I just want to take a moment and appreciate all the people who read "Charred Promises" Thank you so much for the amazin' response guys. It really means the world to me when you guys read, vote, comment and have them in your reading list :) So big shout out to all the awesome readers out there. Its because of you, awesome readers, that writers can do what they love the most.. :)
-Nish.R
"So are we good to go?" Beatrice asked her doctor.
"As good as you could ever be, but I still need be near by, no travelling for long and rest whenever you feel tired." Dr Shaw said narrowing his blue eyes on Noah.
"Thank you Charley, you know I owe you big time!" Beatrice said holding Noah's hand, he smiled back and tried to calm the argument he was having with himself internally.
"No problem. I do need to talk to your brother in private if you don't mind, Beatrice."
"Don't be Dr. Shaw with him, be my friend Charley and say whatever you want to say but don't back him off this trip, it means a lot to me Charley, I want this more than anything." she got up and Noah helped her walk outside. "I'll be outside when you are done." Beatrice said to Noah and he nodded.
"I want to tell you that all this is a really bad idea." Dr. Shaw said.
"I know."
"Then why cant you make an excuse and cancel this trip. I know this is what she wants, but she's weak and broken from inside and Juno doesn't need to see another day her mother not being able to do things on her own. I'm sure you are the reason she feel like she can do this." Dr. Shaw said calmly. This was a close knit community and everyone knew one another, they supported one another and stood by one another and he knew Beatrice has a brother who never visited when their mother died, he had not known the reason but his heart went out to Beatrice and Juno who stood beside her mother during the therapy.
"I know that too." Noah said again.
"You know all this and still you couldn't talk her out of it?"
"I don't know what am I supposed to do, other than the fact that she asked for one thing from me and I couldn't refuse it." Noah said simply.
"I'm not sure I understand what are you trying to say."
"That makes the two of us." Noah mumbled.
"Are you all right Mr. Summer? You are not making sense." Dr. Shaw said.
"The thing is I have been away for fifteen years and I have missed out a lot of things, heck I didn't even know that I had a niece till she told me. She had to go through it all alone and she didn't bother to find me or let me know about her situation all this while and I made sure she never finds me. But now as she has, she trusted me and asked me for this one thing and I'm going to make sure I make her smile even if it's the last thing that we do together." Noah said with heavy heart.
"If you take her, this probably will be the last thing you guys do together." Dr. Shaw said sitting back on his chair.
"Then shouldn't I do my best to distract her from her obvious fate and make the best memories out of the little time that is left." Noah got up extended his hand towards Dr. Shaw, he shook and nodded his head and Noah turned around and left the room. The truth was Noah was freaking out from the inside, he agreed completely with the doctor and inside his head he was debating the same thing with his inner conscious. Its always easier said than actually done, he had never once allowed his heart to decide on his behalf, but this was his Bessie, his own blood, the one person in front of whom he could let down his shield.
**********************
So by late afternoon Juno and Noah were loading the car with the necessities.
"You know this doesn't change anything between us." Juno said gritting her teeth. She had been very careful to keep her distance from Noah. She did not know him and she wasn't sure if he would stick around long for her to find out. Until she knew for sure what Noah actually wanted she wasn't willing to spend time trying to know him or like him.
"Ooohhh should I be scared?" Noah mocked and Juno glared. She hated Noah's guts.
"You don't know what a bad idea this is. She's sick and she's dying and you are taking her to the beach, this is insanity!" Juno said folding her hand and looking away.
"You talking about your mother in such a manner is insanity, Juno. She's not dead so don't kill what little thing is alive inside of her." Noah said leaning on the car. Juno got angry, she tried being nice but it seems like he didn't understand the language so she showed her real side.
"She's my mother! You think I don't want to see her happy! Where were you Noah, when she was puking her guts out on the eve of Thanks giving? or when she goes through four hours of chemo? to hold her hands and help her get through it as though its just a tetanus shot. Where were you when she visited doctors after doctors hoping that at least one of them is going to look at the test reports and say that there is hope? Where were you when she would wake up in the middle of the night coughing and gets out of breath? Where were you when I wanted to call 911 and I couldn't leave her side? Do you still know what should be done if something goes wrong in between this 'guilty-trip' you agreed to take to reconcile for all those missing years? Well I do because I was there to clean up after her, to hold her when she loses her balance, when she gets out of breath. I will always be there for her even after you will be long gone after this week gets over. She might not know you Noah, but I have figured you out."
