"What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child. It's the courage to raise one."
The cries of a healthy, non-stressed infant last on an average of 0.5-1.5 seconds with a fundamental pitch in the range of 200-600 Hz. Crying is normal and is the only way your baby can let you know that something is upsetting them and that they need you. When babies cry they may be hungry, thirsty, too hot, too cold, unwell, in pain, over-tired or uncomfortable. They may have been startled and just need to be resettled by holding close and cuddling for a while.
Alex opened his eyes to the sound of a baby's cry through the baby monitor on his bedside table. It's Zooey. And then he glanced at the digital clock beside it - 2:45 A.M. Shaking the sleep off him, he got out of bed. He once declared that he wasn't built for this kind of life and it wouldn't be easy for a guy like him. He never imagined that he'd find himself embracing every challenge that fatherhood was throwing at him. Most guys would be complaining, but he didn't. He never did. Bring it on, he'd say to himself.
He was already well accustomed to this new found routine he's been doing for a month now - waking up in ungodly hours of the morning, feeding, burping, diaper changing and even bathing. No matter how hard that was for him, he never found an excuse not to do it. He loved every single minute of it. Every single minute with his daughter was important to him and he didn't want to miss out on anything. And this was one reason why he left his job at Eastvantage a week before Zooey was born last September.
"I decided to go back to web developing...." He casually dropped the news while they were at the dinner table with his family and Drei's sister and her husband. It was right after Drei and Zooey came home from the hospital. It earned him a skeptical look from Drei along with a question why. "Well, para maalagaan ko si Zooey..." he told them and a smitten look appeared on his face.
He started out as a Web Developer in IBM Philippines for about three years before he worked for Eastvantage. The pay was good but he eventually got bored and the idea of trying out the world of call centers, which was the "in" job that time, got him interested. And now after almost five years and a half with Eastvantage, he decided to call it quits. He was able to find a home-based job a week after Zooey was brought home. He is handling two different clients for web developing, one from Colorado and the other one from Chicago, where he's given twelve hours to work each day. This wasn't new to him because he used to do this a part-time job whenever he's available. He's working five days a week and he's free on weekends. Plus, the financial package that was offered to him was impressive that he couldn't say no.
When he got inside the other room, the night light' was on and there he found Drei sleeping soundly, beside her is Zooey. Her little arms are free from her swaddle blanket, wiggling them as she let out her little cries.
"Hey princess..." Alex smiled sleepily at his little angel and Zooey didn't stop crying but gave out a 'daddy-look-at-me' cry at the sound of his voice. He sat on the bed and gently carried Zooey off the bed. "Anong problema... why is daddy's princess crying?"
Carrying Zooey in his arms, they made their way out of Drei's room and into the kitchen. A line of feeding bottles that contained Drei's breast milk greeted him as he opened their fridge. He grabbed a 6-ounce bottle and warmed it using the bottle warmer. When it was done, he squireted a few drops of milk at the back of his hand to see if the temperature was just right. Then when it was okay, they came back inside Drei's room and sat at the other side of the bed beside Drei. Zooey started feeding hungrily from her bottle the moment Alex placed it on her mouth.
"Wow! You're really hungry, huh?" Alex laughed softly as he watched his little one devouring her milk. Zooey cooed as if telling him yes. "Mommy is tired, maybe she didn't hear you calling her a while ago..."
He glanced over at Drei. Last night, she was busy reviewing Matty for his upcoming exams today and right after that, she finished helping him with his project too. Alex saw how hands-on she is as a mother because while she's on her maternity leave, she's doing all her mommy duties with Matty and Zooey. She hand washes Zooey's clothes, cleans her bottles, bathes and feeds her with so much ease. She's one super woman and he couldn't help but be amazed by her every single day. By the time he glanced back at Zooey, she was already down to the last drop of her milk.
"No wonder you're getting chubby!" he remarked as he glanced the empty baby bottle on his hand. "Good job, babe!" He set the empty bottle aside, then grabbed her burping cloth and placed it on his shoulder. Alex held Zooey against his chest, her chin resting on his shoulder. He supported her with one hand and he gently patted her back with the other. A few seconds later he heard her burp.
"So you're done, little lady, so what's up?" he pinched her plump cheek as he placed Zooey on his lap. The little one grunted. "Busog na ang baby ni Daddy?" Zooey smiled at him. "Then that's good!"
