"Do you have the answer to number 12? I ask. The biology homework was kicking my ass, I really need to pay more attention in class.
Gina flips her fingers through the pages of her work book until she finds the question. "No not yet, I'm going to have to Google that" she replies with a groan.
My friend hated school work as much as I did but with her parents always pushing her to achieve high marks she usually knew all the answers. I wish I had more time to spend on my school work but with all the extra hours I was taking at the bar I really didn't. Surprisingly I was getting Bs but it was hard.
Like every other Saturday lunch time my friends are at my home. Gina, Fiona and I were cramped on my bed doing the week's homework. The one benefit of living alone was that my friends could come visit whenever they wanted.
"Are you seeing Diego tonight? Fiona asks. Fiona is desperate for a boyfriend. I don't understand how someone so beautiful could be single. Fiona really has it all blonde hair and big blue eyes. I'm extremely jealous of her, she doesn't have to plaster herself in makeup to look beautiful like I do.
"No, he's at a bachelor party, he's going to a strip club" I answer. I'm careful what I say as they don't know just how old he is.
"and you're letting him" Fiona says in disgust, taking me by surprise . Fiona's eyes are wider than usual. She looks up at me, but she's clearly appalled. Why would I want to stop him going on a night out? He wasn't my property. We are hardly even dating.
I examine the look on her face, she looks like she had just sucked a lemon. Even if he and I were dating I would see why it would be a problem.
"why would I want to stop him"
"there will be women practically naked thrusting their junk in his face, it's totally gross" Fiona's distaste for strippers and exotic dancers was clear. I'm more than a little insulted.
"it's dancing, it's harmless fun" I try to persuade her. Maybe at one time I might have agreed with her but now I knew what it was like first hand I knew it was mostly harmless fun.
"no I agree with Fiona, it's seedy. They are so grotty and full of old fat men. The women are so skanky, I bet at least half have aids'' Gina says the venom in her voice was obvious. I'm totally taken aback by how closed minded my friends are .
"aids" I snap. I can't believe the garbage coming from their mouths.
"Well yeah they will sleep with anyone for ten bucks" Gina comments as though she was an expert on the subject. I watch in horror as my friends laugh between themselves.
I can feel the Anger filling me, my eyes were almost bulging from my head. Was this really what my friends thought about people like me. It makes me feel sick. I take the bottle of whiskey from the side of my bed and gulp it down. I had started drinking a few months before, sometimes it was the only thing that got me through the day. Gina and Fiona look at me strangely, they know somethings going on.
"your being unfair, the strip clubs are probably cleaner than hospitals mine is anyway. There is no sleeping with customers for money and most dancers don't even take off their underwear. It's just dancing" I say as I take another swig from the bottle. I'm so mad, I can hardly contain it.
It really annoys me that people are so against this, everyone has a preconceived opinion and so far no one has come close to the reality. The bar wasn't like the ones portrayed on TV and films.
"yours" Gina says under her breath.
I looked at her in confusion.
"You said the club's were clean that yours was anyway" she repeated my words back at me.
I sit in silence. I don't know what to say, that bit of information must have slipped out.
"you work in a strip club," Gina almost shouts. I watch as Fiona turned her head and squinted her eyes as though she was trying to figure out if I was joking.
"Yeah, the wild bar in Queens," I reply quietly. I had not planned on sharing my secret yet but what's done was done. Actually I don't think I would have ever disclosed this part of my life to them.
Fionas mouth is hanging wide open, Gina is just staring at me. I think they are both shell shocked. My best friends were silent. This really was a first.
"no, you can't. I thought you worked in a diner " Gina says angrily.
"No, I've worked at the wild bar for over 6 months now, it's how I pay my bills" I explain. They must have known that I couldn't have possibly made enough money as a waitress to keep a roof over my head. In reality people our age had no idea how much actually went into running a home. Kids my age should not have to know.
"I would be living on the streets if it wasn't for that place, It's expensive to run your own home, there's bills, food, travel and insurance. I don't know how my mum managed it" I explain. I don't know why I was explaining myself to them, I'm no longer ashamed of my choices. Ok maybe a little.
"what happens there, we want to know everything" Gina asks, she looks sceptical like she didn't really doesn't want to know.
I tell them everything, I make it sound normal somehow. I explained the rules and that no one could touch me and how I always had underwear on. I keep the negatives to myself as I need them on the side.
I watch their faces closely, they look concerned. They are ashamed, it makes me sad.
"Do you like it?" Fiona asks. I thought seriously about her question, did I like it?
A big smile fills my face, the truth is I do enjoy it . I enjoy the freedom, I can hit that stage and do what I want. I like making my own money, the men thought they had the control because they were giving me money. In fact it was me who had all the control I had the power and I like it. At the beginning I had hated it and some days I still do but it was my life now and I was grateful that I had a job to support me.
I tried to explain it but nothing I said made sense. It can't be explained, it was a feeling. I like that I finally had control over my own life.
"We're all meeting next week, my friend Tammy Is having a birthday party, you should come and meet everyone. you will see that they are all great people" I really hope they will consider my offer. What I had said was true, everyone I worked with was funny and so sweet. Even Veronica who dressed like a vampire dominatrix was really a pussy cat.
