Darian and I kissed. We fucking kissed.
And I had a girlfriend.
Rosalyn, of all people.
My little Latina. I couldn't believe I cheated on my little Latina—with Darian.
It was fucked up on so many levels, but I couldn't help but replay the feel of his lips against mine. They were so soft and warm, and I wanted to kiss him again, which was even more fucked up. I shouldn't have been having those thoughts when I had Rosie.
I didn't even know what came over us. We never kissed when we had our little "arrangement," so why the hell did we do so then? Friends didn't kiss each other like that. Straight guys didn't kiss each other like that. What was Darian thinking?
What was I thinking?
All I knew was that it never should have happened.
We were both overwhelmed and let the situation and our emotions get the best of us. It couldn't happen again. No. I already felt like shit for cheating on Rosalyn. I wasn't a cheater. I wasn't a fucking cheater, no matter how sexy and sweet and amazing Darian was.
I wasn't a cheater.
"Kenji?" Rosalyn asked, staring at me from across the table. My head snapped up. "What're you thinking about?"
We were sitting on the living room floor playing a game of Uno.
"Nothing." I shook my head, averting my gaze. I could barely look at her. "Just daydreaming—about you." I looked up briefly.
She smiled, making my stomach sink further. My grip tightened on my seven cards.
After kissing Darian, I felt like shit so much that I couldn't face Rosalyn. It took me days to start hanging out with her again. Even facing her this very moment was a feat. All I could think about as I watched her innocent face and calm demeanor was my betrayal.
Rosalyn was my ride or die chick, and I cheated on her.
Rosalyn and I had a very honest relationship, but I wasn't going to tell her about that kiss. I didn't need to tell her because it was one lapse in judgement that would never happen again. It happened, and I couldn't change that, but I would learn from it.
A small part of me didn't want to change it because I liked the kiss too much, which scared the fuck out of me. What the hell was wrong with me? I cheated on my girlfriend. The last thing I should have been thinking about was how much I enjoyed the act.
I wasn't a cheater. I wasn't a cheater. I wasn't a cheater.
"Ken," Rosalyn said, kicking my leg under the table to get my attention. "We have a game to play. What's the hold up?" She snickered while I ruffled my hair. I didn't even care that I was messing up my look.
"Sorry." I shook my head, refocusing on the game. "My turn?"
"Mmm-hmm," she hummed.
I reached for a card from the draw pile. It was a blue seven. Luckily, I had a seven, which was what I put down. Rosalyn took her turn, putting down a red after drawing a red three, and we went back and forth.
"Let's finish this quickly," Rosalyn said while putting down a card. "If you keep your top head in the game, your other head may just benefit." She sent me a mischievous grin as I placed a card into the discard pile. "My parents aren't home. We may be able to fit a round in before you have to leave."
Ever since we got back together, Rosalyn had been wanting a lot of sex from me. I loved sex, but I just wanted to hang out and talk sometimes. I guess she did miss me...and my dick.
"Rosie, please," I said with a pleading look while reaching into the pile for a card. It was a green five. "Let's just finish this game. You're gonna evacuate all my sperm, girl." I placed a green card into the discard pile.
Rosalyn snickered as she took her turn. I was joking but being partially serious.
My load was way too clear to be healthy.
We were fucking too much, which said a lot since I loved to fuck.
"You're hilarious, Ken," she said with a chuckle.
"I have to go in a few minutes anyway," I reminded. "I can't bounce up in class smelling like sex with messed up hair and sweat dripping down my body."
"You can." She smirked, making me realize she only had two cards left. Oh, hell. I had four.
"Nah," I said, eliminating my fourth card. "People know me for looking good, so I have a reputation to uphold."
Rosalyn shook her head at me. "You're too much, Kenji."
"I know," I said, even though my "reputation" was the least of my concerns at the moment.
Fucking Rosalyn wasn't the same after that kiss. All I could think about was the guilt and the grass on my skin and Darian's lips on mine.
Fuck!
Damn Darian.
There was no room for him in this relationship. Why was this happening to me? He was a guy.
"Uno!" Rosalyn announced, and I couldn't even be mad.
I was too disgusted by myself.
