HOW IS IT THE 1ST OF NOVEMBER I SWEAR IT WAS JUST FRICKEN FEBRUARY.
ANYWAYS, CHAPTER 13. HOPE YOU LIKE IT. (-: xKAITY
“He has to go.”
“He’s distracting you.”
“You should have won that fight.”
“They’re disgusted by your gayness.”
“You and I both know that it won’t be anything serious.”
I’ve been thinking about these words all day and it hurts. It physically and mentally hurts. I feel as though someone’s stabbed me in the chest, although I also believe that it couldn’t be as painful as this.
“Lou…?” Harry’s voice booms through the hotel room, catching me off guard. I thought he was still out getting pizza for us. I’m not sure why I even sent him to get it; it’s kind of a dick move on my part, seeing as he’s still hurt. He claims that since it’s been a little over a week, he’s feeling better, but I know he’s lying. I can see it when he slowly rises from the couch, his eyes shut tight from the pain. I can see it when he walks, or limps really, but thinks I don’t notice. I can see it when he shivers every time my fingers brush over his broken parts when we’re kissing.
“Hi.” I sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Harry asks me, his eyebrows furrowed in worry.
“Nothing, I’m fine.” I lie.
“Tell me?” His demand sounds more like a question, so I take it as one. It’s much easier to say no to a question than it is a demand, anyway. I shrug off his ‘question’ and open the pizza box, grabbing a slice and bringing the tip to my mouth. Harry grabs one too, ignoring my shrug. We both sit on the couch, but each of us are on complete opposite sides, and I’m leaned up against the arm, making it seem like I’m trying to run away from him. Am I? “So are you gonna tell me why you’re pissed at me?” Harry’s harsh tone catches me off guard, stilling me.
“I’m fine.” I spit, hoping to God he won’t fight with me. I heard what his manager said, “you and I both know this won’t be anything serious.” But I want to believe that’s not true. I want to believe that every night I’ll fall asleep in his arms, and every morning I’ll wake up in them too.
“Okay…” Harry rolls his eyes but shrugs the rejection off.
“Just leave me alone!” I cry and run into my bedroom in the hotel room. I lock the door behind me, and slide down the frame of it. I’m embarrassed that I just stormed off like a little girl, but right now my emotions are so jumbled I don’t even know how to feel. I’m sad, angry, stressed, horny, and so many other unexplainable emotions that I can’t express.
“LOUIS PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.” Harry yells an hour later, his large fist pounding on the door. Afraid that he’ll push his fist through, like he did the wall this morning, I unlock the door and quickly shuffle to the bed, trying to wipe the endless tears from my face. The door handle starts to turn and I cover my soaked, red face in between my knees and my chest. “L-Louis?” Harry stutters, obviously shocked and uncertain about my sudden breakdown. I’m positive that he’s never had to comfort anyone but himself like this before, as all he does is sit next to me on the dark, rubbing circles on my back.
It feels like hours, but I’ve really only been crying in front of him for fifteen minutes, with a tension filled silence swirling in the air above us. It’s not an angry tension, just an awkward one. I hardly let anyone see me cry like this; only my best friend Zayn, because I know he can soothe and help me. Harry on the other hand, is awkward, and has no clue what he can do to help, so he just sits there, his hand continuing to draw circles on me.
“Louis my hand’s gone numb. You have to talk to me babe, because I have no idea what to do. Or what I even did in the first place.” Harry laughs nervously, his tone much softer than it was an hour ago.
“It’s not y-you, it’s your manager.” I choke, trying to gather my words so that I can put them into sentences.
“Fuck, did he come back here while I was gone?” Harry raises his voice, obviously angry at just the thought of it. “I swear to God if he came here Louis—”
“Calm down.” I sniffle, wiping my eyes again. God, I’m such a fucking baby. Why am I even crying? Harry told the guy that he loves me, that he’s not letting me leave. I have no reason to cry, so why the hell am I? “No, it’s just about what he said this morning...” I choke again and start crying unbearably loud, ugly sobs. Tears spill down my cheeks and I try to collect myself enough to finish what I want to say but I just can’t. I throw myself into Harry’s lap and cry all over his jeans, selfishly not even caring about if I’ve hurt him or not.
