I Don't Wanna Calm Down I Just Want You Love Now

Chapter 20

*Megs's P.O.V*

It's been a week now since I left and went to dad's house to stay.

Mum has been texting and calling me every day but I am not going to talk to her. If she can spend five years pretending that I didn't exist and just replace me with another child, then I have every right to ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. She's the reason why I can't trust people, so why should I believe that she actually wants to be nice to me and allow myself to trust her again?

It's not going to happen.

I don't need her, I've got my dad and Julie, who is like a mum to me, they don't treat me any differently to Jay or Tom and they wouldn't disown me or throw me out.

When I turned up on their doorstep a week ago, a crying wreck with just a suitcase with a few things in, they welcomed me back with open arms and told me that I could stay for as long as I wanted. They didn't judge me or tell me to pull myself together and stop overreacting, they let me cry on their shoulders and comforted me until I felt a bit better.

I'm still not feeling that great to be honest. I still can't stop thinking about the baby. The guilt I'm feeling is eating me up inside, so much that it makes me feel sick. I just don't know what to do to make it go away! If I could stop feeling so guilty then I might feel a little bit better, well I would probably still feel rubbish but just not as rubbish as what I was feeling before.

Then there was a knock at my door. "Come in." I replied, even if I told them to go away they would probably still come in anyway.

"I bought you some breakfast." Dad said, coming and sitting at the window seat with me , holding a tray with a plate of pancakes and a glass of pineapple juice tightly in his hands.

"I don't want it." I replied, I feel sick already without eating sickly sweet pancakes and juice.

"Come on, I made them specially for you and if you don't eat them Nathan or Jay will eat them before you even have time to look away." dad replied, trying to persuade me to eat the pancakes.

"No, I don't want them. Wait did you say Jay and Nathan are here?" I asked, I really have been missing the boys and its only been a week since I last saw them.

"Yeah, they're in the kitchen begging Julie to make them some pancakes.

I quickly got up and ran into my wardrobe to find some clothes so it didn't look like I had been lounging round in pjymas all week, which I had been most of the time.

"Megs? Where are you?" I head a voice ask from my bedroom whilst I was still in my wardrobe.

Well there goes getting away with not being seen in my pjymas.

"In the wardrobe!" I shouted back so they could hear me.

The wardrobe door then flung open and Nath walked into the wardrobe. "Have you not heard of knocking before you enter someones room or my wardrobe?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, I could have been getting changed for all he knew.

"Yes I have but I decided that in the circumstances, it was not necessary to knock." Nath replied, winking at me and nudging my shoulder, making me stumble slightly because I'm not the most balanced or strongest of peeople.

"What circumstances are so important that you risked seeing me getting changed and me having a major go at you?" I asked.

"Well I haven't seen you for nearly a week and wanted to make sure that you were okay and that you were alive seeing as you're still not eating." Nath said.

"Well as you can see I am still alive so everything is fine." I replied "and I feel sick so eating would probably not be the best idea right now, Nath." I continued. Just the sight of food makes me feel a bit ill.