Afraid: The Neighbourhood
"When I wake up, I'm afraid somebody else might take my place."
You think you know what's going to happen in your life, and then he comes into it. And everything around you crashes and burns, but you still want him more than anything. Love and hate are so blurred, and yet I know exactly how I feel about him. I love him and I hate him.
The first sound I wake up to is birds chirping excessively. That was nearly two hours ago— and I'm still awake, looking straight up at the ceiling, dreading the day before it's even begun.
My alarm rings off at exactly seven am, and the nostalgic sound causes me to think about when my mother would poke in her head at six when I had zero period. I'm so glad that's not the case now.
School— or should I say the inevitable.
"Get up. Get up." I chant to myself inside my head.
I now wish my mother was intruding my room; her wet hair from her morning shower dampening the back of her neck.
It's one of those days where I don't want get up. My body feels like being engulfed into the comforter and sleep, but my mind stays awake from the protruding thoughts. I shake my head silently to myself, today will not be that day. I don't know why I get so anxious during the first week of school, but I do. The first day is always the worst, and each day it becomes less nerve racking. Day three... Not much better, but I got seven hours of sleep at least.
My phone rings off, signaling that my best friend is awake. I roll my eyes at the annoying sound, but reach over my side table to pick it up. I start, "Hello-"
"Good morning, Dawn Rivers!!" Lauren bellows into my phone causing me to pull away from the device.
"Does it have to be a good morning, can't it be a bad morning."
"Is it a bad morning for you?" Her voice much more softer, and I begin to tap my fingers in content. She knew how broody I can get.
"Nope." I say simply, not really wanting to elaborate on myself.
"Well then, it's going to be a good morning," She sounds so assure that it makes me feel like she's smiling.
"What about a swell morning?" I press as I bite my tongue to hold back my laughter.
She scoffs back, "Ha ha, you are always the complicated one in our friendship," she teases, but know there is some hidden truth to it but I won't dwell any longer, "Have you showered yet?"
"Do you mean have I even gotten out of bed yet," I stretch my limbs to release the pressure that was building
"Dawn," she whines, "Hurry up, we only have thirty minutes until we have to leave."
"By the time I'm out the shower, you'll still be putting on makeup." I yawn out as I finally make myself get up out of bed. This is why she calls me, mostly because I really have no energy to start the day . As I've grown into my senior year, it's safe to say life is hard. My toes touch my wooden floor, and I shiver at the coldness of it with the late summer weather.
"You're also the funny one in our friendship," she quips.
I walk to the vanity mirror, and look at my basic face. Bland. Incomplete. Boring. You name it, and that's me, "Well you're the pretty one." I pluck one of my blond locks between my fingers to pull the stringy curllike hair and untangle as best as I can with one hand; the other one occupied by my phone pressed to my ear.
"You'd be the pretty one, but you lack something."
"Enlighten me," I examine further into my face, and I feel like I'm invisible— well I am I suppose.
"Confidence." She says brightly.
"Yeah, that's what it is," I say glumly, but I can't overthink it too much or I'll just become annoyed with myself. She is right though, but I'll push it aside for now.
"Now hurry up, or I'm skipping school and fucking Chad."
I scoff to her. Chad. I originally was the one who met him first. It was at Golden Spoon this summer. I was meeting up with Lauren when I felt an arm graze mine. I looked up to him nervously. He said sorry. He wanted the ice cream that was next to mine. I was too awkward to say anything, so I just laughed. He continued to talk to me even through the line. It was wrapped in small talk, but it extended to me blushing immensely at this Mexican guy who smelt like cologne.
But of course my best friend got a scoop of him, and I didn't even bother to think of anything of it afterward.
***
"Breakfast ready mother?!" Lauren calls to me as she enters my house. I made pop tarts. One cinnamon for me, and one bullshit strawberry for her. She likes to think it's healthier if she eats the one with the "fruit."
I hum to her in response, and hand her "healthy food." We start on our way down to our hell of a school. It's only a few blocks from my house.
Living at this house has taught me one thing, loneliness is a bliss. I'm surrounded by houses filled with people that go to my high school, and yet I have no friendships with them. I have no stories where I meet the boy next door, or my best friend is just across the street. Lauren lives a block over— but sometimes I wish I had more than just one friend.