Alex glanced around the room and found several boxes that were already waiting to be packed. All of these would be over soon and a twinge of sadness suddenly came over him as he looked at Zooey. Drei's maternity leave will be over by this week. Sixty days seemed like a breeze and he only had three days left before they'd leave on Sunday. She's supposed to report back at work on Monday morning. Pretty soon he'd be all alone in this house.
He'd miss rocking Zooey to sleep on her baby bouncer while he's working or carrying her around on her baby sling. He'd miss taking Matty to school, playing basketball with him, watching his Taekwondo competition, attending his PTA meetings and yes, answering his neverending questions. But most of all, he'd miss Drei... He'd miss seeing her smile every morning during breakfast, he'd miss their banters, the Friday night movies with Matty as they lounge lazily at the couch with ice cream on their hands, and he'd miss her bossing him around.
In that short span of time, Drei and the kids have already become a huge part of him and he admittedly loved being with them each day. He wondered if he could take it. If he'd still like the idea of living alone when they're gone after months of getting used to having Drei and the kids around. He knew it would be hard for him. And for sure he'd be battling some sort of separation anxiety when they're no longer here with him by Sunday night.
"Be good okay," he reminded her. Zooey gurgled and cooed. "I'll miss you, sugar plum..." he began to trace the outline of his daughter's face. "Don't give Mommy a hard time cause she's going back to work a few days from now...pakabait ka kay Manang Rose..." And then just when he was getting all sentimental again, he smelled something that made him cringe.
"Ewwwwww..." he said and Zooey giggled and cooed some more. He lifted Zooey and smelled her diaper just to be sure. The scent of baby poop engulfed him. Alex cringed even more. Confirmed! He hurriedly stood up and placed Zooey on the changing station inside the room.
"Yuck!" he said cringing at the sight of the soiled diaper when he opened it. He could do anything for Zooey except changing diapers. It is still a nightmare for him.
"Zooey made caca! Yucky!" She giggled and he just smiled. He will surely miss this.
"Sigurado ka na talaga?" Jeannie asked her bestfriend while they were enjoying their desserts. The rest of them - Peter, Francis, Rica, Cris, and Tina - shifted their attention now to Drei, waiting for her answer.
"What?!" She said, her eyes widened in surprise seeing the six pairs of eyes giving her a questioning stare. Drei pretended that she didn't hear her bestfriend. "Ano nga ba yun?"
Unit 208-C's living room was filled with guests. Tonight was a special night for Alex and Drei. Zooey just turned 2 months old so they celebrated it by inviting people close to them. Dan, Tita Caroline and Tita Chi were with them earlier during the day to help Manang Pilar with the preparation, just like last month when Zooey turned a month old. They invited their usual friends - Cris and Pao, Johan and Jeannie, Rica and Jules, Mickey and Tina, Francis and Peter. Tita Caroline took care of tonight's menu - Kare-Kare, Chicken Barbecue, her legendary Chopsuey, Sweet and Sour Fish. Tita Chi made Sans Rival for dessert and Ate Des bought a Frozen Brazo de Mercedes with her when she arrived with Kuya Aldrin.
Zooey's becoming the miniature version of her father as the days went by and at two months old, today, her charming personality is already evident to everyone who interacts with her. She is a natural born charmer because she smiles a lot. She is her father's daughter all right, most of them would say. She sleeps to the sound of Alex's voice while he sings to her during nap time. Nowadays, she coos, gurgles and grunts. These are her usual reactions whenever her Kuya Matty reads bedtime stories to her. Matty enjoys doing this and is always looking forward to it. She also loves to converse that way whenever you talk to her.
After sharing the sumptuous dinner, they were all huddled together by groups as they chatted the night away. It wasn't long when Dan began serving a glass of wine to everyone in the room. Drei was with her crowd on the dinner table, Alex's aunts and his dad were dominating the couch talking to Kuya Aldrin and Ate Des, Matty was inside his room playing with Kyle, and Manang Pilar was busy in the kitchen.
"Sabi ni Jeannie, sigurado ka na daw ba..." Peter repeated after swallowing a spoonful of the Sans Rival he had in his plate. "Sure ka na daw ba sa pag-alis niyo nitong Linggo.."
"Of course!" Drei replied casually so sure of herself. "Alam niyo naman, right?"
"So how's it going to be, Drei?" Tina interjected, taking a sip of her wine. "Everyday pupunta si Alex sa bahay niyo? I mean did you guys talk about it?"
"Yeah, we did..." she answered, helping herself with another slice of the Frozen Brazo de Mercedes on her plate.
