*Tiana's POV*
JongIn didn't want to tell me where we were going. He had talked about a safe place but for me there was no safe place in this world for me at this moment. I just followed him without voicing my worry, I smiled and hopped in his car. After a few minutes ride he parked near a familiar restaurant. As soon as I could, I got down the car, I knew where he wanted to take us. Seeing this little restaurant just bring so much memories.
"Yes, mom. I'm just doing fine. Don't worry 'bout me.
-Are you sure? You're voice sounds strange.
-Yes, I'm sure. I'm just tired because I just finished training.
-Oh really? I should let you sleep then. You wanna say a word to your father?" I heard my father yelling at her that he don't want to talk to me.
"No, thanks. I think we have nothing to tell each other.
-But...dear...It's your Birthday.
-It's not like he ever felt grateful I was born.
-Tiana...
-I have to go. Love you, mom!
-Wait..." I hung up and threw the phone against on the floor.
"Birthday? My ass" I let my head fall against the mirror behind me.
I got up after a few minutes, turned the music on again and got ready in front of the long wall mirror. When the first note of Mirror by lil Wayne started playing, I could feel the melody guiding my body, the lyrics reflecting my feelings. As Bruno Mars voice became more calm, my body slowed down, my eyes met my reflect ones. I do a few steps toward the mirror until I could touch it. The room wasn't even that bright since the sun was already down and I had no desire of turning on the light.
The music played again but I didn't move. I kept looking at my reflect, the lyrics stabbing me deeply. Then a simple sentence woke me up.
"I look just like my fucking dad"
I stepped back, got in position and dance again and again. I did the same move for only God knows how long. I let all my rage out, all my sadness, all my pain too. I danced until I couldn't breath anymore and only then I realized that I was crying. My tears were flowing on my face and I had no desire nor strength to hold them back. So here I was, crying miserably on the studio floor, all alone.
"Happy birthday to myself...
-It's your birthday?"
I quickly whipped me tears as the voice echoed in the studio. I got up and stopped the music. I looked at the mirror and Kim JongIn reflect was there. I turned toward him and put a smile on my face.
"Yeah, why?
-What are you doing there then? You should be celebrating!
-Ah, I'm here since a few weeks so...well...I don't have anybody to celebrate it with.
-Let's go drink and eat something then. You can't spend your birthday like that!
-I don't think it's good idea. I mean I don't know much about you except what Taemin told about you." He smiled awkwardly and seemed to be searching a way to convince me.
"It would be a good idea to get to know each other while having a drink.
-JongIn, I appreciate that you want to get close but..." Just as I was about to definitely reject him, my phone started ringing. I looked at the screen to see who was calling and when I saw my sister's one I answered.
"Hey, sis.
-Happy birthday, Nana!
-Thanks~.
-Well I know it's late but I wanted to have you on the Phone before going to work.
-Why?
-Hum...To let you talk with Dad." I sighed, the little smile I had completely disappeared.
"He doesn't want to talk to me, Shawnae.
-How would you know?
-I heard him!
-He always talk without thinking, just greet him at least. I'm giving him the phone.
-No, I can't right now!" I looked at JongIn acting like he was hearing everything.
"Why can't you?
-I'm about to go celebrate with a friend.
-A friend? Right now?
-Yes.
-Ok, then I'll call you tomorrow. Don't drink too much!
-I'm not a kid. See ya!
-See ya, Nana!" I put my phone down and looked at JongIn who was staring at me.
"Let's take that drink." He looked at me surprised.
"Really? Then just follow the guide."
I put all my stuff in my bag and like that we left the studio. Walking was actually painful with all the exercise I had done but I didn't care much, what was the more heavy at this moment weren't my legs but the atmosphere. We were completely silent, I was just following him. Then he stopped and turned toward me.
"What have Taemin told you about me?
-Not much. Just that you two were best friend with SeHun since childhood and that you were a really good dancer.
-Ah~ I see. Is that all?
-Yes, basically.
-He haven't told you anything embarrassing, sure?
-Ah, he told me that you had done ballet." He sighed.
"I knew it. He loves to tell everybody about it. I swear, he...
-It's not embarrassing." His eyes opened wide.
"I mean, ballet is a dance like another. I too have done some in my childhood.
