Its been five days since I got out of the hospital. Which means five days since the boys left.
I'm still extremely sad about it. Plus Angel left with them to keep going on tour so I don't have my big brother to help with my problems.
Cat has been acting really distant and it's pissing me off. I've never done anything bad to her.
I only really text Matthew anymore. The first two days me and Cameron texted a lot. But now we just stopped and that sucks. He was really sweet and entertaining.
Matthew is honestly like my little brother. I mean I know he's a year younger but he's still little to me.
He's one of the most chill and funniest guys I've ever met to be honest with you. I talk to Taylor more, we text at least two hours a day if we can.
Nash and I text frequently. But the only person I've been wanting to text is Cameron.
Right now I'm texting Matthew while laying in my room listening to Lorde. Team is playing.
- From Mattchu
I miss you :/ I'm tired of touring. It's so exhausting to be honest e.e
- To Mattchu
Awh bb I miss you to :( You needa come back here ! I miss all of you v.v & I bet. I would end up like slapping some girls if I were there to be honest witchu.
- From Mattchu
I've thought about slapping some... But I wouldn't do that to a fan. Even when they can get 200 x's annoying. But I'll see if I can talk your mom into letting you come to Nashville :D ?
- To Mattchu
Ahhh Omge. Yes please. I wanna hang out with you :D Imysm.
- From Mattchu
I'll use Angel's phone to call here right now. and I miss you to baby doll (:
- To Mattchu
I doubt she'll let me tbh. but you never know. Its you your adorable. She'll let me. c:
He doesn't reply for about ten minutes and its saying to start packing.
I swear I couldn't help but cry. "Mom your letting me go?!" I yell running down stairs to her room picking up my little sister.
"Yeah you deserve it. You've been really good lately." She smiles. "When am I leaving?" I ask. "In one day. The day after Christmas." She informs me.
I nod happily hugging her. "What did he have to say to convince you?" I ask her pulling myself onto the counter so I was eye level with her.
"Not much. He just said that you needed to get out and to come visit your number one best friend in the whole world." She smirks.
"Yeah he's like my best friend." I smile. "Is there anything more than that?" She asks curiously. "No mom! He's sixteen! Dude. No. He's like a little brother to me." I say quickly. That'd be weird.
"Okay, so why hasn't Cat been coming over? Usually she's over here every day." She points out. "I don't even know to be honest with you. Ever since I kissed Nash-" My mom cutts me off instantly.
"Who's Nash? Oh wait. That one boy with the gorgeous blue eyes? Oooooooh girl." She says in a fangirl voice. "As I was saying. I got dared to kiss Nash and she walked in and just was rude. Then she's been acting distant." I sigh.
"Does she like Nash?" She asks. "She really likes Carter, the shorter one with Brown eyes." I explain. "I think I know which one." She says.
"No you don't. Hold on." I say taking my phone out my pocket to see two texts I just go to my images and show her a picture of me and Carter.
"Oh yeah I was thinking about one of the others." She laughs. "Maybe she likes Nash and is just putting up a front? I don't know. I've never had to deal with that." She shrugs.
I nod. "True. Well imma go pack." I say hoping off the counter going to my messages. "Your staying with them for at least a month. I decided to let you travel with them for a little while." She smiles. I nod. "Thank you mom." I say hugging her before jogging up the stairs reading my messages.
- From Mattchu
How long will you be staying with us?
- From Cameron Mofo Dallas
I never sent you our pictures. Here :)
- To Mattchu
LIKE A WHOLE MONTH UNTIL NASHVILLE ! :D well don't tell anyone I'm coming. ( : I just wanna show up and see their reactions.
- To Cameron Mofo Dallas
Thanks. ( : can I post them on instagram? ..
I grab my big suit case and start putting my favorite clothes in it. With some toiletries. Chargers and my laptop and other little things I'll need while being there.
I decide to call Cat and meet her at the park down the street. I needed to see what was up with her before I leave because I probably won't see her tomorrow considering its Christmas.
I pull on some random skinny jeans and a tank top before slipping on some socks and shoes. I grab my head phones and phone before jogging down the stairs after she agreed to meet me there.
"I'm going to the park. I'll be back." I call out before slipping out of the front door my phone beeping a few times signaling I had three texts.
I unlock my phone and read them.
- From Mattchu
YAY! WOOHOO! I'M SO EXCITED! NEW YEARS, YOUR GONNA BE HERE FOR NEW YEARS (: TURN UP. & I won't. I pinky swear (:
- From Cameron Mofo Dallas
Of course you can? Your just another fan. Every fan posts pictures with me haha.
