"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
The pink and lavender themed, gatefold card stared right back at her as she took it out of its white scented envelope. She ran her fingers over the scalloped edges, taking in the cute design and the embossed Rochester fonts that said….
One little candle,
One little cake,
Our pumpkin pie’s first year to celebrate!
Zooey Marie’s 1st birthday
Sunday, September 8th at 2 p.m
Lizares Residence
Marcos Hi-Way, Antipolo City,Rizal
RSVP
Daddy Alex and Mommy Drei
0917.***.****
A smile appeared on her face as her eyes lingered on the adorable portrait beside it. The charming celebrant – eyes glimmering brightly which seems to be smiling right back at her and revealing a set of pearly whites. She was getting prettier as the days go by and continuously turning into a spitting image of her father. It was as if she was having a trip back to memory lane, now remembering Alex when he was at that same age.
Once again, the yearning throbbed on her chest making itself known like it always does whenever a package, just like this one, makes its way on her doorstep every third Wednesday of the month. Its funny how her anxiety would always leave her sleep deprived the night before. She still gets the same weird rush of excitement running over her while she unwraps the only thing that she’s been waiting for all week – the package. Her package. A small box full of Zooey’s pictures.
Since last year, Marivic has watched her grandchild grow beautifully from afar – her milestones, her firsts and her many faces – and it has brought about an indescribable joy to her life. Even if she wasn’t there to witness it first hand, still, just seeing her in these pictures was already enough for her to feel close.
It was also through these photographs that she saw how fatherhood has shaped her son into the man he is now. Dan, her ex-husband turned friend, would include a few snapshots of Alex and his new life. That is also how she knew about the woman responsible for all of this – Drei, the mother of his child, and her son, Matty, whom Alex treated as if his own. The sight of her son and a family of his own made her heart swell with pride, something that she wasn’t able to give.
Browsing through the set of the latest pictures that came in for her today, she came across a candid shot of her son and his daughter during her baptism. He was cradling the little angel in his arms as she placed her hand on his lips, half smiling at him while she was finishing up a bottle of milk. She found herself wondering what he must be telling her about or what song was he singing to her while he was putting her to sleep. But her musing was suddenly interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. It was Dan on the other line.
“Did you get it already?” he asked.
“I did.” She smiled and held a picture of Zooey taking her first steps, Drei behind her while she inched towards Alex. “And she’s all grown up.”
“Oo malaki na talaga,” He gave out a laugh. “And she’s walking already.”
“Nakita ko nga, Dan. Kailan pa?”
“Mga last month lang and lately, she has discovered the art of running.” He quipped.
The image of Zooey running around and giggling while she trotted behind her suddenly became vivid in her mind. It seemed real enough that the unbearable longing inside of her sent a twinge on her chest. She’s been praying hard for that day to come. Then Dan went on telling her more about their granddaughter. For a moment, she felt a dash of jealousy. God knows how badly she wanted to see and hold that little girl he’s been raving about.
“Nakakatuwa naman,” she told him, trying to hold back the tears. But the quiver in her voice couldn’t hide the truth about what she felt. She sighed. “I really hope I could finally meet her one day.”
“And you could, if you wanted to.” He told her.
“Dan , please don’t start again,” she pleaded. She knew what he was talking about, because this wasn’t the first time that Dan had tried to convince her to take that trip to Manila. “Cause you know it’s not that easy.”
“Come on, Vick, don’t be like that.” He encouraged. “You can trust me on this. Things are already different nowadays with Alex.”
“I’m really not sure,” she answered. No matter how promising he sounded and although she trusts him, she was still skeptical by the whole idea judging on the last time they saw each other.
“Okay,” Dan sighed in surrender. “Take your time.”
“I will… thank you for understanding why I just couldn’t, for now.”
“Your invitation is right there,” he added and she picked up the card that she saw a while ago. “In case you change your mind.”
“Thank you again, Dan. You’ve done a lot for me already. This package is more than enough.”
“And you’re always welcome, Vicky. Always.”
She set her phone down when the call ended and placed the invitation alongside it. The sadness began to creep up on her as she glanced one more time at the pictures in front of her. It wasn’t only the desire to hold her granddaughter, but also the yearning to be a part of her son’s life once again. She was still hoping for that redemption. Another chance to start anew, that’s all she ever wanted, but their last meeting didn’t turn out the way she expected it to be.