-Yes, but I'm a man and...
-So what? A talented ballet dancer deserve nothing else than my respect so why the embarrassment?" He stared at me for a few seconds, searching if I was serious and then he smiled at me, a bit shy.
"Nobody has ever tell this. Thank you.
-Don't thank me, I'm just telling the truth." His smile became wider and started to walk again.
After a quarter of hour, he stopped again in front of a little restaurant. We entered in and a middle age woman smiled at us. The restaurant was almost full in so she gave us the only table outside. We sat at the table face to face, it was a bit strange. I hadn't been with a man like that since a long time ago.
JongIn called the little woman and she came. He ordered three bottle of soju, some meat and noodles. I let him order since I wasn't in any mood to smile at the waitress or anything. Quickly the bottle of soju were served and the meat too. We filled each others glass and he put the meat on the heat.
This is how the night went on. Eating meat and noodles while drinking and drinking again. At first we were silent but when the alcohol started kicking in, we became more talkative.
"I just thought about it. What were you doing at the studio at this hour?
-I was going to let out some bad feelings by dancing.
-What happened?" I refilled his glass for the 6th time.
"I decided to give up on my first love, tonight.
-Why?
-She loves Taemin.
-Oh~ My poor friend." I got up and pat his shoulder.
"Don't worry, there is plenty of woman in this world and I'm sure you'll find one who will love you as much as you'll love her.
-Yeah, maybe.
-Don't say maybe, it will happen!" I knew I was already drunk but I couldn't care less at this moment.
"I think this woman doesn't know what she is missing." He laughed.
"I'm serious! I mean, you're a great dancer, you're good looking, tall, have a good personality and is kind to the point of taking a woman you don't really know to celebrate her birthday.
-I'm not as kind as you think.
-Maybe, but nobody is perfect. Believe me, you're more than good.
-Thank you, Tiana.
-Stop thanking me, I'm just telling the truth." I said while refilling our glasses again.
"Maybe we should stop drinking.
-You're right, after this glass I stop.
-Let's take a walk at Han river, so we can get sober.
-Whatever you want."
Like this I finished my glass and after he insisted to pay we took a taxi that he once again paid and we went to Han River. There was a lot of couples around us but we just ignored them all we sat somewhere and looked at the view.
"Hey~I'm sorry for what happened last week. I mean the bet and the whole boner thing.
-It's ok, I already have told you it was my fault for the extra of sexy moves.
-There is a pool party for the new members tomorrow afternoon, you should come.
-I will, just text me the address. I'll give you my phone number when I'll be sober enough to be sure it's the right one." He laughed at me and stroked my hair.
"Your hair really is beautiful. I like the curls it has.
-Thanks." I stroked his hair too.
"I like yours too, it's really fluffy.
-Thanks." He smiled at me and he looked so cute at this moment.
"Ah~ I'm so tired and legs hurt.
-Really? Let me massage them for you!" He got on his knees and started massaging my legs for me.
"JongIn, it's ok. I mean...You don't have to do that." He didn't listen and kept on massaging me, going up my legs. It was soothing after bit the pain in my legs.
"I swear, you're too kind of your own good. I..."
I interrupted myself when his head was a few inches from mine, since he had go up my whole legs. I looked at his focused stare. The closer I was seeing him, the more handsome he was becoming.
"Here, now you should feel better.
-Yeah...thanks." He lifted his face toward me and smiled satisfied of his work.
"It's a pleasure to please you, after all it's your birthday.
-Hum. I think we should go back home, now." He looked at me bewildered.
"Why? Have I done anything wrong?
-No, I'm just tired and if we have that pool party tomorrow I better get some sleep.
-Ok. I'll take you home.
-No, I'll take a taxi alone, Don't worry.
-How am I supposed to not worry when you're still pretty drunk?" I looked at him for a few second before giving up.
"Ok, let's go then." He smiled, got up and helped me up.
We called a taxi again. The whole trip we were silent. Occasionally, I could feel his stare on me so I would stare at him and he would turn toward the window. He was really being cute. He cut the silent just so we could exchange our phone number. When the taxi stopped at my apartment, I got down and was ready to say goodbye to JongIn but he too got down and paid the taxi.
"Hey, We aren't on a date, stop paying for everything!
