Okay, so it's edited now. Part two coming soon!
I sighed as I took off my second Giuseppe Strapped Boot, watching Amy pull a pair of 6-inch Red Bottoms from her bag. "Here put these on and lose the attitude, the producers can tell your tone is changing. You're suppose to be sexual not snobby, get it together Nicki".
I was literally frustrated, mentally and physically. Photo shoot, video appearances, meetings, club appearances, and extra shit that I didn't really want to do had become everyday events. This was the type of industry that destroyed the self esteem of young women like myself. We unintentionally sold our lives away in contracts, forced to work long hours.
The money was great when it came to taking care of my family back in Trinidad. The perks were decent, name brand clothes, shoes, and accessories. I met celebrities, but they were just regular people. At the end of the day, when I went home and removed all of the makeup, stripped from the clothes, and looked in the mirror- I was still Onika Tanya Maraj from Trinidad.
The facade I put on daily, trading in my soul for a good photo didn't change anything. I still had problems with myself, I still had a family barely surviving back on the island, I still had a job to do.
I complained and hated it, but this was all I knew. I wasn't educated, I didn't have a degree under my belt, barely had a high school diploma. I didn't know too much outside of the Urban Modeling world. All I knew was to put on the skimpiest clothes they gave me, along with the highest heels. All I knew was to smile when the camera was on me, and dance on any rapper that booked me for their video. All I knew was to deny any allegations when they linked me to rappers for just simply working with them, even though I knew everything was false.
The photo shoot finished a little earlier than expected, so I was able to go directly to my hotel room and be finished with work for the day. Deep down, I just wanted to get away- end all of this. Some days, I was just so unhappy that I considered the possibility of committing suicide. I had no one, besides one friend I'd met.
Mai-Lee Tran, she was one of the most beautiful souls I'd ever come across, especially while living in the states. We met when I moved to the US from Trinidad at 16, she was 17. She'd been illegally stripping at Diamonds of Atlanta, which I worked at for a month before we both got introduced into the Urban Modeling industry.
The money was fast, a lot faster than the strip club. She became my best friend, I knew everything about her and she knew everything about me. She was born in Vietnam, which bought us a little closer since we were both from outside countries. We lived together from the ages of 17 and 18, until 23 and 24, until she got pregnant and married her baby's father.
He stressed to her that he didn't agree with her living this type of life style while raising his child, so he proposed. Of course, she accepted and they moved from Miami to North Carolina. She left her past behind and invested into a nail salon. I was proud of her, but also upset because I felt like I'd lost my best friend.
I never felt like she wanted to go through with any of that. Micah, her son, was a blessing from God but I made myself believe that she wasn't ready to be a wife or even leave Miami. It seemed like the marriage and the move was only for the sake of her son, I felt like she'd left me behind.
North Carolina wasn't necessarily too far, but I was used to having her around. That was literally my only friend, no one else besides her was ever considered a friend. Some days I felt so lost because I was used to living this fast life with her. If I had a shoot, she was always there with me, and I was always with her. She'd gone away and started a whole new life, while I was still out here hating this shit.
As I entered my hotel room, a sense of relief came across me, knowing that I was going to take a two week break to go to Trinidad to actually visit my mother for once in a while. I would finally be able to see my grandmother and little brother, spend some time on the island I called home.
"Nicki make sure you have your things packed, you have an 8am flight for New York tomorrow. It's the start of Fashion Week, you need to get your name out there". I stopped in my tracks after hearing those words, knowing that I had plans.
"Amy no! I told you I was going back home, you're always fucking doing this. I don't care about fashion week or whatever else is going on. I let you know two months ago, it's my mother's birthday weekend and I will be there"!
She looked at me, rolling her eyes. "Watch your fucking tone when you're speaking to me, let's not forget who saved you. I'll make your ass go back to the strip club".
"You didn't save shit, I was perfectly fine. You always do this to me, never let me voice my opinion. I should've left this fucking shit when Mai-Lee left, but I decided to sign that's shitty ass contract again".
She chuckled, "Yeah you decided because this is all your dumb ass knows. Why wouldn't you continue this, Mai-Lee left all of the glitz and glam to be a fucking house wife in the country".