From other people's eyes, I was that person who was in elementary, junior high, and high school and still... you wouldn't recognize me. You'd say 'hey you look familiar.' Not 'hey Dawn.'
While all the while I'd recite your full name, and what classes we were in with each other. Not that I'm weird or anything, no... you're just an idiot who has long term memory loss.
This all changed though didn't it, Dawn? You thought you could be ignored for the rest of your life and no one would bother you, but I guess friendships come and go, and relationships are just as fast.
"So you and Chad, huh," I say to Lauren, my idiot of a best friend.
"Mhm." A smile was playing at her lips. "It might get serious... I don't know."
"What do you mean serious? You have never been serious in your life."
"Oh, shut up." She laughs back while shoving my arm.
A roar is heard a mile away, and my thoughts leave from Lauren's cattiness to the infamous sound. Our laughter is long gone when the car rips past us.
Jake Dennings.
Rumors spread about him like wildfire, but at the same time, people didn't know much about him except he was a simple player that every girl wants in their stories.
I saw him around school off and on throughout my middle school days, but it didn't seem we crossed paths. We talked maybe once or twice if I can think hard enough. Life was a blur back then, and realizing how much he's changed through 8th grade to sophomore year— he was a sore eye. All I know for a fact is almost about everyone in our senior class has or is having a mild crush on him. I'm guilty as well. Back into freshmen year. There was no chance then, and there's no chance now.
His personality could be horrible like everyone says. Well, that's what all the girls say who have been heartbroken by him.
"So are we going to the party at Dawson's this Friday," Lauren breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Uh, no," I say in a matter fact tone.
"Why?!" She whines. "We never go anywhere together. Come on Dawn. One party."
"You can go," I say. I see a glimpse of hope in her eyes. "I don't have to go."
I don't know why she bothers to ask me. I never go anyway; she has to have an alternative motive.
"Dawn Montgomery Rivers!" She recites my full name.
I cringe as she recites it. "Look, Lauren... For starters, you know I hate my full name, and all people do at parties are get drunk and receive STD's and semen into there egg. Concluding into pregnancies of scandal. Besides if I go, I'll be a major buzzkill most of the night."
"You know this isn't over." She knew how stubborn I was, so she doesn't try as hard as she used to when we were younger.
"Oh, it is."
"Come on Dawn." She rushes me by walking faster on purpose, she's much taller than me; and her way of getting pissy. Before I notice what's happening, I trip on a rock that's right in front of me, and I nearly tumble, but Lauren catches my arm to steady me.
"Dawn, are you okay?" Lauren says in between giggles.
I hear laughter across the way, and my glare finds the noise coming from Jake. He's near the front of the parking lot, and his smile doesn't falter his lips when he sees me staring. He proceeds to go on his phone.
Hello to you too.
***
There's a crowd around my English classroom. No one enters the room. Our principal Dr. Farms stands guard by handing each student a piece of paper. I finally reach him, getting a schedule change.
Mr. Davidson. 4th period.
Lauren stands by me; she looks back and forth from her schedule to mine. "Really?" She mumbles. "We have no classes together anymore."
"What's going on?" I ask her. "Why are we getting a schedule change?"
"I heard that Mrs. Braxton slept with three seniors. Somehow someone ratted her out. She's gone."
"Ew." I sigh in annoyance. We start walking towards our new classrooms. "Who's your teacher?"
"Mrs. Tu. Hey, at least I think you have a class with Alice. You can become better friends with her now." She seems excited that her other close friend and I can bond more.
Alice was an interesting person to say the least. She and Lauren became friends from both trying out cheerleading. Yeah... they didn't make it, so they joined the soccer team. Alice and I have become more of acquainted friends. We had small talks here and there, and we had maybe a few inside jokes. I was a little happy that I can try to be better friends with her.
But that still doesn't help my anxiety. Why did I have to get a schedule change? My hands begin to sweat, but I shake the fear a way. "I
got this."
Finally, I get to English. I spot Alice in a hot second. Her short brown hair barely reaches past her ear. Her brown-green eyes gaze down to her desk. She seems a bit down more than usual.
"Hey!" I greet her.
"Oh hey. You got a schedule change?" She asks.
