There was a small fire lit in the camp that we'd set up for the night.
Clarke and Octavia had eventually fallen asleep a while ago, leaving Bellamy and I sat beside each other on a log opposite the fire, keeping watch of our surroundings. Bellamy had told me numerous times that I could sleep and he'd keep watch, but I kept declining.
"You know, I thought I was never going to see you again," I stated, breaking the silence for the first time in a while.
"The last time I saw you, Miller was pushing you inside the dropship," he said as I glanced over to look at him. The light radiating from the fire cast on to his face, bathing him in a warm glow. "When Clarke came back and told us everything, when she said she'd lost you...after everything-" he started again, only to trail off, silence lapsing between us once more.
I glanced down at the flames of the fire licking at the wood underneath it, listening to the oddly relaxing, soft crackling sounds.
"There's forty six people still in Mount Weather," I spoke up again, lifting my eyes to look at Bellamy. "Including Jasper, Monty and Miller. We can't just leave them there to die."
"We'll get them back," he assured, although saying it out loud made it seem like an impossible task. Clarke and I barely made it out, let alone back in. "After everything we've all been through, we can do this."
"Yeah, we've been through some shit," I commented, my mind casting back to our first few days on Earth. Jasper being horrifically speared in the chest, then going searching for him with no clue whether he was alive or not – that was definitely an experience. The nuts we'd found that made everyone hallucinate, the virus Murphy brought back from the grounders, and our final fight. We survived all of it.
Bellamy looked over at me, properly, a small smile twitching on his lips. His eyes seemed to search mine for something, but I wasn't quite sure what. "You hated me."
I let out a gentle, breathy laugh, shaking my head at his statement. "I never hated you. You just weren't always my favourite person..." I trailed off, glancing up at him with an innocent grin. "Anyway, I thought you hated me."
"I didn't hate you," he started, a slightly smirking tugging at his lips. "I mean I thought you were annoying for a while–"
I scoffed over dramatically, placing my hand to my heart whilst he chuckled at my response. "In that case then, I thought you were a selfish and arrogant asshole." The two of us laughed quietly, our shoulders touching as we leaned in to each other slightly. When it fell silent again, I looked up and noticed Bellamy's brown eyes staring thoughtfully into the distance. "You know, I'm glad I found you again."
"I'd say I agreed with you but I'd probably be lying." I raised my eyebrows at him and he let out a low chuckle again. "Kidding."
"Admit it," I teased, grinning up at him. His eyes shifted to mine. "You love having me around."
"I suppose so," he mused. "As long as you're not practically passing out drunk."
"That was one time–" I defended as he met my eyes again, causing my smile to falter. "But in all seriousness, I really did miss you, Bellamy."
"Of course you did," he responded, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Who wouldn't?"
"Getting a bit too ahead of yourself there," I quietly teased, suddenly conscious that Clarke and Octavia were still asleep nearby.
"You love it, dimples."
I glanced away for a moment a smile on my face. When I looked back, I realised he still had his held his gaze on me, causing my cheeks to heat up. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest, as our stares lingered for a few moments. I found myself, again, noticing how the lighting of the fire engulfed him a beautiful, dim glow, highlighting his features.
Slowly, I felt myself leaning in closer, our faces becoming inches apart, our noses almost touching. I didn't even notice I'd been holding my breath at first, until he tentatively pressed his lips against mine.
I tensed at first, the whole experience being new to me. I suddenly realised I had no clue what I was doing, but began to relax under his touch, my lips finally moving along with his. He was kissing me tenderly, and I could tell that he was trying to be gentle.
His hand softly cupped my cheek, his thumb lightly brushing over my skin. My breath hitched in my throat, my skin tingling from his touch.
Then he pulled away, both of us motionless for a moment as my eyes locked with his. My hands shook slightly from all the sudden mixed emotions running through me, setting my pulse racing. I desperately tried to read his expression, to figure out how he felt. Was it a heat of the moment thing? Did he have feelings for me? Why did he move away? Did I do something wrong? Fuck.
