Guys I haven't written in Sophia's perspective for a few chapters! You're getting her take on things now. :)
please don't be freaked out by this chapter :( & make sure to tell me your opinion at the end, especially for this chapter.
previously in blinded..
I jumped up from my dark room, flung the door open and ran out into the dark hall. I didn't even wait, I grabbed her small figure and placed my lips on hers.
I tilted my head to one side and moved my lips, but hers were immobile. She felt different, her lips were more chapped and she felt more meaty. I reached my hand up to tangle my figures with her curly mess of hair, but paused when I felt it.
Her hair was damp and wavy.
This wasn't Danielle.
I opened my eyes and was face to face with the girl with icy blue eyes.
"Sophia," I whispered.
sixteen | senses
Sophia.
I shook my head when my name started falling from his lips. It didn't sound right, not after that, the voice inside of me said.
"I'm really sorry," he said quickly, "I didn't mean to." He said apologetically.
I nodded, still slightly shocked. Without realizing, I lifted my fingertips and brushed the skin of my lips where his were shortly before. The skin felt abnormal, it didn't feel like it belonged to me.
I felt like a flame was gracefully put down on my mouth, and not the good flame that you hear about in movies. This flame felt lethal, like at any second, it would become a raging fire and terminate my very existence.
I felt his curious gaze on me. I knew that his eyes were fixated on me, and I didn't like that I couldn't defend myself. "What's wrong, why are you touching your lips?" He asked slowly.
I shrugged and let my hands drop to my sides before placing one on the wall, leading to my temporary room. I secretly prayed that I'd be able to go home again; that since I was diagnosed with an identity disorder, that they'd allow me to return to the place I felt most comfortable.
My mind wandered to shortly before, to what I heard through the loo door. They were quarreling, then I heard nothing, not that I was listening to, but that frightened me. What scared me the most was when she sounded physically pained and said that he was hurting her.
When I felt the transition from wooden floorboards to soft carpet, I knew that I had entered the room. With the tips of my toes as an obstacle hunter, I avoided any objects in my way as I quickly ambled to the bed.
I automatically pulled the sheets over my body. While in the comfort of the blanket, I trailed my fingers over my lips again. The burn had subsided, but the hushed tingle was still left.
The door creaked open and my body stiffened. It was Liam, of course. I knew by the slight smell of musky cologne that entered as he did. "Sophia," he called out softly, "Can I come in?"
"You're in already." I pointed out.
"I suppose," he said lightly. His feet padded along the carpet and the edge of the bed sunk when he sat. "Look, about what happened just now," he started, but I cut him off.
"What did you do to the girl that was here?" I asked tersely. "I heard you two arguing, and I heard the lewd things you said to her, but I also heard her telling you that you hurt her. What did you do to her, Liam?"
He let out a huff of air. "Ever since I was a child, I was very possessive of what was mine. Danielle was mine. I loved her more than anyone else could, more than anyone should." My chest warmed with how fondly he spoke of her even though she sounded like property. "As you probably heard that day when Ed came over, she cheated on me."
He continued, "That day, we pretty much screamed at each other and pointed out every flaw we could. We were at each others throats and stooped to levels relationships should've never went to. She said that if I had treated her right that she wouldn't have done it." He swallowed so heavily that even I heard it, "She knows I can't change some aspects of our relationship. She knows that I don't purposely neglect her, I love her too much to do so."
I found myself fawning over the love he had for her.
"Tonight, she said something and it triggered the side of me that she saw that day. I know I did something wrong, I grabbed her hands and I know it hurt her. I wanted it to, just not physically. I wanted her to feel what I felt when she cheated on me. I wanted her to feel the wound she left open in my chest." He paused, "I realized what I did too late. I went on my knees for her. I begged for her to forgive me, but she didn't, she left."
I swallowed the small ball forming in my throat.
