Hirap magsulat from first person perspective kapag nagbabasa ng novel na isinulat from third person perspective. Hehehe! Hope you like this people! Mwuaps! I and will really appreciate the comments! Thanks!
PS Lagi na lang akong may utang kay Sanemostly and yamstiqu. Bawi ako next time. He-he!
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Lena was there. She was standing at the edge of the rock, looking at the pathway ---- the restaurant Seth and she had been to, only that it was on air. The pathway was the air. She saw him... Right then she started shouting, it was so loud that her throat hurt. But it did not stop her from shouting. She called unto him. But he continued walking anyway. As if he didn't hear a thing. A burning sensation started to tear on her throat. Her sight started to blur. He was walking away from her. She saw him walked away. Her Adam.
Lena woke up in a familiar room. The beige interior of the ceiling. The heavy drapes on the windows. The soft matress of a queen size bed. Right. She is in her room. At their family's. Seth drove her home there last night. It was a quiet ride. The silence was awkward and intense at the same time. She wanted to get so angry with him. She wanted to yell at him. I She wanted to claw his face. She wanted to slap him. She wanted to hurt him so much. Except, she can't bring herself to. He was not the Seth she once knew.. for sure. But he was still the Seth she knew, crazy wasn't it? Two different persons at the same body. Maybe Seth had his reasons. Hell. She does not want to think anymore. But one thing's for sure, though I she agreed to marry Seth, she will still talk her father out, put some sense into his head. He must've been wrong to have this decision.
She changed into comfortable clothes and walked to her parent's bedroom. There was no other way but to talk to him. She knocked at his door. No one answered. She gazed at the grandfather's clock at the end of the hall. It was past ten in the morning. Maybe her dad is in his study or somewhere. She decided to talk to him later. Or maybe she should ask the maid if they saw him.
She went downstairs to the kitchen and saw Manang Lilian. She was wearing the usual uniform her late mother had their maids to wear. Her hair was tight in a pony,the white streaks showing. She is carrying a hamper. "Manang, si Daddy?"
Nilingon siya nito. "Nasa kwarto niya si Sir."
She opened the fridge and got herself some fresh milk. "Wala po doon, manang."
"Baka nasa study ang Daddy mo." Nagtuloy na si Manang sa likod-bahay.
Nagkibit-balikat na lamang siya at kumain. Baka nasa CR si Daddy noong kumatok siya. After she's done eating she went upstairs to take a bath and be ready for work. Yeah, How can she forget? Maybe Dad went to work early.
She was in the business of opening her bedroom door when she heard a loud thud coming from Dad's. She tried to ignore it thinking she had imagined it when it heard it again. This time there was a loud crashing of something that sounded like a broken vase. She saw Manang Lilian at the end of the stairs. She must have heard it as well. Halos magkapanabay sila na nagpunta sa kwarto ni Daddy. It was lock. Good thing, Manang brought the spare keys. As soon as they opened the door, she ran towards her Dad. He was leaning towards one of the bedside table there. The pieces of once a vase over his feet. His robe was soaked with water. The flowers directly resting on his feet.
"Dad," she guided him to lean his wieght over her but surprisingly he was strong to refuse her offer. "Anong nangyari? Are you all right?" God. He was so pale. And he was sweating hard.
His grasping for breathe when he spoke. "I'm a-alright, honey. D-don't worry."
"Dad, you're NOT okay." Finally, he allowed her to guide him to bed.
"I just knock the vase over," he said pointing to the pieces Manang Lilian was now cleaning.
He guided his father to lie down. "Just rest, Dad."
"No, I need to go to work," he tried sitting up.
She countered his efforts. "You clearly need to rest. Tatawagan ko si Doc."
"No!" he said immediately. He must've realized how he sounded so lowered his tone. "No. I'm fine. Just give me my medicine."
"Manang, paki kuha hong tubig." she glanced to her Dad. "Where's your med? Med cab?"
When he nodded, she got into the bathroom and got his medicine out of the cabinet. And she wasn't prepared with what she saw as she walked back to the room. Dad was clutching his chest. He was gasping so very frequently. "Dad!" she raced to him, accidentally dropping the medicine to the floor. She stood to get it all the while shouting, "Manang!" Then she hurried to her Dad. "Dad, Dad." She kept calling him. He looked like he was drifting, slipping somewhere. "Dad? Dad? Manang!" What the hell took Manang so long? "Manang! Ang tubig!" She faced her Dad and soothed his back. "Dad? Have this. Kahit walang tubig. Sige na Dad." Her Dad gripped her wrist as if getting the medicine from her. But failing in the process, his hand were unstable, making her arm shook, dropping the tablet on the bed. "Dad? Dad? I'll place it in your mouth, okay? Manang!"