I was on the verge of tears because I've always struggled with handling verbal abuse. "She's happy as ever, she's out of this shit. You just use me to bring in money, and you cut me enough slack to provide my necessities. I'm sick of this shit Amy! It's not always about the glitz and glam, it's about happiness. At least Mai is happy, you miserable bitch"!
"If you want to be so fucking happy, leave then. That Instagram account with over 1 million followers will be deactivated. That Mercedes you drive, provided by the company, will be gone-along with that condo".
I shrugged, wiping away my tears. "Take all of it, do what you have to do"! I turned my back, beginning to walk out of the hotel room. "This is the end of the contract, walk out of this room and this is the end".
Ignoring what she said, I found myself lost in tears and frustration. I left my phone behind, knowing that it would also be cut of since that was also in the. company's name. The only thing I had was the Nike jogging fit that I had on and my Chanel bag that hung from my shoulder.
I wasn't necessarily going to be broke, but I knew that fucking with Amy- meant that I would literally have to start all over. I had over $200,000 in a personal savings account, which I was going to use to get my family into the states with their own house- but it seemed like that would be put onto hold for a little while longer.
I was still sort of hurt because I felt like I'd signed my life away to a piece of paper and it was all gone in the blink of an eye.
Amy wasn't always just this mean bitch, but the money did get to her head. She felt like she'd gotten ahold of some of the prettiest girls in the strip club, simply looking for a way out. She helped us in the beginning, but the money took over. She was our manager, making six figures under contracts while we slaved for hours. SELLING OUR FUCKING SOULS!
A few of us made it out, saw bigger and better things when the contracts ended. Like Mai-Lee, or even Lira, who was now engaged to Rick Ross. I'd never really gotten caught up in the crowds, so I decided to stay with what I knew.
"You okay"? I looked over in the escalator, seeing a man dressed in all black. He had clear-caramel skin, with a fresh line-up. He wore one chain that hung low, I noticed that it was filled with diamonds. I knew him from somewhere, but I just couldn't figure out where.
Quickly wiping away my tears, I nodded my head. "You sure? If there's anything you need, I can help you out"? I sighed, "I'm fine, thanks though".
As the elevator went from the 30th to the 22nd floor, I contemplated on asking him to use his phone. I looked away, attempting to wipe the few tears that still insisted on falling. "Actually, would you mind letting me use your phone"?
He looked at me, nodding his head. He began to pat his pockets, I figured that he was feeling for his phone. "I'm sorry, I actually left it in the car. You can come downstairs and use it".
I shook my head, "Oh no, it's fine". He chuckled, "No funny business, my friends are downstairs waiting on me. I seriously left it in the car". I decided that it would be no harm, I had to do something since I had to phone. It was very late, and I had no other choice.
When the elevator finally made it to the first floor, he led me to Valet, where there were four Black SUVs waiting outside. I followed him to the third one, watching him open the passenger door.
He reached into the truck, grabbing his phone, "Here you go". I gave off a faint smile, thanking him. I attempted to call Mai-Lee two times, which failed. I figured that she'd probably be sleep since it was really late.
"Here you go", I said handing him the phone back. "You straight"? I nodded my head, "Yeah, I'm alright".
He nodded his head, attempting to get into the car. I contemplated on walking back into the hotel, attempting to get a room for just a few hours. I knew that this was a very upscale hotel, accepting credit cards only for room purchases, which were all linked to the company. Knowing how Amy could be, she probably cancelled everything the moment I stepped out of the room.
"You sure you don't need a ride or anything. Look, it's 1AM, you look lost". I sighed, "I'm not from here, I live in Miami. I don't even know where I'm at, I just need to make it to the airport by tomorrow at 2pm. It's a long story, but I have nothing right now, no clothes, just my purse".
Deep down, I felt like he was mentally judging me- though he looked so sincere. He sighed, "You can ride in the car with my brother, we'll get you a room where we're staying and make sure you make it to the airport. What's your name again"?
I looked at him, "Nicki, Nicki Minaj". He looked at me shockingly, "That's where I know you from, Mai. You're Mai's best friend, I knew I've seen you before".
I chewed on my bottom lip, embracing the awkwardness of this situation. "Yeah, that's me. Please don't tell anyone about this". He chuckled, "The media and I aren't friends, you probably don't remember me. I'm Chubbs, Drake's best friend. You came to one of our parties with Mai one day, a few years ago".