I wasn't a cheater.
I placed my remaining cards onto the table and leaned back on my hands. "I guess that's that." Rosalyn grinned proudly. "I'll let you have this win as an early birthday present." Her grin diminished. "Someone turns seventeen soon."
I had to resist the urge to think about Darian's birthday and our time together. No! This was about Rosalyn. Not Darian.
"Yeah." Rosalyn picked at her shorts, twisting her lips to the side.
I watched her. She only picked at her clothes when she was bothered by something. "What's wrong?" I leaned my arms onto the table, moving closer to her. "Something's bothering you." She shrugged. "Talk to me, Rosie." I ran my hand along her arm, and she looked up at me. "Kenji is all ears."
She cracked a smile, but there was sadness in her eyes. "Not too thrilled for this year's birthday, that's all."
"Why?" I asked, returning my hand to myself. "You usually love your birthdays. Say it with me." Rosalyn rolled her eyes with her smile intact. "Say it with me, Rosie. It's the one day—"
"—that's all about Rosie," we finished off together.
"Exactly." I slapped the table, making her laugh. "The one day that's all about you, girl."
I hated to admit it, but out of all of the Alvarezs, Rosalyn was the underdog.
The one who was most forgotten. Who stayed in the shadows. Who was overlooked. When anyone thought about the Alvarezs, Rosalyn never came to mind.
Maybe Mr. Alvarez or Mrs. Alvarez or even Camila, but never Rosie.
Her birthday was the only day out of the year she could say "fuck you" to all those people and have it be about her. She cherished those days, so it was more than strange having her not looking forward to it.
"It's not the same this year, Ken." She pressed her lips together. "Seventeen is a big year. A big year not everyone gets the chance to experience."
Her gaze dropped to her shorts again, and she pulled at the strings on the end.
"But you do," I said, moving her stare to me. "You get the chance to experience it, and I'm damn happy about that." I leaned closer, holding eye contact with her before whispering, "Damn happy."
Rosalyn's lips twitched at the corners before transforming into a full-blown grin. "Oh, Ken!" She crawled across the carpet and pulled me into an embrace. "You're the best."
I wrapped my arms around her, too, and we held each other. These were the moments I loved most about my and Rosalyn's relationship. When we were companions, confidants and the best of friends.
These moments were when I felt closest to her, not when my dick was inside of her.
After we pulled away, Rosalyn faced me and sat cross-legged on the floor. I peeked down at my phone, and my eyes nearly popped out.
"Shit!" I cursed. "I have to be in class in thirty-five minutes."
Rosalyn's eyes widened. "I would drop you off, but my dad took my Jeep for some repairs, and there's no other car home."
Rosalyn picked me up before Mr. Alvarez took the car. Mid-ride, I had realized I left my wallet home, but I decided to let it be. That choice was now biting me in the ass.
"Here," Rosalyn said, reaching for her phone. "I'll pay for you to get an Uber or something."
I didn't have an Uber account because I was more of a bus guy. Even if I wanted to get one now, my wallet was home with all my cards. I wouldn't be able to attach one of them to the account.
There was no way I was letting my girl use money on me. "No." I closed my hand over hers and urged her to place the phone down. "It's fine."
"Call one of your friends then," Rosalyn said. "You said you've reconnected with Clay and Alissa, so I'm sure they won't mind. Alissa is pretty chill, and Clay is cool, too."
Clay and Alissa were on another date, and so were Gavin and Honoka. I didn't have any other close friends, especially not Arya, who hated my guts. There was only one other person.
Darian.
Fuck.
I had been avoiding him ever since the kiss. After the most awkward ride of my life, he dropped me home, and we hadn't communicated since. I didn't respond to his texts or answered his calls.
Just like I couldn't face Rosie for a while, I couldn't face Darian either.
I contemplated it. Maybe I should talk to him about the kiss, so we could clear the air. That was probably what I needed to get it out of my head, so I could forget it ever happened. Maybe that was what I needed to re-focus on my relationship.
I nodded in silent agreement. Yeah. I should do that. Get a ride for class and finally squash this awkwardness between me and Darian. Kill two birds with one stone.