Just when her Dad was having the tablet, Manang arrived with the water. "Christ, Manang, what took you so long?" She can't help but glared at her. Hindi ito nakasagot. Mukhang mas kinabahan ito kaya siguro nataranta. But she does not care.
Maya-maya, um-okay na ang paghinga ni Daddy. Still, she grabbed the phone and called their resident doctor.
When the doctor was done checking her Dad who was now sleeping, she spoke with the doctor about her Dad's condition. She wake her system to know that the medicine was not enough any more and that he was disqualified for a transplant because of his age and deriorating health. "When he was still healthy, he refused to undergo transplant. So here we are."
God. My father is dying.
**********************************************
"Drowning yourself won't do you any better, bro." Adam remembered Ether said.
Who told the bastard he wanted to feel better? He wanted to feel worst. In fact, he wanted to drown himself with alcohol until his body became numb of it all.
He smiled to his reflection on the glass he was holding. Lasing na nga yata siya tatlong baso na ang nakikita niya. Damn, he was too tired to think, too tired to move, too lazy to even stand. He did not know how much time he spend sitting. All he knew was that all the strength he could muster was for drinking, drowning himself until he lost consciousness.
Two weeks had past since he saw Lena. But he was still this affected. Two weeks of non-stop drinking. Well, except for the time that he occassionally lost consciousness and drifted to the fucking dreamland where Lena existed any way he wanted.
Damn it. He wanted to forget. He wanted to forget Lena. He wanted to forget her face, her hair, her voice, her smile, her laugh, everything. He wanted to forget how perfect her small frame fit against his arms. He wanted to forget how soft her body was. He wanted to forget how sweet she smelled. He wanted to forget how her whispers get him sanity. He wanted to forget her kiss. He wanted to forget how her body fit against his. He wanted to forget how great it felt to hear her whisper his name. He wanted to forget how great they were together. Except. He can't do all the forgetting. Even though, the wall might promise that if he hit his head on it, he will forget her, surely, he can't bring himself to do that. He can't foget her. He does not want to. How crazy was that? All he could just afford to do was to talk about them in the past tense.
God. Even that hurts me like hell. Well, it made perfect sense because my heaven on earth was gone.
At some point in the evening he lost consciousness. He drifted. He woke up with a pain tearing his skull into half. The sunlight coming from the window hurt his eyes. Fuck. He had no clue what time he slept last night, or this morning?
He got up and readied himself for work. Except that he won't go to work for work. Fuck. What the hell is he saying? Okay. Papasok siya ng trabaho para lang kausapin ang Chairman. And he meant business, well, figuratively.
Maybe Ether was right. He should not waste his time sulking. He has a life to live. Life goes on as Tupac rapped. And Life to him means having Lena back, so he might as well lived that life.
That gave him the motivation to move.
He brushed his teeth three times just to remove the foul smell of the alcohol. If he needs to talk to Lena's Dad, he should at least look like human, right? And surely, he looked like a zombie before taking a bath, right?
He wore his best suit and got his files. He walked over to his car and went to work.
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The secretary seemed hesistant to let Adam in. But that wasn't the time to realize something was off. The guard at the entrance and parking lot, alarmed the office upstairs, and by the office, he meant the Chairman's.
He looked intently at the secretary. He knew her well, of course. He had been working his ass off for this company. He is its COO for God's sake. And now they were treating him as if he is a stranger. Fuck all this people. As if his life's not miserable enough.
Finally, after forever, the secretary looked up to him, "He told me let you in."
He raised his hands. "Well, that's so nice of him," sarcasm filling it up. He can't help it. "Thank you very much, Miss."
The secretary looked embarrassed. Men, if they were just forced to do this because their superior told them so, that's not a reason for him to stop being a bully.
He walked inside the office. The man was on his swivel, back on him. He was speaking to someone on the phone.
Adam walked over and placed the files he got on the chairman's table.
He turned and hung up. He gazed at the files and looked at Adam with questioning eyes.
"Take a look yourself, sir." Adam was surprise to see the chairman got thinner. But this wasn't the time for that.
The chairman got the files out of the envelope and read the contents. Not intending to finish, the chairman looked at Adam then return the files. "So you found out about the merger, that's it?"
"Your daughter and I were together." he paused, realizing his past tense.
"Were. You were with my daughter for a time being. You think I didn't know that?"
He did not bother to hide his surprise. The chairman was not the kind of man that would do such thing.