"Yeah." There's a moment of silence, and I know she's not in the mood to talk from her immediate sighs of annoyance. "Is this seat taken?" I ask, gesturing towards the seat I sat.
"No. Mr. Dickinson doesn't care."
"I thought it's Davidson?"
"He sure acts like a dick." She laughs at her small joke, and I join her. That doesn't last for long with saddening breaths passing through her lips.
I try to bite my tongue to hold back my yearning questions, but I can't hold it. "What's wrong?"
It takes a moment for her to answer, her eyes widening at my loaded question, "Nothing really. Just... you know, Casper's been acting distant lately."
Casper is her boyfriend. They've been inseparable for who knows how long, it's a bit weird to see that they are having problems in paradise.
The bell goes off; signaling that class is starting. Mr. Davidson is at the front of the class, and soon he turns around the dry erase board. His eyes are puzzled when he notices new faces in the room. I'm one of them. He goes to his computer and his once puzzled face turns into a scowl. He scoffs out loud before taking a long sip at his coffee. It's been five minutes already since class has begun and he hasn't spoken yet. And with no direction, our class begins to talk— loudly.
Somehow he gets up to settle down to give the new students the curriculum. I think I might like his class; only because Alice is here and she's quite fun to be around. Even on her bad days, it feels like it's one of her good ones. I couldn't relate unless I was lying. My bad days were always bad, although no one was able to catch them except maybe Lauren— if she wasn't busy with other people.
After 30 minutes of class, the commotion from the students begins to become louder. "Alright," my teacher chuckles, his hands tightening on the edge of his desk, "I'm not liking this one bit. I had 30 students, and now I have 38. Now this class is going to shit. We're moving seats." Everyone groans out, and I as well.
I look over to Alice, but she doesn't say anything. She forms a fake frown to which I push her arm in retaliation.
Everyone begins moving to the walls, and Mr. Davidson begins calling out names. Until I'm one of the last few people standing, "Rivers sit there." He calls out my last name, and I begin to stride towards the spot he claims me to sit. "Jake sit next to her."
I don't think much of it until I hear his scoff. I don't want to sit next to you either asswipe, but I keep my mouth shut like I always do. The way he walks towards our table creates a dark shadow that could swallow me into him. He sits next to me, rearranging his sunglasses to his pleasing. The funny thing is, I feel like I haven't seen his eyes since middle school. Are they brown, green? Maybe some weird disease color purple.
"Okay, so since you have new partners, get to know them a bit." Meaning I'm too lazy to teach so talk freely.
I hear a lot of noises and groans because of what we have to do. Small talk wasn't easy for me. It especially, wasn't easy when it's a quiet imitating guy that doesn't like the idea of sitting next to me as much as I want to sit next to him. I'm the most awkward person I know, and I guess everyone else agrees with their social skills.
I keep moving around in my seat just looking at the board ahead of me.
Suddenly, Jake backs in his chair. He stares at me with a deep sigh. I continue to stare ahead of me not daring to look at him, in fear of an awkward stare down.
"I'm Dawn. Dawn Rivers." I mutter, my fingers comb through my hair behind my reddening ear.
"Jake Dennings." He says. "But I'm sure you already knew that."
I didn't know if he meant that as in cockiness or if he knew that I knew his name from the long-ago past of junior high. I hear another sigh leave his lips. I finally look at him; now he's looking at the board.
"Not really." I lie a little bit, but he didn't need to be so arrogant about it if he meant it in that way. He could have just forgot about our small talks then to ease in now.
He scowls at me, or what I think is scowling since I can't see his eyes. "Really?" He laughs at me."Didn't know everyone lied on this campus."
"How do you want me to respond to that. Sure I've heard people talk. But it's not like I know you." I try to defend myself. "And also I didn't know if you still remembered me from junior high."
He looks up the ceiling, sighing more so, in which it only turns to groans.
"So it's true," I mumble to myself realizing that he was an arrogant snob.
"What's true?" He questions me.
"Oh, nothing." I scrunch my nose and put my hand to rest my head.
"Come on, sunshine. I don't bite."
"Don't call me sunshine." I turn towards him with disgust.
"Well, now I know it's true." He repeats my saying. Behind his shades, I somehow see his eyes darken.
"What?" It's my turn to question him.
