The Butler
Third Person's POV
Alex was very mad to the point na naibunton nya ang galit sa dalaga. It was never his intention to accuse her of something he's sure that she never planned. Lalo na at kita sa mga mata nito ang pagkagulat ng malaman nitong ina nya ang matagal na nitong kakilala.
Pero ng makita nyang muli ang ina, it was like he was back to the lost six year old boy. Iyong batang naghanap ng kalinga ng ama ngunit hindi naibigay sa kanya nito dahil abala ito sa pagsagip sa sariling kalugmukan, at dahil iyon sa kanyang ina na umabanduna sa kanila, sa kanya.
When he was a kid he experienced being left out, one by one, people in his life starts to leave. First was his mother, then his father, at doon nya napatunayan na lahat ng tao ay kaya syang iwan lang ng basta-basta.
He never had the chance to experience a complete and a happy family that was full of love.
Kaya natakot syang magmahal, dahil takot din syang maiwan. So he chose to live for himself, he chose to put boundaries to the people around him, in that way, hindi sya masasaktan, hindi rin sya maiiwanan.
He despises women, he was never close with them maliban na lang siguro kay Arianna na talagang pinatunayan nito na mananatili ito sa kanyang tabi bilang kaibigan. Dahil sa bawat kababaihan na nakikita nya, nakikita nya ang ina na umabandona sa kanya.
But when Kailee came into the picture, everything changed. Bumalik ang ala-ala ng batang binigyan nya ng kwintas na may kalahating puso as a sign that he will marry her someday, sya ang nauna, the eleven years old Alex already marked the six year old Kailee to be his when they grow up.
Kailee was the girl who gave light to his dark world even for a short period of time.
Kaya't nagseselos sya kapag nakikita itong masaya kasama ang kaibigan nito, na ito ang mas nakasama nito sa maraming bagay, naiinis sya kapag nakikita nyang umiiyak ito at gusto nyang manapak sa kung sino man ang nanakit dito. He wants to protect her, take care of her and love her for a long time as long as he lives.
Pero di nya magawa. He can't easily give in.
Because he's too fucked up and he needs to fix himself, but he can't, 'cause he's scared to know the truth behind his parents story.
Alex also knew that he shouldn't have done it. Hindi nya dapat pinaasa ang dalaga, hindi na nya dapat ipinakita dito ang pagpapahalaga because he knew very well what would be the consequences of his sweet actions. But his heart says otherwise. Pinipigilan nya ang sarili, he's scared of falling for Kailee dahil ang alam nya ay hindi sila nararapat para sa isa't-isa.
She's too young for him, and he knows that she deserve someone better than him. Yung taong kayang magmahal sa kanya ng buo. Yung hindi takot magmahal na kagaya nya.
Iyong taong kayang ibigay ang lahat sa dalaga.
And for Alex, he's not the right person to do the job, but he wants to take the honor of doing so pero pinipigilan nya ang sarili.
So he pushed her away, treated her coldly. He pretend that he didn't care pero ang totoo ay tuwing gabi ay sa CCTV room na sya natutulog para lang makita ang bawat kilos ng dalaga.
Doon nya lang kasi ito malayang mapagmamasdan, pero gusto nyang sapakin ang sarili kapag nakikita nya itong umiiyak sa attic, kapag nakikita nya itong matamlay. Pero tinatagan nya ang sarili, he need her to let go dahil sya mismo ay hindi nya kaya.
Pansin nya ang pagbaba ng timbang ng dalaga dahil sa malimit na pagkain nito. She was not the same cheerful Kailee he met at alam nyang dahil iyon sa kanya.
So he told her to eat, have some food in her system at doon nya mas lalong kinagalitan ang sarili dahil alam nyang malaki na ang epekto nya sa dalaga.
He was upset when she told her to stop being her bodyguard dahil lalo lang nyang hindi makakasama ang dalaga, lalo lang nya itong hindi mapagmamasdan kahit na palihim man lang, pero hindi nya ito masisisi. He was the one who pushed her away first.
That day, when she told him to fix his self, he tried going to the same place where it all started, pinagmasdan nya ang ina mula sa malayo at nakita nya itong masayang pinagsisilbihan ang mga anak. Doon muling umusbong ang galit para sa ina.
