•i wish I could hurt you the way you hurt me. But I know that if I had the chance, I wouldn't do it.•
Nothing.
That's what I was feeling. Was I dead? How was I dead? I couldn't even remember why I would die. But where the heck was I?
Then I felt it. It was a tingling sensation but it sent pleasures throughout my whole body. Something different after not feeling anything at all. But I couldn't see who it was that was holding my hand. I wanted to, but I couldn't. And it frustrated the hell out of me.
"Hey Elliana."
I remember this voice. What was his name again?
Gabriel.
It was Gabriel. My heart ached at the sound of his voice. He seemed tired, torn out and dejected. I hated this tone of his voice.
He chuckled softly and I felt my heart constrict in a good way. He should laugh more.
"They said you had gone into a temporary coma and that you would be listening even though you're not awake. And depending on how the monitor just blew up, I take it that you're listening?" He asked hopefully and I wanted so badly to nod my head yes but I knew I couldn't move an inch at all.
"So I guess I'll keep talking and you would listen." He continued in the same dejected voice. "It's funny how I don't have a nickname for you. Everyone of your friends call you by one. You did say it was a combination of Ella and Tiana right? So how about I call you Ella?"
My heart hammered against my chest and I could here the monitor beeping like crazy. That was how much Gabriel's words was affecting me.
"You like it? Alright. Ella it is." I could almost feel him smile even in this condition. I have to wake up soon. I have to.
"I have been meaning to tell you something. Remember when I told you about Zach, Maddison and me?" I do. "I didn't tell you one important thing." Wait. What?
He paused. Why did he pause?
"I was in love with Maddison as well." My heart constricted painfully and I felt nothing again. Why was I hurting so much? First Zach and now Gabriel too? Don't tell me he is still in love with her.
"I couldn't help not fall in love with her. Nobody could. But my best friend loved her first. And I loved my best friend. So I suppressed my feelings. I wanted them to be happy together. It was hard but I had to do it for our friendship. Because for me, our friendship was more important than anything. But all my respect for Maddison were gone the day she called me a pathetic excuse for using my mother's illness. I hat- no I loathed her after that."
He paused again. No. I wanted him to continue. I wanted to hear what was after that.
"But I don't want to do the same mistake again, you know. I was scared when I started to get attached to you. After what Maddison and Zach did, heck I was scared to get close to anyone. But you came in like a storm. Forcefully yet with determination and found a place inside me yourself. You tore down my walls of insecurity and numbness and made me feel things I never even felt with Maddison. I know you still love Zach because I know it will be hard to forget him. He was your first love after all. But I don't want to make the mistake of giving up again because I know I need you. I need you to prevent me from building those walls again. I don't care if you still have feelings for Zach, but if you are hearing me now, I want you to wake up and say yes to me. I love you, Ella."
I felt it.
How my heart felt heavy and a tear fell down my cheek. Gabriel loved me. The feeling of being loved was really beautiful. I never felt it with Zach because he never really loved me back. But when Gabriel said that, I felt the comfort, the overwhelming feeling of love, of contentment and happiness.
I tried my hardest to wake up. To look at him and thank him for the feelings he made me feel. To thank him for loving me back. I love-
I loved him, huh?
An overwhelming feeling surged through me again at the realisation and the determination to wake up just increased the more.
With all my might, I squeezed back Gabriel's hand that was holding onto mine. Then I tried to open my eyes but it felt like it was stuck with glue. Why is this so hard? The monitor beeped like crazy and I could hear Gabriel freaking out.
"Doctor!" He yelled, leaving my hand. I missed the warmth instantly. But I had to do this. There was a painful feeling that started to come. It started from my head, to my ribs, to my stomach, to my legs and then to my whole body at once. It was too much painful to bear.
Slowly, I could finally open my eyes but the too bright lights and white walls blinded by vision. It was all blurry when a man in glasses hovered above me and put a light on my eyes.
"Miss Kramer, can you hear me?" He asked.
I nodded but it sent a jolt of pain to my head making me instantly wince. That hurt!
"Do you remember what happened to you?" He asked next.
I frowned. Flashes of images appeared in my head. Me calling out dad in the kitchen. Dad yelling at me. Dad saying it was my fault. Me not able to breathe. Me running outside. And finally a car hitting me.
I closed my eyes tightly when another shot of pain pierced through my head and I almost cried out.
"It's alright. You don't need to force yourself." The doctor said with a smile and got to talking with the nurses. I slowly tried to look around for Gabriel. He was right here right? He called the doctors so where the hell was he now? Why did I want to see him so badly? Oh right. I just realised in my comatose stage that I loved him. It would only be me to realise something like this at the most unexpected situations.
But there was no Gabriel.
After a few hours of the nurses patching me up with another set of bandages and carefully helping me to sit up, there was still no sign of Gabriel or my friends or my sister. Was everyone ignoring me after what happened to me? Shouldn't they be here to comfort me or something? Wow. I got really amazing friends. Please note the sarcasm.
A knock on my door brought me out of my trance. Must be the nurses. I sighed and said a soft 'come in'. The door opened and I was surprised to see a 'tear-filled' Gemma followed by a concerned-looking Noah. I really think both of them have gotten together.
"Hey." I greeted with a smile. She sobbed then came running towards me, engulfing me in a big hug. That hurt like shit but I still hugged her back. I could feel the worry she had for me through her hug. Aww. I loved her so much.
After the hug, she pulled away and wiped her eyes before glaring at me. "You're a major bitch, you know that?" She scolded.
I frowned. "How can you say that? I'm the one injured here." I whined.