"And?" Cris joined in, unable to resist the curiosity that stirred in her. "Okay lang sa kanya?" Drei gave her a nod. Then Drei caught a sight of Jeannie's skeptical look.
"What's with that face, bes?" Her brows furrowed. "Bakit parang ayaw niyong maniwala saken?" Now she was addressing the question to everyone who was in front of her because like Jeannie it seemed that they didn't believe her. "He's okay with it and we've arranged the visits and all... hindi ko naman inilalayo ang mga bata sa kanya eh..."
"Look at you," Peter crooned, placing a hand on his chest while he looked at Drei with amusement. "That is just so sweet kayong dalawa... 'mga bata' na talaga ang term na gamit mo... so it's just not Zooey who Alex cares about, pati na rin pala si Kuya Matty.... Uyyyy mag-asawa lang ang peg!" he teased.
"Tumahimik ka nga Pedro!" she told him, shutting him up. Then she glanced over to Tita Caroline's direction. "Tange ka! Marinig ka ni Madam diyan eh!"
"Boyfie naman eh!" Francis scolded him. "You're getting Drei into trouble."
Peter just snickered. "Whoops! I didn't mean to! Sorry..."
"Kahit ako din, Drei, di ko kayo gets!" Rica commented. "Ba't kailangan niyo pa kasi itago kay Madam yung tungkol sa inyong dalawa..."
Drei just sighed. "Eh ayaw pa ni Alex ipaalam kay Madam eh, he didn't want to stress her, baka atakihin daw ulit sa puso..." she recalled. They already knew the pretend stunt that she and Alex have been doing because of his Tita Caroline's situation.
"Kung gusto maraming paraan!" Cris said with a laugh. "Pag ayaw maraming dahilan... baka naman yung totoo eh, nag-eenjoy din kayong dalawa... naku umamin na kasi kayo..."
"I couldn't agree more, mare!" Tina added. "Baka nagkakadevelopan na pala kayong dalawa dahil sa ginagawa niyo, ha!"
"Tumigil nga kayo..." she scowled at them. "Wala nga ano ba! Kilala niyo naman si Alex... siya pa! I bet he couldn't even wait for us to move out...I know he wants his old life back..." she told them despite the fact that she wasn't so sure about what just came out of her mouth. Jeannie just rolled her eyes over her bestfriend's statement and met Peter's gaze. The two of them obviously wanted to contradict Drei's statement.
"Whatever helps you sleep soundly at night, dear..." Peter smiled mischievously. He was obviously enjoying the sight of Drei getting pissed whenever the topic about Alex comes up. Drei just arched a brow at him and gave him a gimme-a-break look.
Silence fell over them as they distracted themselves with their phones. And Drei found herself feeling guilty for assuming. What does she know about Alex? And how could she judge him just like that?
"Would you look at that!" they heard Jeannie say, breaking the silence. They turned to the direction where she was looking and there they saw a once-in-a-lifetime sight to behold.
There in one corner of the living room, near the balcony, the men were huddled together. Each one of them was wearing their baby sling, except for Jules, because Kyle was inside Matty's room, while they were talking to each other. Pao had a brown baby sling that cradled the sleeping month-old baby Seth; Mickey had the eight-month old Mikael on a Kangaroo position while he was facing the nine-month old Uel, who was on the same position in his baby sling carried by Johan; and there was Alex, who was carrying Zooey in a koala position in her baby sling.
"Awwww..." Rica, Cris and Tina crooned at the same time.
"They're so cute!" Peter said. "I wanna take a picture of them... teka nga!" then he pulled Francis along with him as they strutted towards them on the other side of the room.
The moment Rica, Cris and Tina got up to join Peter and Francis, Jeannie leaned over.
"I beg to disagree with you, BFF... I've never seen Alex that happy..." she told her. Drei just bit her lip as she watched him and she couldn't disagree with what Jeannie had just said.
Alex had been staying true to his word the moment they came home from the hospital. And she wasn't blind not to notice how he's been so devoted to Zooey. She saw how he never missed the chance to learn the basics on how to take care of their newborn baby. He paid attention to every instruction of the 'how-to's' that she's been teaching him. Countless times, she found him asleep beside her, cradling Zooey in his arms. She would also hear him talking to their little girl and telling her how much they love her. It wasn't just how much time he was giving Zooey. He's also been giving Matty the fair share of his time. He takes him to and from school every day; they play the Xbox, guitar hero, Lego and basketball together; he tucks him into bed; and even helps him out on his homework. And the fact that her little boy is actually looking up to him and how she could see the excitement in Matty's eyes whenever Alex is around, was enough to let her know how Alex was taking all these seriously. It was enough to ease her doubts on him too. The thought of it suddenly gave her that fuzzy and uneasy feeling. Alex loves her kids. He loves her kids and it scared her.