My question was somewhat answered when he leaned in again, our lips meeting once more, an intensified feeling of euphoria flowing through me. The kiss felt deeper, our lips rougher, our bodies closer. His hand moved from my cheek, his fingers tangling in my hair instead.
I felt myself smile into the kiss, my heart thudding rapidly. I'd never felt like this before, never had a sensation like this. It made my stomach feel like it was tied in knots. It made my brain feel fuzzy. But it also felt like I was on top of the world, and I liked it.
Almost reluctantly, I broke away, catching my breath. Bellamy breathed out softly, and I watched him unsurely for a moment until he wrapped his arm around my waist, moving me closer to him.
My heart still hammered in my chest, and I wondered whether he felt the same kind of feelings. It was quiet around us, almost tranquil, the only sounds I could hear were Bellamy's soft breaths and the blood softly pounding in my ears.
And for once, I felt content.
~
Early the next morning, the four of us set off through the camouflage of the trees again, in search of Finn and Murphy.
The kiss Bellamy and I shared last night was replaying over and over in my mind, distracting me slightly. It took everything in me to try and keep focus on the task at hand, and I had to repeatedly keep willing myself not to keep looking over at Bellamy.
As we approached a hill, I saw Octavia draw out her sword again, which signalled that we were almost at the village. I started to reach for my gun, becoming more alert as we headed down a steep slope, my efforts becoming focused on not falling over.
"This is it," Bellamy said, lifting his head up from the map in his hands. "Which way to the village?" He was watching Octavia expectantly, we all were, but her eyes were focused on something in this distance – possibly the run down statue. "O?"
"The Reapers came from there," she pointed her sword towards the monument. I noticed her eyes watering with tears and I frowned, watching as she turned to Bellamy. "I couldn't save him, Bell," the pain in her voice was evident, and I made the connection that she was talking about Lincoln. Bellamy moved to pull her into a hug, as her voice cracked from the emotions. "I couldn't save him."
I shared a look with Clarke, who was watching Octavia with a sympathetic look on her face. My heart felt heavy, as I began to imagine what she was going through – I could tell how much Lincoln had meant to her. Not being able to save someone you care deeply about, it was the most horrible feeling in the world.
The sound of sudden gunshots in the distance caught everyone's attention. Within seconds, we were all running down the hill, me trying my best to dodge anything that was threatening to trip me up. I saw Bellamy and Clarke halt suddenly and I slowed down, my legs feeling weak as I watched the scene in front of us unfold.
Bullets after bullets were being fired at Grounders, all by Finn. Shouts and cries of pain filled the air, everything erupting into chaos. Blood and bodies completely littered the ground as Finn callously continued his massacre. Murphy was backing away slowly, his yells blurring and disappearing into the other noise.
Finally, it all stopped. It became silent, when Finn's eyes found ours, his jaw dropping in shock.
I felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't move, as if my feet were permanently cemented on the floor. I watched as Octavia rushed towards a wounded Grounder on the floor, possibly one she knew. My eyes roamed over the village, unable to believe that Finn – the kind, innocent, thoughtful Finn I knew – had caused all of this.
Bellamy and Clarke began to walk closer to where Finn and Murphy were stood. I followed, much slower, taking in the sights of cowering Grounders and the bodies of those who weren't so lucky.
Finn took a step towards Clarke, who backed away slightly, causing his face to fall. "I found you."
But had we found the real him?
~
A couple of days later I sat with Clarke and Bellamy outdoors, their faces only illuminated in the dark by the scarce amount of lanterns strung up around us. The map of Mount Weather was in the middle of the table, Clarke's pencil markings covering it.
"Okay," Bellamy said slowly. "Tell me again."
"It's a labyrinth," Clarke stated, pointing at it with her pencil. "We got to the dam through this tunnel. It's all connected to the mine system. That's our way in."
