What I'm doing would be right if I were an animal, if I lived in the wild. Out in the actual wilderness, it's eat or be eaten. All kinds of animals totally destroy other animals to get what they want.
This is when I just know that what I'm doing is beginning to be a problem. I'm justifying my behavior by comparing it to that of animals. That's not right.
Because I'm not an animal. I'm human.
I think.
It's kind of sad that I'm questioning my sanity because of this little "project". That's what I've started thinking of it as. A "project." Isn't that sick?
I know it's wrong, and there are days where I honestly and truly just don't care. Then there are days like today, when it's a constant gnawing, reminding me that what I'm doing is wrong. Some days my guilt wins, sometimes my will to win does.
The horrible part is that this isn't a game, and there isn't any winning. Only loss of friends.
There isn't any winning.