"Oh have you?" Noah asked with a fake smile, trying desperately not to show that she had indeed figured him out.
"Oh yes I have. You wont stay long. You don't like it here. You will leave within a week maybe sooner, when you feel like all this responsibility is suffocating you. You will leave Noah and I promise you I will never once call you back, I was fine before you came along and I will be fine even if you are not around." Juno turned around and left. Noah didn't stop her as he knew that this reaction was much expected and deserved. He was upset that a twelve year old had figured him out without even knowing him properly, but he was never going to admit it. He closed the bonnet of the car and went inside the house. Beatrice had worn a t-shirt and floral skirt, her hair had been neatly tucked into a bun and her grey eyes were gleaming. Juno was standing near the table, she was checking for something in her backpack.
"Well all set! Ready when you guys are." Noah said in fake excitement.
"Then what are we waiting for!" Beatrice said getting up, Juno rushed towards her but before she held Noah was beside her holding her arm protectively.
"I got this Juno." Noah said looking into her grey eyes, they were dark with anger.
"No I got this!" Juno said pulling her mother's arm towards her. Beatrice smiled and held Juno's hand and gave her an understanding nod. Juno was furious, she rolled her eyes and zipped her back pack and walked out of the door and closed the door with a bag.
"I would say I'm sorry on her behalf but I'm sure you understand what she feels." Beatrice said to Noah.
"No, I don't understand what goes on a twelve year old girl's mind and yes, I do know what it feel like when you have been ignored all your life and then suddenly someone comes into your life wanting to take responsibility and act like they belong here, I have really done nothing to deserve this love and respect from you Bessie." Noah said walking with her outside.
"And you deserved to be loved and respected Noah Summer, because you are my cookie. Lets go now before she comes in and roll her eyes again at us." Beatrice said ruffling his hair. Noah moved back and ran his fingers through his hair making them presentable.
"She does that a lot." Noah said looking at Juno who opened the door of the car, got in and closed it with a bang.
"I wonder who she got it from." Beatrice said with a grin.
"Na-ah I never roll my eyes."
"I believe you." she laughed.
"You better do!" Noah said locking the door. He helped her get in to the car and bucked the seat belt. They spoke about casual stuff during the drive and left the heavy loaded information till they were away from Juno's ears. They talked during the whole trip and Juno had plugged into her iPod and was reading a book. Noah kept checking if she was listening, but even if she did, she hid it well.
The Beach was decided for the first day. Noah set up two seats and an umbrella and he had a few sheets and towel in case if anyone needed. He was well prepared, he had not planned to swim but he wasn't sure what Juno wanted, this trip was not just about Beatrice but about her spending some carefree time with her daughter. He helped her to get out of the car and she clung to him and held his warm hands. He smiled as they walked towards the beach, when Noah felt Beatrice was finding it difficult to walk he carried her towards the set up seats.
They were learning so many things about one another, he learned that Juno's father was a marine and had died in a war. Juno was a little over two years old and hardly remembered what her father was like. The more Noah was getting to know things, the more guilty he felt for being away from them. Noah didn't have much to speak about, as shallow as it may seem, he didn't want his sister to point out what a loner he was and that he had commitment issues.
Day two was to the decided to the park but Juno had requested her mother if they could go to the art gallery organised by her classmate's mother. Noah knew nothing about art form nor could he comprehend the hidden meaning behind them. It was a mixture of colours on a canvas for him, but Beatrice had grown to love art. It was something she had always wanted to do as a child but their mother never provided enough resources for her. But Juno loved to draw but she never filled her drawings with colour, she liked it raw and unadulterated. Noah maintained a respectable distance between the mother and daughter. They spoke in such admiration about each paintings and Noah couldn't help but fall in love with Juno's smile and the way her eyes widen when she spoke. Juno held her mothers hand and then they sat in front of a painting, Juno rested her head on her arm and then after they sat in silence for a few minutes looking at the painting, the started discussing about it. Noah was fascinated seeing how much a person changes when they smile and when they are genuinely happy. When the day ended, Juno even thanked Noah for taking them to the art gallery. Noah slept that night with a warm feeling inside of him.