"Sure, if we can get past the Reapers and the Mountain Men," Bellamy scoffed. "I swear to God, if your mom doesn't sanction a mission soon, I'm going by myself."
"You won't be by yourself," Clarke said as I nodded along in agreement. She turned her attention to me. "Did you talk to your mom, Billie?"
"Not yet," I answered with a small sigh. "Every time I even try and bring it up she just shuts me down. I actually think she wants me to stop hanging around with you guys."
"Obviously, Clarke is the bad influence," Bellamy said, causing me to smile a little. The past few days had been rough with my mom and I knew Clarke had it tough too. Looking over Bellamy's shoulder, I noticed a dark outline of a figure heading towards us. Clarke's smile faltered, as did mine. "Guess the inquisition's over. How's Finn doing, anyway?"
"I haven't talked to him since we got back," she admitted. "I don't know what to say. He just kept shooting..."
"We're at war, Clarke," Bellamy reminded. "We've all done things."
Bellamy's words made me think a little. He was right, all of us have had to do things to survive. But what Finn had done just seemed so much more uncalled for. I sighed heavily, looking up in time to see him come to a stop by our table. "Hey."
"Hey," Bellamy replied, Clarke and I both staying silent. I gave Finn an awkward smile, glancing at Bellamy, both of us seeming to make the mutual decision to leave. "Next round's on me," Bellamy sighed, as he got up from the table.
I was quick to follow, my arm accidentally brushing against his as we started to head to the bar. I took a quick glance back over my shoulder, seeing Finn sitting where Bellamy had previously been. "I'm gonna get shit faced drunk again," I commented lowly, causing Bellamy to let out a light laugh.
"Might wanna hold that thought." I looked up at him, confused for a moment, until I recognised a familiar figure heading in our direction.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," I groaned, hoping that my mom hadn't already spotted the two of us. "Quick, let me hide behind you."
I moved behind him, my hand on his back as I ducked my head slightly. "I think she saw you."
"Are you sure?"
"Definitely." I peered out from behind him, noticing the very stern and terrifying look on my mom's face as she headed towards us. "Yeah, good luck with that."
Bellamy had an amused grin on his face as he started to leave, but I quickly tugged on his hand, pulling him back. "If we go now, we could probably-"
"Billie!"
I glanced back over at her, seeing her eyes locked on the sight of my hand with Bellamy's. He must have noticed the distasteful look on her face because he let me go quickly, his hands awkwardly shuffling into his pockets. "Okay, you should probably run. Like now."
He turned back to me, a smug look on his face. "Thought you wanted me to stay?"
"For the love of god, just go," I started pushing him away as much as I could manage, not wanting him to face the wrath of my, still very hostile, mother.
My mom came to a stop in front of me, watching Bellamy through a glare as he headed in the direction of the bar. I saw him turn his head, checking over his shoulder, and gave him a small smile to assure that everything was okay.
Once he was far enough away, I turned back to my mom, gritting my teeth. "I wish you wouldn't look at him like that."
"You know he shot Chancellor Jaha, don't you?"
"I'm aware," I replied, wondering why she was dragging all of this up. That was in the past, and it admittedly wasn't his finest moment. But that wasn't the real Bellamy Blake, and I knew that.
"He's a criminal–"
"Mom, all my friends are criminals. Jesus christ, I'm a criminal. I was locked in the skybox just like they were. I was sent to the ground, just like they all were." She opened her mouth again, probably to argue what I was saying, but I wasn't finished. "And you know what? Bellamy saved all of us when we were sent down here to die. So you should thank him for me still being here– alive. And not only him but you should thank Clarke, Octavia, Raven, Finn and– and Jasper and Monty when we get them back," I swallowed thickly. "Because I wouldn't be standing here without any of them. So stop looking at my friends like they're pieces of trash. Stop thinking you're better than them, because– because you're not."
She stared at me for a moment, slightly dumbfounded, seemingly left speechless by my words. My chest was rising and falling much quicker than usual, and my hands shook slightly from all the pent up emotions within me.
