I finally found Brandon amongst the sea of faces. His eyes were downcast as Jess tried to have a conversation with him. Taking a deep breath to convince myself that everything is going to be alright, I stepped forward and made my presence known.
Both heads snapped to look in my direction and I suddenly became self conscious. How was I going to convince him? What if I really ended up having to have Roy explain it to him? I don't know if I could handle seeing Roy again, especially with that look on his face that made me want to kiss the hurt away. But, wasn't I supposed to be mad at him anyway?
"Umm, can I talk to Brandon alone?"I asked Jess, who gave me a sad look and nodded.
I turned to Brandon and tugged him towards the back room where we practiced. Once we were safely inside and alone, I sat on the plush couch and patted the space next to me, hoping that Brandon didn't entirely hate my guts. Luckily, he carefully made his way to me and sat as far away as possible. Okay, better than I thought.
"I'm sorry about what happened back there, but I can assure you that nothing is going on between me and Roy. I don't know why he kissed me, but I can promise that it won't happen again. He's going to leave me alone from now on,"I assured, though for some reason my voice sounded hollow as I tried to convince not only Brandon, but myself.
He seemed to think about it for a moment before saying,"I believe you."
I let out a sigh of relief and gave him a genuine smile,"I'm so glad to hear that. I really do like you, Brandon."
"I really like you too, Danielle,"he smiled, and for some reason I felt a pang in my heart. Then, I realized it was because I was expecting him to say Princess, or at least Dani. But, I had to keep reminding myself that that was a different guy, not the one I was sitting with and talking with at this moment.
"And that's why I was wondering if you would like to go on a date tomorrow,"he grinned, clearly proud of himself.
I gave him a bright smile,"Of course! Just text me the when and where and I'll be there."
"It means a lot to me for you to say that,"he admitted, his eyes downcast.
"It means a lot to me to have gained your trust,"I smiled, putting my hand on his knee.
When he looked up, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, not knowing what would happen if I actually kissed him on the lips.
I'm pretty sure at that point that we both blushed scarlet, but he still reached his hands up and used the pad of his thumb to gently carress my reddened cheeks. Then he was up and to the door, sending me a wink over his shoulder.
"I'll see you soon, Danielle."
Then he was gone, and I couldn't help but to think that that action reminded me very much of something that Roy would do. I thought that I was getting myself involved with a completely different guy, but maybe they were more similar than they seemed. Or maybe i just couldn't help but pick up anything that reminded me of the guy that i desperately wanted to forget.
_ _ _ _ _ _
I received a text the next morning, causing my heart to hammer in my chest. Could it be Roy? If it was what would he say? What would I say?
My heart dropped to my stomach when I opened up my phone to see a new message symbol next to Brandon's name. I kept the guilt and hurt at bay, pulling open the message with a forced smile on my face, not to try and convince others, but to try and convince myself.
Hey. Are you free this afternoon?
I thought about it, trying to remember my hours for work today.
Umm, I work from eleven to three, but after that I'm free :)
Okay. Pick you up at your dorm at five?
Sure <3 See you then.
See ya xx
And just like that I had plans this afternoon. I excitedly told Jess that I was busy tonight and she gave me a happy smile, probably reassured by the fact that I wasn't hung up on Roy anymore. According to her he was trouble and she was most likely glad that she didn't have to worry about me anymore.
Work flew by and before I knew it, I was back at my dorm and standing in front of my closet, wet hair dripping and the only thing covering me from the outside world was a towel. I searched and searched for the right outfit.
Admittedly, I was kind of nervous. I really wasn't the girl that had gone on a lot of dates. I only had two boyfriends in high school, and our relationships didn't really last very long. I tended to cut them off when they began trying to make our relationship a little too physical for my liking. Well, except for Tony, who I liked to keep myself from dwelling on. It just made me sad.
Brandon hadn't told me where we were going, so I wasn't quite sure what to wear. It was only the first date, so a dress and heels was definitely out of the question.
I finally decided on a black long-sleeved sweatshirt with a gold jewel cross on the front. I paired it with my khaki skinny jeans and my black flats with gold studs. I left the outfit laid across my neatly made bed and made my way to back to the bathroom. I slipped on my black bra and undies before putting my plush red robe on so I could easily do my hair and makeup.
