Pain jolted me from sleep so abruptly my heart was still pounding five minutes afterwards. Glancing at the side of the bed which was now above my head, I tried to ignore the soreness reverberating through every muscle. Every part of me hurt, even parts that I had no idea could hurt.
Falling out of the bed? What a great way to start the morning.
Groaning, I raised my head in an attempt to stretch my stiff neck muscles. What happened anyway? Going to raise my arm, I clenched my teeth and bit back a yell of agony. Pure, white hot pain shot across my chest and down my right arm. Resting for a moment, it finally passed, leaving me breathless and feeling all the more stupid. You forgot you had a sore arm? No wait, I’ll rephrase that… you forgot someone SHOT you in the chest? Well done genius… showing great promise there.
Shut up.
With a loud grunt and a lot of ungraceful heaving I finally managed to pull myself on to the bed with my one good arm. That is a lot further from the ground than I remember. Grumpily, I rolled onto my back, staring upwards at a darkened ceiling. To be honest, the only way I could tell it was the morning was the sunlight that cracked underneath the blackout curtains on the wall opposite me. The tiny sliver of light barely travelled three inches into the room before it faded completely into shadows. Actually, it was kind of annoying now that it had caught my attention. Glaring at it, I rested back into the tossed sheets trying to ignore the throbbing ache that rested deep in my body.
Why is your body so sore? More importantly… why is your ASS throbbing! What, did you fall over and break your tailbone or something? That’s happened to someone before… apparently it really hurts.
But it doesn’t hurt like that… it hurts when I move… like inside.
Inside.
Something moved beside me.
OH DEAR FUCKING LORD. THAT’S AN ARM.
Attached to a body.
A naked body.
Wait… Why are you naked? Why are you NAKED?!!
WHY AM I NAKED?!
WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!
OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!
Breathing hysterically, I practically threw myself out of the bed, ignoring the pain stabbing at me from every angle.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” I yelled, clutching at my head with my left hand and frantically scrubbing at my face. The person in the bed rolled over at the loud noise, grunting in disagreement.
“Why are you yelling?” slurred a sleepy and naked Ace from the tossed sheets. “It’s too fucking early.”
“Where the fuck are my clothes?! Why am I nak- why are YOU naked?!” I shouted, pointing accusingly at him with the only arm that seemed to work and didn’t feel like one thousand knives were stabbing into it.
Naked … bed… tossed sheets…the throbbing in… Searching the room, my eyes landed on Accel’s phone and I quickly scooped it up, my hand trembling in confusion and I gasped at my reflection in the screen.
My HAIR!
OH Go- I HAVE SEX HAIR!
“Oh my GOD. Did we have SEX?” I whispered in horror, numbly feeling the phone fall from my fingers and hit the carpeted floor. “No way… No WAY, that’s crazy, that’s insane! That is way too fucked to have happened! Oh my God I’m going crazy… Oh God… Ohgodohgodohgod…”
Rolling over until his face was muffled by the pillow I vaguely heard the words, “Fucked would be right.”
Everything froze for me in that one moment. The soreness in my ass seemed to intensify as a cold nostalgia grew deep in my gut. He’s joking. This is a funny prank of his.
Accel doesn’t ‘prank’ idiot.
“Ha… ha…” I attempted feebly, the sounds sounding strangled and tight. My eyes focused on the smooth skin of Ace’s back, drinking in his clear cut features.
Oh fuck.
Ace turned his head towards me in the soft light, cracking one eye open, the sliver of green, sending another shock of ice cold realisation down my spine. I remembered. Warmth, burning heat, Ace’s hands, our bodies, gasps sighs, wet moans and soft lips… the dark taste of coffee, pain… incredible pleasure. It all came crashing back so fast I couldn’t breathe for a moment.
“Uh… Andrew? You okay?” Accel said, his body stiffening as he watched me swaying slightly. The world around me seemed to spin as the realisation sank bone deep.