"That's why I kissed you. I heard footsteps outside my door, and I thought it was her. I thought she had come back and I saw it as my chance, I jumped and kissed her, but I realized it was you."
"She'll forgive you." I said, "She has to. You love her too much. I've never been in love, but just by the way you speak of her, I can almost see the light in you through my darkness." I let one hand wander beneath the material of the sweater I wore and pull out the small round pendant that was connected to the necklace around my neck.
"Where'd you get that necklace?" He asked, changing the subject. "The stone inside is lovely."
I stayed quiet for a little. He told me a bit about him, its only fair that he knew something in return. "My mom and dad gave it to me when I was younger, when I could actually see the beauty of it." I stroked the cool material, "I still remember her telling me that the color of the gem matched my eyes." I paused and closed them tightly. "That isn't so true anymore." I stayed quiet and let my mind drift.
I distinctly remember being eleven and entering a normal school for once in my life. I remember the whispers of people as the woman guided me down the hall. "What happened to her eyes?" or, "They look like ice!" Were among the most popular. After that first day, I begged for the woman to take me back to the at-home schooling I'd taken.
His body came closer to mine. I felt the heat of him warm me up more than the blanket could. His movement pulled me out of the memory. "Your eyes may not be this color anymore," His hands took hold of the small stone pendant, "But the color they are makes you who you are. They make you Sophia."
I shook my head and laughed dryly, "They make me blind," I corrected.
The silence that surrounded us made the room feel suffocating. After a few minutes of the deafening quiet, he told me that I should sleep. I didn't complain and I buried myself further into the sheets when he left.
All the events that occured today had my body absolutely tired. I closed my eyes, and simply fell asleep.
*
I woke up to two hands shaking my shoulder. "Sophia, wake up."
I groaned and rolled over, "Not now," I said, heavily taken with sleep.
"Sophia, we're going back to yours today." she mumbled softly and directly in my ear.
That woke me up. My body shot up quickly, but I fell back down when I collided heads with hers. I groaned and rubbed my forehead.
"I'm guessing you're excited?" She said, equally as pained as I felt.
I shut her voice out after that point and sat up slowly. I rubbed my eyes and ran my hands over the material of the bed before getting up. I lifted my legs over the mattress and stood up slowly, holding onto the bed post for better footing.
"Are you listening to me?" Asked Anna.
I shook my head and heard her groan. I pictured her rolling her eyes as well.
"I said to clean yourself up, you have therapy today. After therapy, we're grabbing your stuff, in which Liam and Harry will pack, then we're going back to our flat." She didn't sound too happy about it, but I knew she didn't want me to know that.
I reached my hand out and felt the soft material of the towel I'd used last night. I creeped slowly to the end of the room where I knew the door was.
She grew tired of me taking so long, because she ended up leading me to the shower. She shut the door behind her and I began removing my clothing.
I was both happy and sad at once. I was happy that I was going to be surrounded by what comforted me. I was really happy that I could walk and not constantly wait for something to inflict pain seeing as I still hadn't gotten used to the mapping of this place. I was happy that I was going home.
But on the opposing side, I was sad that I wouldn't have the opportunity to have those midnight talks with Liam. I was sad that I wouldn't be able to laugh with him. I was sad that I was leaving, yet I couldn't wait to.
*
"I could be in a house all by myself and be perfectly fine, but when I start feeling alone in a large crowd, I become a coward." He said, his breath smelling of the mint flavored gum he chewed.
"So you don't mind being alone, but you hate being lonely?" I asked slowly and inwardly smiled. I had said these exact words to him that day he came to Liam's house.
"That's exactly it," he confirmed, "You probably never feel like that. You have Anna to keep you company most of the time, and you've been staying with Liam this past week. You've probably never experienced feeling lonely."
I laughed humorlessly, "I can't see Ed, I've felt more lonely than you have in all the days of your life." I clenched my eyes from the churning in my stomach.