I took out my phone to text Darian, making sure to keep the screen out of Rosalyn's sight due to paranoia.
I leaned back in the couch, sighing in relief.
"Got someone?" Rosalyn rubbed my shoulders.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Who is it?" she asked, and I tensed up. I told Rosalyn about my reunion with everyone, except for Darian. She still thought we were arch enemies. "What is it?"
"Darian," I said. "Darian is picking me up."
Rosalyn became silent. "Darian?" she finally asked. "Since when do you associate yourself with him? Since when are you two cool enough to give each other lifts? I thought you hated him—for good reasons."
"I never hated, Darian," I made sure to correct. "We had a rough patch, but I never hated him." Rosalyn frowned. "We started talking again."
"Since when?"
"Since Honoka and Gavin started trying to mend things between our groups. They didn't want our beef getting between them, so the goons, me and Honoka had dinner. It was rough at first, but he apologized, and we talked. He's been nice since."
Rosalyn didn't look convinced. "The guy is a prick." It was my turn to frown. "Guys like Darian aren't 'nice.' He was a complete douchebag in high school."
"We don't know the whole story," I defended.
"I don't care," Rosalyn said. "Darian had no right being as angry as he was in high school. He was just an angst-filled teenager who had life so good, that he had to find something to be angry about. Like it's so hard being white, male and rich."
I narrowed my eyes. "You don't know Darian, Rosalyn."
I didn't care if her words held some truth.
No one was allowed to talk shit about Darian around me.
"You don't, either. At least, not anymore."
"I know more than you," I said bitingly.
"I know enough," she said. "I don't care if his world was crashing down in high school, there was no excuse for his behavior. There's no excuse for being a bully."
"Darian isn't like that anymore." I felt an urge to defend him—to defend the man he was becoming. "He's changed. He's trying to change. The Darian you saw in high school isn't there anymore."
"Guys like Darian don't change—at least, not completely," Rosalyn said. "He was nice to you elementary and middle school. Right?"
It took me a couple seconds to say, "Right."
"Then he did a complete 180 and became a complete douche to you." I didn't know how to react to her words. "What if it's a vicious cycle? Nice a couple years. Then a complete jackass the next. Then nice again. Jackass next. The guy is unpredictable. He isn't a person you can trust—a person you can rely on."
I didn't want to hear this. "Rosie..."
"Even your dad doesn't like him," she kept going. "Your dad is one of the most laid back dads I've ever met, but he doesn't like Darian. That says a lot."
Tou-san was never a big fan of Darian after our falling out. My father was a laid back man. It took a lot to get on his bad side, but Darian managed.
That was high school though. Tou-san didn't know what Darian was like now. He only remembered that boy from junior year.
"I don't like Darian. Your dad doesn't like Darian," Rosalyn said. "We have damn good reasons not to. I know you want to go back to your old friendship, but please be smart about this." My throat constricted. "Darian hurt you too many times. I don't want to see you hurt again." She placed her hand over mine, and my eyes stayed on my lap. "He isn't worth the pain."
Okay. I couldn't stay silent anymore.
My head snapped up, and I removed my hands from underneath Rosalyn's. "I know Darian was an ass to me and a bunch of people in high school, but he was once my best friend. High school doesn't change that." I remembered Honoka's words. "One year doesn't erase seven years of friendship. He's trying to change, and he's trying to make things right. I see the sweet, loyal, protective person Darian truly is. Not that violent, troublesome goon the rest of the world is blinded by. I see the real Darian, even if no one else will." Rosalyn's lips parted. "I'm not giving up on the boy I grew up with."
"Even though everyone else has?" Rosalyn pointed out. "Even though he's given up on himself?"
"He hasn't given up on himself. The battle has just begun," I said. "And if everyone else has given up on Darian, that doesn't mean I will. I'm not 'everyone.'"
We were both silent for a second, Rosalyn in shock and me not backing down.
Like I said, no one talked shit about my goon.
"He doesn't deserve your loyalty," Rosalyn said, breaking the silence.
"I don't care."