The memory of their last meeting in that café, right across from where he used to work, was still fresh. She wanted to kneel and beg but she didn’t. Instead, she sat there and basked in the aftermath of his hurtful words, then let him go. She kept her distance from that time on, resisting the urge to communicate with him again because she knew her son better than anyone else. It seemed that everything between her and Alex would take some more time. Forgiveness was still a long shot and even seemingly impossible for him to give to her. Her efforts have been going down the drain and yet despite of it all, she took pride over the fact that she tried. At least she did. It somehow made her feel better.
But how long must she wait? Maybe ten to twenty years. Or maybe even forever. Will her son ever give her the forgiveness that she’s been asking for all these years? She’ll never know what’s going to happen next. Because right now, all she could do is to hang on to that hope that one day this will all be over.
***
“And you told them to come an hour before the party?” Alex asked while he waited for his apprentice,Che-Che, to answer.
“Yes, Kuya,” the girl replied confidently after glancing at her list. “and they confirmed that they’ll be here at 12:30.”
“Good.” An accomplished smile appeared on his face as he marked the third item on his list - photobooth- with a check. Three down, he thought. Seven more to go.
They’ve been preparing for the past two months and having Che-Che on board made things a lot easier for them. Che-Che, Manang Pilar’s daughter, was the perfect person to do the job. She was creative, reliable and very organized. She was their savior because if it weren’t for her, Alex and Drei would still be having that endless debate about the kind of theme they’d be having. He wanted a Rockstar Princess theme while she wanted Hello Kitty and it took them a month just to decide which one suited best.
“Rockstar Princess,bubba,” he insisted back in July during his birthday when the topic about Zooey’s party came up. Dinner was over and they were all enjoying a glass of Dan’s 15 year old Pinot Noir in the living room. “It’s pretty obvious that Zooey likes music!” Then he turned to his daughter who was in his arms. “Ain’t that right, Zooey? You’re a rockstar princess, di ba, pumpkin?”
The little girl responded by cupping his face and giving him a sloppy kiss. He gave Drei a smirk. “See? Zooey wants a rockstar princess theme!”
Drei gave him an evil eye but she wasn’t raising her white flag yet despite the obvious fact that their ten month old was giving in to her father’s sweet talk.
“Oh no, Zooey does not want a rockstar princess theme, Daddy,” she said catching their little girl’s attention. Drei held out her arms and Zooey immediately went to her without hesitation. “Zooey wants Hello Kitty!”
“Kitty?” Zooey said.
“Yes, Kitty!” Drei confirmed and Zooey clapped her hands. “You like Hello Kitty, Zooey, right?”
“Kitty!” The little girl nodded and giggled. “Kitty! Kitty! Momma kitty!”
“See, Daddy! Zooey wants Hello Kitty!” And now it was her turn to give Alex a smirk.
“Psssh. You bribed her!” Alex retorted , obviously annoyed at the possibility that Drei could win this. “She doesn’t even know kung sino si Hello Kitty eh!”
“Yes she does!” she stuck her tongue out on him.Then she turned her attention back to her little girl. “Don’t you, Zoe? Kilala mo si Hello Kitty di ba?”
“Kitty!” Zooey said obviously unaware that her parents are about to wage war against each other just because of her birthday theme. Alex gave her daughter an evil eye and as if sensing it, she turned and gave him her sweetest grin. “Kitty! Kitty, Dada!”
The two went on with their debate, even urging their family and friends to take a vote. The night ended with Alex winning over Drei but little did he know that it actually has just began. It went on for days which then turned into weeks until it came to a point wherein it was already becoming a competition between the two of them. Neither one of them wanted to concede, both wanted to win. And that's when Caroline decided to put an end into it by bringing Che-Che into the picture.
Having the experience in the field of event organizing, Che-Che had a simple concept in mind: a minimalist party theme. It was an idea that she saw while browsing through Pinterest. She noted that the concept was slowly becoming a trend in the US. The theme was simple, highlighting the three feminine colors of pink, purple and green. She emphasized the decorations that will be used, the venue layout,and all the what nots for the party. Only after less than an hour, she got Alex and Drei to agree on this.