Dr. Diane was recording this conversation for research on the Me and You program. Although the sole purpose was for the pair to converse like friends, I couldn't shake the feeling of impromptu questionnaires choosing topics for us to talk about. Diane was the one who told us we should talk about our issues of feeling alone.
"I've experienced walking into a crowded room and having everyone automatically become silent. I've experienced people being afraid that I was contagious. I've experienced more than you know, and I'm younger than you." I tugged at the edges of my hair.
"I've experienced stepping in front of a crowd and not feeling a single jolt of happiness. I once sang because I enjoyed the rush, making people feel, but now it feels like a job, one that I hate more and more every day."
During the course of the half hour we sat in Diane's room across from one another, I learned that Ed once had a passion for singing. He told me that he did local performances and he used to love it. I remembered the soft velvet tone he had that day in the room when he sang. He talked about performing on the stage of Madison Square Garden, but when I asked how a local performer made it to one of the most famous, and largest venues, he laughed it off.
"Why don't you go back to square one? Go to the place where you realized singing would save you." I asked in attempt to help.
He laughed, "That place may have been my safe haven for a while, but that place is also what got me here." Both of us sat silently, too wrapped in our own thoughts to speak.
"I don't want to talk anymore." He paused, directing it to the Doctor sitting somewhere around. "Give us another invasive prompt." He said with anger lightly tapping the ends of his voice.
"I'm going to step out for a few minutes. I have to check with the head if that's allowed." Without a reply from either of us, the sound of her heels led her out of the room; Ed and I were alone now.
"You know, until I was scared of losing it, I didn't love to sing." He said hesitantly.
"What do you mean?"
He chuckled lowly, "I always sang - it was my favourite past-time. I remember being thirteen and recording my first song in a rundown studio that wasn't worth fifty quid. Insomniacs Lullaby, that was the name. I cherished that song with everything, it was my baby, of sorts." His voice placed a gentle smile on my lips. The nostalgic tone held us both at ease as he continued.
"One time I visited a homeless shelter, I met so many battered people. Women with children, abusive husbands or boyfriends, women and men with addictions, but the one who caught my attention most was a woman who I'll never forget. She had pitch black hair and hollowed circles around her eyes, like everyone else, but there was something about her that drew me in." He paused, "She was addicted to cocaine. She told me stories of how she struggled to pay rent and how she was evicted within two months. She said something that I never forgot, the worst things in life come free to us."
"I thought about what I would become if I lost everything. I realized that I would've been lost myself. Until I was scared that I'd lose it, I didn't love singing."
"One doesn't love breathing." I retorted softly.
"Are you quoting a piece of American literature?" His voice had lightened from what he previously shared, "I didn't take you as much of a reader."
"What can I say, Harper Lee was possibly one of the greatest writers."
He laughed, "She wrote one book, then never wrote again. She gave herself high expectations and never fulfilled them, that's great to you?"
I nodded with a smile, "Her work was one of a kind!" I defended, "To Kill a Mockingbird was a unique classic! She couldn't have made a followup even if she tried."
"So you're admitting that she was a one-hit wonder?" He mused.
I shook my head, "I'm admitting that she was smart. She made a literary legacy and left the world in wonder, and she will leave the world in mystery once death falls on her, the most beautiful way."
"Touché."
We were enveloped in a small silence, one that he broke. "How did you read it if.." he stopped talking as if it was a forbidden topic.
I shook it off, "There are ways to read while being blind, just as there are ways to hear, in a way, while being deaf. People who can't hear are able to read by sign language, or simple reading of the lips. People like me read, but with our sense of touch, its called Braille. It's something like letters, but instead of letters, there are symbols that we feel over a piece of paper. The symbols stand for words or phrases."
"I like that," he was cut off by the door opening.
"Sorry, I got caught up in a small dispute with the head. He wants this program to be very strict and topic oriented, I don't want it to be like that at all and from the low energy you two had before, I doubt you want that too."
Ed huffed, "Did you win the argument?"