"I just dunno how he's gonna be after you guys are gone," Jeannie added, took a sip of her wine and then she got up leaving Drei behind at the dinner table to join the others.
Sure she doesn't know much about Alex but she already assumed right there and then that he'd be happy with them gone by Sunday. This made her feel like a bad guy. Her statement is a contradiction of what she's been seeing the past few weeks. The truth that is written all over Alex's face and she saw it with her own eyes. He's happy. For the first time, she allowed herself to think things through but only to find herself torn between two different choices - to leave or not.
"What's up with you?" Peter interrupted, occupying the empty seat beside her. "Drama? Nag mumuni-muni? Anyare teh?"
"Wala..." she sighed.
"Oh my gahhd!" Peter gaped. "Nagdadalawang isip ka na ano? Oh myyy!!!"
"I am not!" she said in her defense, smacking his arm. "Napaka-assumera mo talaga!" But Peter gave her a mischievous look.
"No matter how much you deny it, Andrea... I can feel it, I swear!" Then he narrowed his eyes on her and tapped her nose. "I can see right through you, mars! Hmmmm Wednesday pa naman ngayon, malakas ang vibes ko..." Instead of being irritated, Drei laughed over her friend's remark. "Pero di nga... are you okay?"
"Oo naman... it's just that..." then she glanced over at the direction where Alex and the rest of their guests were.
"Hindi mo siya kayang iwan... ganon ba?" he finished for her. Her silence answered his question. Peter could see how hard it was for her. "Ikaw, ano ba sa'yo?"
"I'm confused.... And torn... and unsure... tama ba yung gagawin ko?" she said out of exasperation.
"Tama ba yung gagawin mo?" he tossed back at her. "You gotta weigh things... do you think what you're about to do is gonna do both of you some good? Yung mga ganon..."
They both glanced at Alex's direction. The baby sling was gone. Alex was carrying Zooey in a position where her back was now against his chest, one arm under her bottom and the other across her chest. Rica was talking to her and she was cooing and smiling. Peter gave her hand a squeeze.
"Kasi mars, in the end, it's still your call and alam ko naman that you know that, right?"
For a while, Drei set her thoughts aside and allowed herself to be distracted by their guests. She shouldn't be thinking of it now while they're all in such a festive mood tonight. While she was exchanging mommy notes with Rica, Cris, Tina and Jeannie about their little ones, she noticed that Alex was nowhere in sight. So she excused herself to look for them and she found them inside her room. Zooey was lying on the bed while Alex was armed with a washcloth and giving their little one a sponge bath. Zooey already had her diapers on.
"I've got so much honey... the bees envy me..."
Then he started to put some lavender oil on her and massaged her little legs and arms.
"I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees...."
Alex was singing, complete with actions like he's in some music video. He was performing a solo concert. And his one and only spectator was smiling sweetly at him. It was pretty obvious that the princess was enjoying her daddy's show.
"Ohhh... I guess you'd say... what can make me feel this way..." he smiled at her while he finished putting on her sleepsuit.
"My girl... my girl... talkin' bout my girl... my girl..."
Then he swayed sideways just like how these Motown singers danced to the song.
"I don't need no money, fortune or fame..."
They were already done and then he pinched her chin. Zooey cooed like crazy.
"I've got all the riches, baby, one man can claim..."
"And...."
He sang once more, now with feelings. Drei swallowed an imaginary lump on her throat. The sight of them caught up in their little world made her heart swell. She never saw Alex this way - unguarded and carefree.
"I guess you'd say... what can make me feel this way... my girl... my girl... my girl..." then he pointed at Zooey.
"Talkin' 'bout my girl... my girl...Zooey..."
They both giggled like they have a secret. Then Alex made funny noises on her little belly and Zooey held his head with her little hands. She gurgled and cooed. Then Alex stood up and took a bow.
"Thank you, thank you, beautiful princess... I'm glad you liked my performance..." Zooey gurgled. "What? Daddy's the best? Talo ko pa si Justin Timberlake? Naman!" He snickered. Sensing her presence, Alex turned to her direction. "Oh, Mommy's here!" He smiled at her while she strutted towards them. He slowly lifted Zooey up from the bed and carried her in his arms.
