I'm Messed Up and Proud! [A S...

By I_am_a_psychopath

509K 14.5K 3.6K

Welcome to the main character's insanity and the ninja world! Lian Titen, the protagonist in this story, make... More

~Prologue~
First Day of the Academy
Fast Forward A Few Years...
Iruka-Sensei Always Ruins Prank-Time!
The Graduation Exam? Bring It On!
The Sorting Sensei!
Smoking Hurts
Slide to the Next Team
Yawn! Here We Go Again!
Test Time
The Results Are In...
We Don't Want Any More 'D'
Steve
To the Land of Waves!
Cow-Man vs Team 7 and annouying bridge builder [Part 1]
Cow-Man vs Team 7 and anouying bridge builder [Part 2]
Okay, who kindnapped me? Was it you?! ¬.¬ or you....<.<
THE MOST EPIC FLIGHT EVA!!!....and yes...I DID say sensai...
Damn you trees! And...STEVE!!!!!! AHHH!!
Die Sakura!!!........DIE!!!!
Wow, this? This is a normal day?
Ha Ha! You don't get a bed to sleep in Sakura! KARMA!
......I have no words.....just....yeah.....
My middle name is....
The little red-headed ninja
The starting fight and...Naruto...
Ugh...what happened?...oh, hi Haku...wait a second...WHAT?!?!?
The Sand Ninja
The Chunnin Exams? Sweetness!
Sakura's party
Yet another little random filler!!!....you probably hate me now...
The first test is...getting to the test -_-l l
Bring. It. On!
The First Exam is...a written one...of coarse...
Confusion in the exams!! Well...I am here so...
Into the Forest of Death
The Fight!!
The Sound Ninja? ...why didn't you kill Kabuto?
Story Time!
The Preliminary?!
Continue of the preliminary round
HARLEM SHAKE
Just another 'average' day
WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!?!?
Our latest prank XD
I need to find someone to train me!
Fido-Sensei
Arguements
Explaining to Naruto and Steve
Mini Mission: Getting Ramen!
The Truth
Time Skip!
Yet again, a filler! XD
I swear! This isn't a filler!
Let the Hunger Games BEGIN!
Well, this is fun...
Ugh! Why me?
What sort of 'revenge' IS THIS?!
The Story behind Rido and Fido Titen! - NEXT TIME!
The Story behind Fido and Rido Titen!
Akatsuki members aren't too terrible...
I'm Back!
This is the life!
The Search For Haku
The Search For Lian
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
Yum....Sushi....
Let the Battle Commence
Flappy Bird!
The Legends
Guess who's back...back again!
Cliffhangers, no more!
So much confusion!
Help me my friends!
Disaster of a Date
Happy Birthday Lian
The Last BBQ Together
That Stupid Duck!
You again?!
Turtles!
Esca-pe!
Yo! It's you guys! Slumber party!
I'm Back Fools!
Nat Should Change his Career
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Remember?
Promises
Absolutely Not?
IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG
Conspiracies!
A Lot Has Happened...
Thank You <3
~Epilogue~
HEADS UP

The Lian Rap!

3.2K 110 16
By I_am_a_psychopath

(Lian's POV)

"Boom che! Boom che! Boom Boom che che! Boom che! Boom che! Boom Che!"

"Kid?"

"What?...My name is what?...Lian! Titen!"

"Kid?"

"What cha' gonna do? What cha gonna do? What cha gonna do when I come for you?"

"Hey...ugh....Lian?"

"Yeah?"

"She replies to him..." Pervy Sage deadpanned.

"What're you doing?" Naruto asked.

I smirked, "Glad you asked. I'm trying to become a rapper!"

"...a rapper?"

"Yeah! Seeing as I have oh so many fans, I thought I should come up with an awesome rap!" I grinned.

"Kid, what fans do you have?" Pervy Sage asked.

I pointed to the camera crew in the bushes, "Well, seeing as they've been following me since the day I was born, I'm guessing that I have some fans somewhere."

The camera crew panicked and -

[ BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP ]

Ahem....sorry, we apologise for this interruption....it seems that our camera crew has actually been spotted and has been spotted by the other characters.....