The girls agree so I give them Tammy address and all the details before they can change their mind. I know they would love everyone once they got to know everyone . They just need to open up their mind and realise not everyone is as lucky as they were.
-------------------------------------------
Tammy calls as I start to paint my nails and asks if I could pick up a shift tonight, she says that a birthday party and bought out the VIP area. I decided that now Diego wasn't going to be there. I may as well work, God knows I need that money. I want to go to college so I needed to save as it's doubtful that I will get scholarships especially now I did no extracurricular activities.
I arrive at the wild bar around 10, it's getting busy so I quickly dress in the sailors outfit that has been laid out for me. There was a platinum blonde wig with it, I took a long look in the mirror and decided I may go blonde one day.
The dress I have to wear is so short that I would never choose it myself. Some of the outfits I have to wear are so tacky but they seemed to get the men spending and that's what it's all about.
I dress quickly and walk to the stage, I'm no longer nervous to climb those stairs. I have an odd sense of belonging. I danced on the pole with enthusiasm. Even when I wasn't feeling it I knew how to fake it. Notes were quickly piling up on the stage. I crawl on the stage when I think I recognise one of the customers but I can't place him. That happens a lot, I would recognise people from the street and the deli. I once saw a teacher from school but with a red wig placed firmly on my head he hadn't recognised me.
I thrust my hips meeting the generous customers who put notes in my g string. The dark blue material was almost falling off. It was so packed. I had a feeling it was going to be a good night. My dream of getting a car is becoming more realistic.
As I make my rounds around the bar I'm asked by a man in dress for a lap dance, I smile and tug on his floral dress. He looks ridiculous in his red wig and messy make up. Its obvious that he didn't dress like that every day, it had to be a special occasion that had made his friends dress him up.
"bachelor party, my friends made me wear this" he explained. He has a slight Spanish accent, I think he would have been decent looking if it weren't for his dress. I still couldn't shake the feeling that I knew him.
"He's my best man, you know. He made me wear this" he slurs, the bachelor pointed to someone just to his left.
That's when I saw him, Diego was walking towards me. He was smiling and drinking a tumbler of whiskey.
His smile fades when he sees me, I can see the anger in his eyes.
"I'm just getting a dance, you want one" the bachelor asks him. Fuck the man in the dress was Paul, he must not have recognised me in the wig. I certainly hadn't recognised him in his.
"she's giving you nothing, fuck. Come with me now Emily. You can't have your ass on my friend's cock. Go get some fucking clothes off" Diego spurs as he pulls me away by my elbow.
What the fuck was his problem. How dare he speak to me like that. I can feel anger building in me.
"you knew what I did when we met, you said it turned you on that I danced for a living. It's not like we were a real couple" I reply angrily.
"you think I like my girlfriend fucking every guy that comes in here" Diego shouts, he throws his glass at the wall making me jump . The bouncer walks over and pulls him out of the club, I grab my coat from behind the bar and run after them. I can see Tammy from the corner of my eye and she looks mad, she may be angrier than I am.
"I fuck no one, it's just dancing. I never said I was your girlfriend "I yell.
"the fuck it is, you fuck them. Maybe your clothes are on but you are fucking them. You're no better than a prostitute. You were gonna rub yourself on his cock"
"You need to calm down, it's just a job" I shout . Why am I wasting my time explaining myself to this dipshit.
"I can't do this, it's embarrassing I can't have my woman doing this. Don't call me" Diego spits as he walks away, I've never seen him like this. Usually he's so calm and collected, I can't help but to feel bad.
I fall on the ground and sob into the collar of my jacket. I don't even know why I'm crying, I think it must just be the embarrassment he caused me. Tammy appears outside and tells me to collect my things and go home. my heart drops. I can't lose my job, I love working here more than I had ever imagined possible. Tammy informs me that I need a few days off, so I try to argue but she is adamant that I need a break . I can't make a habit of leaving early or Tammy would end up replacing me.
"Let Loose at my party, you will forget all about dora the Explorer" Tammy jokes as she helps me to my feet.
"He's Diego," I reply dryly.
"That's even worse, isn't he the kid who swings around on a rope? He's an annoying bastard" Tammy laughs and smiles brightly at me. I can't help but to laugh, something about her always makes me feel better.
I go home in a daze, in all honestly I can't remember the journey. I hadn't loved Diego so that wasn't why I was upset. It was everyone's judgement about my job that hurt. I was homeless at 15 and now not a year later I had an apartment, a job and money in the bank. I had done this all on my own. I didn't need anyone's help to get me by.
Now was the time I should be living it up, I had enough money to pay my bills so now I would start enjoying my life. I deserved to live, I swore that I would enjoy the money I worked so hard for . I wouldn't end up like my mum. I just wanted more than she had . As much as I loved my mom I didn't want to end up like her.
I want to do so much, I want to travel and see the world. I want to have adventures that I could tell my kids about when I was older. I didn't want to be a shell of a person, I wanted a full life.
I know now that I will do my best to enjoy every minute of my life, life is too short after all.
NEXT PART 26TH FEB 9AM