"Proceed with caution, Ken," she said. "I'm not going to stop you from being friends with him, just remember this. If he couldn't be there for you when you needed him most, why would he be there now?" That tightness returned to my throat. "While your dad and I watched you at your worst, where was he?" I couldn't speak. "Where was he, Kenji?" She moved closer to me, waiting for my response, but she got none. "Exactly. Nowhere to be found. Smoking. Drinking. Getting high on drugs. Picking on you. Darian Ansel kicked you when you were already down."
I bit my lip, having to suppress all those memories of junior year. All those terrible emotions that wanted to resurface at the mention of that period in my life.
"Don't depend on a guy like that," Rosalyn said, "even if he is the boy you grew up with. Remember who your real support system is, and it doesn't include Darian. He hasn't proved himself enough."
"Rosalyn, stop." I wiped my face, getting warm all of a sudden.
She didn't. She kept talking. "He can trust you. You can't trust him. He can rely on you. You can't rely on him. It's no one's fault but his own."
"Stop!" I yelled, making her jerk back slightly. "Please, stop." My hand trembled slightly against my lap, so I covered it with my other hand.
I didn't want to think about this. Junior year. Everything I went through. It was best left in the deepest part of my subconscious. I didn't need to relive it.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm just looking out for you, Kenji."
She covered my hands with hers. Her soft and gentle touch eased the tremor in my hands, and my muscles relaxed. I looked up at Rosalyn, and there wasn't an ounce of insincerity in her eyes.
"I don't want him to hurt you again," Rosalyn said. "I'm tired of seeing you hurt."
She was as sincere as her touch.
That realization alone reminded me why she was such a crucial part of my life and my well-being. This was why she and Tou-san were my biggest supporters.
Rosalyn and Tou-san didn't like Darian.
The two people who had my back the most didn't like Darian.
That put a sick feeling in my stomach.
My phone beeped. It was Darian.
For once, interacting with Darian didn't provoke elation. I felt conflicted, and I didn't like it.
"He's here." I stood up, and Rosalyn followed suite. "I have to head out."
She nodded and led the way to the front door. I put on my shoes and grabbed my book bag I had brought with me while she opened the door.
Before I could walk off, Rosalyn grabbed a hold of my arm and turned me around to give me a lip-smashing kiss. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her body against mine as her tongue brushed my bottom lip. I held her to me and responded to her, granting her entrance, but Darian popped into my mind. Kissing Rosalyn with him in the car didn't feel right, especially after what happened between us.
The guilt returned.
Guilt for both Rosalyn and Darian.
I couldn't win.
I groaned in Rosalyn's mouth before pulling away. She looked up at me, biting her lip. "I have to go," I said.
She nodded again and released me. Rosalyn beat me to it, and she started adjusting my jacket and smoothing out my clothes. I smiled.
That was my little Latina.
Always looking out for me.
The guilt intensified.
"Be careful, Kenji," she said once she was done. "Don't allow him to hurt you again."
We stared at each other, communicating without words and the pure worry was prominent in her features.
I cared about her too much not to consider her words. "I won't," I said.
She cracked a small smile. "Good. Now, go. Learn something new today." She smacked my ass as I turned to walk away.
I peeked back at her with a wave. "No promises." She chuckled as I made my way over to the familiar GMC.
My hands found comfort in my pockets, and my expression fell once I faced forward.
My mind was made up. Darian's good side far outweighed his bad one. His past mistakes didn't change my compassion for him.
But that didn't give me the right to choose him over Rosalyn.
She was my rock. One of my greatest confidants. One of my greatest companions. Today only confirmed what I already knew.
I was tired of getting hurt.
I wasn't a cheater.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* What do you guys think about Kenji's inner turmoil? His talk with Rosalyn? What do you think is in store for the boys with this upcoming car ride?
* And I'm so elated right now! I can't believe it. Loving a Goon has reached 20K reads and 1K votes. I'll like to thank everyone who's reading, voting, and/or commenting and just supporting this book. You guys give me the motivation to keep writing, and this book is going to be LONG. We're only on the second part, and I thank all of you for sticking with me through it all so far. I hope you all continue to stick around because I'll make that end worth it. Thank you guys! From the bottom of my toes! (Props to you if you remember that reference) 😊