He looks up at me and smiles a little, curious.
"Who's that?" he asks.
"Her name is Lacy," I begin, already barely keeping the lump in my throat from interrupting my speech.
"We don't have much time left with her Dad but I-She's in a hopeless situation yet-" I gasp for air and silent tears race yet again. Dad's smile slowly melts back away as he grabs my hand and squeezes me, supporting me as I try to fin my voice again.
"She's still the most hope-filled person I know and I-I think it would be good for you to see her."
He doesn't ask what's wrong with her. He doesn't think of how this could literally change his life. He just nods and squeezes my hand tighter.
"Ok, Baby. Take me to Lacy."
The walk to and into the hospital as become so familiar that something uncomfortable inside of me is bubbling up. It's not just sadness either. Yeah, everything is hurting but with news of Lacy's fate, it's like my body is finally starting to be tired of being sad and is trying to make me feel something else...
I try to swallow the raging emotions, even though everyone who's spent two seconds with me knows that's impossible for me.
Dad and I walk quietly through the front door, Dad looking around awkwardly and nervously.
Luke is at the front desk again. He smiles sadly at me, then glances awkwardly at Dad.
"Hey Luke. This... Well it's kinda a long story but this... is my Dad."
His jaw drops and his eyes pop and the sight of it actually makes me giggle like a five year old. He starts stuttering and stuttering while Dad has this look of both torture and amusement on his face. Finally, Luke just gives up, shakes his head and asks, "Ah, well, how can I help you two?"
The look on his face sets-no-throws me back into reality like a backpack being hurled against the wall on a Monday afternoon.
The fact that he didn't smile at me and automatically say I could go see Lacy cut me to the deepest part of my being.
"Why do you think I'm here, Luke?" I ask through the lump in my throat. It was meant to be a attempt at light hearted conversation but come off sounding challenging and demanding.
Luke bites his lip and I can feel Dad's sad eyes searching for my soul through the back of my head.
"Gen..."
"What happened? Luke, TELL ME SHE'S OK!" I demand the tears breaking free like wild horses without warning.
"She's fine!" Luke quickly replies. "Gen, I just don't know if she's up to visitors. She's probably sleeping and even if she's not, she's really weak-"
"So we need to get our rear ends in there and not let her... Suffer alone!" I demand, surprising myself with the fierceness I'm portraying.
Dad gently grabs my arm in an oddly familiar and calming way. He pulls me into himself and quietly apologizes to Luke.
"Whatever's best for the patient, Sir," he says.
I take in a few more quavering breaths as Luke's pain filled eyes search my own.
"It's ok," he finally whispers. "Let me just ask her if it's ok to let you in."
Without another sound, he comes out from behind the desk, not even bothering to call an assistant, and leads the much-too-familiar-way to Lacy's room.
He signals for us to wait outside. Dad squeezes my hand as Luke walks in the door.
"Hey, Lacy."
His faint voice travels outside.
"Did the doctor just finish your treatment honey? Ok. Well Genny is here is it ok if she comes in?"
I swallow hard, hating the fact that Lacy's voice is so faint, I can't make out a single word she's saying.
"Ok sweetheart, I'll send them in."
Luke comes out and forces a smile.
"Go ahead," he prompts before whispering, "Stay strong for her sake," please."
My eyes follow him as he drags his feet back down the hall and over to his front desk job. Dad's hand doesn't leave mine as we enter the room.
I almost lose it immediately.
All the tubes going in and out of her... The eerie ticking of the machines... Her little eyelids that she can barely keep open.
I try to remember the good news.
"H-Hey Lace! You'll never guess the news I have!" I say, attempting to our cheer in my voice as I stare at that precious face, whiter than any cloud ever seen in the sky.
Her body doesn't seems to want her to move at all. She struggles to breath right or even curl her lips into a smile.
I fu-effing hate cancer...
Nethertheless, Lacy keeps working until she's full out grinning and risks in her precious voice, "What- your-news, Genny?"
Each word she says continues to rip at the whole in my heart; she has to take in a huge gulp of air after ever single word...
"My Daddy... This is him. He's alive! I thought he was gone, but he's here and he found me!"
I guide Dad over to a chair so he can sit down next to Lacy.
He gently places her tiny... Fragile hand in his gruff ones and I instantly know his heart is completely melted for this little girl.
Lacy's smile only grows as she struggled to speak.
"That's-amazing! Maybe-that's-why-God-didn't-take-me-to-Heaven-quite-yet."
My breath catches in my throat and I swear my heart stopped.
Dads eyes are glistening and he's the one to ask, "Whatever do you mean, little one?"
"He didn't-want to-take me a-away-until-Gen-had-hope."
"I don't ever want you to be taken away, Lacy," I whisper.
Lacy seems to be fighting for breath and I'm begginning to feel like hyperventilating- I think it was a mistake coming here and am about to call the doctors in when Lacy squeak, "Don't-"
I look back at her and watch as a single tear escapes her eye.
"I-want-to-stay with-you and-the o-others-too. But I can't," Lacy admits, shattering what I didn't know was left of my broken heart.
She settles herself down and whispers,"But- God- sent your- Daddy back to remind-remind you that-death is-the-loser. Death-always-loses," she whispers with a bittersweet smile on her face.
I don't fight the tears anymore. I'm feeling sad, angry, confused, nothing good. I run around to the other side of the bed and grasp her other frail hand, begging God to let her live a full life.
Lacy's breathing begins to get steadier as mine becomes more and more unsteady.
As comforting as it is to watch her breath settle down, I look up to find that she hardly has the strength to keep her eyes open.
She's trying... But I can tell it's hard.
She whispers, "Love you so much, Genny...."
I'm so scared. I thought we had three months. Why does she seem to be declining so fast???
Lacy squeezes my hand with a strength that seems beyond what she has... Then her grip loosens and her eyelids fall shut.
I gaze at her innocent face through the blurry vision of now and pray that those sharp blue eyes will open again.