I desperately wanted to walk away, but I seemed to be caught up in a staring contest with my mom. Both of us daring the other to talk first until I saw her straighten up, wringing her hands together. "I'm trying to look out for you."
"You didn't do that when you sent me to the ground–"
"That wasn't my decision!" She defended, her voice rising slightly. "I didn't have any part in that!"
"I survived down here on my own, without you, for long enough," I snapped back. "What makes you think I need you now?"
"I'm your mother!"
"You call yourself my mother?" I shouted, my outburst causing her to flinch. "You lied to me about who got my father floated–" I took a step forwards, jabbing my finger accusingly at her. "You made it clear that I had a part in what he found out. You got me put in the skybox–"
"Billie, please–"
"Do you even know what it was like thinking you were dead all that time?" I asked her, my voice softening slightly as I tried to ignore the lump in my throat. "Thinking that you were gone, dad was gone and that I had nothing, absolutely nothing. Do you even know how that felt?"
"Yes, Billie I did," she said, the look in her eyes changing, making me pause for a moment. "Because I felt the same."
I breathed out, gathering myself back together again. "Then why is it that all you've done since you got here is criticise me and criticise my friends? We had to survive down here on our own," I shook my head at her. "You don't even know the half of what we had to deal with. But we came through it together, we found a way–"
I turned my head for a moment, my jaw clenching as I noticed a few people watching the scene. I whipped my head back around, unable to read the expression on my mother's face as I continued.
"–And if you think for one minute that I'm going to change those ways, those values; that I'm going to listen to you all just because you're adults and you think you've got things figured out, then you're wrong. You don't know shit. We know this earth a hell of a lot better than you do. This is our world, this is our fight. And I– I'm not abandoning my friends just to make you happy."
I froze still for a moment, the words seeming to have tumbled from my mouth at one hundred miles per hour, leaving me breathless. Part of me wanted to see if she had anything to say back, but I mostly really just wanted to get to that bar, away from her, back to Bellamy.
"You're my daughter," I finally heard her say. There was something different in the way she looked at me. She seemed defeated, but when her eyes met mine, it was almost as if she was in awe at first. And then it was replaced by something else – hurt. "You're all I have. And I'm terrified of losing you."
"All I'm asking for is your trust," I said, my voice cracking slightly. "You have to trust us, trust that we know what we're doing. And you have to trust me."
My words lingered in the air for a moment, and I didn't get a response from my mom. Instead, I left her alone and headed to the bar, where Bellamy was waiting, drumming his fingers on the makeshift counter.
"I'm guessing it didn't go well?" He questioned, sliding a full glass over to me.
"It was horrific," I answered, reaching for the glass with a sigh as I thought back to everything I'd said. Maybe I'd gone too far. "I'm sorry about my mom. She's had no right acting the way she has done these past few days."
"It's understandable," he shrugged, taking a sip of his drink before placing the glass back down on the table with a small thud.
"You don't deserve that though," I responded, glancing up at him. I couldn't help but notice how the bar lighting also made his features so much more definable. His sharp, curved jawline, the way his hair fell over his forehead. I was suddenly reminded of the kiss the other night.
Bellamy's eyes met my stare, and I quickly glanced away, taking a large sip of Moonshine in an effort to disguise the rising blush on my cheeks. It burned my throat at first slightly, but I could feel my body already buzzing with a newfound energy.
"Drink up, dimples," he said, holding his glass up, a smirk plastered on his face. "We've got a long few days ahead of us."
With a small smile, I raised my own glass, knocking it against his with a loud clink. "Cheers to that."
↠
A/N
It happened, it finally happened, they finally kissed. I honestly died just writing it, and I can't wait to for them to progress from here.
My girl Billie slaying her mum and calling her out for her bullshit is actually what I live for though (other than her and Bellamy obviously).
Don't know about anyone else but that last episode of The 100 actually killed me...I'm still shook.