Me and him… I swallowed, feeling the heavy lump that had formed in my throat barely move.
We had…
Us…
What the hell have I done?
“Whoa Andrew!” Accel’s voice was next to my flushed face, catching me as I stumbled forwards, nearly hitting the edge of the bed. We collapsed as a unit, somehow I ended up curled on his lap, my eyes staring stunned at the wall. His body was warm against my own, comforting as his hand stroked my head softly and his eyes searching my face with a soft concern.
“Umm…” I whispered, unsure of what to say.
“You were amazing,” Ace smiled, pressing his lips against my temple. Slowly I began to relax, letting myself sink into him. Soothingly he massaged my lower back, cradling my thin frame against his more defined body.
S’pose there’s not really much you can do about it now anyway…
I had sex with a guy! What the hell is wrong with me?!
So? You obviously liked it… he did. Like hell you didn’t see it coming anyway. Accel is Accel… like the devil’s advocate for sexual acts.
You’re really not helping you know?
“Was I?” I murmured, still distracted by the thoughts whirling through my head. I had no idea what to think; whether this was a good situation –one that I wanted to be in- or whether it was something that I had been secretly dreading to find myself in. Either way, I had sex, with a guy!
I lost my virginity to a guy. Holy shit.
Now you’re just being over dramatic.
SHUT UP!
Groaning, I buried my face into Ace’s chest, ignoring the fact that he basically exuded walking sex. And coffee and dark chocolate and liquorice or aniseed and long, hot kisses and sensual strokes of fingers and the tight, warm grip of-
“You look so hot right now,” I heard Ace whisper in my ear, his words snapping me out of my little fantasy. Flustered I sat upright, hurriedly trying to fix my hair with my hand, huffing in frustration when the layers merely tufted straight back upright. “I’ve always liked sex hair, but you just take it to a whole new level… fucking hell.”
He shot me a searing glance before casually picking me up and carrying me out of the room. What does he think he’s DOING?!
“Put me down!” I said firmly, clutching at him and glancing at the floor fearfully. I’d had all the acquaintance I needed with the floor this morning and from a shorter height. I was actually scared for my life if I fell from this height. “Accel!” I glared at him, feeling every bit the fool but attempting to keep a stern face. It fell to pieces as soon as Ace glanced at my expression and his full lips twisted trying to hold back laughter.
“It’s not funny,” I grumbled, shoving against his chest. In front of us was a dark wooden door and Ace pushed it open with his foot, a small bathroom spread before us. There was stuff all over the dark grey marble bench, shaving gear, scissors for cutting hair, toothbrush and toothpaste, brush and comb, tissues, bottles of miscellaneous liquids and other clutter that slipped my attention. He owns more stuff than me…I thought mindlessly, watching as Ace swept half of it to the side, sitting me on the cold stone like I was some kind of child. Sighing I went to push myself off it, trying to gain at least some independence of my own.
“Stay. There.” Ace almost growled. Stiffening, I hesitantly shuffled back on to the freezing bench, keeping myself lifted off it as much as I could.
“Why?” I questioned, shooting him an impatient look.
“Because,” he said shortly, yanking open a large cupboard next to my feet and almost disappearing inside it as he rummaged for something. “Be quiet and sit still.” Absentmindedly I glanced around and stifled a yell when I caught my reflection in the mirror behind me.
Why? Why does the world hate me?
Groaning, I frantically tried to fix my hair, wanting to scream in frustration when it wouldn’t sit right. Why do you always do this to me?! I silently cursed at it. My fingers were ensnared by the strands and invisible knots within seconds and I grumbled to myself… until I saw my shoulder.
Wow…
I knew it was bad but… Wow.
Air seemed to halt in my throat as I stared at the bruises and scratches decorating the skin like some sadistic tattoo. The huge patches of yellow purple wrapped around my shoulder and I twisted more so I could see my back in the mirror.
I almost fell off the bench.