-It's ok, it's your birthday.
-If you want...but why did you hopped out of the taxi?
-Because I wanted to be sure you make it to your apartment." I sighed.
"Ok, but once we reach my doorstep you leave. I can't let you in like this.
-Yes, don't worry."
I turned around and started walking towards the building followed by JongIn. We took the elevator to the 3rd floor and as we reached my doorstep I turned toward him. He stared at me just like I stared at him.
"I hope I helped you enjoy your birthday.
-Yes, you did.
-Great! Then I'll go once you'll be in.
-That's not what we had said.
-Just wanna make sure that you're safe."
I didn't answer nor move for a few seconds. Then I hugged him, I was drunk, needed affection and he was really kind and deserve at least this much. At first he didn't move but then shyly hugged me back.
"Don't worry, I'm being like this because I'm drunk and I don't see any other way to thank you than this. So...well...Thank you for everything tonight.
-I had fun too.
-I probably be a bit awkward and less affectionate tomorrow when I'll get sober.
-I guess." He chuckled.
I released him and opened the door with the password. He turned around, was about to leave but when I saw how his head lowered once he thought I wasn't looking at him, I felt the urge to comfort him a bit.
"This woman, I mean your first love, she doesn't know how lucky she is. If I had a man like you by side, I'd probably fall over heels for him. I'm saying this right now because since I'm drunk I'm bold enough to.
-Thank you, Tiana. I'll text you the address for tomorrow." He smiled at me.
"Yeah~ Have sweet dreams!
-You too!" I smiled before entering my apartment.
I had teary eyes, seeing this restaurant. When we started dating we kept on coming there, the old owner was even saying that she would give us some drinks if we ever get married. I felt a hand on my shoulder so I turned around to see, JongIn smiling at me. I hugged him just like this night. He kissed my head and chuckled, satisfied of his surprise.
"I knew you'd like to come here. I haven't been there since you had left.
-It hasn't change a bit.
-What is it?" Jason asked, holding his Grandmother's hand.
"This where appa and Omma celebrate my birthday for the the first time.
-This is also where I gave Omma her first kiss." I blushed remembering it was actually true.
"She was so cute back then." My smiled disappeared.
"Back then?" He push me back a bit hearing the tension in my voice.
"Hey~ No, It's not what I meant.
-I know...
-Stop making this sad face then." I smiled at him but he felt that I wasn't in a good mood anymore.
"Let's go in.
-Yes.
-Omma, Jason, let's go.
-We are behind you, don't worry."
We entered in the restaurant and a waitress lead us to a table in the corner so we could be away from a young and a bit too excited group. The restaurant was still looking so welcoming, really nothing had change from inside and outside. I sat down and started looking around and YuMi sat in front of me. Then JongIn was about to sat next to me but Jason was faster. JongIn made a pouty face and sat next to his mom.
"Why are you making such a face? You're not happy to be sat next to your mommy?
-Of course I am happy. I just feel to far away from my wife.
-You're not already married, right?" YuMi looked at me curious as if asking if I had forgotten to tell her about this.
"No, we were engaged back then but..." I lowered my head.
"Well, he was engaged to another person too so...I don't know if us being engaged really count.
-Of course it does!" JongIn yelled loud enough for everybody in the restaurant to hear.
"You're talking too loud!
-So what? You tell that our engagement has no importance and you want me to stay calm?" He seemed angry and I could see that he was holding back because of his mother and Jason.
"I never said that it has no importance. What I meant was that our engagement happened after the one with Krystal so...
-So what? I asked you to marry me, not Krystal. Our parents...well my father and her mother decided that on their own.
-But you agreed with them when they told you, right?" He opened his mouth to answer but the waitress quickly came to take our order.
Once again I was welcome with worried stares when all I had order was some juice but I ignored it. YuMi taking my hand suddenly startled me. She smiled at me and then took JongIn's hand. He looked at her hand and then smiled at her.
"I'm so happy to be here with you two.
-What about me?" Jason frowned.
"Of course, you too. I wanted to thank you, Tiana.
-Why?
-Thanks to you I was able to see my son finally after all this time." She said as a tear made her way down her face.
"I'm so glad he fell in love with someone like you. I know how you struggle, he took a lot after his father.