The moment that the birthday theme was settled upon, the three of them - Alex, Drei and Che-Che - began planning the rest of the party. Because of Drei’s busy schedule at work, Alex took over for most of the decisions since he was the one with a flexible workload.
Alex never thought that this was going to take a lot of work. Sure he had his fair share of organizing parties for his friends, bachelor parties most of them, but never in his life has he organized this kind – a children’s party. This was a first for him. It was way too different and far much harder than he thought it would be.
First, it was mutually decided that the venue will be at the Lizares' residence in Antipolo, which was where they’ve been camping out in for the past two weeks. The spacious back garden and pool was just perfect for a Sunday afternoon party. Second,they hired Nick to become the party's official photographer, since he was a family friend plus he did a good job during Zooey's baptism, which happened a week after Alex's birthday. Right after Zooey's pictorial, they all decided on the guest list.
Alex wanted it to be strictly family and close friends. They didn't want a big party but they soon realized that it wasn't as easy as they thought it would be. Drei's immediate family was already taking up majority of their guest list and Alex was thankful that the rest of the Lizares clan from California wouldn't be able to make it. Should that be possible, he could clearly imagine how much guest they'd be having! Drei's parents won't be ablet o make it either so they offered some financial assistance to compensate for missing out on their granddaughter's first birthday.
The invites was next on their agenda, which they decided to do by themselves. And after doing it for two nights in a row and thanks to Des' creative prowess, the 3D-like feelt urned out beautifully. It was sent out a week before the party with a strict RSVP note.
"Okay na tayo sa RSVP for tomorrow?" Alex asked looking over at Drei who was seated at hisleft side.
"Yes." Being in charge of the guest list, Drei had finalized it since last week. She already had the actual number of expected guests for tomorrow's party. They were expecting around 50 adults and 30 kids. She glanced at her notepad. "Okay,next we have... food... what's the situation on this?"
They both wanted Caroline and Chi to take care of the menu, which the women didn't refuse.
"Catering has been taken cared of!" Caroline called out from the living room, where she sat with the kids and her brother Dan, watching some program in NatGeo. "No need to worry."
"Tulog na nga si Tita Chi, ikaw gising pa." Alex told her. "You'll be doing a lot of cooking tomorrow and you're still up!"
"And you shouldn't worry!" Caroline gave him a smug look. "I'm an early riser, hijo! Kaya relax!"
Alex went to their next agenda. "Okay, so what about yung host and the clown?"
"Done na po, Kuya," Che-Che assured him. One of her contacts referred her to one of the most sought after hosts in the kiddie party scene, who had a reasonable packagef or the occasion that included a magician and three other clowns. "Ate Annie and her team will be here an hour before the party."
They then discussed the flow of the program that Annie the Clown had made for Zooey's party. Then they went on discussing about the other kiddie booths that they have agreed on putting up - the face painting booth, the dessert table, the cotton candy factory, popcorn cart and the prize booth for those who will win during theg ames.
"Che, yung sounds pala?" Drei asked out of the blue.
"Okay na yung sounds,guys!" Dan answered for her. "Nakausap ko na yung kaibigan ni Nathan, they'll be here by noon to set up."
Nathan, Chi's son and Alex's cousin, had a friend who could have the sounds set up for the party and would be doing a little dj-ing too.
"Thanks Tito!" Drei smiled at him.
"No worries, kids!" Dan said then he looked at the birthday celebrant who was comfortably sitting on his lap and chugging down her bottle of milk. He planted a quick kiss on her forehead. "Anything for this princess!"
Zooey looked up, took a pause from her drinking, and gave Dan a smile. "Woowoo!"
"Again, shouldn't you be sleeping already, Dad?" Alex's brows furrowed as he watched his father and his daughter get into a mushy hug fest at the living room. Dan did nothing but ignore his son's reminder. "Jeez! Nagpupuyat din kayo eh!"
"Ang aga pa," Dan told him. "Di ba, Zoe? Its early pa ano?" And Zooey babbled, agreeing with her grandfather. "Pagsabihan mo nga si Dadda mo!"
Turning her face towards Alex's direction, she gave him the cutest pissed off look on her face.