We will pick up from where we left by using our hidden cameras which we have placed all over the world!

Now....to deal with that camera crew....

[ BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP ]

"....that was strange." Naruto blinked.

"I know, right?" I nodded.

"Hm...I wonder....where do you think they've gone to?" Jaraiya asked stroking his chin.

"Aren't we suppose to be looking for this Tsunade person?" I asked making him snap out of it.

"Oh yeah! Come on, let's check this town out."

SPLASH!

"Naruto! Don't throw them away!"

"ARGH!!! GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE!"

"Can I try?" I asked when Naruto was handed a water balloon.

"Ugh...do you know what you're chakra nature is?" Jaraiya asked cautiously, "Anything but lightening....please!"

"Wind and Water!" I grinned. "Sasuke's the one with lightening and fire....lucky duck....duck....Steve....."

"Lian! Calm down!! We'll go find Steve and eat him later, okay?" Naruto said smiling, holding onto my arms.

"....where's the water balloon?" I asked.

SPLASH

"There it is!" I grin seeing a soaking Pervy Sage.

"Never mind....." he sighed and handed us water balloons.

"....what're we doing with these?" I asked.

Pervy Sage explained to me the technique for a cool jutsu called Rasengan and then demonstrated on a tree.....

Let's just say that tree now has a random swirly hole in it....

So, me and Naruto have been trying to burst these water balloons by swirling the water inside so fast that it explodes.

SPLASH!

"WILL YOU QUIT THROWING THEM AT ME?!?!!?"

"But it's not working!!!" I yelled, taking another one.

"This shouldn't take this long!! Believe it!" Naruto yelled.

"Hm...."

"....he's thinking!" I whisper to Naruto in excitement.

"Lets see your head."

"What?" me and Naruto deadpanned then our heads got forced down.

"Naruto, start to spin the water in the other direction."

"Why?"

"Because, you were spinning it in the wrong direction. You're hair spins this way " cue spinning finger action in midair "but you were spinning this way" cue spinning finger action in opposite direction in midair.

"Oh! I got this! Believe it!" Naruto nodded.

"What about me, huh?" I asked titling my head to the side.

"Kid....when was the last time your brushed that fuzz?" Pervy Sage asked sweatdropping.

"Um.....five....maybe six?....um...."

"How many days ago?" he asked face palming.

"How many days are in seven years?" I ask making both Naruto and Pervy Sage choke on air.

"WHAT?!"

"I never let Kakashi brush my hair cause it always hurt!! And Uncle Guy....i had clumps coming off when he tried to get tugs out...." I cringed at the memory.

"Alright, it's getting late." Pervy Sage sighed as we headed to a small hotel in the little town we were in. "Let's check in and sort....that out."

"What do you mean by sorting it out?" I asked cautiously.

- - - - - - - - - - -

"NO!!!!"

"KID!! SHUT IT!!!"

"LIAN!! STOP!!!"

"NEVER!!!"

"ITS THE ONLY WAY!! BELIEVE IT!!"

"NO!!!!" I screamed hiding the chair in front of me. "You are NOT cutting my hair!!!"

"Look, we can't get the tugs out!! It's not possible!" Pervy Sage sighed rubbing his forehead.

See here, his way of sorting my hair out, was to brush it and cut what was unable to brush.

Thing is, it's been seven years, nearly eight, since I last brushed my hair so...yeah....

So, if not brushing it for a day is bad, then think how terrible seven years is!

When I tell people that I 'brush' my hair, I really mean that I attempt to brush it, get it caught in my hair then untangle the brush out.

To be honest, I think I've got a hairbrush in my hair somewhere....."

Basically, the old pervert thinks it's fine to just cut my hair!!

Nuh uh!

No way!

Nope!

Not gonna happen!

"Look, how about this? Tomorrow you're going to the spa to get yourself presentable and hair untangled." Pervy Sage sighed.

My eyes widened.

"S-S-Spa?!?!"

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Nooooo!!!!!" I yelled holding onto the frame of the spa door.

"Let go Lian!!!" Naruto yelled pulling at my legs while Pervy Sage talks to the woman.

She was tall. Sophisticated. Pretty...and real mean looking...

"Right this way, miss." she said directed through the back.

