.
Because today is quite hot, there a lot of people at the parlor and unfortunate for me because while waiting, the little devil in my head takes control over my brain remote and flick back the memory channel and this only bring my mood to more sour.
"Vanilla and chocolate chip." I say, not even look at him.
Sighing, he then proceeded to order our ice cream. It's not like I don't want to look at him, it just I feel bad because he have tried everything to cheer me up and yesterday, he really did a good job at it. Even we already cross the boundary or the rule that we first set. Truth is, I still have no idea why he kissed me yesterday, but I have to admit that the kissed really done a great job at disturbing my mind. So I don't mind at all about it.
While he went to order our ice cream, I went to find a place to sit and enjoy eating our ice cream. Soon he came back with our ice cream and hand it to me. He then sits himself in front of me and look at me instead of eating his ice cream.
The way he looks at me, I know that he actually waiting for me to say something, which he also know that that's not going to happen easily. He then settles to look at me like I'm a book, but written in alien word that he can't read me at all.
I know that my situation has worried him, but I'm not ready to tell him anything because I doubt that whatever actually happen between us, will last forever. The thing that happens between us, is set by a rule and the rule itself come from a lie and a lie will never last forever, even when the rule is set by him.
And whatever happen yesterday, I did know that that's not suppose to happen and I believe that he might do that just to interrupt me from thinking about the dream.
"What?" I ask, acting innocent. "Is there something on my face?"
"Well, yeah, there is a few thing on your face." Chris say and when I heard it, my hand automatically went to my face, trying to remove whatever this thing is that he say, but when I turn to ask him where and saw that the amused look he have, I know he just play me.
"What is it?" I ask again, now looking a bit annoyed.
"Well, they're a beautiful shape of the nose, a perfect looking lips and a set of the most beautiful green eye I never saw before. That's the thing." Chris says with a smirk and from his voice and his eye I know he mean every single word.
And what I do with that is, blush. I freaking blush.
"And now a perfect plus beautiful cheek with a shade of a little pink color on them." Chris continues when he sees that I'm blushing and with the second plus up of his words, I turn into a tomato lady and it amused Chris more before he settles it with a laughter.
"Meanie." Yeah, that's all I can think, I guess my brain must still fail to process well and that the reason why only that word I can say and that only make him laugh more.
After my stupid sound of a comeback, we sit in silence and enjoy our ice cream. Not an awkward one, but a comfortable kind of silent. A silent that course with both of us who is in deep thinking. Me about the memory and Chris, well, who know what or who in his mind.
'Hope its me who is on his mind.'
Oh God, what the heck am I thinking. I need to remind myself that we actually just a fake couple. Me is equal to a fake Mrs. Kayden and when Chris gets what he want, he for sure will dump my ass like a trash, so, I need to make sure to never fall for him. Act professional and never falls for him.
And whatever happened between us yesterday or the next day to come, is nothing and just his little act or might even be his little game. Yes, game and keep thinking that only. He is Christopher Kayden and if he is looking for a love, that's for sure won't be me because he for sure can get a woman slash lady slash girl that is far better than me.
And remember that this marriage is based on lie and lie will never last forever.
"Julia?" Chris call me. What it actually sound more like him whisper my name, like he actually afraid if she scream at me and I will broke like a glass.
"Hmm?" I'm way too lazy to answer him and can only response him with that.
"You know that you can talk to me right? I won't judge you for anything and I will always be there for you and if it's something big like a big problem or something like that, we can solve it together." Chhris say and his voice tell me that he mean every single word.
And should I tell him?
No, because I should never believe him because he will leave me soon. We will get a divorce and he will continue his life with another woman. But shouldn't say that to him, he for sure will bug me about this, so I have to carefully say a perfect word.
"I'm. . . Can we talk this later." Great. Brain why you have to be such an idiot. He will definitely ask about this later because that's what I told him. Correct him fast. "When I'm ready to talk." Well, at least that's a little better and the ready part, for sure will never happen. I'm not ready and will never ready.
"Yes, of course. When you ready." Chris says with a sigh and he seems like he can see right through me. Through my life.
**********
Even though he fails to bring my mood to be like before by having an ice cream, Chris surely never gives up because he then suggest that we should how shopping. Another thing that I love to do when I'm in a bad mood. Especially after I have that dream.
I don't know how Chris knows this, my brain can only think that he only guesses it. Seeing by the time we spend together before. Even if it's only a couple of times.
And even James can't join us for today, he still was such a great friend, he has been texting us on which place to go and which to avoid, and yes friend, that I've been calling him because of the way he treat both of Chris and I.
And because of the dream, I've also been thinking, a couple times about my big sister, my best friend, my everything, Kat and thinking how she could perfectly match to James. Both of them have a different personality, but I know that they can complete the missing part of each other.
Kat is shy, but James is not and he a bit daring, because of the shyness that have, Kat rarely talk and James is way too talkative, even to a stranger. . . Wait, why would I think they will be together and try to be a cupid to them. That's ridiculous, James is here and Kat is seventeen hours away from here. For them to be together, I mean that one of then have to move away.
"Chris, what do you think of this hat?" I ask my dear fake husband.
"It looks great on you, but the white one will make you look more better." Chris answers me. No need to doubt that his opinion always the best. So no need to argue with him, I just grab the white one and went to pay for it.
"Julia, I pay for that." Chris says.