"Hey, baby girl... nag punas na pala kayo ni Daddy?" Drei asked and Zooey cooed. Then she nuzzled her. "Bango bango naman! Ready to sleep na?"
"I guess so, Mom..." Alex answered and on cue, Zooey let out a little yawn. "Ayan na, sleepy na..."
"Yes, antok na..." Then Alex handed Zooey over to Drei. She took a seat on the rocking chair inside their room. "Good night, princess..." Alex said giving Zooey a kiss on the forehead. Then he glanced at Drei. "You okay, bubba?"
"Yup, I'm okay..." The little one let out a cry that told them that she was already hungry. She needed to breastfeed Zooey but Alex was still standing in front of her. "O, shooo ka na, bubba..."
"Bakit? Nahihiya ka na naman?" he asked.
She blushed. "Umalis ka na, nandiyan ka pa eh!"
"I don't get it!" he scratched his head. "Nahihiya ka pa saken eh nakita ko na nga yan! That and more!" he teased.
"I mean it, Alex..." She narrowed her eyes on him while he chuckled even more. Drei still felt uneasy with him being around whenever she's breastfeeding even up to now. Alex just smiled mischievously and retreated. When he was gone, she unbuttoned her blouse and started to breastfeed Zooey. She glanced at her bundle of joy. "Pasaway talaga yang tatay mo! Kahit kailan!" And Zooey just smiled in response.
The sound of guitars, drums and loud voices woke Drei up from unintentionally dozing off for an hour after putting Zooey to sleep. When she got out of bed and went out of the room, she found Alex and Matty, who was already in his pajamas, playing against each other on Guitar Hero. They were both shouting because apparently Matty was winning this round.
"Yeah!" Matty shouted, bringing down the house. He did a fist pump. "Now who's the man?! Sorry Daddy Alex... I won!"
"Naku!" Alex shook his head as if in distress, while he stared at Matty who was dancing with joy. "Patay ako bukas!" Drei cleared her throat and the two turned around to see her standing behind them.
"Hi, Mom!" Matty smiled at her. "Tinalo ko si Daddy Alex sa Guitar Hero!"
"Great job, Kuya... pero teka, its way past your bedtime right?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"I know," the boy snickered. He inched towards Drei and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Mom! Nagbrush na ako ng teeth don't worry!" Then he turned to Alex. "Good night, Daddy Alex! Don't forget yung deal natin!"
"Yes, sir!" Alex saluted at him and they did their secret handshake and fist bump. They stood side by side as they watched the little boy disappeared from their sight, and then he turned to Drei and placed a hand on her back. "Weren't you sleeping kanina? Ba't nagising ka pa?"
"I still need to clean up..." she told him, now facing him. Alex let out his boyish grin and crinkled his nose at her. "What?"
"It's all done, bubba... tapos na... kanina pa..." He sighed and pinched her chin. "I took care of it kanina... pagkaalis nina Dad, pinagpahinga ko na si Manang Pilar and then I cleaned up..."
The room was clean and there was nothing more left for her to do. He did it all by himself without asking her to help him out, just like what he's been doing with Matty and Zooey. He attended to their needs even without her around. All his efforts suddenly made her feel a little embarrassed. Now she felt that she owed him.
"Thanks..." she managed to say. "Hindi mo na dapat ginawa 'to... I mean you should've woken me up!" He laughed.
"I couldn't. You were sleeping soundly..." He tapped her nose. "Ayaw naman kitang gisingin ..." Then he pulled her along with him. "So now, Miss Buenaventura, I guess its way past your bedtime, too..." They stopped outside her door and then he opened it for her.
And that tired and sleepy smile on his face just made her knees feel wobbly along with the dozen other things that he's been doing lately. They were standing just a few inches away from each other. Questions began popping in her head again. She had the chance to get away from it but she didn't. Instead she stood there, with that deadly curiosity hovering around her. She was waiting for something to happen, like she needed to find out whatever it was as they held each other's gaze. She blinked and squeezed her eyes shut for a sec as if shaking away the dizzy spell between them.
"Right...bed time!" she sighed, holding on to the door knob as if it's the only thing that was reminding her of the reality that she knew. She knew she could get lost in his eyes, she always does, which is why she turned away.
"Ummm Drei..." she heard Alex say.Turning her head into his direction, she unexpectedly felt his lips landing on the corner of her lips. They stared at each other. Shocked and dumbfounded at the same time. She saw Alex's eyes widened. It was unexpected. She felt herself blush. "I...ummm... good night!"