“Shhh, baby it’s okay.” He coos, his hands softly playing with my hair, the way he knows I love. His use of the word ‘baby’ makes me shiver, but I find myself actually smiling a little bit because of it. “What are you upset about? That he said you need to go home? Because we already called your parents and you told them you were staying for the next two weeks until I’m better and they sa—”
“No, not that. I know I’m staying. I want to—no, I need to. I don’t want to leave you. But that’s the thing…”
“No.” Harry spits, blinking over and over again. I can tell he’s pushing back tears. “No, no you’re not fucking breaking up with me!” He screams and I swear if I hadn’t grabbed hold of him, he would have destroyed the hotel room. “Let go Louis!” He yells, letting all of his tears pour, literally pour from his eyes. “If you’re gonna leave me then just go, I don’t wanna hear your shit apology!” He wiggles defensively from my grip and storms out of my bedroom.
“Harry!” I run after him after hearing the front door slam shut. He’s halfway down the hall of the hotel, and I have to think about go after him for a moment. I hate causing scenes like this, but he can’t just leave? I never even said I was leaving him. I’m not leaving him.
“Shut the fuck up Louis!” He doesn’t even look at me, just stomps to the elevator. I sprint over to him so that I can get in the elevator with him before it closes. We’re the only ones in there, so I immediately press the red button that reads STOP. “What the fuck? You’re gonna trap me in here so I’ll listen to your shit? Save it Louis.” He says, trying to move me out of the way so he can press a floor number so that we actually start moving in this damn closed space.
“I’m not leaving you!” I shout. Harry’s obviously caught off guard by my statement, as he freezes against the wall of the golden elevator. “I—”
“I’m s….” He breathes heavy, trying to collect his thoughts, I can tell. “I’m so sorry Louis, oh my god I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out on you like that it’s just…”
“Everyone leaves?” I guess.
“Yeah.” He sighs.
“Not me.” I smile, wrapping my arms around his waist. I look up at him, and he looks down at me. I think I see the hint of a smile appear on his face, but I quickly press my lips to his before he can say anything. His mouth immediately opens, allowing me to push my tongue through. Relief flushes through me and the need for him ignites my body like nothing else. We kiss hard. It feels so good, I push my hips against his and I think he gets the idea when he stops kissing me, presses the button labeled OPEN DOORS and grips my hand tight, intertwining our fingers before he literally pulls me into the hotel room, and into my bedroom.
</
“I’ve never done this before.” I admit as Harry rips open a small palm sized package, revealing the slimy latex condom. I feel self conscious, and I want to cover my naked body with the duvet I’m laying on top of, but Harry’s already yelled at me twice for it.
“Neither have I.” He admits and I’m basically taken aback. He’s surely fucked the brains out of other guys, or maybe even girls, before he discovered he’s gay? It’s so surprising to me. He’s gorgeous, who wouldn’t take up the chance to sleep with him?
“I have no idea what to do.” I blush, watching him as he slides the condom over himself. He looks back up at me and laughs.
“You’ve never watched porn?” He asks me.
I blush even harder, shaking my head no. “You have?” I smirk. The thought of him actually sitting there on his phone, headphones in his ears as he listens to the moans and groans of whatever type of porn he’s watching actually turns me on a small bit.
“What can I say? I was a horny teenager.” He laughs, but his cheeks turn bright pink. “I know what to do.” He says finally.
</
“Wait—” He sighs, just as he’s about to go into me. “This isn’t how I pictured this to happen.” He admits. “I want to lose my virginity after some cute date or something, not after we just had a small spat. It doesn’t feel right.”
“But Harry…” I say. “Just like, fuck that.”
“No, fuck you.” He smiles. Even though that should hurt, it doesn’t because I know he’s just joking.
I retaliate his joke, “yes, fuck me.” I smirk, but it’s not entirely a joke. I’m actually kind of begging him to. “Please…”
“No Louis, we can’t. Not tonight at least. I’m still hurt, remember?” He laughs, referring to the time I turned down his plea for sex.