-I don't know why but it doesn't sound like a compliment." We both giggled at JongIn answer.
"I just hope that nothing will break you two apart like it did for us.
-Nothing will." JongIn stared at intently at me as if waiting for me to confirm it and I wanted to but I kept having this bad feeling in my guts.
"Here it is." The waitress saved me as she put the food on the table.
Everybody quickly digged in their food as I was playing with the straw of my glass. I focus on it because I knew that it I happen to lift my eyes toward anyone, It will make them feel guilty. Maybe it was because of this weird feeling I had or my meeting with Taewon the morning but I couldn't bring myself to enjoy this little moment. I sure appreciated JongIn's effort but I felt like shutting myself in a room. Even though I knew people around had nothing against me, I felt like all the stares were on me. I knew I looked pathetic, it wasn't a dress and lip gloss that would have changed anything.
I kept silent during all the time. I was just smiling at every words they were saying. Jason was smiling so much, I couldn't help but smile too. The way back was quite calm with a sleeping Jason on the back seat. JongIn kept on giving me side stares. Once we arrived at the elevator, YuMi and Jason got in but JongIn didn't and forced me to do the same.
"Omma, Jason, you both go to sleep. I have something I need to do with Tiana.
-Ok, don't go to sleep to late. Tiana needs a lot of rest.
-yes." He answered as the doors closed.
He suddenly pulled me by my wrist, his grip was firm but soft enough not to hurt me. I followed him without complaining and suddenly we were in the kitchen.
"JongIn, what are we doing here?
-You're going to eat something or I'm not letting you sleep.
-JongIn...
-I know you don't want to but you have to. You're melting in front of my eyes, I can't take it anymore.
-I will just vomit JongIn there is no use to...
-So you're going to keep on not eating until you faint?
-Stop talking to me as if I was a kid JongIn!
-But you don't act like an adult, Tiana!" I took my hand back what made him face me.
"You think it's easy? You think I just have to force food down my throat and it will be good?
-You can at least try.
-I tried JongIn, I tried so many times but Every time my stomach twist and then everything just go to waste.
-Then keep trying!
-Are you listening to me?
-Yes, I do but all I hear is excuses.
-It's not excuses. You can't understand.
-What can't I understand?
-I'm more afraid of losing you or Jason than dying." I let out in a breath
"You're not going to lose any of us.
-You don't know about that.
-Right now there is more chance of us losing you than you losing one of us.
-I'm still afraid.
-I'm scared of losing you too, so can you please stop worrying me." I played with his fingers without looking at him because it was making me nervous to have those kind of open talk in the middle of the hotel kitchen.
"If I eat a little will it be enough?
-What do you mean by a little?
-I don't know..." He lifted my chin with his free hand, forcing me to look at him.
"Let's do this. I won't force you to eat by your yourself but if I tends you anything you have to eat it without objection.
-But...
-Don't worry, I won't give you a lot. We'll go slowly.
-Ok."
He let go of my chin, lifted me by my waist to sit me on a little metallic table and left me there. After a few minutes of looking into the fridge he finally came back with an apple and put it in front of my mouth looking at me intensely. I opened my mouth with a sigh and took a bite that I carefully chewed before swallowing it. JongIn was still looking at me so I took another bite and then bite after bite I tried my best finish the apple but after the fifth bite my stomach started acting up again. I kept on eating even though I knew that I was going to throw everything up because JongIn seemed so at peace.
**************************************
So Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the late update but I was busy at school, to tell you I had a lot of exams, to the point I was writing at lunch break while eating so I can finally update. My final exam is coming and soon and I gave oral test in English and Spanish... English is fine.....But I suck at Spanish and my teacher is a Mexican who can't talk a lot of french so...
This same teacher have been obsessed with my last name, because it's normally used as a first name and I wanted to explain to him that it was the first name of one of my slave ancestors and that it became the family name...I don't know how to say it in Spanish.
I also want to cry on someone shoulder. I was supposed to go Korea this summer with a friend. I'm not on of these crazy fans who are pursuing they idol, no! I really love korean and korean culture but unfortunately, the rip went cancelled... So I will go back Martinique (SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE CARIBBEAN GIRLS) So the good news is that I will probably more able to updates this summer that I was supposed to be.
Love and Kisses on your bottom cheeks.