*Megs's P.O.V*
It's been a week now since I left and went to dad's house to stay.
Mum has been texting and calling me every day but I am not going to talk to her. If she can spend five years pretending that I didn't exist and just replace me with another child, then I have every right to ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. She's the reason why I can't trust people, so why should I believe that she actually wants to be nice to me and allow myself to trust her again?
It's not going to happen.
I don't need her, I've got my dad and Julie, who is like a mum to me, they don't treat me any differently to Jay or Tom and they wouldn't disown me or throw me out.
When I turned up on their doorstep a week ago, a crying wreck with just a suitcase with a few things in, they welcomed me back with open arms and told me that I could stay for as long as I wanted. They didn't judge me or tell me to pull myself together and stop overreacting, they let me cry on their shoulders and comforted me until I felt a bit better.
I'm still not feeling that great to be honest. I still can't stop thinking about the baby. The guilt I'm feeling is eating me up inside, so much that it makes me feel sick. I just don't know what to do to make it go away! If I could stop feeling so guilty then I might feel a little bit better, well I would probably still feel rubbish but just not as rubbish as what I was feeling before.
Then there was a knock at my door. "Come in." I replied, even if I told them to go away they would probably still come in anyway.
"I bought you some breakfast." Dad said, coming and sitting at the window seat with me , holding a tray with a plate of pancakes and a glass of pineapple juice tightly in his hands.
"I don't want it." I replied, I feel sick already without eating sickly sweet pancakes and juice.
"Come on, I made them specially for you and if you don't eat them Nathan or Jay will eat them before you even have time to look away." dad replied, trying to persuade me to eat the pancakes.
"No, I don't want them. Wait did you say Jay and Nathan are here?" I asked, I really have been missing the boys and its only been a week since I last saw them.
"Yeah, they're in the kitchen begging Julie to make them some pancakes.
I quickly got up and ran into my wardrobe to find some clothes so it didn't look like I had been lounging round in pjymas all week, which I had been most of the time.
"Megs? Where are you?" I head a voice ask from my bedroom whilst I was still in my wardrobe.
Well there goes getting away with not being seen in my pjymas.
"In the wardrobe!" I shouted back so they could hear me.
The wardrobe door then flung open and Nath walked into the wardrobe. "Have you not heard of knocking before you enter someones room or my wardrobe?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, I could have been getting changed for all he knew.
"Yes I have but I decided that in the circumstances, it was not necessary to knock." Nath replied, winking at me and nudging my shoulder, making me stumble slightly because I'm not the most balanced or strongest of peeople.
"What circumstances are so important that you risked seeing me getting changed and me having a major go at you?" I asked.
"Well I haven't seen you for nearly a week and wanted to make sure that you were okay and that you were alive seeing as you're still not eating." Nath said.
"Well as you can see I am still alive so everything is fine." I replied "and I feel sick so eating would probably not be the best idea right now, Nath." I continued. Just the sight of food makes me feel a bit ill.
"You're alive but look half dead, you're practically a zombie." Nath replied. How nice of him to link me to a brain eating, smelly creature, which scare me slightly.
"Wow Nath, you certainly know how to make a girl feel beautiful, and what do you expect? I haven't been sleeping since I got home from hospital." I said. Does he just expect me to miraculously get better all if I sudden?
I wish it was that simple.
"I didn't say you didn't look beautiful, you just look tired and now I understand why. Why haven't you been sleeping? Is there anything upsetting you that you want to tell me about Megs?" Nath asked.
Do I really want to tell him? He won't understand, he'll just think I'm overreacting. "I've just been thinking too much that's all, you don't need to worry, I'm fine."
I wonder how many times I can tell people I'm fine and get then to believe it, even when it's not true.
"How can I not worry about you Megs? You can't just tell me you're fine and expect me to believe it, I know when you're lying to me. Just tell me what's wrong, I can help you." Nath replied.
Maybe he can help me. I don't really have any choice but to tell him because he'll keep bugging me until I tell him. I hope he can help because if he doesn't understand he might just think I'm being melodramatic and stupid which could make things awkward.