I enjoyed the feel of the soft fabric against my skin, but only relished in it for a moment. I got to work with drying my hair before using my big barrel curling iron to make my hair cascade down my back in loose, beachy waves. Once I was content with my hair, I got to my makeup. I put on my usual eye liner and mascara, adding my shimmery silver eye shadow lightly across my lid. Then I covered up any blemishes or impurities with some light concealer and then foundation. Lastly, I applied some red lip stain to make my look a little bit more dramatic, knowing that I was one of those people that could actually pull off red lips without looking like a clown.
Once I was happy with it, I slipped on my outfit that I had picked out and looked into the mirror. I looked like a whole new person, but I knew that I would look better if my lips were turned up in a real smile. Maybe I could do just that by the time the date started.
I grabbed a bag with all of my necessities in it before scrambling down the stairs. When I pushed open the door, there stood Brandon just as promised. He was right on time, looking quite dapper in his hollister sweater and khaki paints, paired with some Sperry's.
"Looks like we had the same idea with our bottoms,"he teased, taking my hand in his and leading me to his car.
"Looks like it. So, are you going to tell me where we are going now?"I asked, really getting curious.
His hand was nice and warm in mine, fighting against the cold. But, it still didn't feel as nice or natural as when Roy was holding my hand. It just didn't have the same spark.
We made it to the car, Brandon letting go of my hand, leaving it to brave the cold on its own. I shivered and got into the passenger seat, wishing I had thought to bring a jacket.
We drove and drove, for what was probably about half an hour. It was probably made longer by the fact that we were listening to 107.5, which could sometimes play an okay song, but seemed to stick to annoying pop and hip hop songs. But, when the latest One Direction song came on, I couldn't take it anymore. I slammed my finger against the tune button and quickly settled it on my station, 102.9.
Brandon gave me a weird look, which I returned with a shrug and a sheepish smile,"Sorry. I just can't stand One Direction, you don't mind, do you?"
He nodded, but I could see the way he reacted to some of the rock songs that came on. He did everything except for cringe and I was just happy when we parked and got out of the car, too relieved to even pay attention to our new surroundings.
Finally, Brandon cleared his throat, causing me to look up from the pluch grass beneath my feet. I took a hold of his extended hand and looked up, my eyes searching our apparent date venue. It was a park and I just now noticed the basket in his other hand that wasn't holding mine.
"Do you like it?"he asked nervously, looking really adorable.
"Of course. Now come on, I'm starving,"I ushered along until he stopped us in the middle of the field that overlooked the park which, even at this time of day, was crawling with children and nervous parents.
He laid out a blanket that came from in the basket and we both settled down ontop of it. He sat the basket down beside him and sat as close to me as he could, even going so far as to wrap his arm around my shoulders, pulling my body flush against his side. I was shocked, really. Brandon always seemed to be this shy kid who blushed at the drop of a hat, but when it came to our relationship he usually took control. It was different and refreshing. I actually kind of liked it.
"So, are you an only child or do you have siblings?"Brandon asked as he laid out the assortment of foods, the sun already setting on the horizon. It cast an orange hue over everything, making it all seem more dream- like than it actually was.
"I have an older brother and a younger brother. Ages 22 and 15. They really are a handful,"I chuckled, leaning forward to pick up one of the chicken salad sandwiches. Thinking about him sitting at home and preparing all of this food put a smile on my face. As charming as Roy was, I really couldn't see him putting in all of this effort to make me happy. Not that he even liked me to begin with.
"That's cool. Maybe I could meet them sometime?"he asked slowly. I guess he was trying to make sure he wasn't stepping over a boundery. Little did he know that I was thinking the exact same thing.
"How's this weekend? I was planning to take off work since my mom has been begging me to come home for a while. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you tagged along with me,"I offered, looking up at him to give him a bright smile. A real one just like I had hoped for at the beginning of the evening.
He nodded his head vigorously, clearly excited to meet my family. Which, in my opinion, was kind of unusual in a guy. Oh well, I didn't mind not one little bit.
"Yes, sure. I'd love to! I can drive us if you want. How far away is it? What time will we leave? When will we get back-"I cut off his rambling with a light peck on the lips.
He looked at me in shock as I leaned back and spoke,"I'll drive. It's only about an hour away, in Spring Hill. We'll leave around ten on Saturday and hopefully get back around two on Sunday. Sound good to you?"
I smirked as he nodded his head once again,"Okay. I'm sorry, I'm just really excited. I really like you, and well...Danielle? Would you consider being my girlfriend?"
This time it was my turn to bob my head up and down in an excited manner,"Yes."