“Fuck.” I sigh.
“Enough with the fuck already!” Harry throws his head back in laughter. “Thank you for understanding babe.” He kisses my ear, but lingers for a second before sucking softly.
“Nuh uh,” I push him off of me playfully. “If I can’t have my way, you can’t have yours.”
“What? That’s not fair!” He squeaks. He pushes away the playful side of him, and out comes the seductive side; a.k.a my favorite side. He lays a thin blanket between us before lying on top of me, straddling my lower half. Fucking tease. “You know you want to kiss me.” He whispers, his lips touching the corner of my mouth briefly. He rolls his hips on top of me, and fuck, I can’t resist him. I lift my head up, and despite my urge to kiss him to hard his lips fall off, I only nip at his fine lips, kissing softly. “S’what I thought.” He whispers into the kiss and I can feel him smiling.
After a half hour straight of kissing him, he climbs off of me and grabs his clothes from my floor. “M’gonna get dressed.” He smiles sweetly before heading into his own bedroom. I get dressed too and head into the living room. I grab my half eaten slice of pizza from the box on the coffee table and sit back on the couch, my legs stretched onto the table.
“Harry,” I whine, opening my arms for him to jump into as I see him walk through the doorframe. He blushes and cuddled into me on the couch, his head buried into my hip as he curls the rest of his body into a ball at my side. He’s so tall; he looks ridiculous curled up like this, but I find it strangely adorable. I tug at strands of his hair before placing soft kisses all over the top of his head.
“No, keep going.” He begs when I stop.
“Keep going?” I ask. “You want me to leave?”
“No!” Harry exclaims, throwing his arms around me defensively. “Don’t go…” He whispers, his voice cracking.
“It was just a joke baby, shhh.” I kiss his cheek reassuringly.
“Okay.” He says. “Hey, can we go back to talking about why you were crying earlier? You never actually told me.”
“You didn’t give me a chance.” I sigh.
“I’m sorry.” He kisses the corner of my mouth in apology. “But no, really, you’ve been acting all distant all day, and then you just blow up at one thing I say and have a breakdown. Are you okay?”
“He said I’m ruining your career.”
“He’s wrong.”
“He said I’m distracting you.”
“I can’t take my eyes off you, no, because you’re fucking adorable.” He smiles and kisses me quickly. “That’s why I don’t bring you to my lessons, because you will distract me. It’s different during matches… My eyes are on the crowd generally, not just you, because sadly, I can’t seem to ever find you.”
“He said your fans are disgusted by your gayness.”
Harry cringes at that one. “It’s not even a word, babe.” I can tell he’s trying to fight his anger, trying to keep calm for me. “I’m gay, always have been, always will be. There’s nothing he, or even my fans can do to change that. I love dick, isn’t that too bad?” He laughs, trying to lighten the mood. I laugh with him at the dick comment, but the laughing soon fades away and I feel sick to my stomach at the last thing I want to talk about. I can already tell the color has drained from my face, just by the frown Harry is giving me.
“He said we’d never be anything serious.”
Harry sighs.
“I’ve never had a relationship that’s worked out—but please don’t get freaked out by that. This time is different, I can tell. All of them left me when my break ended, because I guess it was too hard with me being away so often. I’m a little scared for when you go home, because what if you leave me too? I know we can make this work. We can skype, and call and text each other nonstop and I’ll spend every minute I’m allowed to be near you. I never really cared enough to make efforts about seeing each other with the others, but you’re different Louis, I can tell. I actually really love you. I can tell, because when I’m with you, my hearts stops, and when I’m not with you, I want to be. I want to be more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. And you make my palms sweat and my toes curl at the sight of you, and when you kiss me it ignites my whole body. You leave me wanting more. I always want to see—feel more of you. I just really fucking love you.” His voice is shaky as he runs his fingers through his head of hair nervously.
“I don’t have a speech prepared like you did,” We both giggle. “But I love you too. I really fucking love you too.”