Day three consisted of a boat trip, they had initially planned for a fishing expedition but had to return home early as Beatrice felt sick and they rushed to the ER. Noah feared the worst and Juno was angry.
"I hope you got what you came for!" Juno muttered bitterly.
"Not now." Noah said "Don't start now Juno, I know you're upset but please, not now. I'm scared too, please don't make it worse and say something you might regret later on." Noah said sitting on the uncomfortable waiting chair. The doctor came out and explained that she was dehydrated and that she was stable now. They had to wait for an hour to finish off the IV that was being pumped into her body, other than that she could go home. Juno and Noah looked at each other, relief rushed over them. He came closer to the little girl and pulled her into a hug and she held him closer and cried.
"Noah, she's all I have.. She's all I have.. I'm sorry I'm being so mean to you but she's all I have.. Please don't take her away from me." Noah came down to her level and held her fragile face and wiped away her tears.
"Juno, she's all I have too. I can never apologize enough for my absence in your and Bessie's life but I had my reasons and Bessie knew them and that's why she never asked me to come until now. And now that she has I'll always come and visit once in a while." Noah said.
"You are going? After all this you are leaving her and going again?" Juno asked taking a step back.
"Honey, I was never meant to stay."
"Does mum know?" Juno asked looking away.
"I'm sure she would understand."
"I'm sure this would kill her before time, I cant believe my mum thought I was like you. I am nothing like you. I would never leave my mum in this situation and leave. Just one thing going wrong and you're off to pack your bags and leave. Trust me when I tell you again that I will never stop you nor call you back. See if I give a shit to your existence Noah!" Juno said and walked backwards, she looked him in the eye, wiped her tears with her sleeve and said "You shouldn't have come here in the first place." she turned and rushed to the rest room. Noah shook his head and sat on the chair rubbing his forehead.
By the time it was time for them to leave the hospital something had stirred inside of him. Juno's words and her tears bothered him and was killing him inside. It had never occurred to him until now that Beatrice had indeed found him so that he would come back and change his mind and stay with them, taking care of them and if anything happens to Beatrice, Juno would be his sole responsibility. He knew this was more than what he had signed up for and there was no way that he could take care of someone who hates his guts. Beatrice was right, Juno was exactly like Noah, but Juno was right too, he was going to leave no matter what.
***************
The next morning, Noah was busy packing his bag. This was a very different feeling what he was feeling at that moment. He wasn't sure he liked it, in this house he was finding stability and sanity and home made food and folded laundry automatically placed in his drawer, he didn't even know he had a drawer for crying out loud. He was freaking out, he wanted to run back to his Boston life, where he wasn't scared of disappointing anyone. Where he didn't have the fear of being accepted by a twelve year old.
"Cookie." if he wasn't too busy pushing the clothes into his bag he would have noticed that Beatrice was calling his name for the third time. It was only when a hand held his wrist that he noticed he was being addressed.
"Bessie, what is it, why are you out of bed, did I wake you, do you need anything?" Noah asked making Beatrice sit on his bed. She took a breath and when he tried to remove his hands from hers, she held on to it like her life depended on it. Noah smiled but he didn't have a good feeling about this.
"Bessie are you okay? What's going on?" Noah asked.
"Cookie, I want you to stay." Beatrice said because she knew that look on Noah's face, she knew he was going to leave just like he did last time and he wasn't going to come back, but she couldn't take a chance like last time, she knew she had to talk to him before he left.
"You know I cant. All this going for trips, making plans, laughing together, having a family time is really not my thing and you know it." Noah said getting up and taking cloths from the drawer and pushing them in his bag, how many cloth did he bring anyway?
"Noah, I'm gonna ask you for a favour and you cant say no." Beatrice said putting a hand on his bag, he looked at her, tears were filling up in those heavenly grey eyes. This was going to be tougher than he had anticipated.
"No no NO Bessie, I know what is it and I know I'm not cut out for taking care of her, I could barely keep a cat alive that is not even mine, I cant be responsible for a full human being."