She watched Alex scurrying away from her and soon disappeared into the door of his bedroom. Drei bit her lip. She bumped her head on the door as she squeezed her eyes shut again.
"There!" she managed to say and then she cursed herself for what it's worth. "There, right there is one of the major, super major, reason why you shouldn't be staying here anymore, Andrea!!!"
She knew that he didn't do it on purpose. But how did that happen? How could one accidental kiss weaken her defenses against him? Her heart still pounded wildly in her chest and the fluttery feeling crept through her. The realization that Alex still had that same effect on her, made her wish she could get out of here. Again it scared her.
All the wanting, needing and yes, the hoping were back to life and its all because of that one accidental kiss. Damn him! And damn her, because all of these emotions are bottled inside waiting to burst like champagne. Selfish as it may sound, she needed to save herself from a catastrophic heartbreak that's just waiting to happen. Sunday's just three days away and she suddenly wished it's tomorrow.
Pancakes and waffles were on Alex's menu come Saturday morning. He's been sleepless for two consecutive nights in a row. The friendly good night kiss he aimed on Drei's cheeks which accidentally landed on the corner of her lips had been bothering him for days now. Not to mention the kiss that they had shared months ago inside the hospital when Zooey was born had made it worst. What if Drei would think that he was taking advantage of her? Is she as bothered as he is? However, it seemed that she's not at all bothered because she's not showing any awkwardness when they're together. Drei was her usual self, but he wasn't. He's now always a little jumpy around her, always conscious of his actions. It was an accident, he'd constantly remind himself just to make things a little less awkward on his end.
The Waffle Maker, flour, eggs and the rest of the ingredients were already waiting for him in the kitchen right after he did his daily morning run around The Fort. After changing back into his house clothes, he started making breakfast.
"Something smells delicious," Alex turned to see that it was Drei standing right behind him with Zooey in her arms, smiling at him like crazy. He just finished setting up the table. "Good morning, Dad!" she smiled at him.
"Good morning, sleepyhead!" he smiled shyly at Drei and then he came closer, bent a little to greet the little one who was wriggling her little arms at him. "And good morning, princess! Gising na ang baby Zooey ko?" Zooey cooed and then Alex nuzzled her. He loved smelling her in the morning. "Did you already have breakfast , princess?"
"Yes she already did, Daddy..." Drei answered for her. "And I'm starving!" She felt her stomach grumble and her mouth watered as she inhaled the delicious smell.
"That's great, princess!" he told Zooey while he took her away from Drei's arms. His attention then shifted to Drei. "Upo ka na.." And then he saw Matty coming out of his bedroom. "Hi, Kuya! Good morning! Breakfast is ready!"
"Ano ulam, Daddy Alex?" the boy asked.
"Pancakes and waffles," Alex said proudly. "Di ba gusto mo yun?"
Last night was their last Friday Movie night together and the three of them watched Captain America. Before the movie ended, the boy fell asleep on his shoulder and he carried him into his bedroom. As Alex tucked him in, he sleepily requested pancakes for breakfast and without hesitation, Alex obliged.
"Talaga?" Matty asked and Alex nodded. Then he walked towards the table to see it for himself. "Cool!"
Matty excitedly settled beside Manang Pilar while Alex took a seat beside Drei after placing Zooey on her baby bouncer.
"Thanks Daddy Alex!" Matty said cheerfully. He had pancakes with Nutella, one of his favorites. "The best breakfast ever!"
"No problem, Kuya! Ikaw pa!" he answered and then he turned to Drei. "What's yours? Pancakes or waffles?"
"Waffles! Ang bango eh!" she smiled at him. And then Alex placed some on her plate, sprayed some whip cream and poured strawberry syrup over it. Drei patted his knee in appreciation. "Thanks, bubba!"
"Welcome!" he smiled back.
Alex is a great cook and it's something Drei could never deny to herself or to anyone. He had his own style of cooking that always surprised her every time he'd cook for them. His unique style could let her fall into a delicious food coma which is what exactly happened today during breakfast. When they were done, she insisted on clearing the tables. It was the least she could do for him after that yummy breakfast he made for them. When she was done with the dishes, she headed to her room to check on Alex and Zooey. It was already 8:30 in the morning and usually their little girl is set to take a nap after her bath.
