From the moment he went out of the door, hindi pa rin ako pumapasok sa kwarto. What for? Kung alam ko namang di siya babalik at matutulog sa tabi ko. Umupo lang ako dito sa sa sofa at pinalipas ang oras.
Hindi ko namalayan alas kwatro na pala ng madaling araw. It's too late for me to sleep so I decided to clean the house and prepare our meals for today. Mabuti nang mapagod para kahit papaano matakasan ko ang problema.
Funny, how our story started so fast and it seems like it will end soon. Indeed, it's a whirlwind love.
I finished cleaning the house and cooking dishes for lunch and dinner. I made some cupcakes too. Nilagay ko sa tupper at nilagay sa ref. Nag lagay ako ng note sa lamesa na may niluto akong pag kain just in case umuwi siya... Kung uuwi siya
I feel so empty. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nasurvive ang buong gabi knowing Thomas will not be around. Morning is different without him pestering me. Without him, everything seems so melancholic.
It' around 12 noon when I decided to leave the unit. I brought a small box with me to the office. Yesterday is my last day working with Philippine Everyday Inquirer. And maybe.. It's my last day with Thomas.
As soon as I enter the building, people congratualted me for the successful launch yesterday. Not knowing that I already resigned. I gave cupcakes to the staffs in the building, from the security guards to the editors. It's an act of gratitude for making this building a home for the past few years.
I left the box at the top of my table before proceeding to Mika's office. I knocked at door before entering her office.
"Sigurado ka na ba talaga sa desisyon mo?" Mika asked me before drinking her coffee. Hindi na ata uso ang hi and hello ngayon.
"It's for the best." I smiled at her. She maintained her poker face. How I wish Mika will be my friend again? This project tainted our frienship. "May request lang sana ako."
"What is it?"
"I hope you'll give my position to Tigs. He deserves it."
"I will try my best to work on your request. Anything else?"
"Sana kung ano man ang nangyari sa mga nakaraang buwan, wala sanang makalabas." I bit my lips. "Pag nag tanong man si Thomas. Don't tell him. Hayaan mong ako ang mag sabi."
"I will do that." Finally, she smiled.
"I baked some cupcakes nga pala." I placed a box of cupcakes at her table. "Good bye and thank you."
I was heading to the door when she called me.
"Ara, I'm sorry for what happened these past days." I just smiled at her then went out of her office.
Pag dating ko sa table, inisa isa ko nang ilagay ang mga gamit ko. People are staring at me pero wala akong pake. I just need to get out of here and save my marriage.
"Araaaaaaa" I heard someone from my back whining my name. Pag lingon ko si Justine pala. "Totoo ba?"
I just nod. Ayun umatungal si Justine. Mami-miss ko 'tong si future Mrs. Torralba.
"Pero bakit? Kaka-promote mo pa lang." She pouted.
"I need to sort something in my life." Tipid kong sagot. Alangan sabihin ko sa kanya ang buong kwento.
"Wala nang mag tatanggol sa akin sa mga super senior dito sa office." Natawa naman ako. Medyo paborito kasi siyang utusan ng mga senior dito sa office na kahit di naman nakalagay sa work description ay pinapagawa sa kanya.
"Don't worry papabantay kita kay Kimmy."
"Eh ayoko kay Ate Kim! Ang creepy niya. Type niya lahat ng lipstick ko." Sumbong niya sa akin na parang bata. "Ayoko sa kanya gusto ko ikaw."
"Sira ka!" I finished cleaning my table. "Sa'yo na yan."
I gave her my journal. Kakabili ko lang at wala pang sulat.
"Magaling ka. Use your talent for the better good." I hugged her.
Matapos ang ilang pag papaalam sa mga editors,interns, at kung sino sinong tao sa office, nakalabas din ako.
Well, akala ko tapos na. Naka- antabay ang tatlong bibe este tatlong Maria sa akin.
"Grabe siya aalis nang di nag papaalam." Carol greeted me with a tap on my forehead.
"Akala ko kasi wala kayo eh..."
"Sana nag text ka man lang na nandito ka." Kimmy added.
"O kaya sa messenger." Camille said.
I'm going to miss these girls.
"Wala man lang pa-farewell party diyan?"
"Tipid goals ako,Kimmy! Wag ka nga." Sabi ko sa kanya. "See you when I see you na lang, mga friends! Adios!!!"
Hahakbang pa lang ako nang harangan nila akong tatlo.
"Hep hep!"
"Hooray?" Sabi ko. Binatukan naman nila akong tatlo.
"Samahan mo ako mag ccover ako ng game ng mister mo." Sabi Carol habang hinihila ang kamay ko.
"Ha!? Ano kasi... may aayusin pa ako sa bahay."
"Hay nako,Ara! Don't us. Kung akala mo hindi pa namin alam, nag kakamali ka." Napahinto naman ako sa sinabi ni Camille. "Narinig ni Kim yung away niyo ni Tigs at Thomas."
"Guys..."
"Vent out those feelings." Carol took the box from my hand. "Let's talk it over lunch then saka tayo pumunta sa game."
I agreed with their plan. During lunch medyo masaya naman. We're throwing jokes and banter not until nakwento ko na yung nang yari kagabi. Alam nilang lahat kung gaano ako katibay. Pero ngayon? I'm vulnerable.
"Nag uumpisa palang kami pero nasira na agad." I bit my lips to stop myself from crying. "Nasira ko."
"Galit na galit siguro siya sa akin." I held on my glass tightly. "But hee has all the reasons and rights to hate me."
"Thomas can't hate you." Cams held my hands to losen my grip. " Mahal ka niya."