- From Hottie ;p
Hey hot stuff : )
- To Mattchu
I know haha. . Ugh :/
- To Cameron Mofo Dallas
Your right Cameron. I'm just another fan... 100% True. I shouldn't have your number or anything. . So yeah, I'll just become invisible again . Bye. it was fun while it lasted.
- To Hottie ;p
Hey (: What's up ?
- From Mattchu
What happened?
- To Mattchu
I asked Cam if I could post our pictures because he just sent them to me. But he said yeah. & That I was just another fan. I know I am. I have always been. I'm tired of being just another fan. Ugh. I'm so ugh. I'm sorry you shouldn't have to listen to me. e.e Then Cat has been pushing me away after you dared me to kiss Nash and she seen us. Like she has Carter... Plus Nash Idk. It's Nash..
I continue to walk to the park playing No Faith In Brooklyn by Hoodie Allen through my head phones.
When I got there I seen her sitting on the bench. My phone kept beeping but I ignored it and approached her.
"Hey," I sigh sitting next to her on the bench taking my head phones out. "Hey," She says quietly. "We need to talk." I say unlocking my phone to turn my music.
"About?" She asks oblivious. "YOU! You've been acting so distant since you seen me and Nash kissing. It was a dare. You act like you like him. You have Carter. You should be happy you have him dude. I'm not even gonna get started on how much you've been doing lately. Because then I'd be talking till I was thirty. Your changing and I don't like it at all." I say with one whole big breath. Pretty much huffing afterwards.
"You know I like both Cameron and Nash! A lot! But I was stuck with fucking Carter because you called dibs on them first. You kissed him knowing I was coming! Your ridiculous. Your oblivious. Every guy I've ever liked, used me to try and get with you. EVERY guy likes you. I'm tired of being picked second because they couldn't get you!" She yells.
"Seriously?! Well you can have Nash and Cameron. I'm not gonna fight over a fucking guy because of this. Cameron doesn't like me! So have at it! And Nash, I was fucking dared to fucking kiss him! I would never just kiss him. The only person that I kissed without permission was Cameron. But that's because he was dared to grind on me. Then I told him that my inner fangirl wanted to kiss him but I wouldn't do that. Then he kissed me! So fucking stop. I don't get every damn guy! I'm sick and tired of every one thinking that! Do you honestly think I like myself?! No I fucking don't! I have flaws that you can't see because I hide them! You always could have told me! I didn't know that! But seriously I'm not gonna sit here and fight over boys. You have Carter, I have Matthew and Angel. Maybe Angel was right. Maybe I should have just ditched you in eighth grade like he told me to after we got into all those fights." I say standing up tears running down my face.
"It's pointless to fucking argue over a guy. You barely know any of them. You didn't know any of hem until I told you. So yeah. But have all the guys. I'm done with this shit. It's fucking childish" I say walking away.
I pull my phone out and read my messages as more tears fell.
- From Cameron Mofo Dallas
You know that's not what I meant.. You know your not just any other fan.. Your my number one fan (:
- From Hottie ;p
Chilling with the guys. haha. What about you ?(:
- From Mattchu
I'm seriously going to punch him. That's messed up. Your not just any other fan. Your now our best friend. You mean a lot to me and I'm pretty sure everyone else here. We all love you a lot. Don't listen to him. It's not worth it. Don't stress on it. You have me. I promise you'll never be another fan you'll always be my bestfriend. Nd as goes for Cat... Have you talked to her? I mean, she has Carter and if she got jealous over you being dared to kiss someone then I mean she obviously doesn't like Carter as much as she let's on and I don't want Carter getting hurt. He's a good friend.
- To Cameron Mofo Dallas
Your just saying that because you feel bad. .
- To Hottie
Walking home.. (:(
- To Mattchu
He told me that it's not what he meant. && That I'll always be more then just another fan. I'll always be his number one fan. Which I guess is true. e.e & Yeah I just got done arguing with her. She said that I always get every guy and she likes Cameron and Nash but I guess I called dibs first so she went with Carter -_- Like no. Don't lead him on like that. But I told her she could have Nash and Cam. I'm over it. I'm tired of always fighting over guys with everyone. It's getting really old.
I sigh heavily and walk into my house jogging up to my room. I collapse on my bed and continue to cry.
I didn't want to be just another fan..