"I can't stop thinking about the baby, Nath. I feel so guilty that because I didn't know that I was pregnant and I ended up ending someone's life before it had even begun. How did I not even realise I was pregnant? I had a person inside me and didn't even realise, that is not something you can just miss! An actual person was growing inside of me and I did something stupid and it killed them, Nath. Does that make me a murderer? They had a whole life ahead of them, they could have been so great and could have experienced so many different things in life but because of me they didn't get a chance." I explained, tears streaming down my face as I spoke.
"Megs, you are not a murderer, it's not your fault that you had a miscarriage, they could happen to anyone, well any girl, and was not becasue of anything you did. You need to stop thinking like that, it's not good for you. Just becasue you didn't realise you were pregnant doesn't mean that you're responsable for the baby dying. the docotor only knew that you were pregnant because they had to do tests on you before your operation and he said that you probably wouldn't have noticed already becasue it was too early for symptoms to show, that's why it was Alfie's job to tell you. Stop blaming yourself for someting that was out of your control." Nath replied, pulling me into a hug and swaying me from side to side, trying to calm me down.
"Sometimes I just lie awake wondering what they would be like. What colour hair they would have, what colour eyes they would have, how tall they would be, what things they would like. When I sleep, I sometimes dream about when they were older and brought their boyfriend or girlfriend home with them and I embarrased them with old videos and pictures of them growing up and them going bright red, but they're partner loved it and thought it was the most adorable thing they'd ever seen and they were really nice and perfect for my little one. Everyting was perfect and everyone was happy, but then I wake up and realsie that none of that can happen because of me." I cried, barely being able to speek through the river of tears that were gushing down my cheeks.
"Why did I ever let you leave and stay locked up in your room, shutting everyone out? You need someone, and I promise you Megs I'll stay with you everynight, sleeping on the sofa by your bed, so if you wake up, you can wake me up and I'll be there to hold you whilst you cry and tell me what your thinking. A problem shared is a problem halved and I can't bear the thought of your crying yourself to sleep every night and waking up with no-one to comfort you. It's not right for someone like you, who's noramlly so happy and cheerful, to have all of their sunshine taken away, leaving a permanent rain cloud over their head, leaving them to drown in their sorrows, I can't let that happen any more, Megs." Nath replied.
Would he really do that? I can't expect him to waste all of his time looking after me when he could be writing music and making millions of their fans around the world happy, that would be selfish and unfair on Nath. He can't just drop everything, including his dreams, to look after me.
"Nath, you don't need to do that. I can't take you away from your work. You dreamed about becoming a singer and writing songs for so many years, you can't just drop everything because I can't sleep at night." I said. I can't expect him to do that, it's too much.
"You're not taking me away from my work Megs, if you come back to the flat I can look after you and then you could come to work with us too. I'm sure the others won't mind you sitting in the studio with us, as long as you're not annoying." Nath replied.
"When am I ever annoying?" I asked, pretending to be offended.
"Oh never, Megs." Nath replied sarcastically.
"So are you coming back then?" Jay asked, after coming into my room, without knocking. What is it with these boys and not knowing how to knock on a door?
"Yeah, I suppose I can put up with you lot for a bit longer." I replied sarcastically.
"You love it really." Jay said, coming over and ruffling my hair.
"Yeah, I do. Life wouldn't be the same without you lot in it." I replied, giving Jay a hug.
"Eww get off of me small child, you need a shower. Then you can pack you stuff and we can go back to the flat." Jay said, jokingly.
"Who are you calling a small child? I'm 21 now, I am a small adult, not a small child." I replied, getting some clothes to wear from my wardrobe.
"Well you still look like a small child so ..." Jay said, trying his hardest not to laugh.
"Shut up, Jay!" I replied, trying sound serious and angry when really I wanted to laugh, but I can't let Jay win by laughing.
"Ohhhh someone's getting feisty" Jay joked after I was in the bathroom with the door closed behind me.
"I heard that!" I shouted from the bathroom. My brother is so annoying sometimes but I guess that's part of the reason why I love him.
I really have missed this.
* 1 hour later *
*Nath's P.O.V*
"Megs your car is too small , you need to get a new one." Jay said abruptly whilst we were on our way back to the flat. Jay is always complaining about the size of Megs' car, even though he knows that it's perfect for her.
"My car is not too small , you are just too tall Jay and we didn't make you drive it, you offered to, righjt Nath?" Megs replied defensively. Megs really loves her car.