"Surprise, are we, Adam?" He stood up and walked towards the blinds. He peeped onto somewhere as if contemplating his words. He then looked at him. "You worked so hard for this company. I can't say you're not a part of its success, hijo. But believe me when I say I may take your whole life away from you."
This time, he hid the fact that he felt threatened. "You may but you won't." He gritted his teeth.
The chairman raised a brow. "Are you sure about that?"
He forgot the word composure. "Then, take it! But I won't give Lena up! You can't stop me!"
"How dare you talk to me that way?" The man seemed to lose his temper as well.
Adam resorted to persuaing him. "Sir, I love your daughter. I love Lena. You can't just expect me to give her up." Hell, he is teary-eyed. This is his last hope.
The man's face tightened. "You don't deserve my daughter," he said with utter conviction.
His voice broke. "W-why? I worked hard for the com---"
"The hell I care how you work for this company! You can't have my daughter!" The Chairman's voice echoed. Adam's emotions kept amplifying the sounds, magnifying every single words, doubling the pain.
"But w-why? Why can't I? I love her! So much. I love her so much." He was so close to kneeling. If that's what left, if that would all it takes to change the chairman's mind, then, he will do it.
The chairman looked at him with those merciless expression. "Love is not enough, Adam."
"Damned love is not enough. Damned I don't deserve her!"
He did not answer.
Adam pleaded. "I love your daughter, sir. Please, just let me prove it."
"She agreed to marry Seth, Adam. Leave her alone. She does not need your love."
"She needs me!," he insisted. "I need her!" Man, a life without Lena? A life without her smile, her laugh, her voice, her everything, it wasn't living at all. He looked up to the Chairman and knelt before him, head down. "I... need... her. Please..." He felt his eyes burning. He can't hide all the emotions. It was all overwhelming. He can't lose her. He will die if he lose her, knowing she's gonna be with another man. He can't even imagine. He does not want to imagine.
"Adam, get on your feet." He felt hands tugging on his arms. But he refused to lift himself up. "Get on your goddamn feet, Adam!"
Instead of doing as told, he lowered his head making contact with the floor and reached for the Chairman's feet. "Please... Don't take her away from me..."
What happened next took the breathe out of him. The Chairman talked but choke. That's what he can described from hearing him. And when he looked up, the chairman was holding his chest firmly, inhaling and exhaling so deep and rapidly. That got Adam to his feet. "Sir?! Sir!?" The chairman was grasping for breathe, clutching to Adam's arm by one hand and to his chest with the other. His eyes were wild. "Tessa! Tessa!" Adam called the chairman's secretary.
She opened the door and saw the Chairman. "What did you do Adam?"
"I-I..." He can't find a word to say.
The secretary went out and when she came back she was with some employees. They dialed an ambulance, got some medicine and let the chairman drink it. His breathing went to normal eventually while they waited for the ambulance.
As for Adam, he slowly walked out of the office as realization dawned on him.
Clearly, I can't get my Lena back.
*************************************************
Lena blinked her eyes and stood for a moment there looking at Seth. It's unbelievable. He was cruel a minute ago. And now, what? She saw a flick of something----was it love?----in his eyes so fast that She thought it was her imagination, playing with her. Hell. Maybe he really just imagined it. Or maybe somewhere, somehow, there was love left in Seth's heart for her. She could only hope but it's definitely not the moment to think about it. She had someone to catch.
Nilingon niya ang bandang entrance ng restaurant, then she saw his back. It was becoming smaller and smaller at her sight. She walked faster. She was afraid her knees would give out if she ran. The heavens might have pity her because, unexpectedly, she found the strength to walk faster, catching up on him. Closing the distance between them. It was becoming shorter. She walked faster. And shorter. And faster. His profile becoming clearer. She could feel his warmth. She could drink his scent. She.... She missed him so damned much that she can't think of any thing to say.
Maybe it was one of those unincidental coincidence. Or maybe he just felt her presence. Perhaps he heard her footsteps, or her breathing. Or maybe he heard her whispered his name so soft that he turned. His face looked so beautiful. Yes. He was so beautiful at that moment. His head tilted a little. The light from the lanterns giving his profile a mysterious look. He wore a simple V-neck shirt and khaki's. But he looked far from simple. She wanted to picture every lines on her mind and keep it forever.
He looked surprise seeing her. Maybe she was surprised as well to see he looked exhausted, haunted. His beard and mustache looked it's five-day old.
"L-Len?" he said in a questioning tone as if he can't believed he would see her.
And just remembering she will marry Seth, make her heart aches.
"Hi," was all she could say.