I didn't wanna loose Cat over a guy.
I'm not perfect like everyone seems to think..
Nobody's perfect.
We're all beautiful in our own ways.
I sigh as my Facetime chin rings. I see its Matthew and answer immediately even though I was crying. I needed to see his face.
"Don't cry." He says as I hold the phone in the air above my face. "It's so hard. Everything is falling apart." I sigh sharply. "No. Not everything. You have me and Angel. You have your mom, little sister and step dad. Yeah your going through a rough time. Everyone has those. You just gotta be strong and over come it." He smiles.
I smiled lightly before letting more tears fall. "Matthew, it's not that easy. I just wanna curl up in a corner and like disappear. Everyone thinks I'm so fucking perfect but I'm not. Nobody understands how much I hate myself." I cry out.
"Your not perfect. Nobody is perfect. But trust me, everyone has flaws. I do. You don't see them. I cover em' up. You my dear just need to except them and love yourself." He smiles. He's so perfect I swear.
"Who you talking to Matt?" I hear someone ask in the background. "Ugh Matthew. Why do you have to be right?" I sigh but the tears still fell.
I lost my best friend that I've had since I was thirteen. That's like being stabbed. Like your fingers being cutt off. You loose them forever.
"But what about the whole Cat situation and everything else that's going wrong?" I ask. Matthew glances up at whoever asked him and then back down at me with out answering them.
"People change, things go wrong, shit happens, but life goes on."
I couldn't help but smile a bit as Cameron's face pops up as I start to wipe my tears off my face. "Please tell me your not crying because of what I said." He sighs.
"Somewhat. Don't worry about it though. I'm over it. I had Matthew it's okay." I smile standing up and walking into the bathroom to scrub the mascara and eyeliner streaks from my cheeks.
"Baby girl! Dinner!" My mom calls. I sigh and continue to scrub my face. I lay my phone on the counter as I lean over it to re-do my mascara and eyeliner. Applying some foundation to make it look like I was never crying.
I pick my phone up and smile. "There! No evidence." I smile. "Text me.." Cameron says. I nod. "I gotta go Matthew. Dinnerrr. Were having my favorite meal." I whisper as I walk into my room.
"What is it?" He asks. "Sweet meat loaf. It's got Brown sugar in it and its perfff." I grin skipping down stairs.
"That's sounds gross." He laughs as I sit down at the table. "It's not its delicious." I smile. "I'll text you," I smile. He smiles. "Alright, love you baby doll." He smiles. "Love you to baby face." I laugh before ending it.
I dish out some food for me and Sophia, my little sister, then text Matthew and Cameron like I said I would.
- To Mattchu
Thanks for everything baby face <3 means the world to me that I have someone as amazing as you in my life. <3
- To Cameron Mofo Dallas
What'd you need?
I place my phone on my lap and begin to eat.
My phone beeping once, then twice. "No phones at table." Sophia coo's. "Soph honey, leave your sister alone." My step dad laughs.
I pick my phone up and look at the text.
- From Mattchu
Awh <3 You make me blush (; Haha. But you to! I'm so happy we invited your brother to MagCon and I got to meet you, your one of my favoritest fans I've ever met :DD
- To Mattchu
Awhh Omge. That's the cutest thing I've ever freaking heard. <3 I love you so much baby face <3
- From Cameron Mofo Dallas
I wanted to say that I'm sorry. You took it the wrong way.. I didn't mean that your like every other fan. Because your not. Your special (: Nd, you and Matthew huh?
- To Cameron Mofo Dallas
Haha Kay. & no. He's just my baby face (: Why?cx
I put my phone down and finish up my food quickly. Washing my dish and excusing myself to go upstairs and clean my room.
I unlock my phone to text the boys back before I started.
- From Mattchu
I love you to babes (: <3 Haha. Wyd ?(:
- To Mattchu
About to clean my room. I never cleaned it from when you guys were here and destroyed it -_- Lmao. Wbu?(:
- From Cameron Mofo Dallas
Oh okay haha. Just wondering.
- To Cameron Mofo Dallas
Ohkay. Well I have to clean my room from all the poop you guys did to it -_- Thank you so freaking much !
I plug my phone into my iHome and start playing music.
Singing along to Lorde, Team playing. What can I say. It's a perfect song.
"We live in cities, you'll never see on screen.
Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things.
Living in ruins, of a palace within my dreams.
And you know we're on each other's teams."
The song was the definition of perfect.