Lady Vain Gets Blackmailed Again
Lady Vain enjoyed fine dining. Lady Vain enjoyed junk food. She enjoyed beautiful and comfortable clothing. She enjoyed wearing boots in the summer. She enjoyed running her business, Lady Vain's Beauty & Health Emporium. She enjoyed binge watching comedic tv shows. She enjoyed tea, both hot and iced.
What did Lady Vain not enjoy? Being blackmailed.
Being the well known public figure she was, Lady Vain had been blackmailed a number of times. Most of the time it was randoms or acquaintances she was barely acquainted with who'd go out of their way to fabricate false records or create fake photographs in an attempt to get money or some other expensive favor from her and she'd quickly and easily stomp them out like the insignificant bugs they were.
Lady Vain took great pride in the development of her procedure and the genius of its packaging and marketing. It was above all legal boards, though it might not be everyone's cup of tea.
One might guess that though some might enjoy the prospect of being completely submerged in goo for hours at a time, even more might find the process gross, strange, or unseemly without the proper context.
Enter Lady Vain's genius vision! A combination spa/health center/beauty supply store. What once appeared strange & unseemly now appears unique, innovative, exclusive, & highly sought after.
Yes, our Lady Vain makes a difference in the world and enjoys herself while doing so. She created the goo, and from the goo came the necessity of the tank, follow that up with patents, a sublease, and a rigorous PR campaign, & the rest is history.
Of course, despite being the upstanding and beloved citizen she was, Lady Vain did partake in a few less than legal vices.
Caffeine, especially caffeine nestled within the ambrosia that is chocolate, was one of those many vices.
She indulged often and without guilt. The cupcakes were affordable enough, 500 credits. One time she dared order something called a Choco-Cola cake. That put her back a good 8000 credits and it was worth every bit and more.
Because of her business and well earned spot as a public darling, Lady Vain had always made it a point to find caffeine dealers who valued discretion. Sadly, it was always the same song. Everything goes swimmingly for a few weeks, maybe even a few months, but then the greedy jerks start forgetting who they're dealing with. The last dealer she dealt with lasted nearly ten months. It was always low level flunkies who forgot their manners, she'd tattle on them, they'd be taken care of, and then a new delivery person with better sense would be assigned.
Sadly, it wasn't long before someone too high up in the organization got too big for their britches. Luckily, Lady Vain had found Xan's pleasant little bakery and all was well, until today.
Xaniba was a very talented local baker and just as talented part time drug dealer and now it seemed she was dabbling in blackmail. Xan's cousin ran a relatively successful health blog so you can imagine the damage that could be done to one's reputation and profits if word got out of Vain's discreet indulgences. The relative safety of the drug, and the general populaces's near unanimous agreement that prohibition was BS would be of little help to a public figure.
Lady Vain's Beauty & Health Emporium had been open for nearly a decade and it had transformed the way people view their health, not only in her area but around the world!
Optics mattered. A public figure known for inventing the groundbreaking cure all? Owner of the world renowned, award winning boutique and spa which was home to the aforementioned procedure? That person partaking in illegal drugs? Not a good look.
This day started out as wonderful and pleasant a day as they always tended to be for Lady Vain. But today was especially anticipated because it was delivery day. Once a week, the items necessary for restock were delivered and sorted. Because the back rooms tended to be a hectic mess for a few hours, it was also the day Lady Vain preferred to have her more personal deliveries sent. Having them blend into the chaos was preferred, made it less likely for the delivery person to be noticed as the anomaly they were.
***
"Xaniba dear! You didn't have to come all the way to my office, Mara could have brought it in."
"I need an ES treatment."
"Ooh! Lovely. What do you need?"
"I'm allergic to alcohol."
"I... am well aware of this Xaniba..."
"I need to get rid of my allergy, ma'am."
"PERMANENTLY?!"
"Probably just temporarily..."
"That's no problem! We're actually running a promotion on allergies and eye conditions right now. We have an opening in...three months."
"I need it by next week. And I won't be paying you."
"Ha. Well who else is gonna pay? The tooth fairy? Are you planning on leaving an offering of crickets and worms by the sacred pond and just hope the great toad takes care of it?"
"I really don't care how it's paid for as long as it isn't me."
"Oh dear, why didn't you say so? We have a sliding scale for our fees based on income. But from what I remember, the bakery was doing well- has there been an emergency? If you can't afford it now, we can set up a payment plan. You can have the procedure and you won't have to start paying for at least half a year. You can also do layaway where you pay little by little over time and THEN get the procedure. But you need it soon...as for scheduling, if you need it that early you'll have to wait until someone cancels. But don't worry about that someone always cancels. But seriously-"
"Miss Vain! I don't think you realize that I'm blackmailing you!"
It was at this point that Lady Vain realized that Xaniba might be blackmailing her.