"No, but I'm going to go ahead and do what I think is best either way!" She cheered softly and instructed Ed to sit next to me. When he did, she told me that she was tying a blindfold over his eyes.
"I told my daughter about you, if that was okay, and she gave me this idea." She let me lift my hands and feel the fabric over his eyes for hard proof that he was now sightless as well. "We're going to play a game called senses. You both have been stripped from one sense, pretty much the base idea of the game. Using your four remaining senses, I want you to tell me something about each other."
"The senses using will be touch, smell, hearing, and taste. Taste is questionable at this point, but we'll see once we get there. I also want to add that what you make of the other person shouldn't be ridiculous. Be as clear as you can be."
Both of us said out share of okays.
"Ed, your first sense will be smell." Diane said. I heard the soft click of the device she used to record the sessions.
He chuckled. I sat still as I felt the warm radiance of his body near mine. He was close, but not close enough to make me feel unsafe. Accidentally, his nose brushed the side of my cheek, in which he apologized and blamed it on the blindfold numerous times.
His nose was near the profile of my face. He inhaled and I laughed softly.
The heat from his body was removed when he sat back.
"Tell me something about her." Diane prodded.
"You smell like home." He said, completely ignoring her request.
"Home?" Diane and I questioned at once. "What does home smell like?" Our therapist pressed.
"Like warm coffee in front of a fireplace, vanilla scented candles lining the hallways; you smell like everything good." The nostalgic tone of voice was back. It made me smile that my scent alone brought back good memories from a time not-so-long ago.
Diane let him reminisce in his memory for a little while longer until instructing me to do the same.
I carefully reached one hand out and braced it on my knee for stability. The mint flavored gum smelled even better close up. He smelled like sweat, and musk, and everything manly, but layering it all was the simple scent of mint.
I smiled when my nose picked up the faint brush of alcohol under it all. I wouldn't tell Diane this; this was my little secret.
"Tell me something about him," she instructed.
I told her everything I smelt and how it reminded me of my father's masculine scent. I told her that after a long day of his strenuous work, he would smell like Ed - tired, sweaty, but manly.
The door flung open and the whiff of too much cover up entered, "Mum, I can't do it," Sobbed a female voice, "I'm sorry for disturbing, but I can't talk to these people! They keep looking at me like I'm crazy, I'm not crazy!"
A draft passed over me causing dozens of goosebumps to rise all over my skin. Dr. Diane began comforting the girl I presumed to be her daughter. She whispered in her ear, "I'll find you help okay, I promise you." Her voice was just as broken and soft as the girl's was.
The girl started to whimper and Diane's frantic calls to her made my heart lurch. I didn't notice Ed throw his arms around me in a protective manor until I tried reaching out for his refuge. The girl continued crying and Dr. Diane continued calling, but the unidentified girl was here, but not really.
The room went eerily quiet in a split second. No one dared take a breath in, you could hear a pin drop in this frightening silence.
"Mum, they're whispering," said the girl. Her voice was shaking and soft whimpers escaped as she spoke.
The silence didn't last long. After her short statement, the girl went postal.
I hung onto Ed for dear life and tried so badly to shut out the voice of the girl. He squeezed me in his arms and tried to get me to stand up, but I was frozen with fear.
The girl continued shrieking words I couldn't decipher, but only one thing stood out. I doubt anyone else recognized it, but I did.
She was screaming for help, because she heard the whispers in her head.
AN: omg I don't want you to think this is some sort of demonic book. this book is based off of mental disorders and disabilities. if the book is getting to heavy for your liking, I apologize, but this is a darker book. please cote (comment, vote) and of you haven't already, be a doll and fan. recommend this book to your friends if you haven't. and yes, I'm introducing a new character, her name wasn't given yet, but it will be soon. please leave some feedback, I need to know your thoughts on this chapter! Omg if I hit 100k I can try to update earlier!
Not Edited :(