"Dadda! No!" she shouted.
Caroline, Matty and Dan gave out a laugh.
"Hala! She's angry!" Matty gasped. "Pano magalit si Mom kay Dad, Zoe? Pakita modali!"
"Akex!" She exclaimed, her face serious. Lifting her pointer finger, she shakes her handback and forth. "No!" Then she babbled some more to what seemed like to be mimicking an angry Drei. But with her angry face, she undeniably looks like Alex. "No, Akex! 'kay? No!"
Their little girl was growing up and her mind, like a sponge, absorbs just about any thing as she learns something new every day. And seeing what she could do never fails tol eave Alex in awe. Lately, it's been Zooey's thing to mimic everyone around her and this particularly is one of her faves. It all started when she saw Alex and Drei having a debate over what to watch for their routine Friday night movie.
The healthy debate suddenly became an argument and while they were caught up raising their voices at each other, they forgot that the little one was sitting on the couch and watching their every move. It was only when they heard Zooey echoing back the last thing Drei said did they realize that she was there all along. Later on, the little missy would use it to her advantage just like now.
Alex tried his best not to laugh. He gave his daughter a straight face. "Psssh!"
"Unt psssh me!" she retorted. Everyone in the room laughed. "Am psssh me! Am pssh me!" she said over and over again, which seemed to be 'Don't you psssh me!' in her baby language.
"Ay bahala na nga kayo!" he surrendered, then went back to look over at his list and checked the 'Sounds' as done.
"See," Drei nudged him with her elbow. "Napagalitan ka tuloy ng unica hija mo! Relax ka kasi."
"Tama na, let's get this over and done with, okay?" he said crossly.
They went back to discussing the rest of their agenda – payments, decorations, and rearranging the program. It was already around past ten when Dan, Caroline and the kids headed for bed. After a few minutes, the three of them were finally done with what they were doing.
“Che, are you sure things are all set na on your end?” Alex checked one last time, before they all called it a night. “The cheques are with you na, right?”
“Yes, Kuya.” Then she held out the envelopes she had with her. “For the host and her crew, for the booths, tables and chairs, décor in-charge and for the sounds.”
“What time pala yung friends mo pupunta for the decorations?” Drei asked while she stood up from her seat and started to gather the papers that were scattered on the table.
“They’ll be here at noon po, Ate. It’s taken care of na.” Che-Che said, standing up along with Alex, and taking a hold of her planner and her small plastic envelope where the rest of the important documents were. “And sabay sila darating with the tables and chairs para isang set up na lang.”
Alex let out a sigh ofrelief. They were finally done and every thing was good to go for tomorrow. He finished the cup of green tea and began clearing the mugs off of the table and then placed them on the kitchen sink. He found Drei and Che-Che still talking to each other at the dining room when he returned.
“Great job, guys,” he interrupted. Then he placed a hand on Che-Che’s shoulder and messed up her hair like he always does. “And now Miss Events Organizer, you get some rest! You’ve done enough today! Tulog na! We have a long day bukas!”
“Naku Kuya, chicken lang tong birthday ni Zooey no!” Che-Che said smugly. “Ako pa! Watch and learn bukas! I’ll show you!”
Hiring Che-Che to help them out was the right thing to do because without her they would still be stuck deciding on Zooey’s birthday theme or what flavor should her cake be and all the whatnots of organizing a party. There was no way they could have done it without her. As Che-Che retreated to one of the guest rooms, Alex and Drei mad etheir way upstairs. First they checked Caroline’s room where they found Matty and Zooey asleep beside the older woman. They soon headed towards their bedroom, which was Alex’s old bedroom.
“Oi, tama na yan!” Drei called out right after seeing Alex checking up on his emails. She just finished doing her nightly routine and was now ready to settle down in bed. “What are you still doing? Work pa din ba yan?”
“Just replying to my boss,” he answered.
“Bubba, enough na yan, maaga pa tayo bukas.” She reminded. “We have to wake up early remember? We’re catching the seven o’clock mass for tomorrow. Baka magalit pa si Madam pag nalate tayo ng gising.”