"You are always happy. Always making people smile even when you were hurt inside because of Zach. But that was the only thing we knew. You never told us what burdened you the most and what happens to you at home. Are we not friends? You could have at least confided in us, you idiot." She cried again and Noah was quick enough to be by her side, giving her a side hug.
I gratefully smiled at him and then sighed. "I'm sorry Gemma. I didn't think that much about it. I didn't want to worry you guys." I truthfully said.
"If we wouldn't worry about you, then who will? You always help us, worry about us so if we wouldn't do the same then who will?"
My chest constricted in pain. But the good kind of pain. It filled me with happiness and the feeling of being loved. My own eyes filled with tears and I looked down with a smile and eyes filled to the brim.
"Thank you for worrying about me." I said and I was engulfed in a hug again. This time it didn't hurt.
"Hugging without us?"
"Brett!" I happily called out and looked at the door to see everyone standing there. Even Zach. But I decided to ignore my feelings for now and focused at all of my friends.
"You gave us all a heart attack, you know that?" Brett ruffled my hair and gave me a big hug filled with warmth and love. I cuddled against him tightly.
" Aww. Brett is worried about me?" I joked.
His face turned serious as he pulled away and patted my head. "I was really scared you know?" He whispered with a sad smile. I smiled back as well.
"Move! It's my turn!" Jenna said, pushing Brett away making us laugh. .
She glared at me making me gulp and sink a little on the bed. Her eyes soon started to fill with tears and she finally broke down as she hugged me. I chuckled and hugged her back with much force even though it hurt a little. I missed my friends so it was reasonable.
"You are never allowed to get into any kinds of accidents again." She said as she pulled away. I laughed.
"I promise."
"Good."
Next Kiara and Chance came and gave me a hug each. They were so cute!
"I made this for you." Kiara said, handing me a teddy bear. She was always good at this kind of things so it was no surprise but what was written there was a surprise.
'Gabiana' it said.
I looked at her with a 'really' look. She just grinned and shrugged. I shook my head with a smile and looked at the doll. Well, I guess I could keep it.
Then Zach came forward.
Everyone of us went silent for a while, the atmosphere suddenly turning awkward. Jenna was the one to break the thick atmosphere.
"You sure made us wait long. I'm gonna get some coffee. Everyone coming?" She asked. Subtle was not in Jenna's dictionary I guess. It was so obvious she was giving Zach and I some 'alone' time to talk.
Everyone awkwardly walked out of the room leaving only Zach and me inside. We didn't talk for a few seconds, me looking down at the doll and Zach looking at me, because if the burning hole at the side of my head which was his gaze on me.
Without any warning, I was suddenly crashed to his body, his arms encircling around me. It was sudden but it send a rush of electricity down my body. It felt good to be hugged by him especially when his worry, concern, relief and....love was flowing through it. Love, huh? His love for his best friend of course.
I chuckled and cuddled deeper into his warm hug, positioning my hand in his arms. This felt perfect but there was still a nagging feeling in my heart. Of course I would feel that. I was also in love with Gabriel.
"Please don't scare me like that again." He whispered, gently caressing my hair.
I nodded, tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. Why was I crying?
"Where's Maddison?" I found myself asking.
He stiffened before pulling away from the hug and looking down with a sigh.
"Were you angry at me because I was only with Maddison and not you?" He asked.
"What? Who even gave you that idea?" Well, it was true to an extent but not that much. I knew about his feelings for her and it hurt like a bitch but I was not angry.
"Maddison said it was the m-"
I groaned in frustration, interrupting him. "Why do you only listen to what she has to say? She is not always right you know?" I said, irritated. What I really wanted to say was ' She is a two-faced lying bitch who has you wrapped around her little perfect fingers. You shouldn't be listening to her but oh wait-list you're so madly in love with her so that is not going to happen huh?"
I dunno why but I was feeling aggressive and violent after he brought that up.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry. It's just that-"
"That you still love her and can't help but believe her in everything she says." I finished it off for him. He looked at me with surprise but there was no hint of denial in his eyes.
It hurts.
"Look Zach. I'm not angry at you for being with Maddison. Yes, I was upset that I couldn't spend a lot of time with you but I was not angry. You can't help who you fall for and I perfectly understandable that you would want to spend more time with her than your best friend. I'm your best friend after all. So if you want to go ahead and date her again, you have my blessings. But you should please hear out other people in question as well. Not only her because it may lead to bigger misunderstandings and you may lose more friendships again." I said.
Damn, it fucking hurts.
"Again? Did Gabriel tell you about us?" He asked, suddenly getting angry. This boy!
"Stop with the grudge against him, you idiot. Even when he told about guys, he didn't once bad mouth you. He talked more about how he respected your friendship than what happened between you both. That shows how much he loves you as a best friend. You never heard his side of the story right? Why? Why didn't you listen to what he had to say?" I demanded, getting angry for Gabriel.
It's still hurting, though.
Zach looked down guiltily after I said that. "That time anger consumed me I guess."
I sighed. "Zach. Anger can lead to many things. And see where it led you. It caused you to lose a very important friend. If you ever valued your friendship, then you have to hear him out. Okay?"
He seemed to be contemplating on what to say.
"Don't act childish." I said slyly.
He blushed a little as he looked up at me. "I'm not acting childish."
I laughed. But it hurt. These feelings are getting stronger.
"Fine. I'll talk to him. Anyways take care alright?"
Don't go.
"You know I will. I am thinking strongest."
He chuckled. "Yeah sure. But seriously take care okay? Maddison must be waiting."
I froze. The feelings just filled my whole body and said those words that may just ruin our friendship.
"I love you."