He thought that how can she take care of them ng sya mismo ay hindi man lang nakatikim ng aruga ng isang ina.
Doon nya napagtibay sa sarili na hindi sya dapat nabuhay sa mundong ito.
So instead of talking to her, he left again, got drunk every night, trying to forget the pain of being a son that was never meant to be born and trying to erase in his memories the picture of Kailee crying because of him.
Iyong sakit sa mga mata nito na pilit itinatago ng makita syang hinalikan si Arianna kung saan nakatanggap sya ng sampal.
Arianna was in his office that day para alamin ang lagay nya, he wasn't performing like he used to during these past few days. Kaya't nais syang kamustahin ng dalaga.
"Boss naman, alam kong close tayo kaya kung hindi mo sasabihin sa akin ang problema mo ngayon paano kita matutulungan?" Tanong sa kanya ng dalaga kaya't inalis nya ang pagkakatulala sa labas ng floor to ceiling na glass window ng opisina at napatingin sa lamesa na ibinigay nya kay Kailee. It was empty. Like him.
He went near Arianna at saka bumuntong hininga. Hindi nya ugaling sabihin dito ang mga problema dahil para sa kanya ay personal pa rin iyon pero naisip nyang bigyan ito ng kaunting kaalaman sa nangyayari sa kanya. Mababaliw na sya sa kakaisip at sa pagtatalong nagaganap sa utak at puso nya.
"It's about Kailee. Satisfied?" Saad ng binata at natigilan sya ng mapansing nakabukas ng bahagya ang pintuan ng kanyang opisina.
He knew very well that it was Kailee dahil kabisadong-kabisado na nya ang pigura at kilos ng dalaga.
"Ano--"
So before Arianna could say something, he crashed his lips to her na alam nyang ikinagulat ng dalaga.
"Stop...what about Kailee..." pilit na pigil sa kanya ni Arianna kaya't hinapit nya ito sa bewang para hindi makakilos ang dalaga.
"She's nothing." Sabi pa nya para gawing mas makatotohanan ang pagsisinungaling na ginagawa nya.
At doon na pumasok ang dalaga, Arianna was surprised and he immediately saw guilt on her eyes at alam na nyang sermon ang aabutin nya ng tignan sya nito ng masama.
But he ignored it. He pretended to be calm kahit gustong-gusto na nyang umalis para bugbugin ang saliri dahil sa pananakit sa dalaga.
"When you asked me what would I feel if you told me you love me, was it just a question to test me? Or it was a question to really know what I feel?"
Tanong ni Kailee at kitang-kita sa mga mata nito that she was expecting a good answer.
Pero naisip nya, kung sasaktan lang din nya ang dalaga, might as well na ibigay na ng isang bagsakan. Kung gusto nya itong lumayo, this is the right time for him to do so.
So he sighed like the question wasn't even a difficult question at nagpamulsa para ikuyom ang mga palad.
Kailangan nyang magtiis. It's for the better, mas magandang lumayo na sa kanya ang dalaga, sa tulad nyang g*go at taong hindi nararapat para dito.
"It was a question to test you, well, myself too. I thought, this past few months that my charms went off so I tried it on you. It worked, and I want to tap myself in the back for doing a great job."
No, I was lying. I want to punch myself for doing a good job hurting you.
He wants it to end, gusto na nyang itigil ng dalaga ang pagtatanong dahil alam nyang parehas lang silang nasasaktan.
He's lying to her and to himself and she's adding more cut to her heart. Pero nagtanong pa rin ito..
"Then your stories when we were kids? Is it true? Was your pet Grumpy true?"
Nagtiim bagang si Alex at bahagyang umiling.
"No, I made it up. I never liked dogs. It was fun though, I found out to myself that I could be a writer for making such story." Saad nya at nakita nyang huminga ng malalim ang dalaga as if pinipigilan nito ang namumuo ng mga luha sa gilid ng mga mata.
I never made it up. All of it was true. He thought pero like what he always do, he kept it to his self.
Tumango-tango si Kailee and tap her on the shoulders. Hindi nya inaasahan ang ginawang iyon ng dalaga. He expect her to cry in front of him. Slap him, punch him, shout at him because that's what he deserve for a jerk like him. Pero hindi nito ginawa.