***
Lady Vain had been acquainted with Xaniba for several months now. And as time went on, a comfortable familiarity was formed. Xan learned of Lady Vain's unabashed love of puppetry and onion rings. Lady Vain learned of Xan's alcohol allergy and robust appreciation of competitive cooking shows.
Yes, every week Xan would craft and personally deliver a new chocolate confection for Lady Vain, but this week, the order seemed to come with a few strings.
Prohibition had gone on for quite some time and everyone had learned to live with it. You find places to buy your stuff, you call the toad minister a bastard, you live your life, simple. But Xaniba seemed determined to make this complicated.
What could our beloved Lady Vain do? Her hands were tied. She scheduled the pre-appointment appointment and Xaniba left.
It was only a few days before it was time for Xaniba's pre-appointment. With what time had passed, Lady Vain was able to transition from distraught to annoyed. She'd figure out a way to crush Xaniba as she had all the others, but was not looking forward to the search for a new baker that lay before her.
Xaniba sat in the lobby, looking very much like she'd rather be anywhere else than where she was. Next to her was a feminine person who appeared to be attempting to soothe Xaniba's mood, with some but not complete success.
"Well, hello. Are you here for Xaniba's moral support or what have you?"
"Oh yes, Hello. I'm Lemeera. Thank you so much for this, we can't thank you enough."
At this point, our beloved and highly astute Lady Vain realized that Lemeera had no idea about the blackmail situation, mostly because Xaniba was shooting Lady Vain a: 'play along or else' kind of look which Vain noticed and promptly ignored because when she was annoyed, she became very petty.
"Well I hope whatever this is for is worth it, considering how much trouble this is causing me."
"Pardon? I'm sorry, if it's too much trouble-"
"Xaniba's blackmailing me to do this & I kind of resent her for it right now so let's just get this started, hmm?"
First up was the introductory film. Not a necessity to perform the procedure but it answered the most frequently asked questions and with the beautiful orchestral instrumentals, the film always seemed to relax and enhance the experience of most clients.
But not Xaniba. The film merely served as more time for Lemeera to grill them on what the heck was going on.
This pleased Lady Vain on more than one front. First, with such a time consuming procedure, it's best if those close to the client are aware of the full situation. And second, she was still miffed at Xaniba so seeing her in trouble was some delicious and much appreciated schaedenfreude.
"Lady Vain. I am so sorry for the trouble Xaniba has caused. In good conscience, I can't sit by and let her go through with the treatment."
"Lemeera-"
"Xan! You were desperate and surrounded on all sides by terrible people. I won't let you make huge life decisions based on the opinions of people who don't care about your happiness and well being."
As you might have guessed, Lemeera's talking about their families. Long story short, Xan and Lemeera have been happy together for years. Both families have been aware of Xaniba's life threatening allergy for years. With marriage on the horizon, instead of being supportive and loving, they all made a big stink about how Xan was being SO SELFISH being allergic to such a CRUCIAL and absolutely ALWAYS NECESSARY part of the engagement process. Their families kinda really suck.
Well, this did seem to change some things from Lady Vain's perspective. This tale definitely did explain why such a well liked baker/caffeine dealer would resort to blackmail. Of course she refused to pay for the procedure, she didn't want it and was practically forced into doing it! This also left our Lady Vain a lot less pissed off, albeit a bit more confused.
"Alright. Explain one thing. Why can't you just agree to get married and then... just get married? What I don't understand is why do they have to be involved at all? Elopement is always an option."
Lady Vain had made it a point of cutting toxic people out of her life, especially during important events. Life's too short to be spending the majority of it surrounded by terrible people. Life was terrible enough on its own without her helping it along.
"But before you elope and have your honeymoon, which I recommend: let's the families get used to the new reality on their own time, I'll need to put in a larger order to hold me over until you get back. Maybe a three tier cake in celebration of the whole getting married thing! Ooooh make it two cakes. One for me and one for the party. It'd be silly to have a wedding cake and not have the people getting married have any..."
Yes, Lady Vain was quite pleased with this turn of events. It seemed she wouldn't need to find a new baker after all. She went right on ordering the cakes Xan hadn't agreed to make and planning the party that the couple hadn't agreed to attend.
Of course, Xan did make the cakes and they did agree to attend. Because when Lady Vain decides to assist you in eloping to avoid your terrible families and throw you a lavish elopement party instead of destroying you for daring to cross her, you get right on that gift horse and avoid its mouth entirely.
The party was small, private, and decadent, just how Lady Vain preferred her elopement parties.
During the party, Lady Vain was under the impression that the couple might think the party was more for her than for them. This is most likely because it was at least 40% for her. But they seemed to be enjoying themselves so she didn't think much of it.
Lady Vain was not happy that this entire course of events had to begin with blackmail but she was quite pleased with how it all turned out in the end.
If only every blackmailing ended with a party, a romantic elopement, and two three-tier chocolate cakes. Blackmail would be a much more enjoyable affair if that were the case.