After hitting the send button for his reply, he went inside their bathroom to brush his teeth. He found Drei setting up his pillows for him like she always does. He settled beside her and she automatically curled up beside him. Alex smiled and kissed her forehead as Drei’s lavender scent engulfed his senses. She nuzzled against his neck, planted a kiss and hugged him tighter.
“You think magiging okay bukas?”
Loosening up her arms that were wrapped around his body, Drei drew back slightly and looked at him.Their eyes met.
“Why would you ever think that?” She placed her hand on his cheek. “Bakit naman hindi magiging okay bukas?”
Alex just shrugged. “I don’t know, just worried, that’s all.”
“And why should you be worried?”
“Wala naman,” he ran his fingers through her hair. “I just have this weird feeling in my stomach all day. Baka something might go wrong or something. Gusto ko lang maging maayos ang lahat bukas for Zooey’s birthday.” And then he noticed the look on Drei’s face. “Babe, is there something wrong?”
“I…”
“What?”
“I think we forgot something.” She bit her lower lip.
Panic was written all over Alex’s face as he sat up and looked at her.
“What? What do you mean we forgot something?”
“I…”
“What? Tell me. Anong nakalimutan natin?” Drei was silent. “How could we forget something when we made sure na okay na lahat kanina?”
“Joke lang!” And then she burst out laughing at him.
Alex looked at her dumbfounded, trying to absorb what just happened. And when it finally sank into him, he gave her an evil eye.
“That wasn’t funny!”
“Yes, it was!” She sat up and faced him. “See how OC you are!”
“Don’t you scare the shit out of me!” But she was still laughing. “I mean it! Tangina!”
“You’ve been so uptight lately,” she pointed out. “You’ve been getting obsessive on the whole birthday planning.”
“I am not!” he countered defensively. “What’s wrong with wanting things to go as perfectly planned?”
“Bubba, it’s just a party!”
“It’s not just a party, it’s our daughter’s first birthday party.”
She laughed even more because seeing Alex so obsessed with something like this was just so hilarious.
“And now, you think this is funny?!”
“No, you’re funny!”
“You’re making fun of me!”
“Cos you’re so praning!”
He grabbed a pillow and smacked her face. She smacked him right back. He finally gave in and laughed at the whole thing. They went on bantering some more, rolling on top of each other until he finally grabbed a hold of her and pinned her beneath him. He stretched her arms on top of her head, his thigh spreading her legs so he could settle between them.
“You’re crazy!”
He cupped her face and kissed her.
“Just like you!” Drei answered breathlessly.
He laughed again and shook his head because indeed, they were both crazy. Crazy for each other. And in the next moment, nobody was laughing anymore.
***
“Are you sure you’ll be okay, Mom?”
Lance’s question pulled Marivic back into reality. It was only then did she realize that they were still inside his car and that she’s been staring blankly over at the cream colored gate. Behind it stood the white, two-storey house that she used to call home.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, the clouds hovered above the clear blue sky and the soft breeze made the trees around the village sway idly. It only reminded her of that same Sunday afternoon when she stepped out of that same cream colored gate and never looked back. That was twenty five years ago but now, as she stood there, it felt like it was only yesterday. She felt a dull ache in her heart as the memories swept over her.
Seeing the startled expression on his mother’s face, Lance gave her hand a squeeze. “Ma?”
“I…” she turned to see the concerned look on her son’s face. “What were you—”
“Okay lang po ba kayo?”
“I’m fine, hijo.” She assured him, squeezing his hand back.
“Sure ka, Mom?” He saw how tenseshe was and he couldn’t stop himself from worrying. She nodded and gave him a smile but he was still skeptical. “Cos you don’t look okay to me.”
“Lance, I’m okay,” she told him, now patting his hand that was on top of hers. “Really, Anak. Okay lang ako.”
Lance, her second born, was always a sensitive type and would always look out for the family. While Jared, the youngest opted to stay in Cebu, Lance pursued his college degree in Manila and has been living here ever since. Marivic and Raul frequently visits him every now and then. Now at 24 and a Certified Public Accountant, he landed a job as an Internal Auditor for Zuellig Pharma Corporation. Lance knew about his mom’s past and was well aware of Alex’s existence.