I shrugged, "I think I remember, been a lot of places with her, but you did look familiar". He nodded his head, "Go to that first SUV, the guard will unlock the doors for you".
I did as he said, which was to go to the first SUV and wait for the guard to open, which he did. I slowly got into the SUV, which was dark and quiet. The slow tunes of Sade played from the radio, as I heard someone clearing their voice.
I looked over to my left, seeing a light skin man dressed in all black. "I'm sorry, I'm Nicki". He nodded his head, "Its fine, I'm Drake". I leaned against the door, as the car began to move. "My brother let me know you need help, he also let me know that you're Mai's friend".
I nodded my head, "Yeah, her best friend".
He smiled, "Mai's a very cool person, very loud but cool, met her back in '09. She used to be like a sister to me, but we lost touch. If you speak to her, tell her to hit me a nigga up". Just about everyone knew Mai, she really left an impact in this industry.
"Sure".
"Mind telling me what happened? We have a long ride until we get to this next hotel, nothing but time". I silently sighed, "Do I have to"?
He shrugged, "I mean- I would like to know why I'm helping you". I sighed a little louder this time, "Why does everyone have to do that"? He looked at me, "Do what"?
"Throw what they do in my face. That's all I ever here is what someone is doing, everyday. I didn't ask for help, your friend offered".
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I just like to know things, no harm meant. I see the dried up tears, just wanted to know why you were crying".
I looked at him, "You're this huge celebrity, right"? He looked at me, nodding his head. "The spotlight is always on you, I've seen you in the media. Everyone is constantly making up these lies about the life you live, trying to figure you out".
"Of course".
"I wouldn't say I'm your biggest fan, but I do know a bit about your career". He chuckled, "And what do you think you know"?
"I know that before you were your own boss, you were under a label. Your were forced to do whatever that contract said. A young boy from Canada, with skills that were rare to the average American. You were seen as marketable, so they used your talents to make millions, correct"?
"Correct", he said.
"And through any of that time as a worker... did you ever get tired? Ever get sick of living by the rules of other people, or even a contract. Did you ever wish you could just trade all of that shit in, just give it all back to gain your happiness".
He nodded, "I did, so I did something about it. When the contract was up, I didn't renew. I took the money I'd made and invested into OVO, now I'm bigger than Rick Ross, no pun intended", He chucked a little bit.
LAME... I thought to myself.
"I'm serious", I said to him. "That's what happened to me. In just a young girl from Trinidad, I'll be 25 soon. I came to the states to make money for my family and ended up living this life. Young girls look up to girls like me, not knowing what we have to go through".
He looked at me, "And what do girls like you have to go through"?
"Some of us aren't what they portray us to be. I'm just a girl from Trinidad, I saw opportunities in the states so I fell for it. I'm not a slut or any thing like that, just a regular girl. I've never even slept with an industry man, but I've been linked to so many. I'm just fed up with this life, I had no choice but get out".
"And how do you get out"?
I sighed, "My only reason for entering this industry was to take care of my family back in Trinidad. I haven't seen them in two years, and I decided I was going to go. The lady I'd been working with kept trying to force work over family, so I gave it all up".
He nodded, "And now you have nothing"?
I nodded my head, "I guess you know how this all goes"?
He nodded, "I've had my fair share of females in this business, they tell me about it all. I understand- I get it. You seem sincere, you're beautiful. You can't let that shit take you down".
I smiled, actually feeling happy. "Thank you".
"Look here, I don't know you well but I understand everything you're going through. I'll try my best to get you to the airport tomorrow, go home and be with your family. I know you don't have much right now, so I'll make sure you get to the mall to get a few things, my treat. If you need anything when you return to the states, please give me a call".
•••••
I smiled, looking down at the screen of my phone. I'd been in Trinidad for about a week, and everything had been great. Coming home, I realized what was most important, which is family. Talking with Aubrey, was well needed. He was actually a really good person, very relatable.
He helped me out a lot that night, and it was all greatly appreciated. He even offered to set me up a few gigs with people I know, helping me get back on my feet.
I didn't know what would happen between the two of us, but he was a cool person. I felt refreshed, knowing that I was actually happy for once. Happy with my family, happy with life.
Mai couldn't believe everything that happened, insisted that I moved to North Carolina with her. Of course, I rejected the offered. I loved my best friend, but I still need to find myself.
I wanted to see what life was like Beyond the Lights!