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Kai
Her scent hit me like a snowstorm. The sweet smell of honeysuckle and vanilla invaded my nose. Antal howled loudly in my head, the sound vibrating in my head.
"We've found her! We've found her!"
"Then reject me."
Our sudden rejoice was short lived as reality came crashing down on us as she spoke those words. Oh, Goddess, what have I done? How could I say such things to my Mate? I didn't even know where all those hurtful words came from and I could kick myself for spewing out such atrocious insults at her.
Mate. She was our Mate, our beautiful Mate. I stared at her for a long time, just taking in her features. The world around me seemed to fade, while I took in her immaculate face. If it hadn't been for her eyes, I would have thought she felt completely indifferent about what I had just said to her. All her facial muscles were relaxed, but her pale orbs held so much emotion. Anger. Sadness. Despair.
"What? Is the Alpha going to go back on his word? Can't he find the words to reject his Mate?" She spat the word "Mate", as though it were acid on her tongue. I suppose it was, seeing as I had degraded her yet again.
"No, please, please don't reject her," Antal pleaded.
I knew it was wrong, I knew I should back down and accept her. Hell, I wanted to so badly. I wanted to touch her again and feel her pressed against me. Antal wanted her to stroke his head again like she did that one night not too long ago.
But I couldn't. What kind of Alpha would I be if I went back on my word? How can I promise my people strength and protection if my Mate could not shift? How could I accept a Mate who wasn't truly one of us?
Antal let out a high-pitched whine, knowing I had made my choice. My heart was clenching and my hands were growing sweaty. I felt dizzy just thinking of rejecting her.
"Please! Please, maybe we can heal her, maybe we can find a way to make her shift!" Antal was grasping at straws and we both knew I wouldn't change my mind. We both knew there was no way to make someone shift if they had no wolf, and seeing as Laura couldn't shift, she didn't have one.
I glanced around and saw my people watching Laura and I both anxiously. I could see the questioning in their faces. Were they already thinking of me as weak because I was taking so long to speak?
"I, Kai Lorell, Alpha of the Black River Pack," I inhaled deeply before continuing, "reject my Mate."
A pressure began to build up in my chest and it took all my strength to stop my knees from buckling. My vision hazed and I couldn't breathe. It felt like my lungs weren't functioning properly and I gasped for the little air I could get. It was as though someone was holding my head underwater and no matter how much I thrashed, I could not reach the surface.
Roland appeared by my side and I grabbed his shoulder to steady myself. He placed a hand on my back and shot me a worried look. It took me a few moments to regain myself and even then I was barely standing on my own. When I straighten my back, I was surprised when my eyes looked into Laura's.
She didn't seem to have moved an inch from where she stood before I rejected her. How could she seem so unaffected? Did the Bond mean nothing to her?
"Well, aren't we glad that's over," she breathed lightly before adding in a more mocking tone, "Congratulations on not stuttering."
She turned on her heel and headed for the pack house, only stopping to shoot the wolf she had just fought a warning glare. I recognised it was Carla, Donatella's wolf. I held back a sigh; not at all surprised it was her who stirred up trouble. Ever since I slept with her a few moons back, she'd been parading herself around the rest of the pack as though she were the Luna. She didn't seem to understand the meaning of "no strings attached".
My wolf was completely silent. When I called out to Antal, he gave no answer, so I knew he had buried himself so deep in my mind that I couldn't reach him. I could understand his anger, but it hurt me that my own wolf would shut me out. I guess this was only a small chunk of what Laura was feeling.
No, wait, she barely reacted. My head snapped up and I stared at the pack house, a fresh wave of pain crashing down on me. Did I mean so little to her?
"She wasn't even upset," I whispered to Roland.
He ordered my pack to resume to their chores, before guiding me towards the training centre. "I know. Not even a tear. But you know how reserved she is. She will probably let herself mourn when she's in private." He removed his hand from my back and stepped in front of me. "For what it's worth, I think you made a bad choice to reject her."
"But she's-!"
"Weak? I think even you know that's not true, cousin. She took on one of our female warriors and defeated her in human form. So what if she can't shift?"
"That's the whole reason why I rejected her! If she can't shift how can I expect her to protect this pack? Sure, she managed to protect Mira against a single wolf, but what if we're ambushed? She could never take on more than a wolf at a time. She is a strong human, but I need a strong wolf to be Luna. If she could have shifted, I would have taken her on the spot! Do you think I wanted to reject her? No! But I need a Luna who is one of us."
We stepped into the training centre and Roland guided me to a boxing ring. "Maybe you should blow some steam off," he said and threw a pair of gloves at me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I walked back to the pack house after my boxing session with Roland, I saw my mother waiting for me on the porch. The look on her face told me I was in for a scolding.
"Kai Lorell, I never thought I would be so...so angry with your choices," she huffed, her arms flaying wildly in the air before they slumped to her side again.
I came to a stop in front of her, standing on the step below but still towering over her tiny body. I lowered my head in shame, knowing where she was going with this. The small boxing session with Roland had provided little distraction to the burning sensation gnawing at my insides, reminding me of the rejection. "It was the right thing to do. We need a strong Luna, someone who can rule. A non-shifter will not do."
I decided I would not call my Mate by her name anymore. Every time her name crossed my mind, I cringed inwardly and felt my heart clench. Speaking it out loud would hurt even more. Antal was still shutting me out, so I had no one to talk to about how I would get over this ache in my chest.
"When I first saw her, I knew she would be the strongest Luna this pack had ever seen. Now, imagine my disappointment when I heard you rejected her. Are you blind? Or are you numb? Can you not see the effect she has on this pack? Can you not feel your people growing stronger since she's been around?" She hissed at me, slapping my arm. "It disgusts me how people treat her just because she can't shift, and you, her own Mate, are one of those bullies. You don't know what you've just lost."
"She's not strong enough, mother! As a Senser, I thought you would have realised that as soon as I did."
Some wolves were born with special abilities, like Sight, where they could see the future. In my mother's case, she was a Senser. She could "feel" a person, their power and their aura.
"Which is exactly why I am telling you that you've made one of the biggest mistakes in your life. You think she's weak? Then tell me why when I sense her, I sense more strength in her than you and me put together? How can you call someone weak if they are stronger than you?"
That made no sense. There was no way she could be stronger than an Alpha. "That's impossible," I called after my mother, who was retreating into the house. "She doesn't shift, she can't be strong."
"Are you so ignorant of your surroundings? Or are you just choosing to ignore the improvements? Two of our Elders were dying from a simple cold not half a week ago and now? Now they are back to teaching the youngsters."
"Maybe they just got lucky and the Moon Goddess wanted them to get better," I argued.
"Oh, yeah? They why are your bruises already fading? Even an Alpha can't heal that fast." She nodded at my bare chest before disappearing inside.
I glanced down and grunted in disbelief. She was right; my bruises were already fading. In fact, they were practically almost invisible now, only faint fleck of red. Could it really be because of my rejected Mate?
Was this the secret Daniel was talking about? That she improved people's health and could heal them faster? I'd never heard anything like it. Maybe she was rare, that's why she kept it a secret. I bit back a smile. Our Mate was strong.
"She's not our Mate," Antal snarled. I jumped, not having realised he had linked with me again. "You made sure of that."
I flinched at his words. He was right, I had neglected her and now I couldn't get her back.