"That's right, we didn't make you. I even offered to drive it because I knew you would complain about it being too small but you still insisted on driving it!" I agreed, I don't understand why he insisted on driving when he hates Megs' car so much, it makes no sense.
"Well I knew you would be able to check that Megs is okay and not be an 'overprotective' brother like I apparently am. Besides, I knew you'd love sitting next to Megs for a whole hours drive home." Jay replied, he's got that right he is an overprotective brother and I wouldn't ever not want to spend time with Megs, but did he really have to say it out loud to make the rest of the journey awkward?
"You most certainally are overprotective of me, sometimes it's just plain embarrassing!" Megs said, finally admitting to Jay that he is too oveprotective sometimes. "And Jay, can you stop bringing that up? Nath is just being a good friend and looking after me like the rest of you are, stop making things awkward! Megs continued, we're obviously on the same page, both feeling slightly awkward by Jays comments. But I do still like Megs more than a friend, she is just to naive to see it.
"I can't help it! I'm your big brother, it's my job to be overprotective of you! On the topic of friends, Ruth is getting really worried about you because you haven't replied to any of her texts,calls, DMs or facebook messages. Could you not have just replied just once or twice so she knew you were still alive, because beleive me, for a few days we were all worried that you might not be!" Jay replied. Its true, after a few days of Megs not replying we all got really worried and Jay kept ringing up his dad to check that Megs was still alive and breathing, it was quite frightning the panic in his voice as he talked to his dad on the phone.
"I know Jay, and I'm glad that you are protective of me but sometimes, could you just tone it down a little bit? I miss my giraffe like friend, I didn't have my phone on at all so that mum couldn't bug me so I didn't get any messages, I'll apologise when we get back to the flat. And Jay I wasn't just going to die after not being at home with you lot around, I can cope on my own you know, I did it for a whole year when you were in America, or did you forget that?" Megs said, she really has no idea how worried we all were about her, I suppose she'll find out when she gets back to the flat and sees the boys and Ruth.
"Yeah I know Megs but you've not been out of hospital for long and we were worried that something else was going to happen. It was different when we went to America, you hadn't just been shot, you hadn't just had a miscarriage and hadn't had two trips to hopsital in the space of a few weeks Megs." Jay replied seriously, trying to illustrate to Megs why we were all so worried about her.
"I know Jay." Megs said quietly, not having anyting else to say to fight her point any more. It was if her brain had switched off from being argumentative and trying to prove her point and had just gone into complete meltdown. She turned her head and looked out of the window but she wasn't really looking at anything. She was just thinking, probably overthinking and not letting anyone else know what she was thinking about.
"What you thinking about Megs?" I asked, nudging her shoulder to get her attention and try to stop her from zoning out, it was times like this when she made herself upset and we didn't want her to continue being upset, we wanted her get better and be happy again.
"Nothing." She sighed, making eye contact with me for a seconf and trying to force a smile to reassure me that she was fine. I could see right through that smile, it's all clear in her eyes. Those, big sad eyes, that aren't shining as bright as they usually are.it's as if someone had switched off her spark, leaving behind an empty shell of the happy and cheerful person she normally is.
I need to help her get back to normal. I won't stop trying to get the real Megs back and I won't let anything or anyone stand in my way.
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Hello lovely readers (if there's any of you left)
First I need to apologise. I am so so so so so so so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated for a long time but the work I was getting from school since the last chapter was updated was so much and it took so long. Also I had to revise for all of my GCSE exams which I spent weeks, even months for some subjects, revising for because I want to do well so lots of revision was needed to have a chance of that happening. So I am sorry that it's been so long since I last updated by my exams are more important than the fanfic because I will have to show those grades to potential employers for the rest of my life and I hope you can understand that.
Also I need to say sorry for the chapter being a bit short and rubbish but I'm struggling to come up with any ideas at the moment, but hopefully it will get better in chapters to come!
Moving on, thank you so much for getting They Said This Day Wouldn't Come to 18k reads and 191 votes and this book to 5k reads and 128 votes. I never ever expected to get that many reads or votes so thank you for reading and voting and commenting, it means so much to me and without you incredible readers it wouldn't happen, so thank you.
Love
Megan xxx