He smiled and leaned forward, this time his lips remained on my longer. His lips were warm and soft against mine, and they worked rythmically and gently. It was a nice kiss. Just a very nice kiss. I pulled away and took a breath, looking at him happily. I could do this. I could move on from whatever fantasies had sprouted in my head about me and Roy. I could have a relationship with a guy that would actually treat me right. I could.
_ _ _ _ _ _
In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you
Stumble out in the night
From the ouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you
I groaned as the bass guitar faded out and Paige's voice grumbled from behind me,"You didn't hit that note right."
I turned around and glared at her,"Say's the girl who couldn't hit a note to save her life!"
Let's just say that things hadn't been smooth sailing between me and Paige since that incident with Roy at the theatre. She wouldn't talk about it with me. Wouldn't even demand to know what I was hiding from her. She was just angry. Just super pissed and willing to do anything to get me riled up just like she was.
"At least I can do my job without messing up!"she said back pointedly, pointing at her guitar for emphasis.
"Yeah, well, I'm doing two jobs if you hadn't noticed,"I said, pointing down at my guitar, as if mocking her.
She was about to retort back, when Jace broke us up,"Ladies! Ladies! We have a gig next week and Dani won't be here this weekend to practice, so can we please get through one song without the two of you arguing? Honestly, Danielle you hit that note just fine. Let's start from the beginning."
I nodded begrudgingly and tapped my foot as Jace counted us off.
In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you
Stumble out in the night
From the ouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you
But, I'm good without ya
Yeah I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time, but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you
But, I'm good without ya
Yeah I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time, but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now
How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that i feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time, but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around
How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around
I let my guitar fade away and took a deep breath, using the nearest towel to dry some of the sweat that had been pouring down my face and neck. I also picked up my water bottle and gulped the rest of it down, my throat feeling pleasantly used.
Taking the guitar strap off of my shoulder, I placed my guitar on the beat up couch and turned around to face Paige. She was too busy putting her guitar back into its case to notice that I had my attention focused onto her. I walked a few more feet until I was about a foot away from my bandmate and friend. Well, if I could do this right, that is.
When my feet came into her field of vision, her head popped up and looked me in the eye, her own grey eyes turning to slits at my presence.
"What do you want, Danielle?"I winced at her tone, my body wanting to take a step back but I wouldn't let my feet go through with the action. I had to stand up and demand exactly what the hell her problem was, even if I'm pretty sure that I already knew.
"I want to know why you're being a bitch?"I demanded, my eyes never leaving hers. It was almost like a stare down and it made me nervous, but not nervous enough to make me want to stand down. No, I had to do this now aor I never would and we would just fall apart. Not only would it ruin our friendship, but it would also break up the band and that wouldn't be fair to Jace, or anyone of us for that matter.
"Oh, so now I'm the bitch? You're the one that's gallavanting around with Roy! You know, the guy that broke my heart and we both swore that we would never have anything to do with a guy like him ever again?"she sneered, looking absolutely disgusted with me, causing my heart to wrench in guilt.
"I know. But, just like you, he pulled me in and showed me his soft side. He made me think that I was special. I was the only friend he had that was a girl. We were never involved with each other in the way that you seem to think we were. Sure, I was starting to like him, but we were only friends! And, you wanna know what? I think that deep down he is actually a really good guy. He's just put up this front and now he's scared to take it down in fear that people won't like whats hiding underneath as much as they like the jerk player. And do you wanna know what else? I feel terrible. But I wouldn't take back what I did. I'm my own person and I can make my own mistakes. I'm done with him so you can stop being angry. If it makes you feel any better, I have a boyfriend. As of Sunday I'm officially going out with Brandon,"I said, finally letting my eyes stare down at my shoes.
Paige sighed and seemed deep in thought for a moment,"I know. It seems that you met a whole other Roy than I did. He never showed me his soft spot. All he did was whisper sweet nothings in my ear until I slept with him. But, even though he has a soft spot, it doesn't make up for all of the horrible things that he's done. Just keep that in mind."
She said and I solemnly nodded. I was about to say something, but she kept going,"I'd also like to say that I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you were strong enough to deny him. I'm glad that you actually found someone who will treat you right."
I smiled, actually smiled, at my friend, glad that she understood,"Thanks. So, have you talked to theatre guy lately?"
She blushed and gave me a playful glare,"Trying to change the subject, are you?"