"But yesterday his eyes said the opposite." I never thought that those set of eyes will look at me with anger. "It seems like I am at the top of his most hated list."
"I've been waiting for a love like this but I screwed up. Maayos naman ang lahat bago niya nalaman. We're even planning to get married again next year." I paused to wipe my tears. Hindi ko napansin umiiyak na pala ako. "But I think I'm getting a divorce instead."
I laughed bitterly while my tears are flowing.
"Everything is filled of assurance but it was replace with uncertainty." I bowed down to wipe my tears. "Hindi ko alam kung anong mang yayari sa amin. Baka bukas wala nang kami."
"Shhh... Ara, sa kanya na mismo nang galing kailangan lang niyang oras." Kim assured me. "Babalik siya sayo."
"Tumahan ka na diyan baka mamaya pag nakita ka ng asawa mo sabihin inapi ka namin." Camille said.
Mag uusap din kayo." Carol told me. "But for now pumunta na tayo sa game at baka malate na naman ako! GG na naman sa akin si Boss"
Natawa naman kami doon. Pumunta kami sa venue at wala pang tao. We wear our media pass. I sighed as it dawn to me na this is my last time I'm going to use my media pass.
Time passed by at nag umpisa na ang intro for this game. I was relaxing and preparing myself pag nag kita kami. But I saw a familiar girl at the courtside writing down some notes while my husband is practicing his 3 points.
"Is that?" Napahinto ako. I don't know how to compose my words.
"Hindi mo alam?" I just gave Kim a don't state the obvious look. "Balik na siya sa courtside duties niya. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano niya napag kakasya ang oras niya lalo na at may soap opera pa siya."
"Walang nakkwento si Thomas sa akin."
"It's been a week since she's back so baka nakalimutan lang niya." Kibit balikat na sagot ni Kim.
Some of the players are greeting her and it didn't take time when Thomas said Hi to her. He smiled to her. The crowd went wild. I felt a pang of pain in the chest.
I just look at her the whole time. Hindi ko namalayan na umpisa na ng game. Thomas is doing a great job defensing, passing,and shooting the ball. But I'm still bothered knowing that there is a girl who's willing cheer louder than I could.
Tumayo si Arra sa banda namin. I saw Thomas looked at my side. Hindi ko nabasa ang reaction niya. He pull up a dagger 3 and look at our side again. Still no emotion.
"Mukhang pakulo lang ni Torres yung sa magazine."
"IKR! Parang nag kabalikan na ata sila ni Arra."
Kim and Cams looked at me. Mukhang narinig din nila yung nag uusap sa likod namin. I just smiled to them. Ayos lang. Alam ko naman na people are rooting them at mas kilala si Arra kesa sa akin. Anong laban ko?
The game ended. Thomas and his team won the game. Siya ang player of the game and he is being interview by his ex. Napahinga na lang ako ng malalim as I watched them smiled and gigled at each other.
Somewhere in my neurons told me na... Baka siya pa rin.
Thomas is right. Hindi ko na rin alam kung anong tama sa amin.
And it breaks me even more when Arra planted a kiss on his cheek. No, not on his cheek. It's on the corner of his lips. And he just smiled on her. No sign of hesitation.
I remained standing while watching them. They are enjoying the crowd's reaction while I am here standing and getting my heart broken to pieces.
They both went to the dugout. Unti unting naubos ang mga tao.
"Uwi na ako." Sabi ko habang pinipigilan ang luha.
I didn't wait for their answer. I immediately find my way out of the arena to escape this impending insanity.
Pag dating bahay agad kong tinawagan ang cellphone niya. It didn't take time before he answered it. There's defeaning silence between us.
"Uuwi ka ba?" I muttered.
"Nag ddrive na ako pauwi." I nod as if he can see me.
"Ingat ka." I bit the side of my cheeks.
"I will." I ended the call.
I sat down at the edge of the bed as I wait for him. Hindi nag tagal narinig nag bukas ang pinto ng kwarto. Si Thomas...
Everything seems different since yesterday. He's not excited anymore to see me.
"Congratulations for winning the game." I stood up and greeted him.
Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang mukha niya. Her lipstick left a stain in her cheek. I wiped it off away as if I can wipe the pain I am feeling right now.
"And congratulations for winning her back." Thomas looked confused with what I said. "Siya pa rin ba?"
"What are you saying?" He asked.
"Gumaganti ka ba dahil sa ginawa ko?" I paused. " Kasi kung oo, congrats dahil effective. Nasasaktan ako, Thomas."
"I went to your game..." His face softened. "It seems like that the two of you got back together. You smiled and gigled at each other. May bonus pang kiss."
"It's just a congratulatory kiss." He said calmly.
"Wow! So ganon? There's a kind of kiss for every occasion?" I sounded illogical pero hindi ko alam bat lumabas yun sa bibig ko.
"Alam ko nasaktan ka sa ginawa ko pero please don't hurt me this way." I held his shoulder and leaned my head on his chest. "Ikaw na lang ang kinakapitan ko, Thomas. Everything is falling on the wrong places but I choose to hold on to my love for you even if you think it's not real."
I pulled away to look at his face. I couldn't understand him. It is void of emotion.
"Let's talk tomorrow, Ara." He said and walked away from me.
While I am still broken and lost. Not knowing what the future holds for me. And I mustered all of my remaining strength to call his name.
"Thomas..." Before going inside the closet, he looked at me waiting for my answer. "Mahal kita."
Maubusan man ako ng dahilan, patuloy ako kakapit sa nag iisang ikaw.
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