The door of her room was half open. She was about to go in when she heard the sound of strings being played. She saw Zooey on her baby bouncer on top of the bed while Alex was facing her with a ukulele on his hands. He looked weird with such a small guitar on his hands.
"There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard... No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart... Our dreams and they are made out of real things... like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving... Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart.. like why are we here... and where do we go... and how come it's so hard..."
Drei knew that Alex could sing. In fact, she has heard him a couple of times already singing for Zooey, especially when she's about to sleep.
"It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving... I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together... Mmmm..." he smiled at Zooey. "It's always better when we're together... yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together... well it's always better when we're together..."
Standing by the door, she realized that she didn't know him at all. What does she know about him? Well she knows a few - he is so full of himself, he can cook, sing, and he's a web developer - but the rest were like dark shadows that were hovering around him... that's all and nothing more.
"I believe in memories... they look so, so pretty when I sleep... hey now and when I wake up... you look so pretty sleeping next to me... but there is not enough time..."
And now, she comes across another truth about him... he could play the guitar. Not until Zooey came along, Alex remained a mystery to her and he leaves her bracing for more. These past few days he was coming out of his shell, slowly revealing a side of him that she never knew existed. This part of him is real and it amazed her.
"And there is no, no song I could sing... and there is no combination of words I could say... but I will still tell you one thing... we're better together..." Then she saw Zooey yawn and her eyes were slowly drifting shut.
Drei felt her stomach tying themselves into knots as she stood there listening. Just the words of the song he's been singing finally found a way to sink into her brain, guilt started to flood through her for the nth time. The words are true. It's true... they were better together. Today is their last day here with Alex. For a brief second, she found it difficult to breathe... difficult to decide ... Her mind was beginning to rationalize the reasons why they had to go, while the deceitful organ in her chest was saying otherwise. It wanted her to stay. Was leaving him the right thing to do? But what if she stays? What if ...
'Here you go with your what ifs and buts, woman!' she scolded herself. And then she sighed. She was going to do this. She needed to stand up for this decision because it was for the best. They could still be responsible parents to Zooey even if they're not together. There was no other reason why she should stay. But why does she feel like he was holding her back? Drei could feel it and she could see it in his eyes. Still, she didn't want to assume. She didn't want to expect. The truth hit her again, Jeannie was right. Zooey made him better. The little girl was like Alex's kryptonite and so was he to her.
By the time they were done with lunch, Matty's uncle, Tope, had picked him up for an afternoon out with the Soriano's. While Manang Pilar looked after Zooey, Alex and Drei found themselves back inside Drei's room. They both started to pack, Alex began dismantling the crib while Drei placed the unopened gifts for Zooey inside the big balikbayan box, and the silence that hung over them was remarkably comfortable but a little awkward.
Earlier, right after Zooey's bath, Alex found Drei standing by the doorway. She was watching him play his ukulele while he was putting the little missy to sleep. And nobody, not even his family and his friends, knew that he was playing again. He felt vulnerable that she saw him doing something he's never done for so many years. Music was his guilty pleasure, his element. It was something very personal to him that he doesn't share it with anyone that easily and Drei's still stranger to him at some level. Just as he saw Drei opening her mouth to speak, he flinched and left the room in a hurry. This made him suddenly all stiff and aloof around her.
"Tumutugtog ka pala..." He heard Drei say to him, breaking the silence they've been sharing. She shifted her attention to him now, pausing from what she was doing.
"I just know that song, yun lang..." he answered casually, trying so hard not to get all too defensive about it. He was already done with dismantling the crib and now placing it inside the plastic sheet. Silence lingered between them once again.
Drei sensed his indifference towards the subject. She didn't pry anymore. Instead she finished up what she was doing and didn't strike up another conversation with Alex. When she was done, she sealed the box with the masking tape that she had beside her.
On the other side of the room, Alex watched as Drei set the sealed box aside. She headed towards her cabinet and took out one of her suitcase and placed it on top of the bed. Then she walked to Zooey's cabinet and took out all her clothes. This is it, he thought to himself. She's really leaving. And in less than 24 hours, this house will be empty. He will no longer see her face the moment he wakes up or before he sleeps.
That night when he finally admitted out loud to Drei and to himself that he was jealous, things started to shift drastically before his eyes and it surprised the hell out of him. There was this unexplainable desire to impress her, this need he has to get her approval even at the littlest things, and the strange comfort that he has just being beside her... it bothered him to the core. It was new to him and he loved it. But it wasn't just that. The kiss they shared back at the hospital plus the accidental one that happened last Wednesday night was another thing that never left his mind. It was supposedly not a big deal but why was he still thinking about it almost every goddamn day? This was the reason why he's been spending sleepless nights rationalizing over and over again why he was feeling this way... yeah, why? Why was he allowing Drei to do this to him? He couldn't understand it himself.