By directing, I mean Naruto and Pervy Sage pushing me until her demon talons dug into my shoulder.

I was strapped into a seat and that's when my hair fell from it's usual bun.

"You're hair!!! It's so long!!" the woman gushed then cringed, "But so...disgusting and....tangled...when was the last time you put a brush through it?"

"Seven years ago." I shrugged moving my hair from my face.

"....Heh, you're kidding, right?" she asked smiling awkwardly.

"Nope!" I blinked.

"Oh dear......lets get started then, shall we?"

- - - - - - - - -

"Lian!!! Y-You're hair!!!" Naruto gasped and I laughed.

"I know, right?"

What's wrong with it?

Well......you heard about the story Rapunzel and her amazing magical hair and stuff?

Okay! My hair ain't that long! Jeez!

But it's still pretty close....

"Kid.....i really think you need to get it cut." Pervy Sage sighed, "You're a ninja, it'll get in the way."

"That's what they said about the belts!"

"What're they even for?"

I shrugged, "They were for machine guns but they all got taken away from me by the ANBU..."

(ARE YOU HAPPY PEOPLE!! I USED ANBU!!! :D )

"I dunno....he may be right Lian...." Naruto said scratching his head. "It does seem a little too long."

"What makes you say that?" I asked blinking.

"Well, seeing as you're wrapped up in it and it still ends up down to he floor, I think that's enough proof." Naruto stated.

I sighed and started to untangle myself from these bindings.

"Maybe.....you're right."

"That's a first." Naruto blinked in shock.

I nodded in agreement. "It's just that I've never had my hair cut before....what happens?"

Pervy Sage and Naruto stared at me in shock, "You're kidding right?"

So, after making an appointment for me to get my hair cut tomorrow, I wrapped me and Naruto up in my hair and we rolled down the stairs of the building knocking any drunktards over.

That was the fun part, the hard part is standing up and running away!

"Hop! Hop for you're life!" I yelled.

"We won't have a life if we keep doing this, believe it!" Naruto yelled both us hopping away as quickly as we could.

- - - - - - - - -

"Boom che! Boom che! Boom boom che che! Boom che! Boom che! Boom Che! What?...My name is what?...Lian! Titen! What cha' gonna do? What cha gonna do? What cha gonna do when I come for you?"

"SPLASH!"

"Hey! I actually did it!" I cheered then turned to Naruto grinning, "I'm catching up on you!"

"Ha! I'll get this before you Lian! Believe it!" Naruto nodded and concentrated on his bouncy ball.

We'd done a balloon and a water balloon and now we were using bouncy balls!!

I'm being serial here, having my hair braided and actually brushed feels weird....

- - - - - -

......Oh hi!

Right now we were walking about a town and were about to go to the hotel when we, guess what, found her!!

"Hey missy!" I called from across the table.

"What do you want, brat?" she asked taking a swig of her drink.

"I'm just wondering, are you the reason that this guy here," pointing at Jiraiya "is a pervert?" I asked.

"why would you think that?" she asked blinking lazily.

"Your freakin' wata melons!"

She burst out laughing spitting her drink all over Naruto which made me laugh at his angered face!!

"Also, how come if you guys are the same age that he's as ancient as the beginning of the leaf village and you seem pretty dang young?" I questioned.

"Heh, this kid is alright." she smiled, "Let me buy you a drink."

"NOOOOO!!!!!" Naruto screamed in terror.

"Why?" I asked.

"YOU DONT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU HAD ALCOHOL??!?!!"

"I had alcohol?Then I should be fine now."

"NO!!!"

==============

Well.....this is awkward.....

How's it going psychopathic lovers!!! ^.^"

......Hello? Are the any readers left?

I'm sorry for not uploading :( I had tests!

You've heard of duck season where people hung ducks and stuff, well, this is exam season.....

I'm happy I've finally uploaded!! I know, another filler!!

I just wanna make this story my own...

But!! Don't fret! The pedophile and the pedo-child will show up in the next episode!! episode? chapter!!

...Nah, episode sounds cooler!!!

Hope you guys enjoyed!!!

LOVE YOU GUYS FOREVER

PSYCHOPATH OUT!

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