"Good job Alexander. Indeed, it was a good job. Thank you for answering me truthfully."
Just like that, he let her go easily again.
Nanghihinang napaupo sya sa kanyang silya at napahilot sa sintido dahil sa panibagong ka-g*guhan na ginawa. He watched her from the CCTV screen in his office, walking while crying.
At wala syang ginawa kundi makisabay din sa pag-iyak nito.
He wept.
Because he's hurting the woman who doesn't deserve all of the shits he's been doing.
His life was a mess, kung tutuusin ay napakadali lang para sa iba ng solusyon sa problema nya, talk to his parents, tell his feelings to the woman he kept pushing away and viola, a happy ending.
But it is easier to be said than to be done, and he's a coward. Back to the afraid little boy that he was.
Pero ng maalala nya ang ngiti ng dalaga, ang matyagang paghihintay nito para magkwento sya ng tungkol sa kanya na ni minsan ay hindi nya ginawa. He realized that maybe, even afterall the hurtful things he did, siguro kakayanin nyang harapin ang mga magulang na kasama ito.
Kaya't hindi nya natiis ang dalaga matapos ng nangyaring iyon sa hotel, he went home, asked the maids where's Kailee and they told him that she's upstairs, sa movie room. Hindi na sya nagpalit pa ng damit at isinukbit na lang ang coat na suot sa braso saka tinakbo na ang hagdanan papaakyat.
When he reached the door, he opened it slowly. He saw her laugh with her bestfriend. Na muli, matapos ng mga masasakit na bagay na ginawa nya, noon nya na lang muli nakita't narinig ang ngiti at tawa ng dalaga.
So he stopped on his track, he looked one last time and then leave. Because he realized, na tama ang desisyon nya, hindi sya ang makakapagpasaya dito, o kung kaya man nya, mas kaya ng iba.
Mas kaya ni Aidan.
Doon nya lang mas napatunayan na hindi sya ang nararapat para sa dalaga, he'll just inflict more pain to her kung patuloy silang magsasama.
Hindi sya buo, hindi buo ang pagkatao nya, hindi nya kayang mahalin ang sarili nya kaya paano nya pa maibibigay ang pagmamahal na deserve ng dalaga kung sya mismo ay wala ng maibibigay pa?
He wasted his time drinking, he thought na kapag ininom nya ng alak, mapaparusahan nya ang sarili nya.
Until he got into an accident and funny as it may sound, natuwa pa sya na nasampal sya ng dalaga. 'Cause finally, he received the right treatment from the girl he's been hurting emotionally since day one.
Doon nya din napatunayan kung gaano kabigat at kalalim ang pagmamahal na kayang i-offer sa kanya ng dalaga, doon din sya nakaramdam ng inggit. How can a girl who grew up with only her mother by her side, who grew up without luxurious things can love unconditionally like her?
At ang taong kaya nitong pag-alayan ng pag-ibig ay isang taong katulad pa nya?
An asshole like him.
He gave in, he tried telling his reasons pero parang ginagawa nya lang iyon para i-justify pa ang mga rason nyang wala namang pinupunto sa simula pa lang.
Until she left him thinking about her words, her feelings na ni minsan ay hindi nya sinuklian ng kaparehas na halaga.
He knew her feelings, kahit hindi nito sabihin sa kanya na gamit ang mga salita, kitang-kita sa mga mata nito ang pagmamahal para sa kanya maging sa mga aksyon na ipinapakita nito.
He wanted to tell her he love her too.
From the very start since they were kids.
Pero para saan pa? The woman he love already left.
She gave him a chance to be free from his issues, she gave him the time to heal his wounds, but he chose not to move, not to do anything because he's a coward.
He just let her go.
He just let go of the woman who picked up his pieces, the woman who tried to build him and the woman whose willing to accept all his thorns but he's too stubborn to fix himself.
~~~~~~~~
Alexander's POV
"Hindi ka ba nilalamig?" A man tapped me on my shoulder and sat on the chair na katabi ng akin.
Actually I am cold, I feel cold, I feel empty. Pero wala akong ibang dapat sisihin kundi ang sarili ko.