Even before when they were kids, he and Jared always had that desire to meet their Kuya Alex though they only knew him through Marivic’s stories. And it was one of the reasons why Lance passionately insisted to his parents that he pursue his college education in Manila even if there were a number of great universities in Cebu. He learned some basic information about Alex discretely, like where he lives, works, where he plays basketball, where he usually hangs out and when. And countless of times, despite their mom’s warning that it was a bad idea, he did try to approach him inside one of the bars that Alex usually hangs out in. But it seemed that whenever he finally did, Alex would always either be too busy with his friends or too drunk to care.
And then that day came when he finally got his perfect timing. It was back in 2010 when he saw Alex unexpectedly inside a bookstore in Serendra while he was with his girlfriend. Thinking that maybe it was his lucky day seeing his brother in a sober state, Lance finally mustered the guts to walk up to him. He was standing by a shelf of comic books during that time and then Lance finally spoke up.
They shared a small chat, right after they found themselves mutually agreeing on liking Wolverine. But when he finally introduced who he was, that was when everything between them suddenly went spiraling down the drain. Alex didn’t say a word instead he just stared at him. The revolted look in Alex’s face was enough to make Lance feel so small and unwanted. It was the first and last. He swore to himself that he’d never do that again. Once was enough.
“Are you sure na kaya mo to?” Lance asked yet again, hoping that he could change her mind. He knew how hostile his brother could be just by basing on his first hand experience he had with Alex years ago and how his mom’s meetings with him always turned out. And if this was another disaster waiting to happen again, he’ll definitely step up to Alex this time.
“Yes,” Marivic sighed and nodded. “Yes.”
She felt her voice quiver. It seemed as though her words were betraying her because the look on her face now was saying otherwise. She was nervous and scared of how this all was going to turn out that she clutched the beautifully wrapped box that was sitting on her lap – the gift she had for her granddaughter.
“Mom, you don’t have to do this, you know.”
She knew that she didn’t have to and Lance was sparing her from the madness that was about to happen. Ever since that invitation arrived at her doorstep a month ago, Dan’s words never left her thoughts. It intrigued her all the more whenever she tried to consider it. He assured her that things were different and she trusted him. But how could he be so sure? What if Alex was really different nowadays, and she could obviously see it all over his face, but it was only limited to them and not to her? What if her first born still harbored the same feelings of contempt for her after all these years? And the thought of it suddenly made her uneasy. The resentment in Alex’s eyes was enough to make her breakdown. It was every parent’s nightmare.
She gave herself a moment to compose herself albeit the frantic thoughts in her mind. She could do this, she told herself while she stared at the gate where people were now making their way into. She wasn’t here for Alex, she was here for Zooey. She was doing this for the little girl that she’s been meaning to see.
“No,” she looked at Lance. Holding on the last straw of hope that flickered inside of her, she told him, “I need to do this. And I am going to do this.”
“Okay, Mom,” he answered in spite of the hesitation that’s bothering him. But seeing the spark of determination in her eyes now, he gave way. “Pero if things don’t work out as what you hope would be, umalis ka na, please. Promise me that, Ma.”
“I promise.”
“Call me, okay, Mom? I’ll be at Mia’s,” he told her. Lance was relieved that his girlfriend, Mia just lives in a nearby village. “and we’ll pick you up kaagad.”
“I’ll take note of that, anak.” She unbuckled her seat belt. Then she gave herself a once over at the small overhead mirror and turned to his direction. “Now, how do I look?”
Lance smiled at his mother. “Like a stunning grandmother excited to see her beautiful granddaughter.”
“I love you, Lance.” Her hand rested on his cheek. She raised a fine young man. “Thank you for doing this.”
“I love you too, Ma,” he said. “Sana maging okay ang lahat.”
“I’m praying that it would be.”
She was praying for it for the longest time already. And for almost a month now after considering Dan’s invitation, here she was going in for a plunge and test the waters despite all the possibilities that things might not turn out as what she was hoping for. She’s been living with that same fear that’s been haunting her for years now – Alex’s rejection – but today, she was willing to face it for the last time.
This was the last, she promised herself. If the outcome is what she expected it to be, then she could leave this all behind and never look back. She could finally move on and carry on with that badge of honor that at least, she tried. She tried.
----
Music: Mother & Father by Broods