Oh my god…
My back was just a mess of swollen and darkened skin; an artwork of torture and pain. I don’t know how I hadn’t noticed any of this before, how the pain resonating through my chest and back wasn’t just from the gunshot wound. Probably because of Accel… and well… last night…Sighing I blocked my mind to the thoughts, attempting to focus on the gory sight in front of me. Unwillingly my mind was drawn back to the… then. I closed my eyes, attempting to rid my mind of it, trying to just accept what had happened and move on. It didn’t work.
…a foot slammed into my stomach.
“UH!” I grunted heavily, desperately trying to breathe after being winded. I lay curled and motionless on the floor, mouth open and twisted in a silent cry for help, hands and arms buried deep in my stomach trying to protect the fragile bones of my body. Toes curled in my shoes as the foot returned, smashing into my back with a sickening thud. I arched off the floor, a strangled cry ripping out of my body as I felt something next to my spine give way with a crack.
…my hands trembled as I attempted to raise them to my face, trying to stop the blood flowing over my skin. With a spluttered groan I let them fall back to my sides, coughing from blood coating my airway and whimpering as the action ground the bones in my chest together.
He’s going to kill you… this guy…
“Don’t you dare fucking speak again or this bullet will be buried in your head before you can scream his name. Even so… the idea of you writhing in pain… screaming his name is a very appealing thought. You know why? Because I know that he won’t come and save you. I know that he doesn’t love you. You’re just part of his game. If you know him like I do, you would understand that,” he smiled… Coldness seeped through my bones, breath quickening so fast I felt like I had just run around the entire world. Every inch of my mind screamed at me to do something, to MOVE. But I couldn’t.
I simply stared into merciless steel eyes, and froze.
“I’m here to kill you.”
Selfish people deserve to die.
He grinned like a maniac, the fluorescent lights glittering and sparkling in frenzy upon his drug glazed eyes.
“Nobody will ever love you again. Nobody ever did love you to start with. You’re a worthless, hopeless, needy, unworthy whore.”
He smiled.
“Never again.”
I just wanted it to end. The pain, the misery, the loneliness… I just wanted it to end.
When I felt the cool of the barrel against the back of my head- I smiled. It’s finally going to end… everything is going to be fine.
Scrutinising agony slammed through my body so hard I fell face down on the floor, clutching the white hot center in my chest. In that moment I glanced upwards, seeing a look of pure terror and horror marring Accel’s perfect features and Seth’s look of shocked glee.
This isn’t happening… Don’t let me die…
I don’t want to…
Please…
No…
Accel save me.
Numbness ricocheted through my entire body, the bathroom surrounding me fading into some unknown reality as the images flashed like lightning in front of my eyes. Everything I felt in those moments came flooding back; the paralysing terror, the hurt, the rawness in my heart and soul, crushing sorrow and regret… the craving for death to claim me. Everything. It was if I could feel the white cement beneath my fingers, hear his voice ringing through my ears, taste the blood in my mouth… feel the pressure of the gun against my head, the cold steel both the answer and the problem.
“…You’re a nobody. You don’t belong to anyone. Nobody loves you, nobody wants you. You should crawl back into the cock sucking whore ridden hole you slimed your way out of…”
A tight whimper broke through my constricted airway, an unseen tear falling down my face. Fingers clawed deep into marred skin, whiteness spreading under the tips as it pressed on already darkened skin. Not again... Not again… Please… stop!
“My name… is Seth Ryan…” Lines that weren’t scars… they were scratches… like he had attempted to claw his eyes out. Cold steel eyes, piercings that looped through every piece of flesh, torn leather, ripped and bloody fingernails…
Seth Ryan Seth Ryan Seth Ryan… “I’m here to kill you.”
“I’m here to kill you.” The words bled from my lips so easily, hanging in the cold morning air and fogging the mirror I leaned against. My eyes stared into the cold grey of my reflection. The person I could have been, the person I should be.
You’re not so innocent anymore are you?