"You know Alex, when I saw you on Kailee's birthday party when she turned six, I already saw the man I want for my daughter. Funny as it may sound, pero naisip ko ng mga panahong iyon. 'Ito na, nahanap ko na.'"
Napatingin ako sa ama ni Kailee na nanatiling nakatingin sa pool sa harapan namin pero nag-angat ito ng tingin at nginitian ako. The same fatherly smile I received when I moved in this mansion.
"Why would you think of that when you're daughter just turned six. Besides, I'm older than her." Sagot ko.
Nakita ko syang umiling.
"Hindi mo ba naririnig yung kasabihang age doesn't matter? Why do you think that age doesn't matter Alex?" Tanong nya sa akin pero umiling lang ako't uminom sa beer na hawak.
"I don't know."
"It's because it really don't matter. Hindi edad ang makapagsasabi ng damdamin nyo, hindi edad ang susukat kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao. It's just a number Alex, yes there might be some differences with your point of views because of your age, but that's what make relationships exciting. Don't you think?"
He asked pero nagkibit balikat ako because I never tried it, muntik na pero hindi ko sinubukan dahil tinulak ko sya papalayo. I pushed away the woman whose willing to go adventures with me.
"Matututo kayo sa isa't-isa ng mga bagong bagay. Makikilala nyo ang isa't-isa ng mas malalim. You'll get to see what it would be like if your on each other's shoes."
"I've hurt your daughter." Ang tanging nasabi ko.
"Hindi ka nagmamahal kung hindi ka masasaktan. Every book says that." Parang wala lang na sabi nya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya at nakita ko syang naiiling.
"I'm not saying this to endorse my daughter, pero parang ganoon na nga. But one thing I'm sure of, you might have hurt each other now, pero hindi maiaalis ang alam ko bilang ama ninyong dalawa na mas sasaya kayo sa piling ng isa't-isa. Para na kitang anak Alex, I want what's best for you too."
Nakita kong tumayo na sya sa pagkakaupo at tinapik ako sa balikat muli. Pero pinigilan ko sya sa pag-alis when I realized something.
"You'll let me be with her even after all that I've done?" Tanong ko and I saw him put his hands on his pockets.
"Well, it depends, doesn't mean that I like you for my daughter ay sayo pa rin sya babagsak sa huli. She has her own mind to decide for herself. Nasa sa iyo ang sagot sa tanong mo Alex, if you chose to be the same as what you are now, I am very sure that you'll never have her back."
"But--" he cut me off when I'm about to speak.
"We're leaving for Korea tomorrow, I think it is just right na mabigyan sya ng bakasyon, a time to breathe, to think, to contemplate things, and within those times, I think it is better if you do the same."
"Think Alex, think of the things you need to do, think of the people you need to hear out. Try to learn how to listen and to forgive. Then if you do, I'll let you do what you want, tutal naman ay ikaw na mismo ang nagbigay sa kanya ng kwintas na heirloom ng pamilya nyo." He said while smiling as if he knew the secret that I did.
"Goodluck though, may pagkamatigas din ang ulo ng mga Park." Pahabol nya at saka iniwan na ako.
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C: I don't know if nasatisfy kayo sa reason nya. Ni ako mismo napaisip kung bakit ba ako gumawa ng character na katulad nya, hindi ko alam kung najustify ko sya ng maayos.
Noong una talaga. I wanted to make a complicated character like him. Iyong yung lalaki naman ang may issue at takot na magexpress ng feelings, iyong lalaki naman ang maraming doubts at fear when it comes to love.
And here he is. Alexander Steven King.
Sana hindi nyo sya nakita as unmanly(lol is there such a word) pero yun nga. Sana hindi nabawasan ang pagkalalaki nya sa inyong mga paningin as readers.
Kasi hindi lang mga babae ang natatakot, men have doubts too, at kung haharapin nila iyon, then that would even make them more lovable.
Am I right? Or if not, edi wow na lang.
Hahaha! Ito yata ang pinakamahaba kong note. Pasensya na if you're not satisfied pero who cares? Joke.
Malapit na itong matapos, mga lima or anim na lang.
Thank you for reading.