If today is the day before, I will accept his offer. But today is the day, the second day after that dream come to me and I definitely not using his. The only way to make me feel better is using the money that dad gives me.
"Ne need, my dad can pay for everything." I say, flashing him a big grin.
And that, my dear friend, only got me a look from Chris. A look that practically tell me he confused, concern and worried and it also show a determination to find what the main thing that happen to me that make me like this.
**********
On my way to Chris house, now that we already back home from Thailand, I can't help but feel guilty at dad because of the way I spend way too much money for shopping on my last day in Phuket, Thailand. Funny right, because at first that suppose to make then feel better and actually it did, but then look at Chris face, the little devil changes my feeling. From better to guilty.
But I couldn't show him that or try to blame dad for that money I spend and all I can do is blame Chris, and to settle the feeling, I keep throwing him a glare and keep snapping at him. One question from him and I will snap the answer. But what I'm not expecting is, he not even one feels bad with the way that I am and he just keeps calm and patient dealing with my mood swing. It's like I've not even snapped at him.
"Your mom and dad have already sent your stuff at my house, but I didn't send any house maid to unpack your stuff, but if you want one to help, you can tell me." Chris tells me.
We are now in his car, on our way to his house, where he stays with Pete.
"Whatever." I snap at him, not even care if his chauffeur saw it.
And what he is doing at me is grabbing my hand, squeeze it a little, then bring to his lip and kiss the back of my hand, then drop it and look outside the window.
And let me tell you this, before today, when I snap at him, he will either kiss my forehead or temple or my cheek or just simple caress my cheek and some time, he will peck my lip. So, tell me now, how am I going to be professional and not fall for him?
The rest of the ride to his house, we spend it in a comfortable silence. That's what I need the most right now because if he keep asking a question or try to make a conversation, I will definitely snap at him.
Once we arrive at his house and his chauffeur drops all of our stuff and leave, he leads me into his living room and he then went to the kitchen to grab a drink for both of us, leaving me alone in his living room.
If I'm not in my childish behavior, and if you guys want to know, yes, I feel and I know that I'm acting like I'm like a small kid, but I won't say it out loud, I will definitely follow him instead of staying here in his living room, alone.
And if I was in a great mood, I might take a look around his house, to know how the house that's been stay by two single bachelors is. Is it looking like a hurricane just fall on the house or not. But no, I didn't take a look around because I'm busy fighting the guilty feeling that been growing inside of me.
And because of I'm busy fighting the feeling that been eating me alive, I'm not even realize that Pete is home and is right now in the living room with me and only realize it when he say something.
"So, how your honeymoon?" Pete ask.
"Great and nobody die there, so no need to worry about it." Random answer and a snap, that's been my specialty lately, but my answer doesn't hurt him at all and now he is only looking amused by my answer.
"Julia, here your-" Out of nowhere Chris come with a glass of what look like an orange juice.
Actually out from the kitchen, here come Chris and the orange juice didn't actually catch my attention, the thing that catch my attention is, before Chris could finish his sentence, Pete kisses him.
On the lip. . .
They kiss. . .
Peter freaking Rickett is kissing my fake husband. . .
And what do I do is, I faint. . .
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So, here chapter 21 and I'm sorry for the late update. If any of you still don't know about this, I will tell again here, I currently have no laptop / notebook / netbook / computer or whatever that you guys call. Mine is broken for about two or three week already and no, I'm not send it to fix yet.
I've been using my brother laptop and a few days ago, he busy using his laptop, so that why I can't update this chapter.
The last part for this chapter suppose to be a little long, but I cut it down because I only have a short time to update and my brother want to use it back :(
I hope you guys like it.
And I might can't update the next Friday. I repeat I MIGHT CAN'T UPDATE THE NEXT FRIDAY, because this Tuesday (April 8) I went for a little ho-ho-holiday with my family until next week Monday (April 14). But if I have time and I get a hold of a laptop, I will do the update :)
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JUST ANOTHER RANT (NO NEED TO READ IF YOU DON'T WANT)
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I kinda feel a little heartbroken because of last chapter. I thought that I do the great work there already, but unfortunately that chapter only get 19 vote and most of the people that use to read this book is gone and I don't know where they went.
And because of I feel a litle hurt because of the least vote I get, I almost feel like don't want to update this chapter, but then I remember a few people who still follow this book and always comment whenever I update, so this chapter is for them.
I want to mention all their names, but I'm running out of time and in rush to write this.
And I also saw that there a few people who add this book on their reading list, but then, that all what they do. There no comment, no vote or no suggestion on whatever the heck that they might feel like want to add.
And there also a few who read the book, I know this because I'm using a friend of mine account and you know the box at the right of the wattpad that have the little thing "Recommended People" and there under them that show what similarity that you have with them such as "read mhiag <20>" that kind of thing, and what surprise me is, most of people who read mhiag <20> is the one that I never, not even one saw them vote for this book and not even one they comment for this book.
So I'm hurt and pretty please to all my silent reader and oh I have one that name herself or himself silent reader but he or she always vote, just never comment, back to what I'm trying to say...
TO ALL MY SILENT READER WHO NEVER VOTE OR COMMENT, PRETTY PLEASE SPEND A LITTLE VOTE FOR ME..
I'M BEG ALL OF YOU, don't stay silent and read my book without my knowing about it.
THANKS to whoever that read this rant.
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