"No, I just think that we should talk about your love life while we're at it."
"Oh God. C'mon! I'm still here you know! I really don't want to hang around while ya'll sit here and talk about your feelings,"Jace whined, slipping his drum sticks into his bag.
Both Paige and I burst into giggles, leaning forward with the force of them,"You're such a guy Jace."
He gave me a weird look,"I know. I've seen myself naked before, ya know."
That just made me laugh harder, but Jace just shook his head at us and left out the side door.
"Well, I've gotta go to work but we should really hang out sometime. Maybe next week?"I said, placing my guitar in it's black, beat up case.
"Sure,"Paige nodded, picking up her case and her messenger bag that was laying on the couch next to mine.
"See you later,"I called as she left, receiving a wave in return.
I gathered my things into my arms and took them out to my car. I drove to the cafe that Henry had taken me to when we had gone on that casual date, suddenly hungry for that delicious croissant that I had ordered. But, it also made me remember that I still hadn't patched things up with him, if I ever would. I groaned, realizing what a mess my life was right now, and just when I thought that it was going perfect to. And there was only one person that was to blame for that, but I couldn't really blame someone that I let willingly into my life.
The bell above the door twinkled when I entered, alerting the same woman at the counter as last time.
"Oh, hello dear! Where's Henry?"she asked as I stepped up to order.
"Umm, we don't really see each other anymore,"I said, unable to meet her eyes.
"Oh, honey. Don't look like that. I'm not going to hate you for not liking someone. I'm sure there's someone out there that's even better for you,"she assured,"By the way, do you want the same as last time?"
I nodded,"I'm glad you remembered."
"Actually, I've already found the guy that I think is right for me. We made it official on Sunday. I'm actually taking him to meet my family this weekend,"I smiled, remembering that in less than twenty-four hours I would be in the car and on the way to see my mom, who I missed greatly.
"That's wonderful!"she cheered, handing me my food and drink, but the twinkle of the bell dragged her attention away from me.
"Oh, Roy! How wonderful it is to see you here!"she called, causing my eyes to widen. Oh shit!
I winced as I turned around, just to find his blue eyes looking directly at me. He quickly shook his head and turned to greet the woman.
"Hey, Janice! I just thought I'd stop by and get one of my favorite croissants,"he smiled, making sure not to look my way again.
I stood there awkwardly until Jan finally turned back to me,"Oh, how rude of me. Danielle, dear, this is Roy."
"Hello Roy,"I greeted, choosing to just play along.
A flash of hurt crossed Roy's face, but he covered it up with a smirk,"Hello, princess."
I held back a groan and sent him a look that could kill.
Jan's eyes widened in suprise, looking between us,"You two know each other? Oh, Danielle, is this the boy you were talking about? The boyfriend tha was going to see your family this weekend?"
Roy gave me a look of shock, but covered it up pretty quickly so that Jan wouldn't see it.
"No, Jan. His name is Brandon,"I said, causing Roy to stiffen further.
"Oh,"she said quietly, giving Roy a curious look.
"Goodbye, Roy,"I said, ready to leave this place. I really didn't want to be here anymore. Jan might have thought that it was just a casual farewell between two friends, but Roy and I knew that it meant much, much more.
"Goodbye, princess,"he said, refusing to call me by my real name.
I turned and made it to the door before I heard a voice call out behind me,"Princess!"
My heart stopped in my chest. I was afraid to turn around, but eager to see Roy. Tears pricked my eyes, but I blinked them away before finally turning around and giving Roy a pained look.
"You forgot your coffee,"he said, causing me to sigh in both relief and disappointment.
He wasn't going to run after me. He wasn't going to fight for me. He was resigned to let me go.
"Thanks,"I muttered, taking the steaming paper cup from his grasp.
"Any time, princess,"he said, giving me a crooked grin.
It was probably supposed to make me feel better, but it just made my heart thump more forcefully in my chest. All it did was remind me that I was letting go of something that made me happy, despite the hurt and struggle. I guess, until this point, I didn't really realise how much I actually like Roy.
I nodded stiffly and made my way robotically out the front door, wincing at the twinkle of the bell as I did so. How could he still affect me so much?
_____________________________________________________________________________
Thanks for all of the support! This is probably one of like five chapters today because I have to write 13,000 more words in the next nine hours! Wish me luck...
Picture to the side is of Dani's outfit from the date>>>
Song to the side is Shattered by O. A. R.>>>