He closed the remaining distance between them. His hair being swept by the wind. He tucked few strands of her hair to her ear. His hand stayed there, she can feel him tensed as if having doubts if he should touch her or not. She can see all the emotions battled in him, reflected by his eyes. Soon, she saw surrender. He finally decided to touch her cheek and caressed it at the most loving way she never felt any other man could ever do. For a moment, she thought about closing her eyes and leaning against his touch. She wanted to feel him, too. Hell, She wanted to hug him so tight. She missed him so much.
You see? She is such a masochist. She always ended up hurting herself dahil mahal niya si Adam. He was with Trish the last time she saw him. Still, it doesn't count as a reason for her to stop loving him. He cheated on her not just once. But she loves him still. How any stupider can she get?
Maybe it was not a bad decision after all to marry Seth. Maybe it wasn't a bad decision after all to have this last chance to feel Adam's hand.
So she did the thing she wasn't supposed to. She shouldn't have done but did. She leaned to his touch. She closed her eyes and feel his warmth against her cheek. She should savor this one last time.
"L-Len..." she heard him whisper.
She does not want to open her eyes. She wanted to shut it close. Because when she open? If she open it? Her tears would surely fall. So she shut it so tight and pushed the tears back. The last thing she needed was Adam asking the reason behind her crying.
She felt Adam's other hand on her other cheek, soon he was cupping her face. "Will you please look at me?"
Seconds, after arguing with herself whether to follow him or not, she opened her eyes. Fortunately, there were no tears threatening to fall any more.
Adam looked at her with utmost sincerity that got her to what she always do, damned reasons, damned his cheating, damned Trish. She can take everything he did. She can forget everything. After all, this was the last moment she can ever be with him.
His gaze moved from her eyes, to her lips. He slowly lowered his head to hers. She knew exactly what he was up to and she was not that total slut to allow him to kiss an engaged woman. So before he could ever kiss her, she said the most painful words she can ever hear herself say to Adam, "I am getting married."
Parang napaso na binitiwan siya nito. But he maintained the close distance between them. His mere warmth comfort her and it's breaking her already broken heart.
"R-Right. How can I forget?" he said looking lost for a moment then he stared at her. Then, he did something she never thought he would do because it was totally going to shatter her to pieces. As if the pain wasn't enough, he smiled at her. "Well, I-I..." He looked over her shoulders, placed a hand on his forehead, and looked at the lantern next to him. He put his hand to his side, then, he looked at his feet. Seconds passed before he continued. "I g-guess this is goodbye," he said gazing up on her, looking at her over his thick lashes. He cleared his throat and straightened his back. "I mean, with all the things that happened between us, we... can't be friends at least, right?"
She was so sure someone just sliced open her chest, reached out and ripped her heart. But she was surprised to find herself nodding ever so slightly and talked even, "R-right."
Adam walked away that night. She even forgot to ask why he was there. Was he having dinner with someone else? Were he and Trish back together? There were so many questions she'd been wanting to ask, questions that will now remain as it was for she won't be able to see him again.
That was what she was thinking when, Letty, her wedding coordinator and a new friend said, "You look gorgeous!" Megan can't come for the fitting, she was out of town. But she promised to be at her wedding.
My wedding. This is all happening to soon. She will get married in two days. Dad and Uncle Mon decided to have the wedding early. Letty was one good coordinator so she had nothing to worry about. Expenses were paid by her father and Uncle Mon. The wedding and reception will be held at their lawn. Funny, she wanted, no, she dreamt of a garden wedding and she was going to have one, only it did not make her happy.
"Hey, are you alright?" asked Letty. She was beaming. Letty thought she was so happy and excited about the wedding. Clearly, it was Letty's excitement she mistook for her.
Lena shook her head. "Everything's fine. I was just thinking about Dad." After the heart attack threatening to happen, she hadn't had a chance to talk to her Dad about her feelings. Surely, it would break his heart and it might trigger another attack, which won't be good for him given his condition. His body is slowly giving up. The last thing he needed was a daughter taking his happiness from him.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She is going to have a vintage garden wedding. Letty talked about the plans she had for the garden to make it looked vintage. Lena smiled politely at her. But Lena can't even remember anything about what Letty had said and kept on saying. Lena lost track of all of it when she felt nauseous suddenly. Her surroundings seemed rotating. The floor appeared to be at the ceiling.
"Lena?" Letty got hold of Lena's arm. "You okay?"
She shook her head and tried sitting down. "I felt dizzy." Something foul was threatening to escape her mouth. It tasted acidic. "I felt like vomiting."
"Ohmygod. You shouldn't be thinking lately kasi. Na-stress ka tuloy." Letty leveled her face to Lena. "Gusto mo nang umuwi? I'll drive your car."
Lena nodded. Then, Letty helped her changed into her clothes.