Truth is, he should be happy. He's getting his old life back just like what Drei told him months ago when they were sorting things out before she moved in. Sure they had a past but what they have now is much better. It's a good thing that they weren't romantically linked to each other anymore. They were taking all this professionally not personally. But how come he felt like a part of him was being cut off? It was ironic. Why is he feeling shitty about all this moving out? And another fact began hurling itself to him. He didn't want her and the kids to leave. It was as simple as that. He wanted them to stay. They made him happy.
He could have told her all the right reasons why but he didn't. He just couldn't. It wasn't his call. Who was he to stop her when they were just two people who had a baby together and agreed on fulfilling their responsibilities as parents? Alex knew very well where he stood and what he is in Drei's life. The realization suddenly slapped him. They are nothing more than that. And like a sore loser, he surrendered to the reality that was right in front of him... Drei was leaving and what he is secretly hoping right now is a miracle.
After an hour, Drei and Zooey's things were all packed up and ready along with Matty's things that were inside the other room.
"Okay na ba lahat?" he checked with Drei once more.
"Yup," she smiled at him as she sat on the edge of the bed.
"Then you're all set..." he said calmly, while he dragged her suitcase beside the box she packed earlier.
"Lex," she called out and he turned to face her. "Thank you for taking care of us... I mean, sa lahat lahat... it was just too much and I can't thank you enough..."
"It's no problem, bubba..." He gave her a sad smile and then he closed the distance between them as he hunkered down in front of her. He held on her hands and rubbed her knuckles with his thumbs. They held each other's gaze for a moment.
"You're going to be fine, right?" she asked him again.
He nodded and gave her a tight lipped smiled. "Don't worry about me... ikaw? You sure you can handle this?"
"Oo naman..." she assured him but he wasn't convinced. "It'll be tough though, sanay na yung dalawa sa'yo eh..." she admitted.
And there Alex wanted to cup her face and tell her that he wanted her to stay just maybe a while longer. He wanted them around. He didn't want this to be over yet... they were just getting started.
"Can I still change your mind, bubba?" he blurted out. And Drei felt her heart pounding like crazy. "Puwede pa ba?"
'See, he wanted you to stay', the voice inside her screamed. She bit her lip. This was what she was waiting for. Damn him!
"We each have our own lives, Lex..." she told him.
"Yeah, I know..." he retreated. She wasn't taking it and he respected that. "I'm just here for you and the kids... I hope you won't forget that..."
"I won't..." she smiled at him. Then Drei stood up. "Halika na... merienda muna tayo bago natin ilagay yung ibang gamit sa sasakyan mo para ihatid na natin mamaya before Matty gets home..." Alex just nodded and followed suit.
When they got out of Drei's room, they both heard a familiar voice coming from the living room. Pretty soon, they heard Zooey cooing and gargling in response to whoever it was. And there they saw her, sitting on their couch with Zooey in her hands. What was she doing here? Their guest turned to their direction and eyed the two people standing not far from her. She gave them a cat's smile.
"O, bakit parang nakakita kayo ng multo?" she asked them. Disregarding the dumbfounded expression on their faces, the woman turned to the little one on her hands. "Buti pa si Zooey, she's happy to see Lola Madam..." And Zooey cooed in response. "And we're going to have a good time, pumpkin pie... cos Lola is staying here for a while... do you like that?" Zooey gurgled and smiled at the lady. "I know you will and I'm excited too..."
Caroline's words left Drei standing there shocked. And out of all the days to be here, she came today! She didn't know whether this was a twist of fate or merely bad luck.
All his life Alex never believed in miracles... He's always been a realist but not until today. He was now convinced otherwise that miracles do exist. He could call himself a believer starting today because the miracle was right in front of him and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He tried so hard to fight the smile that was about to appear on his face.
"Until when?"
---
Credits to the following website where I got the facts about a baby's cry:
http://backreaction.blogspot.ae/2012/08/why-does-baby-cry-fact-sheet.html
http://kidshealth.schn.health.nsw.gov.au/fact-sheets/crying-baby
Thank you to Liz, Ate Jessie, Madam, Ate Chi, Shei, Pau, Emi and to everyone who's been supporting this story since Day 1! =)