"You're boring."
"Well, who in the hell says 'I know you know me'" I imitate his voice. His voice is deep and hollow. "And of course I've heard messed up stuff. That you're the biggest manwhore around campus." Why in the fuck did I say that?
Now he gets in my face. He snatches his sunglasses off, and I'm left gasping. His perching green eyes stare down at my cold blue ones. His eyes were beautiful; I had to admit.
"Listen, smartass, you know nothing about me, and I'm pretty damn okay with you believing those stupid rumors. But do not insult me thinking you can get away with it."
"Oh, what is the big bad wolf going to do." I snort.
His brows deepen as his face inches towards me. We glare at one another. I'm not losing this staring battle if it's the end of time. He glances down at my lips. I look back at his compelling eyes, and I know if I don't move away now I'll be under control. Under the control of Jake. I pull back and sit back in my seat looking ahead at the board.
In the corner of my eyes, I see a small grin forming— Some victory he has seemed to have won. I scoot my seat farther away from him to give me more space.
"And who seems to be scared of the... What did you call me? Big bad wolf? Oh, I am big, just only in a way girls probably like. Some guys maybe." He puts back his sunglasses, and his smile grows.
"I guess I didn't get the memo that you were gross too." I cross my arms and try to wait until this little meet and greet is over.
"I'm bad, but differently from what you think. Wolf... Hm... Now that's where you're right."
"Where are you getting at?" I grew tired of his stupid weird analogy that I somehow created.
"That maybe you have got me figured out and just not using the right meaning to them."
"And maybe I'm not, and you're just an asshole who needs some ass."
"Oh, and Miss. Priss cusses I see."
"Don't call me that!" I glare at him wanting to slap him across the face.
"What are you going to do, huh?"
"If this is a way of some sort of story where the "bad boy" tries to swoon the "good girl," you're not doing too well." I put quotations through everything with my hands.
He looks at me weirdly, but soon enough he starts laughing his ass off.
"What?"
Through laughter, he looks through his hooded eyes." You really think I would ever have a thing for you?" He laughs even louder at the thought. He says something else, but I can't decipher the filled waves of laughter in the room.
My cheeks redden. "Well, at least I don't have some fake sob story that you probably lie about to get any girl you want."
That's where he goes silent. "Once again, Miss. Priss, you know nothing about me. So stop acting as you do." He practically growls at me.
"Well, you're the one that said I heard about you."
"Did I say that those things were true?" Before I can answer, he snaps at me. "That's what I thought." He mumbles the last words.
"Stop acting all tough and mean. It's an act." I say growing tired of his loose threats.
"Oh, really." He challenges.
I don't have time to answer because our teacher interrupts us as he speaks. " Okay, class I'm going to go around the class to ask what you have learned about your partner." Jake, let's start with you. What have you learned about Donna."
"It's Dawn." Every other day, it felt like no one remembered my name.
"What I learned about Dawn is she is the biggest bitch in school and has never been fucked properly to make her shut the fuck up."
My eyes go wide with astonishment that he would say something like that, as the rest of class is laughing so hard, their eyes popped out.
"Quiet down. Jake, you know how I'm going to respond to that, right?" My teacher asks him.
"Detention?" Jake answers smugly.
My teacher nods his head while closing his eyes in annoyance.
Really? Just Detention.
"What? That's it. Detention. A stupid detention. For an hour. Really?" I interrupt. This is appalling. He insulted me disgustingly.
"Listen, Dana-"
"It's fucking Dawn! Dawn fucking Rivers. Not Donna or stupid Dana! It's fucking Dawn!" I snap like a twig breaking under feet.
People around gasp as I finish my rant. Jake slightly chuckles, covering his mouth with his hands.
"And do you know what I'm going to respond to that." The teacher closes his eyes in a usual bored way like if he's already had this same discussion every period.
I lean back in my chair, ready to pounce out this classroom. "Detention?"
He nods his head. "And as a second punishment for the both of you, I'm not changing your partners." A smile played at his yellowish teeth stained from coffee.
"Oh come on-" Jake begs.
"Jake, not another word." He warns him. "That is for disrupting my classroom."
The bell rings, and before I know it I bust through the door.
-
A/N: rewrite of chapter 1 May 7th, 2019