The stony silver seemed to glint menacingly in the mirror, a lack of emotion resonating deep within their depths. Silently I studied them. Tell me something… Tell me who you are.
“Andrew?”
Movement behind me jolted me violently away from the mirror, the pieces of memories shedding from my mind like an old skin. Glancing back at my reflection I noted the eyes had lost their clarity, a smoky haze seeming to cover the harsh truth. Turning, I forced myself to look away- to forget. Instead I stared at Accel, who was watching me carefully, bandages and some kind of bottle in his hands. His eyes seemed to penetrate me, piercing straight through my defences.
“I’m fine,” I stuttered, switching my eyes away from him and rubbing my shoulder where five finger sized imprints lightened the bruised skin painfully.
“Don’t lie to me Andrew,” he murmured, forcing me to look him in the eye. “Don’t lie.” He began to unravel the roll of thin white material, still studying me carefully. I simply stayed silent, goose bumps lining my skin.
You should tell him.
I slouched, hiding my face beneath my messy fringe.
No… I can’t do that to him.
You mean you can’t do that to yourself. You don’t care about what it does to him. You’re so selfish.
I’m not selfish! I deserve it; I deserve to be punished like that, but not him. Never Accel. Not after everything he’s survived.
He deserves to know. He deserves to know everything.
He deserves peace and love. Not me.
See? Selfish.
Shut the fuck up, you have no idea.
The snap of the bottle opening caused me to jump, my breath hitching. I looked at Accel, memorizing his dark features as he stayed focused on what he was doing, his fingers picking at the edges of a white plaster on my chest that I hadn’t even realised was there.
Then he ripped it off.
“OW!” I yelled, every thought forgotten as I grabbed at the stinging skin, “That hurt!”
“Life hurts,” Accel said simply, pouring the liquid onto his hand and gently massaging it into the bruised skin surrounding a gaping hole in my chest. I almost passed out when I saw the actual wound .
It was a lot worse than it had sounded. Even though the doctors had obviously cleaned it and actually retrieved the bullet shards from my chest, the hole still gaped there as if it was only yesterday it happened, rather than over four days ago. Is that even going to heal, I thought worriedly, squeezing my eyes shut and resisting the urge to stare at it again.
“You’re going to have the sickest scar when that heals,” Ace laughed and I swear I heard a hint of jealousy in his voice. Not that I cared, I was too wrapped up in the fact that the Grand Canyon seemed to have relocated to my chest.
“Uh-huh,” I wheezed distractedly, fuming when the sound came out high pitched. Stop being such a girl!
“You okay?” Ace questioned, pausing as he picked up the bandage from the bench.
“Just hurry up!” I almost yelled, my hands clenched tightly around the edge of the cold marble. It bit into my flesh, distracting me from whatever the hell it was Ace was doing. I could feel him rubbing more of the stuff into my back, over the bruises and my shoulder, lingering slightly to send little shivers through my body. “Ace…” I warned.
“Okay fine. God you’re such a wimp,” he laughed, quickly finishing wrapping the bandage over the wound, around my chest and over my right shoulder so it supported the tender muscle. I don’t know how he did it but he also fastened a sort of sling and stuck my arm into it, strapping it tightly to my body. I couldn’t have moved it even if I wanted to. “Don’t hurt yourself again,” he scolded, his eyes finally meeting my own again.
I’m sulky? Yeah, well you’re just as bad as an overbearing parent.
He grinned sexily and I frozen when his lips met my own, shooting little sparks of pleasure over my tense body. Mmmm… I sighed, shutting my eyes and letting him in. Ace groaned, pulling away and scooping me up once again, this time, carrying me to the shower.
“You’re so…” Ace whispered against me as the water heated up.
“What?” I muttered, finally standing up and flinching as my sore ass throbbed again.
“You’re just perfect, princess, that’s all.”
Guiltily I looked away, catching my eyes in the mirror, the grey causing me to freeze.
In your eyes only Ace.
Only in yours.