"She's not that difficult Cookie." Beatrice said with a half smile.
"No she isn't! She's the worst version of me, I couldn't even think half of the things she say and that is what I'm scared of. I'm not the parent figure she needs in her life. She hates me." Noah tried but Beatrice got up and held his hands.
"But you are the only one she's got." Beatrice said with tears falling from her eyes. Noah shook his head, he had not meant to hurt his sister, he was sure he couldn't take on so much responsibility.
"I got to go Bessie, I'm so very sorry. But I cant breath, I cant.. I just cant do this on my own." Noah closed the zipper of the bag but she held the bag and she shook her head pleading with her eyes. He had not known when had he become so insensitive. He had to get out, he left the bag and took his phone and passport and walked out of the room. As he got outside he saw Juno standing at the main door, as their eyes met she opened the door and waved her hand to show the way outside. He didn't hesitate even for a heartbeat and as he stepped outside he felt her bang the door behind him. No sassy remarks, no taunting back glance, no stopping him from running away. His niece was exactly like him. Her actions spoke volume and words couldn't explain how awful he felt.
***************
As Noah sat at the airport flipping the boarding pass between his fingers he couldn't forgo the feeling he had. He knew he shouldn't have taken the trip in the first place. He knew he shouldn't have gone to the house. He knew he shouldn't have seen Beatrice and Juno. And deep within he knew he shouldn't have left them like the way he did.
He checked his phone for calls or messages but he found none. He got up from his seat and went to the washroom to freshen up. He slipped his phone into his pocket and washed his face and looked at the mirror.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing Noah?" his inner voice asked.
"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing? I am going back to Boston." Noah said.
"And what about Bessie and Juno?"
"They have survived all this while without me and they will survive hereafter without me." Noah said in a hushed tone.
"She's a minor, you maniac. Anything happen to Bessie and without her she's gonna end up in the system."
"No, she's not." He snapped.
"Didn't you hear what Bessie say this morning, you are all she has. YOU are all she has and YOU are running away. YOU are doing the same thing what your mother did to you."
"I'm nothing like that woman!" Noah was getting angry.
"Yes you are, you are exactly like her and you know what you are punishing Bessie for the rotten excuse for mother she was. Juno was right you shouldn't have come if you had no intentions to stay! You are no different than her, you push away any chance of happiness and stability and go after the shallow lifestyle you have been living all this while."
"Shut up!" saying that Noah punched the mirror and it broke and shattered on the wall. The guard came rushing inside.
"Sir are you okay? What happened? Oh Good Lord, you are bleeding!" the guard carefully helped Noah walk through the shattered pieces and made him sit on the chair outside, he spoke into the intercom for some medical aid and for someone to clean the mess in the bathroom.
"Sir, did you intentionally break the mirror." the guard asked.
"I slipped and my fist hit the mirror and it broke." Noah couldn't come up with a better lie. The security looked at him sceptically but moved a bit as the medical aid came and they were nursing his wound.
"Last and final call for the passengers boarding United Airlines to Boston." Noah looked at the speaker and then towards the exit area, then at the guard, Peter followed his gaze and asked "Is that you?"
"No."
"Are you travelling or not, sir?"
"No. No.. No! I'm not. I'm not going, not today at least!" Noah saw that the nurse wasn't done covering his fist with the gauze, so he snatched it from her hand a flashed his flamboyant smile towards her and she blushed as she got up. She handed him the clip and he tucked it in place and took his coat from the chair and walked towards the exit of the airport. He didn't know what he was doing, he had no clue as to how to take care of a child, but all he knew was he was not his mother and Juno was definitely not going to end up in the system.
Noah Summer got out of the airport flagged for a cab and gave the address to the house which was going to be his home for a while at least.
The blood drained from his face when he saw an ambulance pulled over outside their house and people were gathered. Everyone and everything felt grim. He paid the cab and rushed inside as fast as his legs took him, he saw Juno standing numb in the hall way, Noah rushed towards her and the moment Juno saw him, she forgot about everything else and ran to him, hugged him and cried. Noah held her close, tears filled in, he bit his trembling lips and closed his eyes, tears fell washing away all their pride.
Thank you for reading, voting and commenting.